


Maybe This Fate Was Overdue

by InWonderlnd



Series: Where Did I Go? [1]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe (sort of but not really), Angst, Character Death, F/F, F/M, M/M, Not Beta Read, POV Third Person, Post Season 1, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2020-08-16 04:27:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 69
Words: 89,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20195383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InWonderlnd/pseuds/InWonderlnd
Summary: Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.





	1. 'Cause You Feel Like Home

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU of sorts. Tess Harding has been inserted into the story, but we know some version of Tess exists because Isobel mentions her at prom. No actual events from Season 1 have been changed since Tess wasn't there. 
> 
> Tags will updated as chapters are added, as well as any chapter specific warning.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

**Early March 2019**

Everyone in Roswell has a story. 

Tess’s favorite place was curled up with her head resting on Alex’s lap while he read or listened to music. Sometimes he read to her. It was her place of peace. It was their Sunday routine at this point. Talking, not talking, eating, laughing, watching movies, building new memories on top of the old ones, and breathing life into his isolated cabin. Here she could escape the haunted hallways of her empty house. 

It was too big for just her. It was too big when she lived there with her moms, but back then it was something special. Her moms were chaos and creativity. They pushed back against Tess’ need for control. Her need for control only grew as she aged, but with Alex she could be loose, soft, and unguarded.

She’d missed Alex. The last time she saw him before moving back to Roswell was when he’d just started rehab in Texas. The time before that he was fevered and moving between fitful sleep, consciousness, and unconsciousness calling out Michael Guerin’s name in a German military hospital. The uneven flow of the white sheets across his lower half constantly reminded Tess that he’d almost died. 

When she wasn’t sitting by Alex’s bedside and second guessing every decision his doctors made, she was crying in bathroom stalls and empty corridors late at night. She cried for what war took. Here he was with another missing part. Tess knew he’d already left so much of himself in Roswell. 

~

_In the bloodied shed behind his house where she found him beaten and gasping for breath. She tried to remember everything she knew about internal bleeding. It wasn’t much. The entire time she was running her hands over Alex’s tender torso he’d begged her to find Michael. The mantra only broken by cries of pain when she pressed a particularly tender spot. He also begged her not to call Sheriff Valenti, not to call an ambulance, and not to tell her parents. The way he begged her to find Michael was far more insistent and urgent than any thought he had of protecting or saving himself._

_In the fractures of Michael’s hand that she’d rinsed with with water from a jug she found in the bed of his pickup, disinfected with a bottle of vodka she’d stolen from Jesse Manes, and wrapped in gauze she kept in her backpack. It was for Alex. She did this while begging Michael to go to the hospital. Silent tears tracked down her face while she pleaded with him to get real help. She cried because she was a coward. Years later, every patient she saved was penance. _

_In the few drops of blood absorbed by the dehydrated New Mexico landscape as Alex walked away from prom. She’d found him just past Cowboy Ruckus. She would have found him sooner, but she needed to center herself. She was crackling with rage and wanted to pour it all into Kyle Valenti, make him swallow violence and electricity, but Alex had walked alone long enough._

_In the fists. In the punches. In the welts. In the belts. In the kicks. In the boots. In the fractures. In the chokes. In the hard words. She helped Alex hide and bandage the visible wounds, and talked until the inside wounds hid from the light and became nightmares. She was the friend with whom he shared his pain. She was strong, and it was no burden. _

_In the knees he had skinned when he fell while running after his mother’s car. He knew she wasn’t coming back. He knew he’d been left behind. It was the first time he had wondered why no one wanted to love him? _

_In their first goodbye when she drove him to begin his military career. He’d turned to her with his soulful eyes. She’d been lost in those eyes since he first took her hand when they were eight. She’d stood frozen at the back of Ms. Ukazu’s classroom and watched the other kids play. He was the first to notice her. He put down his red crayon and walked to her with his hand extended. He held her hand through lunch and recess. He did it again the next day and the next and the ones after that until finally she was ready. In his eyes, she saw entire galaxies. Not long after graduation, they held hands as she drove him toward destiny and fate and death. For her, he was everything good and possible. He was beautiful. She wondered if he would still be everything good and possible when war finished having and using him? She leaned into his open arms and held tight, “Alex, please. Please don’t go. Come with me.”_

_He kissed her forehead and whispered, “Always with you,” as he climbed out of the truck. She held her tears until his waving figure was small in her rear view. She knew he was going to die in some desert. She just knew it. And for it, she would make the world burn_. 


	2. I've Been to the Moon and Stars for You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an AU of sorts. Tess Harding has been inserted into the story, but we know some version of Tess exists because Isobel mentions her at prom. No actual events from Season 1 have been changed since Tess wasn't there. 
> 
> Tags will updated as chapters are added, as well as any chapter specific warning.

He didn’t die. Not really. 

It’d been four months since Tess returned to find Roswell much the same as when she left. Too small. Too stagnant. Too too. Alex was there, and Michael was there, but these days she kept her distance from the cowboy. Their friendship wasn’t in tatters, but it was strained. He had to know she would side with Alex. Even so, with all they’d built it hurt Tess to only bump up against Michael’s orbit. 

He’d been a constant in her life from the summer before 9th grade until she left for college. Their friendship was strong but at times complicated. One that grew even stronger and more complicated the summer Alex left them both behind. She lost count of how many nights they spent together under the starry black passing a bottle of whiskey between them while talking about Alex. Sometimes they took turns reading Harry Potter aloud to one another. Sometimes they looked at one another a little too long. Through it all, both of them would try not to sound broken-hearted and desperate, but they were. 

Tess’ return to Roswell caused a minor stir. A very minor stir. She was a ghost when she wanted to be. She usually wanted to be. Her exit was the exception. Her exit had been truly memorable. 

Using darkness as cover she climbed the rusted ladder leading up to the town’s billboard, the one that welcomed UFO nuts and conspiracy theorist. When she was finished “Welcome to Roswell” had become “Fuck You too Roswell. Love, Tess Harding.” She gave so few fucks that signing her name made the vandalism even sweeter. Damn near majestic. Her moms, Calli and Art, were appalled and amused. Sheriff Valenti was sympathetic. Her moms paid the damages because her difficult years in Roswell weren’t a secret from them, but even they were only graced with half truths.

Given that act of rebellion, it was difficult to explain why she’d returned to a place she swore would never again have the pleasure of her company, but how do you explain feeling a star die and waking up five hours later on the hardwood floor of your kitchen. She didn’t know much, but she knew she was being called home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every chapter title comes from a song. I'll post the full list with the final chapter.
> 
> Thank you for reading. Comments appreciated.


	3. As Much As I Definitely Enjoy Solitude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an AU of sorts. Tess Harding has been inserted into the story, but we know some version of Tess exists because Isobel mentions her at prom. No actual events from Season 1 have been changed since Tess wasn't there. 
> 
> Tags will updated as chapters are added, as well as any chapter specific warning.

Finding someone to rent her Boston condo proved easy. Quitting her job proved more difficult. Doctors don’t just quit. She used her missing mothers to manipulate the higher ups. She told them there was new information. New leads into their disappearance. It’s hard to push back against missing parents. They agreed to her sabbatical and almost as soon as they did they forgot the reason why, but they knew it was a good one.

There were no new leads. There were no old leads. She hadn’t involved the authorities. There was no reason for that. People in Roswell just seemed to remember when they had announced they were going to travel the world now that their daughter was finished medical school. They were proud of the job they’d done and were rewarding themselves. Besides, it wasn’t as though they ever truly existed. They were as documented as they needed to be until they didn’t need to be. Their house stood empty but well maintained. It was as though they knew Tess would return one day. 

Six days after the death of a star, Tess was on a plane for home. 

She arrived to find town center practically deserted. The reason clear on the front page of a discarded local paper. Max Evans was dead. She figured the town was likely paying their respects and saying their goodbyes to a fallen son, to a good old boy. The details in the paper told her that he’d died six days before her return.

It gave her pause that day and every day after, but she didn’t think about any of that now. The sun coming though the cabin window was warming her body and the firm comfort of Alex’s thighs made all the deep thoughts settle into their hiding places. Her eyes were closed, and you would have thought her sleeping save the soft sighs that occasionally escaped her lips. She could have lived and died just as she was.

Alex adjusted, and Tess looked upward using a single finger to move his book away creating enough of a gap to peer up at him and raise her eyebrows to check on the state of his leg. He one upped her by raising only one. His were better. She couldn’t help the smile on her face. She tossed an air kiss his way, which earned her a smile in return. They could speak without speaking. Before one another they were laid bare. Almost. 

She resumed her position and closed her eyes. The peace would be short lived as the sound of tires on tightly packed desert alerted them both to an impending visitor. It would be Kyle. It was always Kyle. It was only Kyle.

Also routine, Kyle “I’m a new man” Valenti shattering this earned peace. She got enough of him at the hospital, but he was Alex’s friend so she put forth the effort. He’d also picked Alex in the teen melodrama that had erupted shortly before Tess’ arrival. Kyle’s choice was almost enough to make her forgive how horrible he was in high school. Kyle was tender with Alex. Almost devout. Whatever had passed since Alex returned home, it was clear they had made peace and pieced together their friendship. They’d forged new bonds and reminisced about the old ones. 

Tess couldn’t help but feel that she was missing some bigger story. It was in the way Kyle asked Alex how he was. It was in the way they stopped whispering when she reentered a room. It was in the weekend adventures they took every so often. It wasn’t sexy and secretive. It was tense and shady. Sometimes they came back with bruises and bandages they hadn’t had before they left. 

The times when the three of them ventured to town the air was always tense when they ran into Liz Ortecho, Maria Deluca, or Michael. Tess was sure these lines in the sand couldn’t just be about Michael dating Maria. It was enough for Tess to choose sides, but it wasn’t the whole truth. She knew that.

And dating was a generous term for what Michael and Maria were doing since Tess saw a drunken, slurring Michael pressed against some random outside the Saturn’s Ring last Saturday. His hand was under the other man’s shirt and his head bending to place a kiss on exposed neck. Michael took two steps back when he spotted Tess. It wasn’t the first time she’d seen him with someone other than Maria. He didn’t always see her, but she saw and knew Michael was spiraling. She never told Alex because he didn’t need the burden. Also, it wasn’t her secret to tell. She had her own secrets. Secrets she was tired of keeping. 

Sometimes when Kyle showed he was carefree, but other times he had the look of Atlas. Today was one of those days. Tess reluctantly stood, kissed Alex on the top of his head, slapped Kyle in the back of his, and bent to grab her Doc Martens. They didn’t need to ask her to disappear for a while. She could tell when they were about to plan one of their desert adventures. When she sat again, she took her time tying the black ribbons on her boots and making sure the cuff of her jeans was just right. She knew they were eager for her to leave, and Alex knew she knew. The slow tap of his long fingers against his thigh picked up speed, adagio to allegro to presto, so she tossed him a wink over her shoulder. He leaned forward grabbed a braid and gave it a gentle tug. One more check of her boots and cuffs and she stood throwing Kyle a smug look, hitching her shoulder slightly upward before walking into the kitchen to grab her bag.

“Dinner? I feel like hamburgers, which means the two of you feel like hamburgers. Fancy hamburgers like the ones I used to get on Newbury Street.”

Their whispers halted as they broke eye contact with one another to give Tess nods acknowledging her plan.

This was also routine. Rather than stay for the whispering, Tess used grocery shopping as an excuse to leave for a few hours.

“Back soon,” she called over her shoulder struggling into her coat as she stepped outside. It was a cold day, but she couldn’t really tell. Grocery shopping was definitely on her list, but first she had business with Michael and maybe an oil change. Tess climbed into the cab of her truck and headed for Sanders’ Auto.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every chapter title comes from a song. I'll post the full list with the final chapter.
> 
> Thank you for reading. Comments appreciated.


	4. Eruptions and Disasters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an AU of sorts. Tess Harding has been inserted into the story, but we know some version of Tess exists because Isobel mentions her at prom. No actual events from Season 1 have been changed since Tess wasn't there. 
> 
> Tags will updated as chapters are added, as well as any chapter specific warning.

Thirty minutes later Tess pulled up, but she considered leaving when she spotted what could only be Maria pounding on the door of Michael’s Airstream. Before Tess could decide if she wanted to fight another day, she watched Maria walk away brow furrowed and mouth tight. Tess could pretend she cared, but she didn’t. She just thought, people sow then people reap. She climbed out of the truck shoving her hands into the pocket of her robin’s egg peacoat as she walked toward the Airstream. She knew Maria saw her. She also knew curiosity would get the better of the other woman. Tess knocked on the door.

“Michael? It’s Tess. My truck.” 

When she heard stirring she made her way down the steps. 

The door swung open to a shirtless, bed rumpled, and possibly drunk Michael Guerin. His jeans were hanging just shy of obscene. Filling the doorway, he looked at Tess with a lick of his lips. His armor was on—a broken boy in a lusty drunk’s clothing. He walked down the few steps henley in hand and a small grin on his face. He moved toward her slowly and carefully. 

“Miss me?” he asked with a slow drawl.

“Yes. Put your shirt on. It’s cold.”

He pulled his shirt on like a stripper in reverse never breaking eye contact, “What do you need?”

“Talk. Oil change. Engine check.”

“Right. Alex doesn’t check your engine.”

“Give me a break, Michael. You know that shit doesn’t work on me.”

“It worked on you at least once. Remember that night?”

“It was a mistake. We were both missing Alex. Afraid of what came next.” 

Michael barked out a laugh, throwing his head back letting his curls catch the quickly dying light of day. When he was looking at her again, “I knew what came next.”

Tess blew out a breath. “We were sad, horny recent high school graduates chasing the feeling of being alive. And fucking drunk.”

He stepped even closer. Curling his fingers in the belt loops of her black jeans, splaying his remaining fingers on her hips. “Come on Tess. That wasn’t the only time.”

Tess ignored him. “And it didn’t go beyond a few minutes of kissing and clumsy groping. Not that memorable,” she smirked. He’d earned her smirk.

Michael bends and whispers, “Let me make it up to you. Finish what we started.” He ended with another lick of his cherry lips. He stood tall again, looked and waited. His eyes and the small upturn of his lips made it clear he thought he was conqueror and victor.

Tess’ eyes darted to take in the slow glide of his tongue. It was a show of weakness, blood in the water. She knew better. He pulled her closer until there was no space between them. Her body was enraptured by his honey gaze and the firm feel of him. It’d been a while since she felt anyone that way. Since Ezra. Her flesh was willing, but her mind was free. So she found Michael’s weakness. His defenses were down, and what she needed was a steady, harsh red pulse in the chaos of his mind. Tess took it and drew blood.

“I would never do that to Alex. I actually love him.”

Tess saw his face falter, so she pushed harder. She didn’t want a falter, she wanted a fall.

“It’s not who I am. I strive to be better than easy.”

Michael stumbled slightly backward from the verbal blows, fingers still snug in her belt loops and splayed along her hips. Tess knew Alex was his Achilles. She’d die defending Alex, she’d die before she hurt him, and she’d break some of his demons on the slow climb to her final resting place. Her words were low, but these days it’s where they all lived

An engine starting caused them both to turn and watch as Maria drove away from their charged exchange.

Tess couldn’t help but let out a harsh breath—part laughter, part exasperation. Tess hated girl shit, and she knew she’d pay for this moment. Empty beer bottles rattled slightly on a nearby table. She didn’t feel like she’d lost control, but she took a moment to center herself. 

Michael let out a loud, “Shit,” as he turned on his heels and dropped into the nearest chair, all his swagger gone. Apparently, he also hated girl shit. Tess thought it was an overreaction considering how free he was being with his goods and services while dating Maria. He’d always been a dramatic one.

He started a systematic search through the beer bottles looking for just enough liquid to finish the conversation. He was out of luck. Throwing his head back, “What do you want, Tess?”

“Oil change. Engine check. Conversation.”

“We’re not talking. I know what you have to say. You’ve said it. Go wait in the Airstream.”

Michael must have noticed the way her nose crinkled and the small sound of disgust.

“No one but Alex.”

“I’ll wait out here with you. I’ll talk. You can answer only if you want to. Yeah?”

“It’s cold, Tess. Your coat isn’t going to keep you warm.”

He looked defeated. He was too exposed, so Tess gave him a place to hide. “Cold? You think I’m cold?”

There was just enough suggestion in her voice, and that’s all it took for Michael to rise from the sagging chair, suggestive smile firmly in place once again. He lived for the banter. He could hide in the suggestive just as easily as he could hide in the snark.

“Definitely not cold.” 

Tess couldn’t help herself. A laugh accompanied her eye roll.

While Michael worked on the truck, Tess talked. She kept talking as the horizon swallowed the sun and the automatic lights lit up the growing dark. She talked about work at the hospital, her pain in the ass renter, going through her mothers’ things, and the way Valenti fluttered around Alex.

It was this last one that made Michael’s usually steady hands less so. His unblemished hands. Tess noticed the first time she saw him, but she never asked. She knew he’d deflect or spin some story involving pixie dust or the Great and Powerful Oz. The tool fell from his hand and hit the ground with a dull thud.

Tess stepped closer and placed her hand on the firm expanse of his back. “I miss you.” He twisted his neck to look at her. “You never responded to my texts, my calls, my stupid ass postcards. A fucking decade, Michael. It was easier from far away. It’s harder when we’re both right here.”

He stood fully then lowering the truck’s hood as he did. He spread his arms wide, “I’m right here, Tess.”

“Michael. You know I can’t.”

“Alex would never expect you to avoid me. Especially not in his honor.” He mimicked tipping his missing cowboy hat with that final phrase. 

“You’ve forgotten who you are. Forgotten who he is.”

“He walked away over and over. Do you know how much that hurt? Do you!? I had to put myself back together every fucking time. You weren’t here, Tess. You don’t know.

“He’s a survivor of abuse, abandonment, war. He watched his father hurt you. He feels guilty that he couldn’t save you. And now you’ve made him your victim.”

“Yeah. I couldn’t possibly know what that’s like. I got over it, Tess. Stopped living in the past.”

“So did he.”

“Not soon enough.”

“You don’t get to define how or when someone gets over the world trying to break them, Michael. Also, you didn’t get over it. You’re still not over it. You’re just hiding from it. At what cost? Alex? Maria? You?”

“You don’t know, Tess!”

She hated the way her name sounded like a hiss. He was angry. He would shut down if she wasn’t careful, but Tess didn’t feel like being soft.

“Then tell me Michael!”

“When I look at him, all I can see is Jes—“

Tess rushed into his space and stopped the flow of his words. She crowded close, her face hard.

“You shut up! Alex isn’t his father. How could say it?! How could you even see it?! You’re both so fucking stupid, but you’re a dick on top of that. You don’t have a monopoly on Jesse Manes’ cruelty. He hurt Alex. He hurt everything Alex loved. Everything! He broke everyone Alex loved. Everyone! A trail of broken bodies and bruised minds! You’re such a dick, Michael. Such a fucking dick!”

Tess could feel the charge building. She could feel the sand reaching up to do as she commanded. “Don’t you ever say that again.”

She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and centered herself. She moved away from Michael. Increasing the distance between them.

Michael’s response evaporated when he looked at her. When he really looked, he saw the shivers, the fists clenching the fabric of her jacket, the unshed tears making her eyes shimmer like old glass, and the flush of her cheeks.

“Tess,” her name broke in his throat as he moved forward. Tess held her hand up. Palm toward him. Michael stopped moving. “Wha-what did he do to you?” It was almost a whisper. 

Tess just looked at him. Her phone vibrated against her side. She broke eye contact to check her phone. It was Alex checking that she was okay. She quickly fired off a response telling him she was good and would be back in about an hour then swiped a hand across her face with a powerful sniff.

“I have to go. I was just picking up groceries. I didn’t tell -,”she shook her head. 

Tess walked around Michael to the truck pulling three $50 from her pocket and placing them in Michael’s hand as she passed.

“Tess?!” 

“Gotta go. We’re having hamburgers. Fancy ones.” 

Her fake smile didn’t come close to fooling Michael. 

“Tess!” Michael’s cry was met with the click of the truck’s door and the roar of its engine.

She waved as she pulled away. Only when she was gone did Michael look into his hand and notice the overpayment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every chapter title comes from a song. I'll post the full list with the final chapter.
> 
> Thank you for reading. Comments appreciated.


	5. I Feel a Little Rush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dialogue heavy chapter.

** ~June 2004~ **

_ Tess’ first encounter with Michael Guerin was watching him while he planted creeping zinnias and succulent moss roses in her backyard. She was in the kitchen with her mom, Art. Art was focused on the schematic spread across the large farmhouse table otherwise she would have told Tess to eat a real breakfast. _

_ “Who’s he?” Art turned to watch Tess watching Michael through the glass of the French doors.  _

_ Tess missed her worried look. She was too busy eating an overly ripe mango. Stopping every few bites to lick the juices trailing from her fingers to her hands. _

_ “He goes to school with you.” _

_ “He doesn’t.” _

_ “Why do you say that? Because he’s the kind of boy you’d notice.” Art’s voice is teasing, but Tess is having none of that. _

_ “First, gross. Purple, ewwwww. Trapezoid, I just meant it’s summer, so no one goes to school with me.” _

_ “Stop being so literal,Tess, It makes you seem like a sociopath.” _

_ “Is what you’re saying even factual? Medically factual? Like if I consult the DS-“ _

_ “Tess. His name is Michael. He’s going to be working around the house this summer. Be nice, but we aren’t dating our employees.” She was joking. Tess didn’t date. Still Tess took offense. _

_ “Are you serious? Also, we? Also, employees? First, He’s not my type. Triangle, he’s a little young for you. Seven, I don’t want my mom’s sloppy seconds.” _

_ “I thought everyone and everything was your type.” _

_ “You make it sound like one day you’re going to come home and find me trying to get the refrigerator’s number.” _

_ “We don’t shame in this house.” _

_ Art was always warning Tess about her sense of humor without realizing she was the source. _

_ “I’m going to go ask him if he wants a bite of my juicy mango or if he’d rather have a banana. No point collecting another Alex.” _

_ “You’re not doing that.” _

_ “We’ll see.” _

_ Tess was still staring out the window, so she didn’t notice Calli approaching, “We’ll see what?” _

_ “We’ll see if Zach wants my juicy mango or a banana.” _

_ Calli laughed. She always did. It only encouraged Tess’ worst behaviors and frustrated Art. “Don’t be silly, Tess. He doesn’t even look like a Zach. Maybe a Ryan or a Sean or . . .” _

_ “His name is Michael. Michael Guerin. You two get out,” Art huffed. _

_ “Come on, lovely. We’ll go to the caves and practice.” _

_ Calli moved to where Art sat at the kitchen table, “Do I still get a kiss?” _

_ Tess heard their vague whispers and soft kisses somewhere over her shoulder, but she was too busy staring at Michael because now he was staring at her. He winked and gave her a slow smile.  _

_ She gave him the middle finger to mask her fluster then walked away. She could swear she heard his laughter through the glass.  _

_ A few minutes later, Tess and Calli were out the door. Tess loves summer mornings with Calli. It was always easy. She didn’t have as many rules as Art. She was worried about Tess isolating herself. She wanted Tess to hide in plain sight, but she just felt that Tess was hiding. She never blamed Art, but she knew her hyper vigilance had cost the laidback ease other teens possessed.  _

_ Hiring Michael Guerin has been her idea, and she’d pushed Art to agree. Art worried the past would repeat itself. Maybe it would. Maybe it wouldn’t. Calli was only focused on Tess’ future. The future she’d need to navigate without their guidance. She would need family when they were gone. _

_ Instead of heading straight for the car, Calli crossed the driveway and headed for the backyard. “Come meet Michael.” _

_ “No thanks,” Tess muttered, but followed after her mom. _

_ “Good morning, Michael.” _

_ “Good morning, Mrs. Hard-Calli.” _

_ “You remembered. Michael this is our daughter, Tess.” _

_ “Hi.” _

_ “No.” _

_ “Tess!” _

_ “What? I’m not high.” _

_ “I was saying hi.” _

_ “There was a slight inflection at the end of your statement, so if you weren’t asking a question, you’re nervous. Do I make you nervous?” _

_ “She does have manners, she just makes colorful choices sometimes. Likes doing her best imitation of a psychopath.” _

_ “Mom says sociopath.” _

_ “She’s only a little feral. Nothing to worry about. And we have chains in the garage if it gets too bad.” Michael just nodded at Calli.  _

_ “Have a great day Michael. Take breaks. Eat. Wear a hat.” _

_ Calli turned to leave. Tess was a step or two behind. She took her first step just as Michael gave her another wink and smile. Tess walked right out of one of her flip flops. _

_ “You nervous?” he asked. He looked so smug. _

_ Tess mouthed, “fuck off,” because Calli was a little too close. As lenient as she was, she drew the line at Tess’ ease with swearing. _

_ Eventually Calli and Art started having him in for breakfast, so Tess started sleeping through breakfast. _

_ Then he was coming in for lunch, so Tess started hiking in the afternoons with Alex until he left to spend the rest of his summer with his mom. _

_ Soon Michael was staying for dinner and Tess knew she’d lost the fight.  _

_ Missing Alex, Tess started wandering out to the backyard with whatever book she happened to be reading. Never giving Michael more than a nod of acknowledgement. _

_ It was Michael who broke the two week long silence. _

_ “You keep coming out here I’mma thinking you like me.” _

_ “Does that work for you? Asking for a friend.” _

_ “It must. You just talked to me. And you don’t have any friends. What’s the book?” _

_ “Crime and Punishment.” _

_ “Max Evans would love you. Wait! Does he love you?” _

_ “Max Evans? Tall? Angsty?” _

_ “That’s the one.” _

_ “Why?” _

_ “Why’s he tall and angsty?” _

_ Tess glared. _

_ “Not so fun when people do it to you, Now is it?” _

_ “Fine. Why would he love me?” _

_ “He loves those kinds of books.” _

_ “What kind? Russian Moralistic literature?” _

_ “Oooohhh. You’re some kind of genius.” _

_ “Yeah, a proper one.” _

_ “Me too.” _

_ “You don’t look like it.” _

_ “I think you love me.” _

_ “Swoon.” _

_ They spent the rest of the summer together. Even after Alex got back, Tess found time for Michael. They had a deal. They were friends, but she didn’t want any part of his time with the co-dependent Evans’ twins. All through high school they were friends. All through high school their friendship was a secret.  _

_ Tess was good at secrets. So was Michael. They’d hang out under the stars or study for exams they always aced. Her moms were happy that she’d moved from one friend to two. She assured them the number would grow no bigger. _

_ As happy as Art was, she was worried whenever Tess came home particularly late. She seemed relieved when it was from hanging out with Alex, but less so when it was because of Michael. “Don’t you fall in love with him,” she’d say. _

_ “We all know Tess is in love with Alex. We all know he came out to you. We all know Tess and Michael are just friends.” _

_ “Don’t refer to yourself in the third person. It makes you seem like a narcissist.” _

_ “I thought I was a sociopathic psychopath?” _

_ “You’re not funny, Tess.” _

_ “I’m so funny.” Tess’ deadpan delivery broke into a smile when her mom’s expression didn’t budge from worried. _

_ “Good night. Love you. I mean if I even feel that sort of thing.” _

_ “You’re a terrible child. Terrible.” _

_ “Say you love me.” _

_ “I love you madly. Go to bed.” _

_ Tess was being honest with Art. Michael was just her friend. _

_ Then there was that one time in 11th grade when they weren’t just friends. Michael had called and asked her to meet him outside the house. When she opened the pickup’s door his face was illuminated. There was a little blood caked in his nose, some swelling under his left eye that was sure to bruise, and a cut above his eyebrow. Physically it was nothing compared to the way Alex looked some nights, but emotionally it was just as damaging. They drove until Michael finally parked out near the Foster Ranch.  _

_ Michael was restless, so they walked. Not a word passed between them. They knew how to be silent together. They circled back to his truck and Tess leaned against the closed tailgate. Michael stood in front of her and asked if she wanted to hear a story. She only nodded. She’s never remembered what story he told only that every time he paused he would take a step closer to her until there seemed to be no space between them. Tess leaned in first, and Michael closed the gap.  _

_ She saw stars behind her closed eyes. It was a kiss so familiar she would have sworn they’d done it thousands of times. His hands were on her face and on her hair. Her fingers rested in the loops of his jeans. She pulled wanting to feel every part of him. She felt the familiar tug of energy stirring. Her hands left the loop of his jeans and snakes under his flannel climbing the firm smoothness of his chest. The tug turned more forceful when Michael’s hands found their way under her sweater. His hands were heat. She could feels trails of light everywhere he touched. Along her sides from the waist of her jeans to just under the edge of her bra and across her back. There moans broke the cold silence of the desert. It was only when she was reaching for the ground with her toes that she gently pushed away and took a deep breath to center herself. _

_ They stood there gasping, staring, and reaching until Tess broke the silence, “That never happened.” _

_ They were silent on the drive back to her house. She went to open the pickup’s door when Michael put a hand on her leg. “That kiss felt borrowed. That doesn’t make sense. I mean . . . I didn’t feel like myself, and you didn’t feel like Tess. It sounds insane.” _

_ “It does . . . make sense. I felt it too. It was borrowed and old. It was . . . “ _

_ “Ancient,” they said in unison. _

_ “Tess, I feel like I’ve known you for lifetimes. Kissed you for lifetimes. But not me and not you. Is this crazy?” _

_ “It’s crazy. Also not crazy.” _

_ “It was electric, and I’d do it again, but it also feels like we shouldn’t. Another Guerin and Harding secret?” _

_ Tess nodded. Kissed the palm of her hand then slapped it hard against Michael’s cheek with a smile. _

_ “Nice, Harding.” _

_ “Giving you something you can feel, Guerin. It’ll keep you warm tonight.” _

_ When Tess climbed into bed that night she thought about the kiss, but mostly she thought about what Michael had said. He was right it did feel ancient and like a secret they should keep, but more than that it felt like the kind of kiss that made empires fall.  _

_ _


	6. For I've Been a Temptress Too Long

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another dialogue heavy chapter.

Tess whispered the grocery list to herself. She was under a time crunch. If she was gone much longer Alex would start to worry. 

“Gruyere, Pinot, ground sirloin, brioche buns, shallots, Yukon Gold potatoes, toaster strudels, something that looks like a salad, fancy mustard, gummy sharks, gin, mangos, fancy bacon, red popsicles, nail polish remover, lemon mate tea, butter, Badger Balm, unfancy popcorn.”

“Unfancy? That’s not a word.”

Isobel was trying this thing. She was learning to trust her feelings because there’s only so long you can hide from who are. When she saw someone that looked interesting she talked to them if she could find an opening. She’d been unsuccessful until now.

She first spotted the excellent peacoat. Then she spotted the rest. She definitely felt something. She hadn’t gotten a clear look at the other woman’s face until she turned. “I know. It just flows better than microwaveable popcorn drenched in what is probably most likely not real butter.”

“I see what you mean.”

“Wait. Tess? Tess Harding.”

“Indeed. Hi, Isobel. I heard about Max. I’m so sorry. I arrived the day of the service and haven’t had a chance to pay my respects.”

Isobel look up and away, “Thank you, Tess.”

“Can I . . . Can I ask how it happened? Sorry. I’m inappropriate. I’m a doctor. He just always seemed so . . .”

Tess was going to say so alive, but realized how stupid it sounded, so she stopped herself and let Isobel fill the silence.

“It’s okay. It was-it was his heart. He had a heart attack while he was out hiking.”

“I’m sorry.”

Isobel cleared her throat, “I have to be honest, I didn’t really recognize you until I saw your eyes. I mean you look the same but different. 

“Left home. Found me. Classic story.”

“Whatever it is, I like it. It’s . . . “

“Badass?”

“Sexy.”

Tess dips her head as her cheeks warm. Tilting her head to the side and rewarding Isobel with a smile. 

Isobel didn’t know what was making her feel so bold. Max was dead. Some nights she still felt Noah in her head. She was getting stronger, but she still had miles to go, but seeing Tess— the swell of her breasts through her threadbare shirt, the roundness of her hips in those jeans. She looked good and felt safe. Isobel felt alive standing so close to her. “I can’t believe we weren’t friends in high school. You were such an enigma.”

“You aren’t serious?”

“I am. Why weren’t we friends?”

“Because you only talked to the girls that worshipped, envied, and feared you. I was one of the girls that avoided you. I mean I avoided everyone.”

Isobel turned away from Tess to run her hands across the bottles of nail polish remover, “Too bad. I might have figured some things out sooner. Avoided some things of my own.”

“Excuse me?”

Isobel turned to face Tess,  “I said too bad.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. Well, you can’t remake the past, but nostalgia . . .”

“It’s a bitch.”

“That it is.”

“It was great seeing you, Isobel. I’m in a bit of a rush or I’d ask you to have tea with me.”

“Tea?”

“I don’t drink coffee. Can’t handle the smell. It’s weird. Also, I'd prefer whiskey, but I'm not sure what that might say about me.”

Tess couldn’t help but feel that her episode in Boston was tied to Max Evans’ death, and Isobel might have some of the answers she needed.

“Another time then?”

“Yeah. Why don’t you stop by next Saturday. I’m staying at home. Well, I guess it’s just my home now. Here.” She handed Isobel her phone.

Isobel tapped swiftly on her screen. Tess was shocked she'd just handed her phone over to a stranger. Isobel was barely and acquaintance.

“Alex Manes wants to know if you’re dead.”

“Sorry about that.”

“No worries. I’ve got your number. You’ve got my number. I’ll see you Saturday.”

“Saturday.”

“Hey. Can we make whatever you’re making with the grownup food in your cart.”

“Excuse you. This is all grownup food. I’m the best at adulting." Tess' smile was genuine. 

Tess wanted answers, but it didn’t escape her that perhaps she could want something else too.


	7. Look For Me Lost in the Whirlwind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated Archive Warnings: Rape/Non-Con. Not graphic, but take care of yourself. 
> 
> Feel free to skip the chapter. I'm happy to provide and overview.

Tess loved Monday’s. New week, new possibility. She was still riding the high of Sunday night burgers and bourbon with Alex and Valenti. She felt strong. She felt ready to slay some demons, which is how she found herself opening the door to Jess Manes hospital room. She isn’t sure how long she stood there watching machines work to keep him alive. For three months, she avoided his room at the hospital.

“Can you hear me? If you can hear, my voice must be a balm to you because not one of your sons has come to see you. In them you bred fear, but not loyalty. And not love. The world wouldn’t even miss you.”

“You’re here all alone. Helpless. At my mercy. I could stop your heart with a single thought. Your brain. Your lungs. You are alive because I allow it. 

Tess turned and walked away from his bedside but not out of the room. She took a seat in one of the vistor’s chairs. She could feel the electricity spark between her fingers. Just under her breath, Tess repeated, “I will abstain from all intentional wrongdoing and harm.” The mantra let her sink deep into her memories.

** ~Late July 2006~ **

_ Carrying all of the grocery bags into the house in one trip was a challenge Calli put to herself every week. She wasn’t as young as she used to be, in fact, she wasn’t young at all. Tess? You home?” _

_ “In body. Did you remember the gummy sharks?” _

_ “Yes, and the chemical laden microwaveable popcorn. It can’t be real butter, Tess. I feel guilty every time you make a bag” _

_ “Love is” _

_ “Is what?” _

_ “Buying consumables with a 10,000 year shelf life because it brings your daughter immeasurable joy.” _

_ “You are ridiculous. Guess what?” _

_ Tess lifted her eyes from the page of her book. “Do you really want to play that game with me?” _

_ “I ran into Mimi Deluca at the store. You know her daughter, Maria.” _

_ “I don’t know Maria. I can identify Maria. I don’t think we’ve ever talked outside of mandatory group work.” _

_ “Well, this is perfect then!” _

_ “You’re invited to her end of summer birthday party sleepover.” _

_ “Please do decline on my behalf. Oh, and send my warmest regards. Between the two of us I find the title a bit wordy, but no need to include that in my refusal.” _

_ “This is a great opportunity, Tess. You need more friends. You need more women in your life.” _

_ “All I need are Alex and Michael. And I have two moms. Friends and women.” _

_ “We won’t always be here Tess. We haven’t been young for a very long time. Long before 1947. I’m so afraid of what happens to you when we’re gone. We both are. It keeps us up at night. We want you to have family. Please go. Please try.” _

_ Tess nodded her head, “Fine.” _

_ “Really. Ok, great. We’ll go gift shopping tomorrow.” _

_ “Awesome. I’m thinking shaman lessons or a necklace made from the bones of a Celtic priestess. Something in keeping with her aesthetic.” _

_ “We’ll also come up with some talking points.” _

_ “Can’t wait.” She walked out of the room mumbling, “Fucking mom guilt. It’s going to destroy me.” _

_ Calli dropped Tess off around 8 with a final reminder to please try. _

_ Tess walked up to the Deluca house. It was small and colorful. Mimi answered the door and took Tess back to Maria’s room. The closer they got the easier it was to hear Rosa, Liz, and Maria. They were laughing and talking about a Kyle. Tess knew Liz had started dating Kyle Valenti, the Sheriffs son, a few months back. It was a strange choice given the way Kyle tormented one of her best friends, but people see what they want to see. _

_ Mimi didn’t knock. She swung the door wide, “Tess is here!”  _

_ Liz was the first to speak, “Hey, Tess.” _

_ Maria and Rosa chimed in, “Hey.” _

_ Tess waved. “Hey.” _

_ Because of her promises, Tess did try, but she also wanted the 12 hours to fly. It was 12 hours until Mimi Deluca took her home. She could do 12 hours.  _

_ After about an hour of awkward conversation, Tess decided to change into comfy shorts and a tee. It wasn’t that everyone wasn’t nice enough, it was simply that they didn’t feel like Tess’ people.  _

_ Alex and Michael felt like her people. She wished it were Alex and Michael waiting for her in the next room. Tess thought with enough time she could get Calli then Art to agree to a sleepover. She’d call it a three way just for Art’s reaction. _

_ At Maria’s, everything was hard. Every story took three times as long because they had to give Tess a lifetime of background knowledge. Even when Tess knew who they were talking about she’d never taken enough interest to care about anything more than a name, a face, and whether they going help with the project or use her for an easy ‘A’. _

_ They, like everyone, were curious about her two moms, but they only asked if she knew which one was her biological mom. Tess admitted that she didn’t, but the real answer was neither Art nor Calli were her birth mother. Tess’ parents had died on a planet in a faraway galaxy that had yet to figure out a way to avoid war. _

_ Tess was curious about Rosa. The rumors she’d heard about the drugs, drinking, and running away. She also loved how kinetic she felt. It was a restlessness Tess understood, but of the three she seemed the least interested in Tess. She mostly commented on Tess’ eyes. She told her they were like the swirling purplish blue of a gas giant. How great they look with lots of dark liner. She’d never heard that before, but lots of people had commented on her eyes.  _

_ While she was changing in the bathroom they hid. Tess thought they’d hidden from her. Tess searched for them for ten minutes inside and out before the unmistakable odor of skunk and earth led her to the shed. She could hear them laughing and after standing for a few moments she thought she heard her name.  _

_ Tess packed her things and set off on the four mile walk home. She couldn’t call home. She’d be told to try. To build a family. Tess was a twenty minutes into her walk when she considered that they weren’t hiding from her, but maybe from Mimi to mask the smell. She wouldn’t let herself turn back now. She thought it was too embarrassing and they’d never bothering asking at school. They would probably say something to Alex.  _

_ Two miles into her walk home, a large SUV came to a stop beside her. Tess made ready to run, but when the passenger window slid down it was Sheriff Valenti. The driver was Jesse Manes. The Sherif didn’t seem sober, but he insisted they give Tess a ride home. They arrived at the Valenti home first and the Sheriff stumbled out of the car with a tip of his hat at Tess. She watched him fumble at the door before he headed inside. _

_ “Why don’t you climb into the front seat, Tess. It’ll be easier to talk, and I’ll feel less like a chauffeur.” Tess complied.  _

_ There was a strong odor of coffee in the front seat. Tess looked to her left and saw the open cup, a little steam still rising from the surface. “I can’t get you home until you close door.” _

_ Tess hadn’t realized the car door was still open. She felt in her bones that something was wrong, but she closed the door because she really did hope to get home. When the car door clicked, the smile Jesse Manes was holding faded away. _

_ She felt something was wrong, but she knew it when Jesse Manes passed her street and ignored her every question. When they pulled up in front of the Manes house she wished Alex were there instead of off visiting his mom.  _

_ Jesse Manes turned to her “Your mothers are a disgusting abomination. Is that why you like my son? Alex is a deviant but still you . . . What is it you do with him? Does he touch you?” His voice was a crawl along her spine. “How does he touch you?" _

_ Tess was frozen. Art’s words echoed, “Stay hidden, Tess. Stay hidden at all costs. We’re in a military town and those soldiers killed your family.” _

_ “Does he touch you like this?”  _

_ Tess came back to then present just as Jesse Manes ran the back of his hand down Tess’ cheek and neck and breast. She shook with fear and revulsion. Her throat tightened and her breathing became labored. Jesse Manes leaned closer. _

_ “What does it feel like. It must feel like nothing when he touches you. Do you touch him? Show me how you touch him.” _

_ Tess was crying now, “I don’t touch him.” _

_ He grabbed the back of her head, digging his fingers into her scalp and growled into her ear, “You’re a fucking liar. A dirty fucking liar. You don’t think I’ve seen you?” _

_ “I-I-I-please-please take me home.” _

_ “Shhhh. We can fix this. You just need a real man.”  _

_ With those words, Tess grabbed the open cup of coffee and threw it in his face. She used the distraction to fling the car door wide and run. Did she make it 20 steps? 30? She felt his hands pull her to the ground.  _

_ Late on a Saturday night, Jesse Manes broke something else Alex loved. As the sun came up on Sunday, the Master Sergeant dropped her home, but not before again whispering right in her ear, “if you tell Alex, I’ll kill him. He’ll come after me, and I’ll kill him. If you tell anyone, I’ll kill him. Who’ll protect you then?” _

_ Every step hurt, and with each one she thought about the secrets she had to keep. If it weren’t for secrets, she could have protected herself. _

_ ~~~~~ _

Tess’ stomach churned and she shook away the past. She stood and walked out the door leaving Jesse Manes to his chemical prison.


	8. And a Brick Tied Around My Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

With everything that had happened in the past few months, Liz and Maria found themselves reverting to their high school routine. They would spend hours in Liz and Rosa’s old room. They talked about the mundane, the future, and what they wanted most out of life. Sure, they also talked about boys, but it wasn’t with the carefree giggles of girls. They were women with responsibilities and burdens. They were nursing heartache in Liz’s case and trying to stave off a heartbreak in Maria’s. As much as they had fallen into the familiar, it was different. They had secrets from one another now. Secrets changed the dynamic. That was a universal truth.

Maria didn’t know about aliens, or how Max really died, or the truth about Michael’s hand, or that her best friend had been resurrected. Liz didn’t know the things Maria knew about Alex and Michael. Maria let her believe that Alex was harboring a high school crush because she wanted to believe it. Maria just wanted one thing in her life to be easy. There was no pretense with Michael. She didn’t have to be her best self or put on a brave face. She could be flawed.

They avoided talking about some things. That was new. They tried to keep Alex’s name out of their mouths as much as he kept his distance from them. Alex was the balance between Liz’s logic, Maria’s emotion, and when she was around, Rosa’s chaos. Neither was willing to admit to the other just how much they missed the sound of his whiskey and honey voice or the totality of his hugs, but they did.

Now they were sitting on the floor, heads together, reminiscing about the time the three of them found themselves stranded in the desert on New Year’s Eve after searching for some legendary party. Maria had convinced Alex and Liz that locals searched for it for years, and they owed it to themselves to find it before they turned their backs on Roswell for good. Back then they all thought they’d leave Roswell and never again call it home. They’d flagged down a passing truck and called Mimi. She came to pick them up, and rather than lecture them for wandering alone in the desert and flagging down strange men in trucks, she made fun of their gullibility. She told them the party was myth not truth. 

“Tomorrow’s family night at Sunset Mesa, Mom would love to see you.” 

“Of course. You know I’ll be there, babe. We should invite Alex. Mimi can’t get enough of him.”

“She would love to see him, but he won’t come. He goes to visit her when he knows I won’t be there. Did you know that?”

Liz put her hand on Maria’s shoulder, “I didn’t. He loves Mimi. He loves you. I’ll call him.”

“Liz he won’t.”

“It’ll take me ten minutes to work my charm. I know my Alex. He’ll be putty in my hands.”

Maria looked skeptical, but Liz kept her biggest smile firmly in place. 

“You should grab us a booth while I make the call. Get one towards the back, so I won’t be guilted into helping with the lunch rush.” 

Liz rose from the floor and Maria did the same. She threw her arms around Liz and held on tight before she left the room. It was a thank you for trying, thank you believing, it’s never going to work all rolled into one hug. She headed down the back steps into a Crashdown that was just starting to get busy. That’s when she saw Tess leaving the Crashdown. Maria’s mind moved to autopilot, and she pushed her way through the incoming customers to follow Tess. 

“Tess. Tess Harding!”


	9. I Have to Burn Your Kingdom Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

The thought of Jesse Manes unmoving body stayed with Tess on her drive to the Crashdown. Tess need salt, spice, sweet, and potatoes. 

Specifically, she needed an order of fries from the Crashdown with a side of Mr. Ortecho’s secret sweet and spicy sauce. Two orders. 

She was grateful Liz wasn’t on duty. She was always making awkwardly, friendly conversation with Tess. 

She exited just as a wave of lunch goers and tourists crowded in looking for kitschy themed food.

Tess’ reached into her bag for a fry. Her fry extraction was halted by someone calling her name. Tess tried to decide if she could keep walking and pretend she didn’t hear her name, but she could hear footsteps catching up with her. She knew it was Maria. Tess turned and looked. She knew determination when she saw it. Tess heaved a sigh and mentally squared her shoulders.

“Hey. I saw you at Sanders’? Did Michael fix whatever it was? Your car?”

“Truck.” 

“What?”

“It’s not a car. It’s a truck.” Tess used the coldness of minutia as her wall. Most people found a way to end conversations when she did. Maria did not take the out.

“Right. I just was just asking? Were you there to see Michael? I guess I didn’t realize the two of you were such good friends. He’s in a bad place right now. Max-Max Evans died. Just know that, okay. He’s really acting out of character. I hope he didn’t say or do anything stupid while you were there.” Maria kept talking even though Tess’ face was impassive. She couldn’t get a read on her. “Sometimes he gets up at night and just sits in the dark. It takes everything to get him to come back to bed. Just take care you don’t get caught up in something that’s nothing.”

Maria ended with a smile. 

Tess hated this. She could just tell Maria she caught all of the hints—-Michael in her bed.

“Okay. Thanks. Are you finished?” This was the Tess everyone expected. Calm and unflappable. She always seemed to other people emotionless. She wasn’t, but being impassive on the outside always gave her the upper hand. People hate when they are emotional and the other party stands stone faced. Maria was no different. 

Maria started for a moment. “Yeah. I guess I’m finished, but did you hear me? I’m trying to be a friend, Tess. You’ve been gone awhile.” 

Sun Tzu was Tess’ secondary spirit guide. He said, “the best way to win was to not fight at all.” Tess found this particular ideal the most difficult to master. Emotional people have all their guards down, so Tess quickly peered into Maria’s mind. It was hazy. Harder for Tess to find what she needed, but there is was, an agonizing red gash in the middle of the purple. It almost looked like a heart torn in two. 

“We aren’t friends, Maria. We’ve never been friends. I never fit your land of misfit toys aesthetic like Rosa, Liz, and Alex. Let me ask you this. You had ten years to fall for Michael Guerin, but you didn’t realize you never wanted him to leave your side until Alex came home and told you that he loved him? That’s fucked up, right?! Like when you hear it, you hear how fucked up it sounds, right? I’m asking. For science. I bet Liz is happy you didn’t have a thing for cops. I mean, who can resist a dirty cowboy.”

Maria didn’t take the bait. She wanted to, but she swallowed the urge. Tess’ respect for her grew one size that day. Still, Tess knew she’d push harder next time.”

“I was just trying to talk to you. I wanted you to know. I thought maybe Michael hadn’t told you about us.” 

“You’re right, Michael didn’t. He’s never mentioned it . . . or you, but Alex did.” 

Tess waited for the blow to land. She watched Maria’s face and without even breaching h borders of her mind, she knew when the other woman was confronting the consequences of her actions. Maria recovered.” 

“I was just trying to spare you. Talk to you.”

Sun Tzu also said timing was essential. Tess was tired of them not saying what they meant. She was ending the confrontation. 

“Talk to me? Do you think I’m stupid? I know other people actually buy your walking on sunshine bullshit. That they fall for your I know I look sexy, but I’m friendly and approachable facade, but I see you Maria. You were hoping that your passive possessive bitchiness would . . . would make me what? Make me sympathetic to whatever the hell you have going on with Michael. I don’t actually give a shit what you’re doing with Michael. Here’s reality. Michael calls what he has with Alex cosmic. And what he has with me, ancient. What he has with you he calls easy. I think we both know how this story ends, so ride that cowboy while you can. I hear it’s epic.”

Tess walked away mumbling to herself. “She’s literally the world’s worst real psychic.”

Girl shit is definitely the worst shit, but Tess couldn’t deny the satisfaction she took in watching Maria’s face try to process everything.

Maria watched Tess walk away. She tried to ignore the way Tess’s words echoed in her brain. Cosmic. Ancient. Easy. Would she have done the same thing to Liz? The tightening in her chest tells the truth. 

Liz finds her outside.

“Was that Tess Harding.”

Maria pushes her doubt to the back of her mind and turned to face Liz.

“Yeah. She’s still crazy as hell.”

“Well, we didn’t exactly try to know her.”

“She didn’t want us to. Remember when she bailed on the sleepover? She just wanted Alex.”

“Not uncommon.”

“I saw her at Guerin’s. With Guerin.”

Liz raises an eyebrow, “With him?”

“Not like that. Well, maybe like that. It was intimate? I don’t even know if that’s the right word. There was barely any space between them. It felt like-like just before a storm. Is that crazy? That’s crazy. And watching them made me feel like a creep.” Maria laughs, “They’re the potential cheaters and I feel like the creep. I didn’t even know they knew one another.”

Liz held her tongue. Everyone in Roswell knew that Guerin was being everything but faithful to Maria. She knew her friend was seeing and hearing only what she wanted. “Did you ask her?” 

“You mean ask her if she is having sex with my maybe boyfriend?” Maria nods her head. “I think so. Not in those words.”

“What did she say?”

“She didn’t deny it. She deflected. Shit on me because of Alex.”

“If she’s . . . how is what she’s doing any different?!”

“Doesn’t matter. I should be talking to Guerin about it. What did Alex say?”

“He said he was busy and to give Mimi a kiss from him.”

Alex had actually laughed and told Liz absolutely not. Liz tried to reason with him, but she’d made a tactical mistake. She’s told him Maria was having a hard time and to do it for her. He laughed again, but this one was harsh. “Tell me, Liz, when is anyone going to do something for me?” Then the call ended.

“Busy?”

“Yeah. I bet he makes it next month.”

“Thanks for lying to me.” 

Liz’s forced smile fell. “I just don’t get him! Who holds onto a a high school crush? And who ends friendships over them?”

Maria didn’t say a word, but it wasn’t lost on her that Liz had. And Max had. She also doesn’t bother to add that Michael and Alex was more recent. That it had been a decade in the making. 

Liz was in the middle of her rant and didn’t notice Maria’s pained expression. “It was a stupid high school kiss. He’s blown it up in his mind. How good could it have been?”

“Cosmic.” 

“What?”

“Nothing. We should drown ourselves in shakes. Talk about you.”


	10. And Now the Final Frame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

Tess’ satisfaction didn’t last long. She sat in her truck the smell of cold fries her only company. She needed her family. There wasn’t much sunlight left, but she headed to the cave where she was born. Her moms would listen; she’d tell them her stories like they told her their story, her story, Antar’s story.

_ **~July 2015~** _

_Art and Calli were elderly for Antarians when they arrived on Earth. They used their powers to make themselves appear more youthful. Two months after Tess finished medical school, it was their time. They’d always known that when they went they wanted to go together with Tess by their side. It was the first time Tess broke her promise to never darken the Roswell city limits again._

_She’d driven the 200 miles from the El Paso airport afraid she’d be too late, but when she pulled in front of the house they were sitting on the garden bench. The one Tess painted as a giddy 8-year-old again as a moody 13-year-old then one last time as a restless 17-year-old. They sat as they always had, with no space between them and their hands clasped._

_Gone were the faces they wore for Roswell and in place were the wrinkled faces and hands of people who’d seen centuries. Each wrinkle the ring of a tree, fathomless stories to tell. The way they told stories, you would’ve believed they’d seen Earth before there were civilizations. That they weren’t many generation removed from the rise of modern Homo Sapiens, and while they were centuries old, the stories they told weren’t only their own. They were the keepers of Antar’s collective knowledge._

_As she stepped from the rental, she saw the box. Its surface caught the bright beams of the full moon. They had used the last of their power to move it from the house. The markings carved into the sides like hieroglyphs, but Tess knew every letter and every word of the language. She knew what the box held. Journals filled with the wisdom, lessons, history, and stories of their people. Tess’s people. Millions of millennia collected in countless volumes._

_Tess had seen some of the journals, but not all. Some stories they told her while making her strong, teaching her how to use all of her abilities, but also cautioning her to stay safe. Stay hidden. Tess was an excellent student. The heart of Tess was hidden from most._

_They told her these weren’t the same people of Earth that had welcomed and worshipped the Antarians. They weren’t the same people that had called them Oba, Sango, Oshun, Ometecuhtli, Chalchiuhtlicue, Isis, Horus, Ishatar, Athena, Zeus. . . Worship and devotion turned to fear and humans pushed all their faith upon one, but it was still them._

_Back then humans were searching for answers, now they thought they had all of the answers. Tess’ moms assured her they didn’t. _

_Tess stepped toward them, knelt, and wept._

_“Lovely. We would stay with you if we could, but we’ve lasted longer than we were meant. We lived for you, and you were so worth it.” Calli‘ Sword were always poetry._

_“Look at you. You are smart. You are brave. We love you.” Art’s words were always succinct._

_Tess reached out with her mind and shifted the hard packed desert behind the bench—eight feet deep, six feet long, five feet wide. Tess moved the box into the deep hole. She covered the box and repacked the sand until no traces of movement remained. The left over earth she gave to the wind. _

_She helped them to the car and drove to the cave. The walk was too much, so Tess carried them, wrapping them in love and floating them softly and safely to where they would take their final rest._

_Their last words they said in unison, “Tess, lead with your heart.”_

_Tess buried them in her pod chamber._


	11. For a Second I Forgot I Was a Bad Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

Michael walked into the Wild Pony. He knew he’d have to answer questions about Tess. What scared Michael most, he didn’t think he would have acted any differently if he’d known Maria was watching. 

When Max healed his hand, when he kissed Maria and she kissed him back, when he played the guitar his entropy had shifted, but only for a little while. Just as quickly as normal had come it had left and not just because Max died. It was Alex.

Even when they where thousand of miles apart and separated by continents, he knew what they had was bigger than everything. Alex quieted and soothed him in a way nothing and no one else ever had or could. He’d never wanted anything the way he wanted Alex, but after Caulfield, Noah, and Max it was all too much. Letting Alex in was too great a risk when he was already spiraling. He needed to find balance.

Maria gave him a chance at normal, but he couldn’t embrace it. In fact, he was actively trying to break it. She hadn’t let it break. She was trying and it was a testament to her will and strength. Michael didn’t want to think that it might be a testament to her love for him.

Not for the first time he wondered what could actually come from betrayal. He hefted the devil’s share. He always did. He was made for it, but Maria was no angel. No one set out to hurt Alex, but no one set out to spare him either.

“You open?”

“Only to sober customers, which you aren’t. Only to paying customers, which you’ve never been. And we never serve liars.”

“What’d I lie about? I might not even deny it.”

“Tess Harding.”

Michael blows out a breath, “What about her?”

“I saw her.”

“Everyone sees her. She’s hard to miss.”

“Really, Guerin. That’s how you want to play this?” 

Another breath. “You saw me talking to an old friend. If you’d stayed, you would have seen me fix her truck.” 

“What happened after I left but before you fixed her truck?”

“Nothing happened.”

“That was a lot of buildup for nothing.” 

Michael decided to lean into his charm and flirt. “I think you’re jealous.”

Maria was having none of it. “How long?” 

“How long what?”

“How long have you been whatever you are with Tess?”

“What we are is old friends. Summer before 9th grade, but I haven’t seen her since the summer after graduation. I don’t have anything to hide when it comes to Tess.”

Maria wondered if Michael realized he’d admitted to having things to hide. How his hand was healed for starters, but there were other things. What really happened to Max. Why he’d been working with Liz for a couple of months only for it to suddenly stop. Why he looked so pale and drained lately. Then there were the nights she was working behind the bar when he’d leave right after someone. He’d put just enough distance between them to make it seem unrelated, but Maria had been working a bar too long not to know when people were leaving together.

“Why was she there?”

“Oil change. Engine check. Conversation. She wanted to talk about Alex.”

“Didn’t look like it. Didn’t look like she wanted to talk about Alex. Not unless she’s his sex proxy.”

“I can’t help what it looked like, Deluca.”

“What’d she have to say about Alex? I haven’t seen him. Have you seen him?”

“I don’t know. That I was a dick for hurting him.”

“Nicer than what she said to me.”

“When did you talk to Tess?”

“I saw her at the Crashdown. I wanted to know why she was at Sanders’.”

“Clash of the Titans. Not sorry I missed it.”

“If I was a Titan, she was an Olympian. And they won again.”

“Titanomachy. Yeah, Tess isn’t easy.”

“No, she’s ancient, right? I’m easy.”

“Maria . . .”

She told herself that what they had was casual. It had to be until Alex talked to her or she talked to Alex. Although, she didn’t think any conversation was going to be needed after tonight. Not one where she asked Alex to understand. More likely one where she asked Alex to forgive her. 

Her heart was breaking. She’d save that for Liz. She thought they could have something. She fell hard without even realizing it was happening. Michael Guerin was a powerful thing.

“No, I’m tired of begging you to love me Guerin.”

“When have you ever had to beg?”

Maria’s brow furrowed. She didn’t understand how he could he not know. She begged every time she wanted him to stay, every time she invited him to visit Mimi, every time she asked about his hand or Max. She begged when he said Alex’s name while sleeping next to her. She’d ignored the signs, but she’d read them all correctly.

“Okay. What’d you tell Alex about your hand? Did you tell him Epson salts and tea tree? Did you tell him magical waters you stumbled into while drunk? Did you tell him the truth?”

Maria paused for effect. She knew Michael didn’t have an answer. “Nothing, Guerin. Easier question then. Do you love me?”

“I-I do.”

"That was convincing."

Michael's voice was steadier and softer now, "I do." 

“Like you love Alex?”

Michael shakes his head slowly, “maybe I could.”

“Maybe you could!? Maybe you could. Wrong answer.” It was Maria’s turn to blow out a breath. “I’m an idiot.”

“You’re not.”

“No, I am. I might have lost my oldest friend for maybe. I’m a fucking idiot, but you’re a bigger fucking idiot.” Maria leaned away from the bar and bent for a glass. “Get out of my bar. Go do something right.”

Michael slapped the top of the bar and walked out without a word.

Maria poured and downed a double shot of tequila. She didn’t have time for tears. 


	12. I Can Be Your Piece of Sunshine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

Tess preferred taking her lunches alone. She’d been known to walk into the crowded lounge and walk right back out. She reasoned that you could eat pop tarts, fish shaped crackers, and gummy sharks anywhere. She felt that she’d finally figured out when the lounge would be empty. She’d been watching. What she didn’t notice was Kyle watching her. He realized she only went into the lounge at certain times. He wanted to talk to her. He knew he could talk to her on Sundays, but when Alex was around Kyle never saw his opening. 

Tess was something new. She wasn’t drowning like the rest of them. When he found out about Max, Isobel, and Michael he never imagined where that road would lead him. He’d been sucked into the alien craziness by Liz. He was near his breaking point. He could talk to Alex about anything, but he wanted someone who wasn’t thinking about breaking codes and unraveling ancient alien languages while watching the soccer game. Alex wouldn’t be free until he felt he’d atoned for his father’s horrors. Alex wouldn’t feel that way until Michael told him it wasn’t his fault.

Michael wasn’t ready.

Kyle pushed open the door to the lounge and saw Tess sitting in the far corner. Her head was down and she was writing in a small notebook. She looked up, lifted her chin in Kyle’s direction, and closed her notebook depositing the pen in her lab coat pocket.

“Hey, Tess.” 

“Valenti.” She waves her hand at the empty chair across from her.

He braced his hand against the back of the chair and asked, “Can we talk?”

Tess looked up and saw the seriousness of Kyle’s face.

“Ah, Valenti Are you about to pull a Karofsky? I don’t want to be your confessional.”

“A what?”

“How do you not get that reference.”

Kyle raised an eyebrow and took a seat. Tess had to admit it was a good eyebrow. It wasn’t an Alex eyebrow, but it was a good eyebrow.

Tess continued. “On Glee. Karofsky bullies Kurt because he actually wants to kiss him. Get it? Kurt was openly gay. Karofsky was also gay, but became a douchey jock bro as a cover. Sound familiar? So are you about to pull a Karofsky?”

Kyle looked at Tess while giving his head a slight shake. He was amused.

“What, Tess? Only you get to be a high school cliche?”

“Says the reformed douchey jock bro. Hmmmm. Another cliche.”

Kyle gave teeth his full smile. He enjoyed her playful. “I love how civil you are.”

“Thank you, Dr. Valenti.”

“I would think you were afraid of a little competition, but part of me thinks you view your hotness as a form of conversion therapy.”

“Competition, please. You are in love with Liz Ortecho. Or Alex. Or both. I’m not sure anymore.”

“You think you know me?”

“Oh, I think I do. So, you want me to help you choose? Girl pining for dead boyfriend or boy pining for living soulmate?

Kyle laughs, “I like you in spite of you.”

“I’m undecided about you because of you.”

“Right, I used to be a dick. I’m reformed. I’m a surgeon.”

Tess nods. “Are we finished with the fun facts portion of the conversation? What do you want to talk about, Valenti? You look burdened with glorious purpose.”

“Got that one. Tess, I-you . . .”

“Wait. Are you about to ask me out?”

“Absolutely not. I’m absolutely not about to ask you out. You are undeniably attractive in every way that doesn’t involve emotions, but every high school dance you attended that didn’t end in all of us covered in pig’s blood I considered a win.”

“Did you just compare me to Carrie?” Tess leaned forward, smiled, and rested her tongue between her teeth.

Kyle mirrored the angle of her body. There faces were so close the conversation turned to whispered words.

“And don’t get me wrong, if you’d been willing to have sex with me in high school, I wouldn’t have said no, but the entire time I would have been waiting for you to pull a knife and press it against my throat.”

“Some people like that. Don’t kink shame, Valenti.” 

Kyle swallowed. “I feel like I need a safe word to even talk to you, so dating you isn’t even an option.”

“We don’t have to date.”

Kyle tilted his head, “You are unbelievable. You are also terrifying, but here we are.”

Tess could feel the time and leaned back all the playfulness of their banter washed away. “I don’t know where here is.”

Kyle followed her lead. “Can we talk as in can we be the adults in our friend group. Grab a coffee. Chat.”

“One, there are no adults in Roswell. Oval, I’m not part of a friend group. And I don’t drink coffee. Hate the smell actually.”

“Clearly, I’m the adult, but you’re removed from the mess. You came after the storm.”

“Maybe one day you’ll tell me about the storm. Tell me why Max Evans is dead. About Michael Guerin’s hand. Why you keep secretly dosing Jesse Manes. Where you go with Alex some weekends. I’ve ruled out heart attack, magical waters, medical necessity, and fight club, but I’m open to everything else. When you’re ready for that talk, I’m ready to talk.” 

The war was evident on Kyle’s face. He wanted to telł Tess, but his code didn’t let him. Tess stood, crumbled the empty gummy bear package, and picked up her water bottle. “Enjoy your lunch, Kyle. See you Sunday.”

“You called me Kyle.”

“I did.” Tess considered. “See you later, Karofsky.”

“See you Sunday, Carrie.”


	13. So Do I Throw It All Away or Just Accept That I'm Shattered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

When Kyle walked into the eerie glow of the cave, Liz and Isobel were already there. And Max, but he was dead. It was only the pod that was keeping his body from deteriorating after all these months. It still unsettled Kyle to see him suspended in the pulsating liquid. Liz found the cave peaceful, but Kyle disagreed. As happy as he was to have a chance to know Rosa as his sister, it all felt unnatural. Trying to bring Max back felt unnatural, and this cave was a reminder that they were playing God and failing. It seemed to be lost on them all that Max playing God was why they were all here:trying to bring him back from death. He would never say it to anyone, but he thought they were supposed to fail. 

But it was bigger than just Max, it was unsanctioned black sites imprisoning and torturing people. He was in because Alex would destroy himself repaying a debt he didn’t owe. He was repaying his father’s debt because he thought it was what Michael needed and deserved. Kyle wanted Alex to have what he needed and deserved. Alex wasn’t the only reason Kyle was letting Max and Project Shepard take over his life. He was also still in because his father raised him to be the kind of man that didn’t let monsters go unchecked. Jesse Manes was a monster. 

Liz and Isobel knelt silently before Max’s pod. It looked to Kyle like an act of supplication. It was uncomfortable to see. They didn’t even glance behind them as he drew closer. “Hey.” Alex startled him from his thoughts. He walked over, hands in pockets, and stood by Kyle. 

Michael wasn’t more than a minute behind Alex. “When did this one earn the right to call meetings?” Michael nods his head in Kyle’s direction. 

“Guerin.” Even with all that had happened, Alex just saying Michael’s name was enough to settle him.

“I think we should tell Tess,” Kyle said.

Isobel crossed her arms. “Tess Harding? I saw her at the store on Sunday.”

Liz’s response was blunt, “No.”

“Kyle, why do you want to tell Tess,” Alex’s voice seemed like an intimate whisper in the vastness of the cave.

“Absolutely not,” Michael said with a firm shake of his head. “We are not telling Tess.”

“Why should we tell her? Liz and Michael are handling the science side, Alex is handling Project Shepard, and you’re handling Jesse Manes. Why do we need Tess?”

“Because she’s smart and not buying anything we’ve said. She could help.”

Isobel looked at Kyle like he was a puzzle with a missing piece. “Unless she’s a pathologist or can resurrect the dead, I’m not sure how she can help. She’ll just be one more human that knows our secret. More humans knowing means more risk to the two of us.” When Isobel made up her mind about an issue, she had a way of delivering the news that seemed ruthless, but hiding behind that certainty was fear. She’d lost Max. She wouldn’t do anything that might risk Michael.

Without inflection, Alex chimes in, “You calling us humans doesn’t at all sound like xenophobia. We’re all comfortable with it?” Alex put his hand out to punctuate his words before turning to Kyle. “Kyle, what isn’t she buying?”

“She doesn’t believe anything she’s been told. Anything any of us has told her since she got back to Roswell. I tried to talk to her at the hospital yesterday and she told me she’d be ready to talk when I was ready to tell the truth.”

“What’d you want to talk to her about, Valenti? She’s forgiven you for high school to?” Michael’s face was hard.

“Wow, Mikey. Maria just dumped your ass. You’re already territorial about Tess. Doesn’t take you long to move on.”

Alex’s looked up from the cave floor.

Isobel looked in his direction. “You didn’t tell me about Maria. Or Tess.”

Kyle looked for hidden cameras. He was sure they were trapped in some teen drama. “I wanted to talk about regular life stuff, Michael. Not secret government conspiracies, not keeping a monster in coma, not trying to Frankenstein a dead alien, not an alien murderer. I just wanted to talk to someone not caught up in all of this. But now I think telling her is a win for us.”

“No, Mikey’s right. We don’t tell her.”

Kyle turned to face Liz. Confusion mingled with frustration. “Why? What? Are you mad at her on Maria’s behalf. Aren’t more big brains better, Liz? Wouldn’t you do anything to get Max back?”

Liz just glared at Kyle. Kyle looked over to Guerin who was now leaning against the far wall. Guerin’s eyes were trained on Alex. His longing flooded the cave. Michael had just pushed away from the wall his feet pointed in Alex’s direction when Valenti’s voice brought him back.

“And a no from you, Guerin? . . . Oh, I get it. You didn’t tell Maria. We can’t tell Tess. You can’t tell women you sleep with, or at least the ones you care about while sleeping with them. Is that it?”

Alex had taken a seat in the old chair close to the cave wall. He was aware of Michael’s looks. He could feel him. “Seriously.”

“Kyle! I told you about that in confidence. It wasn’t for you to share.” Liz had shared the information with Kyle when they’d driven to take Rosa some art supplies.

“Sorry, Alex. I should have told you . . . not here. Not like this.”

“No worries, Kyle.” Alex stood a little too quickly, but adjusted and regained his footing. “Okay, this emergency meeting is over, right?” He looked at each of them. “Excellent. See you next month. I think next month is my month for snacks. Let’s check the calendar to be sure.” Alex turned to leave the cave.

Liz’s voice was gentle, “Alex, what’s your vote? What do you think?” She felt guilty for so much of what was happening. She went to sleep thinking how different everything would be if she’s never come home. 

“Oh, we’re really voting? Tell her. Give her the courtesy of knowing what. . . I mean who she’s doing.” With a look, Alex walked through the entrance and out of sight.

Michael followed him, “Alex.”

“Michael” Isobel called after him.

“Alex. Alex! Wait!”

Alex stopped so suddenly it made Michael take a step back before moving to close the gap. “Is this a game for you, Guerin?” My family took everything from you, so you’re trying to take everything from me? Maria. Tess. Is this your revenge, Guerin?”

“I thought I was your family.”

Alex just rolled his eyes and started walking again. Michael started to go after him.

“Michael. Michael, do not walk away from me!” Isobel’s voice let Michael know he’d have to let Alex go for now. He put his hat on and waited for Isobel to reach him.

“Why can’t we tell Tess?”

“You agreed, Isobel.”

“I agreed because I don’t trust people. It wasn’t about that for you. I could tell. That wasn’t protect us in there. It was protect Tess.”

“You’re wrong.”

“Then tell me.”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me? What’s special about her?” Isobel reached into his mind looking for some answer about Tess. Answers she needed to understand Michael, and maybe some answers for herself. “Some kiss in the desert over a decade ago? Is there anyone you haven’t kissed, Michael?”

“Get out of my head, Isobel. It isn’t about some kiss. She’s the only one who knows who I was before my hand . . . before Rosa . . . before Max. She knows that Michael Guerin. The one who couldn’t wait to get out of this town, the one that was going to study engineering, the one who fell in love with Alex. She’d sit under the stars with me and we’d talk about which galaxies probably held inhabited planets. She’d leave her lunch in my locker or the back of my truck and never mention it. She read to me when I couldn’t sit still long enough to read to myself. She tried to put my hand back together. I know we don’t get sick, but there’s no way she didn’t save me from infection. She cried with me when Alex left for the Air Force. And she promised me he wouldn’t die. She swore he wouldn’t. I almost believed her, but I hoped she was right. That’s it right there, Is, she knew me when I still had hope. She thinks I still do, and maybe as long as she does there is hope because I gotta tell you, I’m not seeing great things for me on the horizon. If we tell her, I become a different Michael Guerin. Not just an alien but someone who lied to her. Someone who loves her and lies to her. She’s all I’ve got left.”

“You’ve got me, Michael.”

“I know I do. It’s just-just different. We can’t tell her. I need her to believe in that Michael Guerin. Let her be my beacon back.”

“Are you in love with her?”

“I love her, but no.”

“Is she in love with you?”

“It’s the same for her.”

Isobel knew her brother. She needed to rescue him from whatever spiral she saw churning in his eyes. “So you’re not smashing.”

“Smashing?”

“It’s what the kids say.”

“Mmmmhm. Have lots of conversations with ‘the kids’ while saving Roswell.”

Isobel shrugged, but couldn’t quite meet Michael’s eyes. “She’s interesting.

“Interesting. You saw her in the store and thought interesting. Wouldn’t be my first thought.” Michael gives Isobel a knowing smirk.

“What?! Don’t look at me like that. She's cute.”

“I bet.” Michael smiled for Isobel, but his mind was in flames. He was thinking about hurting Maria, Alex walking away, lying to Tess, failing Isobel, not being powerful enough to save Max, and how little his life mattered. “You think Liz and Valenti are still in there?”

“I didn’t see them come out, which is interesting.”

Michael started walking back to the cave. Isobel kept stride. “Cause Liz is still holding on to Max.”

Isobel stopped. “Aren’t we all? Aren’t we all holding on to Max?”

Michael and Isobel silently stared at one another for a moment. “Yeah, Is, I guess we are.” It was what she wanted to hear. 

“No, not because of Max. Valenti usually goes where Alex goes, but he didn’t follow him.”

Michael rolls his eyes and tips the brim of his hate upward.

“Jealousy does not look cute on anyone, Michael.” You should fix things with him now that Maria’s dumped you.”

“I should fix things?”

The sun was high in the sky and Isobel squinted, “Yeah. You broke it this time. Sometimes he breaks it. Sometimes you both break it. I don’t know that letting go of the past means leaving behind the best parts.”

Michael and Isobel walked into the middle of a standoff

“You know when trust is broken it’s almost impossible to get back, Liz.”

“I don’t trust her, Kyle. What reason do I, do any of us have to trust her?”

“I trust her.”

“Why? You’re so superficial. So transparent.”

Kyle ignored Liz’s accusation. It wasn’t worthy of a response. “I trust her because Alex trusts her. I trust her because she’s good to him. She’s good for him. Can you say the same?”

“Sleeping with Guerin makes her good for Alex?”

“You care that she’s screwing around with Guerin on Alex’s behalf or because Maria got her hopes up? At least be honest.”

“Fine. She hurt my friends. She hurt Maria and even though Alex is barely speaking to me right now, I care that she hurt him.”

“Right, Maria’s blameless. Guerin’s lost. Alex is a victim. Tess is evil. You’re an avenging angel. All makes sense now. Let’s leave the big brain out of it. Let’s leave your boyfriend where he is because none of the big brains here have been able to figure it out. Not how to resurrect him with science. Not how to unlock and supercharge alien powers. Let’s let the untapped big brain remain untapped because your misplaced indignation and righteousness born of guilt matter most of all.”

“Go to hell, Kyle.”

“No, I think I’ll go see my sister.”

Kyle turned and walked toward the cave entrance. Liz was stubborn and he knew there was no point talking to her. She’d made up her mind about Tess. Maybe in a few weeks or months she’d finally realize they could use some help. Kyle’s exit was stopped by Michael and Isobel clogging the mouth of the cave.

Isobel took the opportunity to speak, “You know what I don’t understand. I don’t understand when Team Human got a vote in revealing Team Alien to strangers.”

Liz hated when Isobel tries to make her feel excluded, “This concerns all of us.”

“It doesn’t. That’s our brother. Your few weeks or months or whatever together doesn’t make up for the ten years you were gone. And it doesn’t begin to compare to what the three of us have. We’re not telling Tess because we decided.” She moved her hand between herself and Michael. “Team Alien decided.”

“Do whatever. I’m finished. There’s life outside this cave. And I won’t speak for him, but I’m pretty sure Alex is done too. Good luck.” Kyle pushed past Michael and Isobel.


	14. I Was Three Days on A Drunken Sin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

After Alex left the cave, he stopped at the store. He consulted Tess’ early morning text—cheese tortellini, smoked mozzarella, marscapone cheese, marinara, fresh thyme, Parmigiano-Reggiano, ciabatta bread, butter, balsamic vinegar, and sugar. He knew he already had the sugar and vinegar, but he didn’t know how much she needed, so he decided to buy more. She said she’d buy dessert, which could be great or a toddler’s idea of gourmet. He’d been eating better since she arrived. You’d never know she loved to cook given her affection for gummy products and pop tarts, but she did.

Alex thought about the cave while he shopped. He knew Kyle was right. Tess knowing would only benefit them, and lying to her was getting harder. He didn’t want to lie to her, but he also knew that the choice to tell Tess the truth was up to Isobel and Michael. The two of them had everything to lose and they had already lost so much because of who they were. Alex still saw Michael with Mara when he closed his eyes at night.

He also hadn’t forgotten the news—Tess and Michael. He wanted to believe she would never go there, but Maria had shaken his worldview. He decided to enjoy his night with Tess. She wasn’t one to hide from the truth. She would tell him in her own time, but he didn’t know that he could see a way around the betrayal he would feel. The only thing Alex couldn’t figure out was Michael. He’d never known him to be cruel, but he considered that maybe he never knew him at all. Alex shook that thought away. He knew Michael Guerin.

Tess beat Alex to the cabin and was waiting outside. “You have a key. What are doing out here,” he called out while getting out the SUV and grabbing the grocery bags.

She stood and was smiling as she approached. “You were gone all day!”

“You were also gone all day. We work.” 

Tess was almost bouncing. “Remember when I told you your sofa sucked?”

“Tess . . .” She grabbed one of the grocery bags.

“Remember when I told you that you needed a sofa that would support you?”

“Tess.” Alex picked up speed. 

“Remember when I said you needed a snuggly sofa in a bright color to wake up your dreary log cabin?”

“Just show me.”

“Of course.”

The new sofa was a beautiful blue and the seat jutted out farther than a traditional sofa. It was rustic enough he told himself and it did look incredibly comfortable.

“Now when you fall asleep on the sofa doing secret agent black ops shit you’ll be comfortable and not wake up groaning like an old man. Say thank you, Tess.”

“Thank you, Tess.” Alex smiled at her. “Thank you for breaking into my home, getting rid of my stuff, and buying me something all without my permission.”

“You are so welcome, baby.” Tess put her hand on his chest and winked. “This shit table is the next to go. After that, we can do something with your Dexter hole.”

“How did you even make this happen so quickly?”

“People just want to my bidding.”

Alex loved his time with Tess, but he always told her he didn’t want what they were to keep her from finding someone. Tess always said she wasn’t looking and the pickings were slim even though she like Guerin was picking from the entire pool. Alex was picking from a smaller pool, but he sympathized. There weren’t many people that interested him. He told himself that he wasn’t keeping himself hidden away because of Guerin, but everyone else knew he was. Alex got plenty of looks, he simply never looked back. 

After dinner, Alex and Tess watched Source Code. The sofa was amazing.

“I tried to watch this with Valenti.”

“You didn’t!”

“His questions made my brain melt. We turned it off when I started crying.” They both laughed because they both knew Alex could be patient, but it wasn’t necessarily a strength. Tess had learned from their Sunday’s together that Valenti wasn’t a huge fan of fantasy and sci-fi. Tess suspected it was because he couldn’t get over the hand wavey aspects.

Alex and Tess were halfway through the movie when there was a knock at the door. Tess was leaned back against Alex and didn’t even shift? She planned to keep Alex exactly where he was, but he pushed her forward. “Let them knock. It’s probably Kyle.”

Alex stood.”Be nice.”

“Isobel! Hi. You’ve never been here. How’d you find me?”

“I can’t find Michael? He isn’t answering my texts. Not with words anyway. He said he’d come over tonight, but I haven’t seen him since the-.” Isobel doesn’t realize Tess was there, so Alex cut her off.”

“Isobel, you know Tess?”

“Hey-hi-hi.”

Tess ignored the way Isobel tripped over her words. “Did you check Foster Ranch.”

“I checked everywhere.”

“Then he’s just playing the odds. Changing locations trying to stay a step ahead of you. I mean you’ve heard from him, right?”

“Yeah. He’s been responding with emojis.”

Tess laughs, “Then he’s fine.”

“I know. But I’d like to see his face. He was upset earlier.”

Alex scoffs, “Guerin can take care of himself, Isobel.”

“Yeah, he can, but like I said . . . he’s upset.” Her voice trailed off. She was distracted by the movie. “What’s this?”

“_Source Code_. You should see it from the beginning, or Alex can catch you up on what’s already happened.”

“I’m going to head out. Surgery in the morning.”

Alex raises his eyebrow at Tess, “Really. That’s new.” Tess stood and slipped on her shoes. She pulled her jacket on as Alex spoke, “Are we still having lunch tomorrow.”

“Of course, lover.” Tess closes her eyes and blows Alex a kiss.

Isobel had already paused the movie. “Are we doing this, Alex?”

“I guess we are.”

“He’s the best at snuggles.” Tess made eye contact with Isobel as she spoke. It went on a beat too long. Alex noticed.

“Good to know.” Isobel has regained her confidence and holds Tess’ gaze. “Still see you Saturday?”

“Absolutely! I bought extra red popsicles and gummy sharks.” With that Tess slipped out the door. Her smile also slipped. 

As the door closed she heard Isobel say, “she knows red isn’t a flavor, right?”

Tess drove to the Sanders’, turned off her truck, and waited. She isn’t disappointed. Thirty minutes later Michael’s truck spun to a stop in front of the Airstream. He stumbled out the driver’s side door and walked to the passenger side. He opened the door and two women practically fell out.

“Great.”

The three made their way to the Airstream, Michael sandwiched between them an arm around each woman.

Tess climbed out of the truck and yanked open the door of the Airstream. Both women were already topless. 

“Is this even possible on that bed?” Tess waved her hand between the women and the Airstream’s tiny bed.

“Tess! Come to-“

“Shut up, Michael.” Michael fell backward on the bed and covered his eyes with his arm.

“You two, get out?”

The taller of the two women wobbled toward Tess. Tess didn’t know if it was her shoes or intoxication. She pointed a manicured nail at Tess and slurred, “Who the fuck are you?”

“I’m the you that’s going to set your clothes on fire. Get. The. Fuck. Out. Both of you.”

“Make us.”

“That’s a bit much for some dick, but okay.”

Michael lifted his torso. “No. Leave. Tess stay.” He immediately flopped back down as if the act of speaking had stolen his remaining energy.

Tess points to herself and says, “I’m Tess.”

“Whatever.”

The taller one pushed by Tess with her shirt in hand. The shorter of the two took the time to put her shirt on before exiting the Airstream. 

Tess touched the shorter one’s arm as she passed, “Do you talk?”

She gave Tess the finger and walked out.

Tess shouted after her, “So no?” Tess slammed the door of the Airstream to make sure Michael was alert and awake. His body doesn’t move, but he moved his arm away from his eyes.

“What happened to no one but Alex, Tess?”

“Lied. Wanted to get you inside.”

“I’m calling the CDC in the morning. I’m going to ask them to pick up your mattress.”

“Are you slut shaming?”

“Are you self-identifying as a slut?”

“I’m too drunk to keep up with you. What do you want, Tess?”

“Your. . . Isobel interrupted my movie night with Alex. Says she hasn’t seen your pretty face since something clandestine and hush hush. I didn’t get the details, which is shocking. It’s almost like people have been lying to me since I got back!”

Michael whines, “Tess. Please. Not now.”

“Fine. Get your shit. Pack a brown bag or whatever it is you do when you travel.”

“What? Why?”

“You’re staying with me tonight and maybe the night after that. I need work done on the house. I need someone I trust. I need someone sober.” Tess didn't have time for Michael's spiral. She was tired of the secrets, lies, and the unknown. She needed answers, which meant she needed Michael somewhere she could find him. Tomorrow she would start to reveal her secrets and hoped to start getting answers. 

“Sweetheart, you can have me right here.”

“Michael, don’t. Also, I’m glad you think you could satisfy any one person much less two given your condition.”

“No, not leaving.”

“Yes, not asking.”

Tess walked out of the Airstream snatching Michael’s keys off the table as she did. She started his truck and waited.

Michael exited the Airstream so quickly he hit the ground in all fours.

“What are you doing?”

“Stealing your truck. Crashing your truck into a ravine.”

“Shit, Tess. I’ll pack.”

Michael exited the Airstream a second time dragging a pair of jeans, sweatpants, and a belt behind him. Tess didn’t bother to consider his limited wardrobe. She’d wash or burn what he was currently wearing.


	15. When the Silence Isn't Quiet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

“Welcome to my home.” Alex tossed his beret onto the sofa and walked into the kitchen.

“I thought I had a standing invitation?” Tess was reaching into a cabinet over her head and pulled down a platter. She gave Alex a smile then turned back to the face the oven.

“I have a new sofa that says I’m not sure about your standing invitation. Do we need new rules?” Alex stood behind the kitchen chair and shifted to ease the neuropathic pain in his thigh.

“Sorry, I operate under East Coast rules.”

“Is that the same rule book that allowed hostile takeovers in Monopoly?” Alex 

“The very same. It’s my constant companion.”

“And ever changing along with being invisible. What’s for lunch?”

“Black bean and spinach quesadilla on multigrain tortillas.”

“No, grapes, goldfish crackers, gummy sharks, and cheese sticks today?”

“I would never feed you that. I save that particular feast for parties and other special occasions. And I love to feed you. It’s a substitute for all the sex I wish we were having.”

Tess checked the oven window and didn’t notice Alex’s posture go from relaxed to stiff. “Guerin not enough for you?”

Tess doesn’t immediately turn. The tops of the quesadillas are just starting to brown and she doesn’t want delicious to become disaster. She could tell that Alex was waiting for her to respond, but she opened the oven door, extracted the baking sheet full of quesadillas with the silicone oven mitt, and placed it on the stovetop.. Only then does she face Alex.

“I’m not sleeping with Michael. Why does everyone think I’m sleeping with Michael? We’re friends. You know that?” Tess removed the oven mitt.

“Maria ended things because she thinks he’s sleeping with you.”

“Maria ended things because she couldn’t deny that he’s in love with you. Hopelessly.” Tess found a spatula and piled a small platter with half of the quesadillas. 

“He made his choice.”

“He made a choice, Alex. I don’t want to talk about that. I want to ask you something.”

“Ask.”

Tess walked to the refrigerator and grabbed a bowl of homemade guacamole and the pitcher of water. Alex walked around her to grab plates and silverware, but his gait wasn't smooth and Tess noticed.

"I got that." She took the plates and silverware from him. “Do you trust me, Alex?”

Alex turned and walked back to the table. Tess followed depositing the bundle in her hands. Alex eased into a chair. The relief on his face was visible.

“Yes. I trust you with my life.”

“Right, the AMD, but do you trust me with your secrets?”

“Tess, you know all my secrets. I think you’re really asking about secrets that aren’t mine to tell.”

“So you do have secrets?”

“I d-,” Alex stopped answering when there was a pounding at the door.

“It’s Michael. I sent him a text. Told him you fell and I couldn’t lift you.”

Alex sucked In his cheeks and released a loud breath.

“Tess! Alex!”

Despite the pain, Alex pushed away from the table and made his way to the door.

Opening the door he said, “She lied. You can go.”

“Michael come eat. I made a ton of food.”

“She didn’t.”

Tess walked from the kitchen to stand next to Alex. She rested her hand on his back and nudged him with her shoulder. “Come eat. Both of you.” Tess turned and walked back into the kitchen knowing they would follow.

Alex moved to let Michael into the cabin. Michael grabbed his arm as he closed the door. “I’m not . . .”

“Sleeping with her? She told me.”

“Come on you two. We have secrets to discuss. Who’s hungry?”

Alex and Michael looked away from one another and focused on Tess. She wasn’t smiling.

“I’m going to go. I left your gutters on the ground.”

“Please, Michael, I need to talk to you both and there are some things you only want to say once. And there are some things you can only say once.”

“About what J-“

“What?! No! Stop talking, Michael”

Alex turned to Michael. Michael met Alex’s questioning stare by looking down and away.”

“Both of you just listen.”

“Tess.”

“Alex, not now. I need you both to just listen. It’s easy to call people your best friends when they’re your only friends. But you two are. You’re my family. No matter what. No matter the years. And I want you to know who I am. I want you to know what I am.”

“You’ve already come out to us,” Michael calls out with a smile.

“And I feel like I’ve heard this before. What? Canadian? My sister? An alien?” Alex let’s out a laugh. 

Both men were uncomfortable with the solemnity of Tess’ face and used jokes to deflect. They were both afraid of what she might say next.

Tess held up a finger as she ticked off answers to each of Alex’s questions.

“No. That would be disturbing given my unclean thoughts. Yes.”

Alex looked to Michael. Tess doesn’t understand what passes between them. Michael looked momentarily pained and Alex looked worried for Michael. What Tess was expecting to see she doesn’t see. She expected them to laugh. She expected them to look worried about her stability. She expected them to stumble out of their chairs and run. She did not expect the pain and the worry to turn into resignation. No, not resignation but acceptance. Even nonchalance.

Michael turned his hat in his hands. “Let me guess. You were in the 1947 UFO crash? You look so young because you didn’t hatch until you were about 7. And you can set things on fire with your brain or . . .”

Michael’s hat jerked from his hands and flew to Tess. She held it for just a second before dropping it and raising her foot to crush it.” She thought they were making fun of her and she reacted with venom.

Her foot met nothing but the wooden boards of the cabin floor. The hat back in Michael’s hands. “What the hell, Tess. When did you get so sensitive!?”

Tess didn’t hear a single word Michael said. Her mind flooded with memories of his unbelievable origin story, of the way Art and Calli took to him, of the kisses that felt old and practiced, of his refusal to go the hospital, of the empty nail polish remover bottles in the cab of his truck, of all the times Tess had thought she’d uncharacteristically lost control when she was with him. They were keeping the same secret.

He he had trusted Alex with his secret.

He hadn’t trusted her.


	16. In Spite of the Ache

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

Tess stood. And walked toward the windows on the far side of the kitchen before turning back to face Michael and Alex. They were silent. They looked from one another to Tess. They were afraid to intrude on her thoughts, the balance was delicate.

Tess wasn’t jealous as much as she was hurt. She also knew she was being ridiculous because she hadn’t told Michael everything. She hadn’t told either of them. Michael was keeping himself hidden. It was exactly what Art and Calli had always told her to do. Fair was fair.

“When did you tell Alex?”

“I didn’t tell Alex.”

Tess focused her eyes on Alex, “How did you find out?”

“Secret government conspiracy.”

“People know. The government knows about us?” The cabinet doors flew open. Plates and glasses shattered against the countertop and floor. Tess was being showered. Michael focused and the cabinet doors flew closed. The refrigerator opened and it's contents exploded against the walls.

“Tess, sit down, please,” Alex’s voice was soft. He kept talking while his kitchen came undone. He never flinched. “My father knows. He’s been running an unsanctioned military operation for decades. He’s been watching Guerin.”

Tess turned to survey the mess she’d made. She reached out and swept together all of the shards big and small. The pile was substantial. “I’ll replace them.” 

“You bought me a sofa.”

“That was a gift. This is my mess.” Tess waved her hand at the broken contents of Alex’s cabin. She refocused. “Is that why your father’s in a coma? To protect Guerin?”

“Yes. No. Not really.” Alex closed his eyes and let out a sigh that rocked his whole body. Michael reached forward and placed his hand on Alex’s arm. Alex didn’t flinch away and that lack of reaction brought Tess brief happiness in the middle of this collapse.

“It’s a lot Tess. Let’s save the specifics for later.”

“I’ll take a summary.”

“Let me, Alex.”

“Alex’s family has been capturing and torturing aliens since the '47 crash. Manes has been watching me for years. Since the shed. He also kept crash survivors locked up in secret government installations for experiments and torture. We found my mother in one. And-“

“Your mother? Your actual mother?” Tess never considered her actual parents. She had Calli and Art, but Michael didn’t have that. He went unclaimed in the aftermath, so had Isobel and Max.

“Yes.”

“Where is she?”

Michael looked down at his hands and then up a Tess. His mouth opened a few sounds but no words escaped. Alex stepped in to fill the silence.

“My father killed her.”

Tess centered herself. She felt the guilt of letting Jesse Manes go unchecked. Perhaps for the first time she fully understood Alex’s burden. It was the power and poison of what ifs. The thought of what if I had killed him all those years ago and how many lives would have been spared. What if was a place to be visited briefly if at all, but it was easier to stay trapped under guilt. The three people at the table knew that better than most.

“No. I tried to free her. Cracked the glass. It activated a self-destruct. She died. They all died.”

“Michael. No, my father put them there.”

“Not your fault either, Alex. Time we both start remembering that.”

Tess missed their brief moment. She was processing all of this new information. But the thought she’d pushed to the back of her mind made it’s way forward. “They lied to me. They lied.”

Tess laughed loud and long. It wasn’t joyful but cruel. She could feel the spiral coming.

“They lied to me. I asked them if they thought it was weird that the three of you were found just wandering the desert like mute children of the corn. This world is cruel, Tess. People discard their children, Tess. We would know, Tess. But they did know.” 

Michael and Alex both reached out to her but were pushed back by an invisible force.

“It’s why they hired you that summer. It’s why they fed you. It’s why they didn’t care when they found you sleeping in the house. Why would they lie to me? Why would they keep me all alone. I thought I was all alone. I felt like a freak. I lived a whole lie.”

Michael and Alex called to her, but Tess couldn’t hear. 

“Why would they lie to me? Why would they lie?!” Tess could feel the entire cabin start to shake, the windows rattled, the porch chairs rocked, the furniture started to rise, including the occupied chairs. From where Michael sat, it looked effortless.

“Tess! Please.” Alex was calling to her. She didn't care. Alex moved in his chair to reach her, but misjudged the distance to the floor. 

Guerin fell from his own chair and moved to Alex. "Tess! Stop!" 

Alex's pained expressions and swallowed cry made it to the heart of Tess. 

She closed her eyes and centered herself. Everything quieted. When Tess opened her eyes, tears fell. Art and Calli’s lies were another question she needed to answer.

“I’m sorry. I pushed you. I'm sorry”

Alex and Michael were having a silent conversation. They weren’t afraid. They were shocked. Michael met her eyes, “Tess, how powerful are you?”

Tess didn't want this conversation. She wanted to shout, "Who cares?" She knew she owed them some answers the destruction around them warranted answers.

“What do you mean?”

Michael rotates sweeping his arms over the destruction. “We were 30-seconds from making _Up_ a reality, but without the balloons.

“I don’t know. I’ve never opened them all the way up.”

Alex steps in to ask, “Them? You have more than one? More than one ability? Power?”

“I have them all. All the ones written about in the journals. How many do you have, Michael?”

“One. I have one. Isobel has one. And Max, I don’t know. He could heal and control lightning. Whatever that is. Is that two?”

Tess’ was too distracted for this line of questioning. “I’m sorry. We-We need to finish this, but I need to get to the journals. I have questions and things I need to tell you both, but I need to do this first.”

“No. Wait! What was Michael asking you earlier? Was it my father?”

“It can wait, Alex. Tomorrow. We’ll meet here tomorrow. The three of us. We’ll talk.” Tess was already moving to the door stopping only to grab her keys from the pocket of her jacket, which was now resting on the floor having fallen during her display.

“I’ve heard that before. Didn’t end well.” Alex knew what he’d said, and he knew how Michael would react. He wanted Michael to react. Why did he have to be above petty?

Michael turned to look at Alex, but immediately returned his attention to Tess because she might have what he’d always wanted—answers. “What journals.”

Michael’s question stopped her at the door.

“My moms buried a box of journals in the yard. The said I would know when I needed them. I’ve seen some of them, but not all of them. I guess they knew I would find out they lied. I want the truth.”

“So do I. It’s my truth too.”

“You can’t read them. The language I mean.”

“Alex can.”

“What? How? Are you . . .”

“Not an alien. Language is code.”

Michael tilted his head towards Alex in acknowledgement. “Codebreaker. Genius.” He smiled in Alex’s direction.

Alex gives a small sad smile, “Let me get my gear.”

Tess didn’t miss Michael’s poor attempt at flirting or Alex’s sad smile. “You’re a dumbass.”

“Thanks.”

“You can’t flatter and flirt your way out of fucking Maria, Michael.”

“Tess.” 

“Michael. Real friends don’t fuck their friends favorite things. I read that on a cereal box.”

“I love Alex. I want Alex. I just-just need more time.”

“The longer you wait the less likely he’ll be to forgive you. And the way you stare at Alex is-“

Alex walked back into the room before Tess could finish and entered the conversation. “Alex is . . .”

“My favorite. You’re my favorite. Always.”

“And you are mine.”

Michael rolled his eyes. The three of them rarely spent time together, but when they had he’d always felt like a third wheel. “You two need some time alone?”

“Oh Guerin, I wish on that star every single night.”

Alex genuinely laughed at their banter. “Let’s go.”

“You heard him. Let’s go, second place.”


	17. Where Are All the Gods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

Tess drove alone to her house while Michael rode with Alex. She told them it made sense for her to just stay home once she got there, but she just needed more time to center her thoughts. She was still electric. 

Michael and Alex found Tess standing behind the colorful bench in her yard. Even though Tess’ house was isolated with no nearby neighbors they decided to wait until dark to get the box.

The three of them went inside and sat in the great room. Tess left them and returned with a bottle of whiskey and three glasses. They sat sipping. Each of them lost in their own thoughts. 

“Hey. I have another secret,” Tess said.

Michael and Alex immediately thought of Jesse Manes, but Tess had other ideas. Something lighthearted to soothe the pain and perhaps protect them from what they were bound to discover in the journals. 

“Alex, remember when Michael stole your guitar.”

“How could I forget.”

Michael protested, “I borrowed it. I was going to return it, and it was out of tune.”

“It wasn’t out of tune. I made you believe that. I made you take it.” Tess’ smile was a proud one.

“What?,” Michael and Alex asked simultaneously.

“I made you take it then I told Alex that you’d taken it.”

“Why would you make Guerin steal my guitar?”

“How? I didn’t want to borrow Alex’s guitar.”

Alex looked at Michael with a raised eyebrow. “Stole. You stole my guitar.”

“But it wasn’t even me. It was Tess. Be mad at Tess.”

“I did it because you two were always looking at one another. I didn’t know what hopeless looked like until I watched the two of you pretending not to watch one another. It was so pathetic. Something had to be done.”

Alex opened his mouth, but Michael spoke first. “You can only make someone do what they already want to do. Influence them.”

“What rule is that? I can make anyone do whatever I want them to do or say or see or hear or think or remember or anything. I don’t, usually, but I can.”

“So you pushed us together?” Alex’s face had lost it’s amused ease.

“No," Tess punctuated the single word with attitude, "I made you two talk to one another. The delicious big bang was all on stupid boy one,” Tess pointed at Alex, “and stupid boy two,” Tess then pointed at Michael. “I was the spark to this epic love story. Then you two pissed on the flame.”

Michael and Alex’s eyes met. Tess just watched to see who would turn away first.

They spent the rest of daylight reminiscing. Tess shared about the revenge she took on the football players that bullied Alex. “No point having super powers if not to inflict a strategic and embarrassing itch on dumb jock bros.”

One empty bottle of whiskey later, the sun had finished setting. The three of them went outside where Tess uncovered and unlocked the box. The journals seemed countless. They carried them inside until they were all piled atop the large table in the kitchen. They were in stacks and still the table beneath was barely visible.

It was Michael that first noticed a different symbol in the left corner on the back of each journal. In all Tess’ years of reading through those she was allowed to see, she’d never seen them, but she recognized them immediately. They were numbers. The journals were numbered. Tess put the first ten in order and after that Alex and Michael were able to help with some direction from Tess. 

Tess had never been allowed to see any of the journals above the 25th. She hadn’t known that then, but she recognized the symbols of the those that had been her lessons and bedtime stories. Alex started scanning the pages of the journals into a laptop. He began with the first of the 142 journals. Tess scanned the titles starting with #25 to find the information that wanted. She was looking for the story of the four. Alex suggested she start at a higher number because their story would be recent history since the journals were brought from Antar.

Tess found what she needed in journal #120. She told the story to Alex and Michael. 

Many millennia ago, a plague wiped out two-thirds Antar’s population. Some thought the last travelers had brought it back from Earth. Some thought they were being punished by the gods for being worshipped like gods. Some blamed the peasant class. Antar was a technologically advanced world, but not a perfect one. A strict and permanent quarantine was placed on intergalactic journeys to Earth. This was done to solve the first two possibilities. The peasant classes were pushed into isolated settlements great distances from the wealthy and powerful.

The years of death passed and new generations were born. Antar’s population grew, but there were changes. Suddenly, children were born with limited abilities, one or two. This was a condition that until now had only impacted the peasant class. The children of the powerful where were always born with unlimited abilities. They were omnipotent. Then they weren't. Suddenly, there was no difference between the classes.

It was this omnipotence that allowed Antar to keep constant peace. It kept every member of society in their place. They didn’t fight one another nor were they ever in danger of outside threats. The stripping away of this omnipotence was a secret they kept, but the peasant class took notice. They would wait for the right moment. It would be centuries before they acted.

Many centuries passed until four were born. They called them the godlings. They each were born with access to all the abilities of old and the Antarians loved, worshiped, and feared them. According to legend their parents were friends and to celebrate the upcoming birth of their first born children they went swimming in the last of the sacred lakes. The effervescent water was the color of amethyst, cool upon first touch before warming. 

As the couples swam, a light began to rise from the unseen bottom and enveloped them. Then there was nothing. When they awoke it was to the setting of Antar’s four suns and the rising of her four moons. As they stood, softly packed dirt tickled their feet. The final sacred lake was gone. Months later these godlings were born. One after the other. Zan, Vilandra, Rath, and Ava.

Their lives were peaceful until they weren’t. Peace was shattered on two fronts. Their friendship shattered when two fell in love, Rath and Ava. Zan believed it a betrayal, and viewed Ava’s rejection of his affection as unforgivable. He had always been the godling most enamored with their powers. He placed few limits on himself and instead relied upon the other three to tell him when he was nearing a line he shouldn’t cross, but as they grew older he stopped listening. Power and privilege bred entitlement. No was a word he didn’t understand.

Not long after the godling’s schism, war came to Antar. The rest of the Whirlpool Galaxy finally knew the Antarians were no longer a people of omnipotence. The peasants had bided their time, and they promised Antar to anyone willing to fight in their war. In exchange, they wanted wealth and positions of power.

The four godlings stood against armies, but they were still young. They fought together but divided. Soon enough they too fell. Vilandra, then Rath, then Zan until Ava was all that remained. In her grief, she became war. For every army she stopped more would come. She was one against countless. 

When she was finally captured, the leader of the invading hordes offered to spare her life if she would be his queen. It was a political move, he had no interest in her physical form. If she agreed, he promised the the rebels and invaders would stop fighting. Having her would give him legitimacy. She walked toward him, clasped his hand, and with the last of her power called lightning from the sky to kill them both. The last godling had fallen.

The war raged on.

Antarians were certainly warriors, but at their heart they were artists and scientist, and all of their greatest achievements happened when art met science. They discovered DNA could be harvested, crafted, and reborn.

Few Antarians survived. Fewer fled. They saved what they could. Then there was crash. Then came the humans wielding death. The four godlings survived.


	18. As Painful As This Thing Has Been

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

After Tess’ house, Alex drove Michael back to his truck, which was parked outside the cabin. The ride was silent. Michael let a look linger over Alex, but Alex just stared straight ahead. He pulled to a stop near a pile of freshly chopped wood. Michael thought he might stop by to stack it when Alex was away. In Michael’s mind, it wasn’t a way to work his way back into Alex’s life, but a way to let Alex know he was loved. Michael opened the door and stepped out of the car. He ducked back in to look at Alex. Michael slowly exhaled, “See you tomorrow.”

Alex stepped out, but paused as the pain from earlier returned. The adrenaline of the day had kept it at bay, but the quiet of night allowed his body to send him a firm reminder. Alex knew he should let Guerin go, but he ached for his company. “How does it feel?” Alex’s question stopped Michael just as he turned to head for his pickup.

“How does what feel?” Michael’s brain raced with ideas. He didn’t know if Alex was talking about the silence and the distance between them or something else.

“Tess being an alien? You never suspected?”

It isn’t what Michael wanted to hear. He hoped Alex knew he was ready to talk, but Alex had turned a corner. He said what he meant while Michael was still playing catch-up. He wanted Alex to know what the silences and the looks meant, but Michael didn’t want to risk rejection.

“Maybe, but never for long and how do you ask someone if they’re an alien?” Michael hoped his answer would lighten the mood, but Alex’s face was expectant. He wanted more.

“I don’t know, Alex. I never really felt like I had a place in this world, but with you . . . with Tess I felt like I had a place. Then you left. And Tess left. And I was alone again. Then you came back, sort of, but them I lost you again.” Michael threw his arms wide and shrugged his shoulders.

Alex didn’t mean to interrupt. He tilted his head and furrowed his brow. The line of his mouth was hard. “You didn’t lose me, Guerin. You left me.”

“I didn’t.” 

Alex didn’t want to fight about it. He wanted to talk about Tess, so he ignored Michael’s comment. “Tess.” That’s was all the redirection Alex hoped to give.

“Alex, I didn’t. I wouldn’t.”

The shake of Alex’s head was almost imperceptible, but Michael saw and knew that conversation was closed. He quietly sighed.

“Finding out about Tess . . . I guess it's what winning feels like. After losing my mother and Max and-. We come from the same place and we have this connection. We have a history."

Alex nodded. He wasn't sure if Michael was still talking about Tess.

Michael walked toward the other man. He moved into Alex’s space. “Alex."

“Guerin.” Alex’s voice was a warning.

“I don’t want to talk about Tess. I’m still learning to live with the news. Still processing.”

Alex took Guerin's words as an ending and responded in kind. “You’re right. It’s late. Goodnight, Guerin.”

“Alex.” The name was an exhale. “I want to talk. Just not about Tess.”

Alex moved around Michael and up to the porch. He sat in one of the chairs and said, “Talk.” He knew Michael thought he was putting distance between them, but it was his leg. The ache was too much. It was deep in the muscle tonight. He needed to get his prosthetic off. He thought about the magnesium gel both Kyle and Tess had suggested he try, maybe tonight.

Michael followed. “It was my blood. On my shirt that night.”

Alex nodded. “I know. Sit.”

Michael took the other chair. He imagined them as old men sitting just like this watching a New Mexico sunset. He could see the other side, but he didn’t think Alex could. He had to get Alex to the other side.

“Noah stabbed me. I was dead.” Michael paused as though he were taking in the reality of his own death and resurrection for the first time.

“Then you were waiting for me. What you said was . . . I was ready, Alex. I want you to know that. If I hadn’t left . . .”

“You weren’t ready.”

“I was, but everything hurt. Looking at you hurt. I didn’t know how to save us. I didn’t know how to make you stay. Maria didn’t hurt, and I wanted a chance to not feel beaten down by life.”

“You’ve said this before.”

“I know, but I need you to understand.”

“You need me to understand that you craved normal?” 

Michael nodded his head at Alex’s question.

“You want me to understand that I walked away too many times and you couldn’t trust just my words?

Michael nodded again.

Okay. I understand. I hope you understand why I walked away.”

Michael responded with something that resembled a shrug, but his head shook.

“My father was my war before you ever walked into the shed, but once he saw you there you became a target. He’d hurt you once, he’d do it again. He would have killed you. Keeping you safe mattered more than what I wanted. I wanted you, but that didn’t matter.”

Alex paused. Michael heard the words exactly as they were intended. He heard love. Alex was usually a man of few words, never quite trusting what he might say, but tonight he would say it all. He hoped. Michael made a move to reach for him, but Alex couldn’t let that happen because there were more words that needed saying. 

“Do you want to talk about what I don’t understand?” Michael’s hand jerked to a stop. He looked at Alex, but he could no longer read him. His eyes were still the same soft chocolate brown but they weren’t warm. Michael leaned back to brace for what came next.

“I don’t understand how you do that to someone you-,” Alex cut himself off and took a deep breath, holding it then exhaling. “Walking away. I would get that. Telling me to get out of your life. I would get that. Saying you only see a monster when you look at me. Same. But Maria? There are few people I consider friends and fewer still I consider family. You had to know what going to Maria would do to me, which means you just didn’t care. She had to know what it would do to me. Neither of you cared. She lied and you looked away. You both took away what I love. I always knew monsters looked like people who are supposed to love you, but now I know they can look like people who say they love you. What do I do with that, Guerin?”

Alex’s voice never rose, but Michael felt the blows. His eyes were wet with unshed tears. Michael had operated on impulse that day. It wasn’t until Alex showed up at the cave and stood with them over Max’s body that Michael thought of him waiting while he kissed Maria. 

“Tell me how to forgive you both.”

Alex shifted and leaned back. He was finished. It was all he had for now. Michael took the opening.

“I’ll tell you how to forgive. If you tell me how to fix things between us.”

“I don’t know, Guerin. Maybe, this time we’re too broken.”

Michael shook his head. “No, pieces want to be together.”

Alex looked over and thought about the piece of the alien ship he’d put back in the wall. He knew keeping the piece meant keeping Guerin. If he was really ready to move on, he’d give him the piece. Alex stood.

“I can’t see a way back.”

“We’ll find it.”

Michael wanted to find a way back to Alex. Alex wanted that too, but he was angry with himself for wanting it. 

“It’s late.”

“It is. Sorry, Alex. It’s just—we haven’t talked like this since before . . .”

“Your hand.”

Michael instinctually flexed his hand. He pushed it into what little light the porch offered. It was unblemished. He looked at it and frowned. “It’s not the same. Doesn’t feel like me.”

“Give it time.”

“I’ll go.” Michael pushed himself to standing and stretched. When he did a small patch of skin showed just above his waistband. Alex’s eyes flicked over it. It was such a small taste, but it was enough to flood his mind with memories. He let his eyes wander over the rest of Michael’s body not caring if he was caught. His eyes mimicked the path his hands would take when they were alone together on the small bed of the Airstream. In those moments, when all of their barriers were removed, they spoke without words. The stretch was sin. Alex wanted to offer him the sofa. Really, he wanted to offer him his bed, but he knew better than to make decisions while dopamine flooded his brain. Sex wasn’t the way back. They had tried that. He really did want to find a way back, but he didn’t know if they should. He warred with himself over what it would mean to Guerin if he let him stay. 

“You could stay.” Alex blinked. He couldn’t believe he’d said it.

“I shouldn’t.”

“I want you to stay.”

“Is that a good idea.”

“No, but it’s what I want.”

“I thought what you wanted didn't matter.” Michael’s words earned him a hint of a smile. “I thought you wanted to talk?

“I do, but tonight I want you to stay. On the sofa. I want you to stay on the sofa," Alex repeated himself more as a promise to himself than a reminder to Michael, "stay because it’s late.”

“Is that the only reason?”

Alex was looking down. He lifted his eyes to look at Michael. They knew this dance. It was instinct. Pieces want to be together. They both stepped forward hands outstretched. Alex was the first to make contact. Hands on Michael’s shoulders. There was nothing but the sound of their breathing in the cold night air. The gap between them had almost finished closing when the slam of a car door sent them flying apart.

A voice called out, “I have incredible timing. You’re insatiable, Guerin.” The form of Kyle Valenti was illuminated by the headlights of his car.

“What are you doing here, Valenti,” Michael's voice was more animal that human.

“I need to talk to Alex.”

“At three in the fucking morning?!”

“Guerin.” Michael’s confrontational posture receded. “What’s wrong Kyle?”

“Your father.”


	19. You Should Learn When to Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and angry. Short and angsty.

“He can’t stay in the coma, Alex. We’ve got three days tops. After that, he’ll die. I’m no killer. I won’t let this alien madness or your father turn me into that.”

Alex reached out and touched Kyle’s arm, “I would never ask you to do that.” 

Alex’s voice was tender. Their eye contact made Michael bristle. He couldn’t tolerate their friendship or how close they had become. Michael didn’t even consider that what he was feeling was jealousy. In his mind, Kyle Valenti was a bad guy, so he told himself he was protecting Alex because people don’t change. 

“No one invited you into the alien madness.”

Alex heaved a sigh. He knew this wasn’t going to end well. “Guerin, you aren’t helping.” 

Kyle didn’t care that Alex was trying to play peacemaker. He was tired of Michael Guerin. Tired of the way he still staked a claim to Alex. Tired of way he acted like he was the only person who had lost someone to Jesse Manes. They’d all lost people to Jesse Manes. They’d lost themselves to Jesse Manes. “Really, Guerin! You would think you’d be less of a dick to one of the people trying to save your ass.” He stalked toward Michael with shoulders squared. “I watched Jesse Manes push my father into a cell with an alien he knew would kill him. An alien killed my sister. Your sister’s husband killed my sister. And I’m still here trying to bring back Max. Breaking the law to keep Jesse Manes from being a threat. Trying to keep you and Isobel safe. So I think I was fucking invited, but tell me I’m not, and I’ll leave, because a year ago, I was just a surgeon on the way to his high school reunion.”

Michael squinted and pursed his lips, “Yeah, whatever you say, Valenti.” Kyle took another step forward.

You’re a real good guy,” Michael punctuated every word with a nod of his head. 

Alex stepped between them placing a hand on Michael’s chest. “Guerin, if you’re staying, you’re helping. This isn’t helping.”

Alex’s touch isn’t enough to stop Michael this time, but he did break eye contact with Kyle. 

“Why is he even here, Alex. He just stops by whenever he wants? He comes to see you . . . to protect me . . . to protect Isobel.” Michael paused and glanced at Kyle. "Selfless.” The single word dripped with accusation. “You do it because you get Alex all to yourself. Come cry on his shoulder. Hoping . . .”

Kyle didn’t let him finish. “Fuck you, Guerin! You left Alex behind, but it’s no big deal because everyone knows you’re the only broken boy in the whole world. No one else has ever been as sad or hurt or broken or lonely as Michael Guerin. Aren’t you tired of you? ‘Cause, I sure as fuck am.” Kyle moved around the two men and headed for the door.

“Kyle, we need to figure this out.” Alex moved away from Michael.

“I know we do, Alex, but I’m not staying for this. Let me know when he’s gone. Hopefully it’s before Jesse Manes wakes up and kills all of us.” The cabin rattled when the door hit the frame and bounced open again. 

“Shit!” is all Alex said before he moved to grab his keys from the table. When he pivoted, his leg buckled. 

“Alex!” Michael reached him before he hit the floor, but Alex pushed free of his hold.

“I’m going to talk to Kyle. You stay here. Eat, shower, sleep. I might be a while, so take the bed.”

Michael knew he should apologize for antagonizing Kyle, but he couldn’t do it, so he said sorry the way he always said sorry. “Alex you can’t drive. I’ll drive you.”

“No. What would that do? It would end the same way.”

“I’ll stay outside.”

“You won’t.”

“Alex-“

“Guerin. We don’t have time for this. My father is a threat.” Alex chopped the air with his hand. 

“Alex, I’m not letting you drive. You want me to drive you and wait outside, I’ll do that. You want me to drive you and leave until you call me to come get you, I’ll do that. You want me to leave and you can get Valenti back over here, I’ll do that. But you aren’t driving.” With that Michael walked outside, faced Alex’s car, and extended his hand.” A tug on his sleeve stopped him from disabling Alex’s SUV.

“Ok, Guerin. Let me get my crutches. You drive. You drop. You leave. Kyle will bring me back.” Alex looked at Michael to make sure he understood this was the only compromise.

“Just sit down. I’ll get your crutches.” 

Alex returned to the porch and for the second time took a seat and waited for Michael Guerin. He dropped his head into his hands. It was all too messy now. 


	20. Save Me from the Nothing I've Become

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

Michael watched Alex walk through Kyle’s door. Kyle was briefly illuminated by the hallway light as he placed a light hand on Alex’s shoulder before sliding it down his arm as the door closed. Michael was shut out, literally and figuratively. It was the day the Evans took Isobel and Max while leaving him behind. The times he was locked in the closet while the ammonia-like smell of meth clung to him. This was the emptiness of being adrift. It wasn’t just being excluded from the conversation about Jesse Manes, but feeling as though he was being left out of Alex’s life. When had he become the third wheel? When had he become second to Kyle Valenti? He feared whatever momentum he’d gained with Alex tonight had evaporated the moment Valenti stormed out of the cabin. He’d let Valenti expose all of his flaws. That’s what he told himself, but he knew that he’d exposed his own flaws. He'd escaped the orphanages and foster homes, but he still hadn't been able to escape himself. 

He reached for his phone. His hand hovered not with uncertainty but with the realization that his circle was growing smaller. Soon there really would be nothing left for him on Earth. He decided and made the call. Twenty minutes later Michael pulled up outside of the house. He didn’t need a key, he reached out with his mind and unlocked the door. Isobel, wrapped in a blanket, was waiting on the sofa. She’d been up when he called. Neither of them slept much these days, but Michael wasn’t sure they were both burdened by the same thoughts. In the beginning, they were, but Michael was spending more time thinking about what it really meant to leave the past in the past instead of letting it suffocate the present and any drown possible futures. 

“Never thought I’d get a hey you up from my own brother. Strange times.” 

Michael smiled. Her inappropriate jokes always did. She was so much like Tess. He dropped down beside her and rested his head on the back of the sofa. He closed his eyes. It was exhaustion, but emotional not physical. 

“Well, Maria probably hexed me. Alex is with Valenti, and Tess is . . .”

Isobel reached out a hand and smoothed the curls away from his forehead. 

“Tess is the one person you can’t charm.” 

Micheal’s eyes popped open and he turned his head to face Isobel. His voice was laced with innuendo. “Oh, I could.” 

Isobel looked directly into his eyes. “Please, Michael, if you could have, you would have.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Earlier today you thought we were in love.” 

“This morning I was surrounded by hysterical humans. I can’t be expected to think logically in that situation.”

Michael would have agreed about Valenti 12 hours ago, but now he knew better. All the bravado and false hurt fell away. His face was raw.

“Kyle is right. We have to tell Tess.”

“Michael, no.” 

“She’s one of us, Is. She’s an alien.” 

Michael didn't know if he was supposed to tell Isobel. Tess knew about Isobel and Max, and she didn't force him into a blood pact, so he didn't see the harm. Aliens keeping secrets were always going to keep secrets about other aliens. They knew their lives depended upon it. 

Isobel slowly rose from the sofa. She walked away from Michael and put her hand to her mouth. Thoughts sped through her mind so rapidly she couldn’t pinpoint a single one. She turned to look at Michael. He nodded his head at the question that hung between them. 

“How long have you know.” 

“Today. Well, yesterday. At Alex’s. She told us and showed us.” 

“Showed you?”

Michael’s eyes went wide with the memory of Tess’s power. He stumbled over his words, “Is, her power. It’s-It’s-I don’t know. It’s beyond.”

“Beyond?”

“The whole cabin. She moved it and everything in it. And she-she was fine. She wasn’t tired or sick, no nosebleed, no vomiting. She wasn’t scrambling for acetone.”

“How is that possible? How didn’t we know? Where was her pod? How did she end up with a family? Why can’t we sense her? Why can’t she sense us? How . . .” 

Michael held up his hand. He was suddenly exhausted. He felt every part of the day in every bone of his body. His mind was overloaded with knowledge and possibility, but also the sadness he couldn’t shake. Michael’s eyes closed and he started to let sleep pull him away. His ability to form sentences fell retreated and he spoke in broken phrases, “Her moms . . . aliens too . . . taught her . . . trained her. All I know.” Michael stopped speaking and his head nestled deeper into the sofa’s cushion. He jerked awake. “She knows things about us. Us before the crash.”

Isobel collapsed into the cushions. 

Michael stood. “We’ll get answers, Is. I gotta get back. . . to the cabin. I told Alex I’d be there.”

Isobel nodded in Michael’s direction, but at the moment his heart was her last concern. Isobel had desperately been searching for who she was free of Noah’s influence, but her self-discovery was hampered by the quest to bring Max back. Now there was Tess. If Tess was the answer, Isobel could stop teetering between self-discovery and rescue. It was less of a teeter because saving Max took almost everything she had. She knew it was destroying her; it was destroying Michael too, but what could they do but keep working to return their brother to life. 

“Maybe she is the answer, Michael.” Isobel looked expectant. Her eyes pools. “She can bring back Max.”

Michael looked down and ran a hand through his hair. He blew out a breath. “I don’t know. Maybe.” 

“We can ask her.” 

Michael spoke softly, “We don’t know enough. It could kill her. It killed him.”

“You said she was strong.”

“Is, I think we need to tell before we can ask, but first we need to deal with Jesse Manes.”

Isobel didn’t bother to hide her exasperation. They were close and dealing with Jesse Manes and Project Shepard was a distraction. Isobel knew her thinking was selfish, but even to herself she couldn’t admit it came from wanting to finally live. She wanted some of that easy Michael had chased. His failure was no deterrent. She wasn’t Michael.

She told herself it was about saving Max and only about saving Max, but it was also that since talking to Tess she wondered how her lips would feel on her skin. If she was truly ready to live, she would admit that it wasn’t just thoughts of Tess that woke her from sleep and left her restless and aching. She wanted a taste, and the chance be drunk on possibility and choice. 

“We’ll talk tomorrow.” 

Michael walked to the sofa's edge and opened his arms for a hug. Isobel stood and walked into his arms. He couldn’t see the hard set of her face. She’d see Tess tomorrow and get her own answers. He spoke directly into her ear, “It’s been months. A few more days or weeks won’t make much difference.”

Michael didn’t know if that was true or if Isobel believed him. A few more days or weeks could be the difference between Max returning to them as he was or returning to them as a changed man and a blank slate. Michael thought of what he'd learned from the journals. On Antar, Max was a man enamored with his own power. Wasn’t that the same man who four months ago, in his final moments, believed himself a god? He kissed the side of Isobel’s head. 

Isobel’s delayed response came as he opened the door, “Fine. Tomorrow.”


	21. It Takes A Lot to Know a Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

According to Noah, they were all murderers. Maybe they were. Max’s abilities fully emerged after he killed that man when they were 13. Michael considered if he could become one. For Alex. While he waited for Alex to return, he’d cleaned the place. Fixing what could be fixed and taking the broken things outside. It was after six when Alex came home exhausted. Michael was outside stacking wood when Kyle’s car pulled into view. Alex didn’t exit right away, and Michael knew why. He saw Valenti gesture in his direction, but whatever Alex said ended the conversation. Alex pulled his crutches from the back seat then made his way out of the car. He stood on the packed earth, pushed the car door closed, and gave Kyle a small wave. 

“Thanks.” Alex nodded toward the stacked wood.

“I didn’t chop the rest. Figured it was your stress relief, but if you chop it, I’ll stack it.”

“Let’s talk.” 

Michael’s heart quickened. “Yeah, let’s.”

“About my father.”

Right then, Michael just knew Alex blamed him for last night, and that he’d managed to erase all they'd gained under the low porch light. Michael nodded a response and trailed behind Alex as he made his way to the house. Alex was as graceful as he could be with crutches under his arms and exhaustion at his back. 

Alex stopped just inside the door frame. “You did this?” 

“It wasn’t much. I just . . . fixed what I could.” 

Alex knew Michael wasn’t only talking about the furniture. This was what they always did, spoke in metaphor. 

“What about what you couldn’t fix?”

“Got rid of it. That’s what you do with broken things.” 

They were the broken things. They were a broken thing, but Michael was only talking about himself. Alex saw Michael. He saw him now and he heard the ache. It was the voice and posture of someone who believed they couldn’t be loved. Alex loved him, be he also didn’t know how to forgive, or if he could forgive, Michael or Maria, but he knew he wanted to salvage what he could. 

Kyle thought Alex should leave them all behind and get out of Roswell. And, this morning, he made it clear that he thought Alex should break ties with Michael once and for all. Alex put an immediate stop to talk about Michael. He knew Kyle wanted to tell him all the reasons Michael shouldn’t be at the cabin. Alex thanked him for being a friend, but let him know they needed a plan to deal with his father before anyone started making life plans, yet here he was making life plans with Michael Guerin. A storm was coming, but Alex needed to make sure Michael knew they were at a crossroads not an end.

“I bet some of it could be . . . restored. Rebuilt,” Alex said.

Michael pulled his mouth tight and scuffed his boot across the floor. “But not what it was before.”

“No. Not what it was before. That’s probably why it broke.” 

Alex felt like he’d already said this to Michael—starting over, being friends, building a foundation, so when they fell from the stars, there would be a place to land. A place where love lived. Epic sex wasn’t a foundation. Neither was easy. 

“Yeah, one bad part.” Michael was still talking about himself. 

“Not one. Not bad. Just not solid.”

“But it can be something . . .” Michael looked so young in the moment. Open and hopeful, but holding back his own eagerness.

“Something better. Solid.” Alex moved toward Michael. He looked at him as he said the words. 

Michael looked back. “I can help with that.” 

“I hope so. After.” 

“After.”


	22. There's a Darkness Livin' Deep in My Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

They were all exhausted. Sleep had been short and infrequent.

Alex pulled into the hospital parking lot. It was time to deal with Jess Manes. Kyle sat in the passenger seat and Michael in the back, right behind Alex. On the ride from the cabin, Alex’s hands were fists on the steering wheel. Michael spent most of the ride leaned back in the seat with his eyes closed, but every so often he would lean forward and rest his hand on Alex’s arm or thigh. And every time Alex could feel the warmth of his breath against his neck or as a breeze through his hair. 

Alex sat there making himself mission ready. That’s how he viewed dealing with his father. Extracting Jesse Manes from the hospital was one more mission in an ongoing war. He could see the end. He thought everyone in the car could see the end. It was still distant as the closest star, but it was visible. It never had been before.

Kyle and Michael waited for Alex to speak. They knew he needed to be ready to face Jesse Manes not because he feared his father, those days were long gone, but because he was done with polite. Alex was looking for restraint. The strength to do what they'd planned and not to do what should be done.

He’d seen war, he’d fought wars, and when he was 18 he left for war. Now here he was steady as they came. The warmth and depth of his liquid brown eyes were a contrast to his steely resolve. 

Alex opened the car door. 

“Guerin, Isobel knows what to do?”

“She does. She’s looking forward to it.” 

Alex nodded. 

“Kyle, you’re sure he’ll be coming out of it today?” 

“I’m sure, Alex. I haven’t dosed him in days. All signs point to yes. Better get in there before he does.” 

“Thanks, Kyle.” 

“If you two decide to kill one another while I’m gone, get out of the car first so you don’t stain the interior.” 

The door clicked and they were alone.

Kyle and Michael sat in silence. Michael closed his eyes again. He’d decided to pass the time by pretending Kyle wasn’t there. Isobel would arrive soon and he could escape Valenti. Michael wasn’t going to risk another blowup with Kyle, he was a big part of this plan. Michael was nothing more than the Isobel wrangler and the Jesse Manes sitter once they got him in the car. Michael only hoped that Kyle would keep all of his thoughts to himself. Kyle had other plans. 

“Guerin, while we’re waiting for Alex, let’s talk. We never get the chance because you hate me and I think you’re a selfish dick.” 

Michael grabbed his hat and exited the car. Kyle followed. He was pissed about what he saw last night.

**December 2018**

_Alex fooled everyone all of the time, but his obsessive behaviors gave him away. He became singularly focused on dealing with Project Shepard when he learned of Michael and Maria. Four months ago Alex was as close to broken as Kyle had ever seen anyone who was still able to get out of bed and go to work. He spent almost all his time away from base working to fix Michael’s life. Alex had become a zombie, and while Kyle would loved to take credit for putting him back together, that victory went to Tess. She came into Roswell like a force and stayed in Alex’s space and face until he stopped spending any time below ground decoding and dismantling his father’s cruel legacy. All Kyle could do before she arrived was convince Alex to sometimes eat, maybe get him to walk around the bunker, and occasionally shower and change his clothes. Tess convinced him he didn’t have to do whatever he was doing in the dark or alone. After that, he let Kyle in. They both had demons to exorcise. _

_When Tess saw Alex hunched in a chair his eyes glued to the surrounding screens, she said, “I don’t know what the fuck this or why it’s so important, but this is only the best life of a gamer that’s lost touch with all their friends and doesn’t realize that their family upstairs died a decade ago. More importantly, you’re 48-hours away from being regular pretty. It’s hard out there for regular pretty people, Alex. You have an advantage don’t throw it away trying to get through North Korea’s defenses for SpongeBob porn.”_

_Alex turned to look at her, mouth open, brow furrowed then he threw his head back and laughed. Kyle hadn't remembered what it sounded like. She walked closer smiling the entire way. She pushed up against his chair and ran her fingers through his hair. “Tell me you missed me, Alex.”_

_Alex leaned into her caress, his head resting against her. “I missed you, Tess.” His voice broke on the words. Tears rolled down Tess’ face. Kyle knew then that he had an ally, and Alex would be okay. _

_When Kyle and Tess got Alex back to his cabin, she sent him straight to the shower and walked into the kitchen. She pulled a chair out as she passed the table. Kyle took that as a sign to sit. She didn’t seem to be asking. “Tell me,” was all she said._

_Kyle told her everything he could. He had to omit the alien parts, so instead of Noah being struck down by Max, he was found dead after a storm. He couldn’t explain how Noah had violated Isobel, so Kyle told Tess they’d discovered he’d been abusing her for years, which was also the truth. Instead of Max dying while resurrecting Rosa Ortecho, he’d had a heart attack while he was out hiking alone. He didn’t mention Rosa or Caulfield at all. And Project Shepard was about Jesse Manes investigating undesirables and deciding they were terrorist threats, people like Michael Guerin. That’s how Kyle explained Alex’s time in the bunker. Tess didn’t ask a single question, but he knew when she spotted the inaccuracies, half truths, and lies. Tess stopped him from a deep dive into Michael and Alex, she didn’t need their history. He finished up by telling her that after Max’s death, Michael decided that what he’d with Alex was too complicated and started dating Maria. _

_While Kyle talked Tess pulled food from her backpack, simple things—bread, cheese, apples. She scrounged around in Alex’s refrigerator and found a mound of pale yellow that looked like it was butter. She found a pan and started slicing the bread, cheese, and apples. When Kyle finished she handed him a plate._

_“Apple grilled cheese sandwich on rosemary olive oil bread. It’s delicious.”_

_After that night, she never asked a single question about what Kyle told her. She was just there for Alex. He recovered. He was human again. Tess was his champion, but Kyle had decided he would make it so Alex never needed one again. Michael was poison as far as Kyle was concerned. _

**~**

“What’s wrong Guerin, you don’t want to talk.” Kyle knew he couldn’t go far. They were both stuck in the parking lot or the car until this was over. “I want to talk to you, Guerin. Let’s talk about love.” 

Michael walked to the edge of the parking and Kyle dogged his every step. Michael turned to go back the way he came, sidestepping Kyle. Michael decided this conversation would be better had in the SUV. He’d let Kyle rage. He would take it. He learned how to take it in all those foster homes. They never gave him love but they gave him the ability to sit by while someone told him how worthless he was. He’d internalized it all, and he was ready to do it again. That’s what he told himself, but jealousy had never before been a factor. 

“Let’s review your epic love story with Maria. You know the one. The one that was worth shitting on Alex over. So, you spent the better part of a decade getting drunk in her bar and not paying your tab. Was that the moment you knew it was true love?” 

Kyle paused for effect. They both knew the question was rhetorical.

“No. Okay. How about when she would call the police and have your ass hauled off to jail for fighting in her bar where you were drunk and not paying your tab?” 

Once again Kyle paused for effect. Michael made it back to the car and used his powers to unlock the door. He climbed in and for a moment considered locking the doors and denying Kyle entrance, but in the end he just waited. Kyle climbed into the front seat and twisted to face Michael. He was still talking, Michael didn’t think he’d ever stopped. 

“Wait, I know. How about the random dirt sex somewhere in Texas that one time when she was desperate to save her mother. Was that when you realized it was true love?” 

The frustration was evident in Kyle’s face. He wanted Michael to swing back. 

“No, no. It must have been . . . wait that’s the entirety of this epic love story. Drinking, fighting, and one random fuck. Oh, and the guilt of screwing over Alex. That’s definitely epic. Good choices, Guerin. Really. I can’t believe you two crazy kids couldn’t make it work. And now you want Alex back. You’re a fucking ass. I don’t want him to take you back. I hope he doesn’t, but I also know how he feels about you. And he, more than anyone, deserves his happy ending, but you don’t deserve him. I’m having a hard time believing you ever did or that you ever will again.” 

“I know that.” 

Kyle was startled not by Michael’s response, but by the calmness of it and the truth behind it. 

“You know that, but here you are being his shadow.” “Why don’t you get out of the way and let him find someone who knows how to love him?” 

This was what Michael didn't know. How to tame the jealousy.

Michael snarled and Kyle, “Would that be you, Valenti?” He pushed himself forward until he was in Kyle’s face.

Kyle laughed and was about to speak, but the opportunity never came. Michael was finished listening. It was time to fight.

“So I’m in your way. Is that it? This isn’t about Alex moving on. This is about you wanting to move in.”

“You’re an idiot, Guerin. I told Alex to leave Roswell. Take an assignment overseas or retire and find himself a job in the private sector somewhere away from here. I really meant somewhere away from you.” 

“Leaving here means leaving you too, Valenti. Being left by Alex isn’t easy.” 

“You’re fishing, Guerin.” 

“Not really. I know what Alex wants. Do you?”

He had Kyle there. Kyle also knew what Alex wanted and for better or for worse it was the man in the backseat. Kyle turned to face the front window. His posture relaxed and his voice dropped to a conversational volume, “You may hate me for what I did to him in high school, but do you hate yourself for what you’re doing to him right now? I was a stupid kid. What’s your excuse? He’s breaking himself to fix Project Shepard and Max because he blames himself. He blames himself because you blame him. Have you told him it’s not his fault? Have you told him he isn’t his father? Have you told him that you love him? He swallows everyone’s pain, but no one bothers to check on him. I’m that friend and I don’t do it as penance or to make him love me. I do it because he’s the best man I’ve ever known.” 

As quickly as the fight had come, it had gone. Kyle checked his phone. 

“Time for me to go be a doctor. Heal the sick, comfort the dying, possibly incapacitate the man that wants to kill you. You can thank me at any time, Guerin.”

**~**

Alex hated hospitals. He hated the smell. He hated the washed out colors. He thought hospitals looked like the afterlife. They were places where death clung to the living. Alex walked up the nurse’s station and asked about seeing his father. Alex hadn’t been to see him since Kyle first told him what he’d done. His brothers were all the family Jesse Manes needed, but now they were all overseas, and Alex was the Master Sergeant’s only family in Roswell. 

The nurse escorted him to the room. Alex kept up casual conversation. Making excuses for his absence— he couldn't bear the sight of such a strong man looking so lifeless, he was so afraid of what he might find, he was starting to lose hope, but then Dr. Valenti said there were signs . . . He listened to Alex's stream of words. He'd heard them before from sons and daughters, husbands and wives, friends and lovers. He knew the living were afraid of where life would eventually lead them all. He was empathetic and found they usually wanted to talk rather than be talked to, so he listened. He stopped outside of the door and gave Alex's arm a tender pat. 

Alex pushed open the door to his father’s room. The lights were dimmer than those in the hallway, but the sun filled the dark corners. Alex knew his father would be waking up soon. He would be released into the care of loyal son. Jess Manes would go willingly. He’d be the very picture of a loving father, and for the 10 minutes it took Alex to get him secured in the SUV, they would be a happy family. Alex choked on the thought. 

Kyle’s words echoed, “I’m no killer.” Alex had killed; he was a soldier, but not a killer. He’d done what needed doing in life or death situations, but he was no killer. He was a man that had killed and endured the horrors of war. One day he hoped to sleep through the night. One day he hoped not to find himself stopped at a red light thinking on the face of a monster. Sometimes the face was some stranger on the other side of the world. Other times it was his own face. Many times it was the face of the helpless man in the bed before him. Alex had killed. It would be so easy. Just one more time. 

Alex was no killer. The plan they’d come up with would work, but it was a temporary solution. They’d need a more permanent one. What that permanent solution looked like was the problem. 

Jesse Manes started to stir. His movements were jerky. Alex just watched. He dreamed of Jesse Manes waking up a penitent man, but where does the devil learn remorse. Alex’s phone buzzed, Kyle was in the building and on duty. Alex waited a few minutes more before turning his expression into one of concern. He quickly exited his father’s room and approached the nearest nurse. “I think-I think my father’s- in distress? I don’t know.” 

The nurse thought it was likely nightmares since none of the warning signals had gone off at the nurse’s station. She also hoped he was finally waking up. None of the nurses would be sad to see him leave. Jesse Manes room was darkness even with the sun streaming him. "I’ll page Dr. Valenti."

**~**

Michael was nearly asleep when Isobel knocked on the window. He opened the door and moved across the seat to give her room. She slid in and closed the door. Michael noticed how she was dressed, but kept it to himself. It looked like she'd taken extra care today. It was a good sign.

“So, about Tess being one of us.”

“Yeah?”

“You’re sure she’s a like us alien?” 

“What’s a like us alien?” 

“A good one. Not a murderer. Not like . . .” 

“She’s a good one, Is.”

“Then why isn’t she here? You said she was ‘wicked’ powerful.”

“She’s got a history with Jesse Manes. I didn’t want her to have to see him.” 

“What kind of history?” 

Michael didn’t respond with words. How could he? He thought he knew, but he hoped he was wrong. He reached out for Isobel’s hand. She understood—intuitively. Isobel would do whatever she needed to make Jesse Manes comply. She was tired of men abusing their power and using their power to abuse, and no one needed a reckoning more than Jesse Manes.

The plan was simple enough, but they’d need someone to make Jesse Manes docile. It had to be Isobel. Tess didn’t know the whole story. Michael also knew Tess shouldn’t have to go inside of Jesse Manes’ mind or if she’d trust herself to do only what needed doing. Michael had offered to make the plan even simpler. He’d told Alex he'd kill Jess Manes if that’s what he wanted. Alex hadn’t wanted Michael to kill anyone. He didn’t want Michael to do that to himself, but he never said he didn’t want Jesse Manes dead. 

Michael and Isobel reviewed the plan.

Isobel repeated it once more, “So, he wants to leave the hospital. Kyle, his doctor, tells him it’s against medical advice. Manes signs the papers. Alex, his loving son, whisks him away to an all inclusive cell at the bunker. Unpaid prison guard becomes our side hustle.” 

“Yep.”

“And then what, Michael. Do we have a plan for what comes next? We can’t keep him there forever.” 

“One thing at a time, Is” 

Isobel crossed her arms across her chest. “Whatever. As long as I’m finished by 11:30. I’m going to see Tess.” 

They were all thinking it. What did come next? Jesse Manes was a liability as long as he drew breath.


	23. Please Let This Moment Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

Isobel wasn’t good at waiting. Tess had said to come around noon, but Isobel had arrived about 20 minutes early. She’d parked down the road and out of sight of Tess’ house. Sitting in the car, she used the extra minutes to decide what her approach would be, as well as shake of the lingering disgust of being inside Jesse Manes' head. 

Time ticked away then Isobel was at Tess’ front door using the knocker to announce her arrival. When the door opened Isobel felt overdressed, but that was because Tess was underdressed for the coolness of early spring. She had on another threadbare T-shirt, but this one was white, loose, and hanging off her shoulder. The exposed skin looked soft and lit from within. The length of her legs were on full display. Her cutoffs were casual. And so short. Isobel probably would have remembered that Tess, like the rest of them, ran hot, were her brain not rewiring itself. She hoped her skin didn’t reflect her temperature spike, but the stir was unmistakable. She asked herself, “Is this what it’s supposed to feel like?” 

“Michael told you?” It was a statement not a question. 

“What?” 

“The way you’re looking at me. Michael told you I'm an alien.” 

Tess noticed the glow in Isobel’s cheeks, but was either nice enough to ignore it or too clueless to recognize the cause. Isobel suspected it was the former. Either way, she was grateful for the redirect. 

“He did. He told me some things, but I have questions.” 

Tess smiled. “I’m sure you do. Whiskey or wine?”

“Uh, what are you drinking?” 

“Whiskey. Almost always. Or bourbon.” 

“Whiskey then.” 

Tess turned away from Isobel and padded away on bare feet, but made a gesture indicating she should follow. Isobel ended up in a large kitchen. Tess was reaching for glasses in a high cabinet. She was on her toes reaching upward. She wasn’t short, but Isobel had a few inches on her. Isobel floated forward and positioned herself behind her. She reached above Tess and grabbed two glasses. Tess turned while Isobel was still pressed against her. Isobel knew this time her flush was unmistakable, this wasn’t why she was here, at least not after learning Tess could be the answer. 

Tess held out her hands for the glasses as her lips spread into a full, wide smile. “Thanks.” 

Isobel stepped backward and readjusted her blazer. “Why not use your powers.” 

Tess’ mouth was now a straight line, “I try not to use them recreationally. I have to operate in this world. I don’t want to forget myself one day.” 

“Makes sense. Do you use them at all?” 

“Sit.” 

Tess filled both their glasses with a healthy pour of whiskey. She carried one glass to the bar top that framed one side of the kitchen. 

“I owe you Burgundy burgers. You mind if we talk while I cook? I was supposed to meet Alex and Michael later, but they rainchecked me. I’m yours for the foreseeable future.” 

Diving into an interrogation wouldn’t yield the results Isobel wanted. Isobel also noticed that Tess was very good at not answering questions. She’d promised she wouldn’t ask Tess about Max, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t find out if Tess was even capable of healing. Her line of thinking could be a nonstarter. After all, Noah had referred to Max as the savior, so healing and resurrection could have been specific to him. If Tess didn’t even possess the ability, they were exactly where they were almost five months ago. Before she arrived, Isobel thought she’d have to resort to her “Real Housewives” personality, but found she wanted something authentic. As authentic as she could be while hiding her primary agenda.

“No, please do. It’s Alex’s dad. J-“ Isobel was about to offer up the reason Alex and Michael had cancelled, but she stopped herself.

“Jesse Manes.” 

“Right. Sorry.” 

“Sorry? Why sorry? What did you do?”

Isobel was fast on her feet, but she suspected Tess was just as fast. Still she delivered a lie. 

“Sorry for making it seem like I’m in on some secret. I’m not.” 

Tess didn’t respond. She just studied Isobel’s face. Tess thought about reaching into her mind, but something told her that would be the wrong thing to do. More harm than help. She remembered what Kyle had told her about Isobel’s husband. That she was a survivor of abuse. She could easily slip in undetected, but Tess wouldn’t prey on her that way. She’d done it to Michael, not to uncover the truth, but more to check on his wellness. Until two days ago, Michael had just thought her deeply intuitive, possibly psychic, but now he knew she was actually walking through his mind. Isobel’s secrets were her own. Tess knew about secrets kept. 

Isobel filled the silence. She aimed to lighten the mood. She didn’t want Tess to shut her out before they’d actually talked. 

“I didn’t think you actually cooked. I was prepared to be greeted with gummy sharks and microwaved popcorn. Your groceries were . . .” 

“If Lord of the Flies had an Albertson’s. Food for the feral, moody teenager.” 

“Colorful description.” 

“I do try.” There was a flirty edge to Tess’ voice. 

“I was going to say abandoned kindergartener.” 

“Also accurate. My mom, Art, was always in the kitchen. She worked from home. When no one else was in the kitchen, it was her home office, she said it smelled like love.” Tess paused with the memory. “She also loved to cook. She said the flavors here weren’t all the same, but they could be just as vibrant when combined. Even then gummy sharks and pop tarts were foods fit for gods as far as I was concerned.” 

“Fit for gods—turns out that was accurate.” They both laughed over the idea that they were gods in the eyes of some. “I too have some experience with being feral.”

“Do you now? I might remember that from high school.”

The conversation turned to high school reminisces. Tess spent the years seeing while Isobel spent it being seen. They were both hiding who they were. Isobel tried to be as normal as possible and as popular as possible so no one would question whether or not she was human. She hid in plain sight. Tess didn’t hide, but she didn’t engage with anyone beyond Alex and her secret rendezvous with Michael. Hearing about all the time she spent with Michael made Isobel realize he must have felt like a third wheel to the twin show, and how little she knew of his life before the three of them were bound by Rosa’s death. 

Tess chopped shallots, uncorked a bottle of deep red wine, and added both to a pot. She moved to stripping fresh rosemary from its branches before mincing and adding it to butter that was sitting on the countertop. Her hands were steady. She grated a block of cheese and sliced tomatoes. Occasionally she’d pause to add more whiskey to their glasses, more so her own than Isobel’s. Tess was focused, but she never missed a beat of the conversation. 

Isobel was relaxing into the new experience. Was this the easy Michael was chasing. This wasn’t the easy he was getting. When she saw Michael and Maria together it didn’t look easy. Maria was drowning in her guilt. Isobel could feel the sadness rolling off her. And though Michael’s smile was often wide, his eyes were pained. The reality of what they were doing was destroying them. Michael loving and pining for Alex didn’t help. Sometimes when Isobel saw Maria she wanted to ask her if she'd like to talk. In her mind, Maria felt like this moment with Tess. She doubted Maria would agree. If what Maria and Michael had was easy, Isobel preferred this. 

Tess had moved to mixing the ground beef with this and that. It was hypnotic to watch her hands work. 

“As much as I love being serviced, how can I help?” Isobel heard it as soon as she said it. She was hoping that like earlier Tess would give her an out, but it was dangling fruit too easy to pluck.

Tess raised an eyebrow. “Do you now? Like being serviced?” 

“Spoiled. I meant spoiled.”

Tess ran her eyes over what she could see of Isobel before shrugging. “Both work. I’m flexible.” 

Isobel choked on the sip of whiskey. It was more gulp than sip. Tess wiped her hands and brought Isobel a glass of water along with a small spoon. She held the water up for Isobel to drink and slid the spoon across the tiled countertop. When Isobel slipped the glass from her hand, Tess rested her arms and leaned forward. “Drink . . . then add water to your whiskey, a spoonful at a time. Treat it right and it’ll blossom for you. Tastes sweeter that way. So smooth on the tongue.” 

Isobel’s brain was screaming “fuck,” but her mouth said, “Mmmhmmm.” She didn’t trust herself to say more. 

Tess moved away. She was already forming the burgers. Her manner casual. “Did Michael tell you the story?” 

Tess’ easy switch between innuendo and business was dizzying. Isobel steadied herself and decided maybe she didn’t need to play a game. Tess wasn’t hiding. She was willing and open. She was funny and playful. Maybe she was more than one answer. 

“He did.” 

“Thoughts?” 

“I don’t know. It’s a lot.” 

“It is, but now I know why my moms were so worried I would fall in love with Michael. They were afraid of history repeating itself.” 

“What difference would it make? We’re here now.”

“The way the journals were written there seemed to be some expectation that one day the four of us would return and Aragorn the shit out of Anatar.” 

“Aragorn? Is that some ancient power?” 

Tess slid the burgers onto the stovetop grill.

“The most ancient of them all. Before the ancient rite of Aragorn can be performed we must find the one ring to rule them all and return it to the fires of Mount Doom. After that we rescue the hobbits. Then-“ 

“No! You’re one of them.” 

“I can’t believe you missed a Lord of the Rings reference.” 

“I’m happy to have missed it. I think I’ve seen it. Cute elf saves children?” 

“Exactly.” 

“Tell me more.” 

“Aragorn was the rightful heir. He reclaimed his birthright. There was also a cute elf.” 

“So, reclaim our birthright on some war torn planet somewhere in another stolen system. No thanks. No one is doing that.”

“Agreed.” 

“We couldn't even if we wanted to. Max is gone.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

Isobel paused. She’d promised Michael, but Tess had started it. She could tell her everything and ask her anything. Maybe they could bring Max back tonight. It didn’t feel right. 

“No. Not today.” 

“You sure. I’m a great listener.” 

“No. Let’s declare this a happy day. Sad can wait.” 

Tess raised her glass. “To feeling good.” Then she winked. 

Isobel and Tess ate, drank, and talked. Eventually they left the kitchen and made their way to the sofa. Tess talked about leaving Roswell behind and what it was like to finally be free of a place that always made her feel like an outsider. It turned out she still felt like an outsider on the East Coast because she was still hiding, but it wasn’t Roswell. She’d traveled and seen the world. Calli and Art wanted that for her. Leaving Michael behind had been the hardest part for Tess. With Alex already gone, she’d spent all summer trying to convince him to leave for UNM. 

Isobel talked about her years in Roswell, but avoiding Noah meant there wasn’t much life to share. When she compared her life to the one Tess had lived she felt small. Tess sensed Isobel’s slide to dark thoughts and places. “Forget the past, Isobel. Tell me your future. Make a wish.”

“In the future, I know who I am. I know what I like. I know what I want.” 

“You can have that right now. What do you want?” Tess leaned closer. Her voice was soft, “Make a wish.” 

Isobel smiled and closed her eyes. She made a wish. When her eyes opened Tess was right there, elbow resting on the back of the sofa, head in hand. “Was it a good wish?” 

Isobel only smiled. 

The sun had set. Isobel couldn’t believe they’d been together for nine hours. She’d take nine more. Talk turned to all the things Tess missed about Roswell. 

“I miss stargazing. Boston doesn’t have these wide open spaces that make you feel small and infinite under the night sky.” 

“You could show me sometime.” 

“Anytime you like, Isobel.” 

There was silence. Isobel was processing and Tess let her have the space. 

Tess had a way of focusing on whomever she was talking to that made them feel safe and warm. It was her gaze. Emotion, intimacy, and honesty intermingled in the way she looked at Isobel. Isobel suddenly felt seen and it was intense, something in her vibrating just below the surface. She was drawn into that gaze. 

“Distracted?” 

“Yes.” Isobel swallowed and let her eyes wander over Tess’s lips and legs. She took in the curve of her breasts though her shirt. Isobel’s mind was a mess. She didn’t recognize herself, which worried her until she realized maybe for the first time in a long time she was being herself. 

“I’m a lot, Tess.” 

“I’m a lot, Isobel.” 

Tess moved closer to Isobel. Their arms pressed together and Tess dropped her voice, “Can I tell you something?” 

Isobel’s only response was a nod. 

Tess lifted her head, mouth near Isobel’s ear, “You can do anything you want to do. Only you limit you. Have it all, Isobel. Have it all.” 

As she spoke, Isobel heard the words, but she also felt her lips. The promise of her words, the warmth or her body, the fullness of her lips it was almost too much. It felt like permission. It was permission. 

Isobel turned to face Tess, “I want-I want to kiss you.”

“Yes.” 

When their lips first met it was slow. Isobel pulling away before returning to find Tess’ mouth still there. Still warm and waiting. Isobel could feel the pounding of her heart, the beginning of tingling warmth between her thighs. 

Tess pulled her closer. It wasn’t close enough. Tess was on her knees then straddling Isobel. When they kissed again, their lips parted, their mouths open, and tongues slipped inside. Tess pressed Isobel’s head backward deepening the kiss. Isobel’s hands slipped into her hair and pulled her forward and down. 

Tess’ hands wandered, her fingers traced the small patch of exposed skin at Isobel’s waist. She let her hands wander upward and beneath the edge of her shirt before stopping to make slow circles with her thumb. Isobel’s breath hitched. Tess’ hands went higher still until they were tracing circles around Isobel’s nipples through the thin fabric of her bra. Isobel moaned into Tess’ mouth grabbing her hips. Tess rocked down onto Isobel. Isobel rocked up to meet her. They sighed into one another. 

Tess moved to kiss Isobel’s neck letting her tongue drag over an earlobe. Isobel let her hands slid over Tess’s thighs until her fingers slipped under the frayed edge of her cutoffs. She could feel the heat and the soft slide of her pantries. Then she felt the wet, and Isobel came undone. 

Without meaning to they’d both opened their minds. Thoughts were flowing between them. Isobel was so lost in these new sensations that she couldn’t focus on any thoughts but her own. Tess, unguarded but aware, saw and heard it all. _Too many clothes. Not enough room. I want my mouth on you. I want your mouth on me. I want your fingers. I want you to fuck me and . . . _

Isobel wanted it all, but it wasn’t Tess on her mind. 

Tess couldn’t ignore the face that wasn’t her face. The body wasn’t hers. 

Tess kissed Isobel once on the lips. It was an ending kiss. She edged back to make eye contact with Isobel whose hands were still exploring. “Red light.” 

She climbed off Isobel’s lap and stood. Tess ran her hands through her hair and smiled down at Isobel. 

Isobel’s eyes were wide with concern, “Did I do something wrong.” 

“No, Isobel. No.” Tess bent to kiss her again. “You didn’t do anything wrong. That was everything right.” Tess could only imagine what had happened to make Isobel Evans doubt herself. 

“Then what happened?” 

Tess thought about what to say and how to say it. “You want this, but are you sure you want me?” 

It took Isobel a few moments to think of what could have happened. “You saw my fantasy. That was . . .” 

“A good one. I certainly wouldn’t complain if you wanted to use me for a while, but make sure. I’ll be here.” 

“Should I leave? I should leave.” Isobel stood. 

“Or, we could watch a cute elf save small children. I don't want you to go."

There was a knock at the door.

“Give me a sec. Please stay.” 

Tess looked through the peephole. It was Michael and Alex. She opened the door. Michael walked in first. 

“We finished so we came to you.” 

“Uhhhh.” Tess looked back. “Okay.” 

Alex took in her disheveled state. “Are you okay, Tess.” 

“She’s fine Alex. Her hair’s a little tangled, but I think she feels mighty fine.” Michael never one to miss an opening smiled wide and winked. “Isobel still here?” 

“She is.” 

Michael moved around Tess and headed for the great room. “Hey, Is. Need to catch your breath?” Tess couldn’t see Isobel, but Michael's laugh told her she’d probably flipped him off. Just as he was about to disappear from Tess’ sightline he turned to her and said, “Was this in the journals?” 

“Was what in them?” 

“That the whole planet was bisexual.” Another wide smile. 

“Shut up, Michael,” Isobel’s reaction floated out to Alex and Tess. 

“Fuck off, Michael.” 

Alex smiled and raised an eyebrow. He mouthed, “Yeah,” as he followed Michael into the room. “Michael, we should leave.” 

“What? Why?” Michael was amusing himself. 

“Michael.” 

Isobel stood once again. “No. You two stay. I’ll leave.” 

“Everyone stop. Everyone stays. I’m going to make popcorn. Real popcorn.” 

“Wash your hands. Fingers. Whatever.” 

Tess heard Michael grunt. She smiled and kept walking. Moments later Alex followed. 

“Should I be jealous?” 

“No.” 

“No?” 

She washed her hands and dried them. Alex raised an eyebrow.

“Stop thinking.” 

“You don’t know what I’m thinking.

“I do and it isn’t anything that’s going to be something. I’m not the one for her.” Tess grabbed a tall pot and poured in a generous amount of vegetable oil. She turned the burner up and grabbed popcorn from the pantry. “Does popcorn go bad?” She decided if it did this bag hadn’t yet. 

“You’re easy to love.” 

Tess walked over to Alex and kissed the line of his jaw. She lingered for just a few seconds capturing his scent. Backing away, she said, “No, I’m not. Remember Ezra.” 

“Uhhhh. Was that the . . .” 

“He dumped me after I went to get you settled at rehab instead of going to some thing his family was having. I don’t even know what the thing was and not because I forgot, but because I didn’t care. He looked right at me that morning and said I had to make a choice, and I just put my backpack on and walked out. I don’t even think I was sad, Alex. I remember thinking, ‘Shit! I use his Netflix login.’” 

“If you didn’t care, he wasn’t your person.”

“I don’t think I have a person. Other than you and Michael. Speaking of . . . is that happening again?”

“That pivot was beneath you, and no, it’s not.” 

“It’s not happening now . . . It’s not happening ever . . .It’s not happening until tomorrow?”

The look of warning was unmistakeable. “Are we going to talk tonight?”

“No, tonight we enjoy Boromir’s incredible character arc, fight about Frodo, and shout ‘you shall not pass’ until Isobel threatens to leave. Tomorrow we talk.” Alex was laughing at the accuracy of her description. The night would go exactly as Tess described. “Oh, and Michael should spend the night at the cabin so we don’t have to wait for him to get there.”

“Relentless.” 

“Absolutely” 


	24. And I Want You to Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Teachers return to school tomorrow, so my summer is officially over. The next update will be over the weekend.

Tess arrived at the cabin early the next morning. Michael had stayed there after they’d all left Tess’ place. Tess could tell by the small pile of pillows and blankets that he’d slept on the sofa. Tess picked them up, moved them to the table, and sat down. Alex came out of the kitchen with a mug full of tea for Tess. She took the mug from his hand and thanked him with a smile. Alex took the chair closest to her while Michael sat on the table in front of her. It was silent. Michael and Alex looked to one another saying so much without saying a word.

Then Tess spoke, “So . . . Jesse Manes.”

She didn’t pause. They didn’t question. When she was finished she picked up the mug and drained it. The room stood silent. Tess broke it, “I need a shower.” 

Tess wasn’t taking a shower to cry. She was taking a shower for space. Alex didn’t even question her using his shower. She’d done it before. She grabbed her bag and went into the bathroom. 

The shower was as far as she could get from Michael and Alex. Her shower was filled with thoughts of them. What they were thinking. What they were saying. What they weren’t saying. She could imagine their shock and sadness. She knew it would turn into an anger that they’d tell themselves was on her behalf, but would really be about their guilt. It would be about not keeping her safe. Their responses would be dramatic and simple. Michael would externalize and destroy. Alex would internalize and sacrifice. 

“Shit!” Tess scrambled out of the shower almost slipping and falling. She grabbed her discarded shorts and t-shirt and threw them onto her still wet and sudsy body. She opened the door and crashed through the haze of the escaping steam just as the front door clicked closed.

Shoeless she followed behind.

“Alex? Michael?” She played clueless. “Where are you going? Food? Booze. Reverse that.” Her tone was light. Her smile fake. She’d seen the guns. Waist band. Side holster. She knew where they were going—the bunker. 

Last night they'd told her some of the story. Kyle hadn’t been able to keep the Master Sergeant in the hospital, so they’d released him to the care of the only son posted stateside, Alex. They’d weaned him off the barbiturates and imprisoned him in the belly of his own beast.

Neither man responded to Tess. They had set a course while she showered. They were committed. 

“No.” It was too soft for Alex and Michael to hear. Tess grew louder and insistent. “Stop. No. Alex! Michael! I don’t want this.” 

Tess moved between them trying to get them to stop. They stepped around her. Alex stopped once long enough for her to make eye contact. She raised a hand to his face, “Alex. Please, no.” It was soft. Alex focused on her. This was her power over him, being soft, but something more powerful was just to their right. 

“Alex.” That was all Michael said. That was all it took. Alex lowered her hand and stepped around her once more. Tess turned around to see them reach for the truck’s doors. 

“No. Stop!” Michael’s keys left his hand and flew toward Tess. She caught them in her right hand. She knew it wouldn’t stop them. Michael could use the same power to start the car, but it was enough of a delay. Tess spoke again, “I could stop you. I’m not 16 anymore. But . . . I-I want you to stop because I asked you to. I want you to stop because I said no.” With that Tess turned and walked into the cabin. 


	25. Just When I Thought I Said All I Can Say

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

Tess’ words landed exactly as she intended. She’d left a line drawn. On one side stood men like Jesse Manes and Noah Bracken and on the other were men like Michael and Alex. They were men who usually listened. They were also men who protected what they loved. Like Tess, they were people who would make the world burn to right wrongs, and extinguish themselves in those same flames if that was the price. 

Alex stared into the nothingness surrounding his cabin. Michael stared at Alex before joining him in staring at the vast emptiness. 

“He deserves the worst, Alex. He’s gotten away with too much for too long.”

“I know better than everyone what he’s done. I don’t need reminding. The worst of what he’s done led us here. It led you to Maria. It led me to war. Everything he touches withers.”  Alex looked over to Michael whose head was now down. "We won’t, Michael.”

Michael without raising his head asked the question, “We won’t?”

Michael wanted to be sure they were talking about Tess. Maria’s name triggered his insecurity. Her name in Alex’s mouth was like a curse, not in sound, but in memory. How could he hope for the future when the specter of his past mistakes still loomed. Michael tried to quiet his racing thoughts with reassurances. He told himself Alex wanted to repair and restore. It was a soft chant, but it was there.

“She said no, so we won’t.”

Michael looked up and gave Alex the smallest nod. “We won’t." There was something else on Michael's mind, and he said as much to Alex, "Why now?”

"Why not now."

Michael wasn't talking about Jesse Manes, but Alex was. Michael wanted to know why Tess had suddenly sought to unload her secrets. It was a question Michael had pushed to the dusty corners of his mind since the day she arrived, but now it was reverberating. “Not that. She showed up six days after Max died and on top of that she’s an alien. The timing is at least suspect.”

“Suspect?" Alex rolled his eyes. "It's Tess. She wanted to come home. She missed us.” That didn't sound right to Alex. He knew Tess, and on some level, he knew Michael was right. Alex was just afraid that Tess planned to do what she'd stopped them from doing. He couldn't let her become a murderer any more than she could let them. He also didn’t want Tess to be part of the mess. She was something outside of their secret life. She was a soft place to land.

“Exactly, it's Tess. She always has a reason. Everything she does has a reason. There’s a reason. Why move back to Roswell for what amounts to two hours of confessions? She hates this place. You were gone, but the night before Tess left, she climbed to the top of that stupid welcome sign and told Roswell to go fuck itself.”

“People grow up, Michael! People miss the familiar. They miss home.” 

“Alex she signed her name. She told me she was never coming back. She spent years trying to get me to visit Boston. I never did. I didn’t even answer, but I kept all of her letters and postcards with all of your letters. Those are what got me through, but I never expected to see either of you again. I mean, would you have come home if you hadn’t been injured? You came back for a reason. What’s Tess’ reason. You know Tess. She’s too complicated to come and drop news like this in our laps. There’s something else. I know it.”

“Even if there is-“

“There is.”

“Even if there is she won’t tell us until she wants us to know.”

“Let’s tell her we know.”

“Know what? That she might have another secret? What the hell is it going to be? I don’t know that I can handle another.”

“She wants to know our secrets. Kyle said it. Let’s tell her.”

“No. I don’t want her involved. It would put a target on her back. There are already too many people in danger. People I love. The reason I came home.” Alex looked directly at Michael when he said it. There was no question of meaning.

“if she knows, she can help. What if she can save Max?”

Alex smiled, "You're agreeing with Kyle."

Michael shook his head, "Don't remind me."

The light moment passed.  Alex looked away from him and took in the darkening sky. “There’s a storm coming. Let’s get inside.”

Tess heard Alex and Michael come inside the cabin. When she’d left them outside, she’d returned to the shower, she was confident they would follow. She hadn’t cried the first time, but now tears mixed with the water beating down on her body. She wasn’t crying for her 16-year-old self, but for how close she came to losing two friends, her family. She knew Alex was a soldier and killing and death weren’t new to him, but killing a parent, even one you despise, was a break that couldn’t be healed. Alex would have become his father’s victim one last time. 

Michael for all his bravado and swagger was the gentlest of creature, constantly searching for love. He struggled to see how much love surrounded him. If he was going to kill Jesse Manes, he would have done it all those years ago before a hammer shattered his hand and upended his relationship with Alex. He was no killer this was something Tess knew.

They were waiting on the sofa when a still damp Tess came out of the bathroom. There was what appeared to her the perfect Tess sized space between them, so she padded over and took her place. Michael pulled her in and placed a lingering kiss on her head. The sky grew darker.

When he finally released her, Alex was there to wrap her in his arms. He spoke softly, “I would do anything for you. We would do anything for you. You know that, right?” The walls of the cabin were battered by the increasing winds, but they were safe. 

"And you know I would do anything for you." She pushed against Michael's thigh with her foot, and when he turned toward her, she said, " And you too. Anything. You know that, right?" 

"Yeah, Tess. I do."

For the first time, the silence between them was awkward. It wasn't filled by knowing looks and smiles. It was filled by the rapid beat of Alex's heart. The usually steady man was unsteady. It was filled by the rain beating against the roof and pouring down the windows. Michael's mouth was fixed in a hard line and his brow creased. They were three people trapped inside their own thoughts as much as they were trapped inside by nature's fury. The burden of unspoken truths was weighing them down. Tess thought the last of her secrets would signal that they could trust her with theirs, but deep in her mind she knew there was one secret more—what brought her home. Someone would have to fill the silence. When it all became too uncomfortable for Tess, she  rose from Alex's embrace. She faced them both. “I need one of those anythings. Tell me the truth? About everything.”

Alex also rose. He looked to Michael, and an agreement passed between them. “You first.”

Tess stared. It was Michael that said what Alex had left unsaid, “Why’d you come home, Tess?”


	26. We Are Broken By Others

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

Tess’ shoulders hitched up for just a moment before she exhaled. She bent at the waist and gathered her long curls into a messy bun atop her head. The homeyness of the action almost masking the tension. When she was done she fell backward onto the sofa claiming more space than she had before. Alex reclaimed his seat, posture rigid. 

Tess leaned forward, ran her hands over her face then down her her arms before settling them in her lap. Her weariness was bone deep. It was in her posture, her voice as she spoke, “All my life I thought I was one of three. When Art and Calli died, I thought I was it. The only one of whatever this is.” She motioned at her body, hands waving without leaving her lap.

“You aren’t the only one.” Michael’s hand twitched in place. He didn’t think Tess would welcome his touch. He didn’t know if Alex could feel it, but the sofa was vibrating. It was subtle, but constant. He didn’t know if this was Tess losing control or maintaining control. The more frightening potential was that Tess was unaware.

“I know that now, Michael. I didn’t know that when I watched Art and Calli die in a cave. Or when I buried them. I never had an Isobel or Max.”

Alex either didn’t recognize the vibrations or didn’t let it worry him. He moved closer to Tess and took one of her hands in his. His thumb making slow circles in her palm. “I would have been there for you Tess. We would have."

Tess didn’t acknowledge his words. She also didn’t take her hand away. 

“I had the two of you, but I also didn’t have the two of you. Alex, you were at war, and I don’t just mean overseas. And Michael, you were ignoring my every letter and call. I thought you hated me for leaving or had outgrown me.”

Alex’s attention and Tess’ years of loneliness overwhelmed and she couldn’t hold back her tears. She’d spent too many years away from family. Her tears decorated the back of Alex’s hands and spilled onto her thighs. Michael’s eyes shimmered, his own tears just a blink away.

“Plus, you two orbit one another, even when apart, constantly circling. So even when I have you I don’t always have you. That sounds more resentful than I mean it. What the two of you have is . . . beautiful . . . inconceivable.”

“Cosmic.” As if proving her point, Alex and Michael spoke together.

“Yeah, it is.” Tess straightened and withdrew her hand from Alex’s. It was a shift. Her world weariness and softness was melting away. Her exoskeleton hardening. 

“I didn’t know what to expect when I came back. What I found was a fucking mess. Secrets and lies. I found broken boys where I should have found men. And I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to fix it just like I didn’t know how to save the three of us from Jesse Manes. I couldn’t save you from war. I couldn’t save you from fighting from drinking from wasting your life. I don’t even know what part of me needs saving, probably all of me.”

"That's not true, Tess." Alex felt the need to cut into the sounds of rain and turmoil.

Tess again ignored something said. She wasn’t looking for the validation they were offering. She didn’t need them to calm her. She was building to something they could only quiet with answers. “None of that answers your question, but it all needed saying because it’s where I am right now.”

Michael continued to monitor the slight vibrations. They had ebbed with Tess’ tears and returned when she straightened. “Worth knowing.”

The rain wasn’t letting up. The beating on the roof had become white noise. The world on the other side of the windows invisible. At some point, rumbles of thunder had joined the wind. The world outside was in chaos. The world inside was on edge. 

Tess cleared her throat, “Six days before I showed up here I woke up on my kitchen floor. The last thing I remembered seeing was infinite stars and then one just exploded. Literally. It was happening in my brain. The pain was searing. Unbearable. I just knew something had died and I needed to come home.”

Alex opened his mouth but closed it when Tess raised her hand waving it slightly. 

“I came home to Max’s funeral. He’d died the same day I woke up on my kitchen floor. And you all kept saying heart attack. And I knew you were lying. I told you I was an alien, and still you lied.” 

Thunder crashed. Alex and Michael wondered if the storm was only the work of nature.

“Even now you two think I owe you more truth before I get any truth. I’m not sure why that’s the rule.” Tess’ legs uncrossed. She pushed herself forward until her feet were braced against the floor. It helped her feel bigger. “Somehow I can’t be trusted. I kept a secret that I thought kept me alive. I kept another secret because I had to work through fear and shame and anger and trust.” Her voice rose. Her pointer finger gesturing toward her chest. It sometimes landed. “Because I didn’t want the two of you to look at me the way you looked at me when I went to take a shower. Looking at me like you had failed to take care of me when all these years. . . all of these years," her voice was hard and cracking, "I’ve been fucking taking care of the two of you.”

Tess hands clenched into fists. The vibrations stopped. She had known. 

“But you two get to just keep a whole fucking host of secrets. I’m done giving up myself. You tell me the truth. You tell me now or fuck you both. I’ve been patient.”

Michael ran his hands through his curls, yanking as he went. “There are so many secrets. They aren’t all ours to tell-“

Tess was done being stoic. She felt all of her frustrations bubble up and over. She was on her feet as she unleashed, “Are you fucking kidding me! I’ve let both of you lie to me. I’ve let Kyle and Isobel lie to me. I don’t have to let anyone lie to me. Do you know that?! I can know whatever I want to know whether you want me to or not. I could reach right into your mind and take everything. Everything. You have secrets because I fucking allow it. Those journals call me a god, I’m not a god. I know even the limitless should have limits, but maybe I should reconsider.”

“Fuck this.” Tess moved toward the door where she’d left her shoes and her backpack.

Alex moved to the edge of the cushion. “Where are you going? The storm.”

“You can’t leave.”

“Stop me, Michael.” 

Michael reared up but found himself thrown back down before he could even take a step.

“Tess!” Alex and Michael’s voices merged.

“I’m leaving before I do something terrible.” Tess reached for the door just as Alex rested a hand on her shoulder. 

She hadn’t even noticed him come into her space.

“His heart did stop. Max’s heart. He resurrected Rosa and his heart gave out.”

“Rosa Ortecho? Why?” 

Michael had stayed put. “For Liz.” 

Tess looked between the two men then laughed until she was choking on sobs. Michael and Alex’s eyes darted back and forth. The storm outside grew more violent as the minutes passed then it gave a final angry roar before settling into a trickle. Tess rested her head along the arm she’d pressed against the door. Her entire body sagged into it. She took one huge inhale then blew it out. With eyes closed she finally calmed enough to speak, “That’s fucking insane. Completely fucking insane.”


	27. I’ve Got Nothing Left to Lose, My Dear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

Isobel didn’t make it. 

She’d spent a few hours at the UFO Museum talking about upcoming fundraising opportunities with Grant Green’s eerily similar brother. She felt Noah’s presence as soon as she walked in, but she steeled herself and marched forward. She couldn’t avoid every place he’d touched, but in her heart she’d love to burn it all to the ground. Noah was a toxic cloud hovering over her life, but she was determined to be her own sunshine. The meeting went well, and she left with some great ideas for the spring.

The sky was gray and the trees bending with the wind when she left, but she thought she’d make it to her car. She’d just passed the Crashdown when the sky opened on Roswell. She turned and dashed into the cafe, but she was drenched by the time she made it inside.

The Crashdown was deserted other than Maria and Liz. It was clear the lunch rush had recently ended since some tables were still littered with cleared plates, crumpled napkins, and empty straw wrappers. Liz with her antenna intact was bussing tables while Maria sat at the bar refilling bottles and shakers.

“The clouds hate me.” Isobel was talking to herself.

“Not just the clouds.” Maria wore a challenge on her face as she handed Isobel a dry kitchen towel.

“Lovely, Deluca.”

“That storm came out of nowhere.” Liz was on her knees in a booth her face pressed close to the window. “Hopefully, it stops before my dad finishes his checkup with Kyle.”

Liz wasn’t interested in Maria and Isobel’s banter. She had too much on her mind. She was juggling her constant fear that ICE might finally come for her father. He was on a path to citizenship now, but when have ruthless government regimes ever cared about anything beyond expulsion and extermination. Then there was the guilt over the half truths she was telling her best friend, her father, even Max’s parents. It was ruining her sleep and appetite. People thought her haggard expression was grief, but it was solving Max’s death and Rosa’s second life that was feeding on her. She was doing her best to be a good daughter and friend, but sometimes her father’s cavalier attitude toward his health and safety and Maria’s fractured heart were too much.

“Isobel, there are more towels in back. Grab as many as you need.”

Isobel slipped into the back. Maria’s voice carried through the pickup window, “When you’ve finished drying your golden locks, why don’t you help?” Maria wasn’t in the mood to entertain Isobel. She’d interrupted her conversation with Liz. Although, Maria suspected Liz was over the conversation long before a soaked Isobel Evans intruded. She had never felt this unsure of herself, but she knew she couldn’t keep burdening Liz. Liz had lost Max. Maria knew her relationship or non-relationship issues were small in comparison. She also knew there was a bigger story—Max's sudden death, Noah Bracken, Michael's hand . . .

Isobel knew what Maria thought of her. Maria wasn’t asking her to help. She was actually trying to get Isobel to reveal her true colors. Maria was certain she’d refused. Isobel knew why. She’d earned her reputation, so she accepted the challenge.

“I’d love to help,” Her tone was airy and full of forced pep. Learning who she really was meant shedding her old, carefully cultivated layers.

Isobel walked out front squeezing her ponytail in a blue kitchen towel. Her clothes were a lost cause, but she’d done her best to stop dripping all over the floor.

“Great! You can wash the dishes. Hear that Liz? Evans is going to wash the dishes.”

“Maria. You don’t have to, Isobel. I’ve got it and the next shift will be in soon. I’m sure the storm is holding everyone up.”

Maria quickly glance outside. “Yeah, I’ve got to get to the Pony eventually. Bills don’t pay themselves.”

“And you need to call Alex.”

Isobel couldn’t help the laugh. “You’re going to call Alex Manes. A little late for that, but good luck.”

“Oh, there you are! The Isobel Evans I know and avoid.”

“Come on. You, his best friend, swooped in on the love of all his lifetimes, and you think he wants to talk to you? If the roles were reversed, would you want to talk to him?”

“I would because I value friendship.”

“We can tell.” 

“Stop. Enough. Both of you.” Liz had just cleared the last table. “Maria call him. Tell him you want to talk, today. He’ll listen. We’ve all been friends for too long.” She pushed open the door to the kitchen and disappeared.

“Better send a text. I bet you can feel his icy stare through the phone. Best to avoid it. I would.”

Maria rolled her eyes at Isobel, but considered whether or not she wanted to hear Alex’s voice. Hear how cold he might be toward her. 

“I’ll send a text.”

“Did you call him?” Liz reappeared with a sweatshirt for Isobel. She thanked Liz for it and apologized for the muddy boot prints all over the floor. Liz took one look at the post lunch floor and shrugged. Muddy prints were a fitting addition to the mess.

“I sent a text.”

“Uhhhhh. Avoidance. Call.”

“Let’s just give it a few minutes. I don’t want to seem impatient.”

“So you’re finished with my brother?”

“Yes. It was a mistake.”

“Not just yours.” Maria looked away from her phone. She assessed Isobel and saw nothing but genuine sympathy.

Maria looked at Isobel until Isobel looked away. “Thanks.”

Isobel shrugged, and said a soft, “You’re welcome.” 

“We’re all friends? Good, we’re all friends. Now call Alex.”

Maria woke her phone and let her finger hover. It vibrated in her hand. “It’s Alex.” She was relieved she wouldn’t need to make the call. Isobel was right, Alex could be ice. “He’ll meet me at the Pony in 45.”

Maria slide off the stool and glanced out the window. The rain had slowed. “Looks like the the rain is clearing. Freaky storm.”

“The gods must be pissed.”

An idea came to Isobel’s mind, but she set it free.

Maria and Liz hugged, “Thanks for listening. Again. I’ll be over this soon.”

“I know you will, babe.”

“Leaving, Isobel?”

“No, I think I’ll wait around and place an order when the kitchen reopens. Not really in the mood to cook.”

Maria shrugged and walked out of the Crashdown. There was some lightness in her step. She was hopeful; Isobel wasn’t sure it was warranted, but everyone deserved hope. Watching Maria leave full of possible was a beautiful thing. The feeling and the woman.

Once Maria left, Liz and Isobel were alone.

“Spill.”

“What?”

“My ass you’re waiting for the kitchen to open. What’s going on?”

Isobel hadn’t planned on revealing Tess’ secret, certainly not today. She didn’t even know if it was a secret, but Liz was her biggest ally in bringing back Max. She needed to know about Tess.

“Tess is an alien.”

“Well that explains that.”

“Explains what?”

“Are you all just pretty? Like the whole planet? Because statistically speaking you all skew Roswell’s attractiveness.”

“Yeah, without us it would just be Valenti.”

Liz gave Isobel a side eye.

Isobel pretended to consider. “And Alex Manes." Liz was over their bit of fun. "Geez, Liz. Relax. You’re all pretty. We’re all pretty. Everyone is pretty.”

Liz rolled her eyes. She wasn't fishing for the compliment, but every so often a little laughter and light in the middle of their dark world was just what they needed. It passed far too quickly. “What’s her power?”

“All of them.”

“What does that mean?”

“She has all of them. She can do everything Noah claimed we could do. Her moms trained her. And Michael says her power level is . . beyond us all. She doesn’t get tired or weak. No nosebleeds and apparently it’s effortless for her.”

Liz’s eyes grew wide and she started sucking in great gulps of air. She made her way to a nearby booth and sat. In all the months of testing how far Isobel and Michael could push themselves in hopes of expanding their powers, they’d always had a severe reaction to pushing too far. Sometimes it was a minor reaction, like nosebleeds or headaches, but other times they lost consciousness or the ability to use their powers for hours. The possibility of an actual limitless alien restored something in Liz. She hadn’t realized until she heard the news about Tess that her hope was waning. Liz didn’t want to consider how close she was to giving up and starting to accept Max’s death as a permanent thing. It was only in her darkest moments that she let herself consider what her life would be if they couldn’t save him.

“She can heal?”

“We don’t know.”

“Why don’t we know? How long have you known? Why don’t we know?”

“She doesn’t know about anything. She knows we’re aliens too, but she doesn’t know the rest.”

“She suspects. We know that. Kyle was right. We need to ask her. We need to find out. We don’t know how much longer Max can stay in the pod.”

Liz got up from the booth and disappeared. When she came back the antenna were gone and she was wearing a jacket. “Let’s go. Let’s find out if she can heal Max.”

“Woah! No. We need to let Michael and Alex handle Tess. If Tess can even be handled, and I suspect not, but she knows them. She likes them. She trusts them. And she’s not the kind of person you casually stop by and interrogate. Trust me, she knows how to avoid answering a question.”

“So we’re sitting on our asses until Alex and Michael bring her into the loop?”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“No? What’s the plan Liz? If we approach her the wrong way she might refuse and where would that leave us. Everything we’ve tried has failed. She’s literally our last hope. Let Michael and Alex talk to her.”

“Fine. They can talk to her, but then she heals Max.” Liz’s face let Isobel know she wasn’t asking a question; she was telling her exactly what was going to happen. 

People didn’t refuse Liz Ortecho, but  Tess Harding wasn't people.


	28. For Us There’ll Be No More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

Tess was still leaning against her arm. “Kate and Jasmine too?”

“What?” Alex was still right behind Tess. She could sense him. He was trying to reassure her with his steady presence. Tess didn’t think there was anything reassuring about what he’d just revealed.

She repeated herself, “Did Max resurrect Kate and Jasmine too?”

Michael joined the conversation. “No, he couldn’t. They were buried. Rosa was . . . she was in Noah’s pod. And he died, Tess. Right there. Right after Rosa.”

“Right. And where is she? Where is Rosa?”

“Away. At a treatment facility. She died an addict; she came back an addict.” Michael didn’t reveal Kyle’s involvement. Tess was still processing death and resurrection, so it wasn’t the time to bring up parentage.

“Under an assumed identity.” Alex anticipated her next question.

“Thanks to Alex Manes, of course.” Tess finally lifted her head and stood straight. “This all sounds so fucking reckless. I don’t understand.”

“You’ll understand when you hear the rest.”

“Yeah. I’m not interested in that right now. This is . . . I don’t know what this is.” Tess finished gathering her things and walked out the door. Michael made to follow, but Alex stopped him with a hand around his wrist.

“You think she’ll be back?” Michael watched Tess climb into her truck and leave far faster than she should have.

“Today?”

“Yeah.”

“No, not today. She’ll be back though. Maybe tomorrow. She’ll want the rest.” Alex pulled his phone out of his pocket. He frowned when he read the message. He quickly typed a response before looking to Michael. 

Michael’s eyes were already on him. “Valenti?”

“No . . . Maria. She wants to talk before the Pony opens.”

Michael nods a little. “You should. You should forgive her.”

“Why? I haven’t forgiven you. I told you I want to find a way back. We haven’t yet, but I want to. What’s true is that I love you. Ten years ago. Today. A hundred years from now. Forgiveness though.” Alex scrunched his face and shook his head. “I asked you to tell me how.” Alex marveled at how much easier it got to tell someone you love them. He wanted to tell Michael again and again, but sometimes it still stung to even look at him. Sometimes when he looked at Michael he saw him holding Maria, and he remembered all over again what it was to be forgotten and unloved.

Michael looked at Alex like he could read his thoughts. “I’m gonna show you how. When you let me. Know that I’m so-“

“The two of us, we’ve done sorry. No more of that.” Alex moved around Michael and reached for his coat. “You can stay. I won’t be long.”

“I think you might need your space after you talk to Maria. Besides Sanders might think I’m missing if I don’t show my face soon.”

“Ok.”

“But if you don’t . . . need your space, let me know.”

When Alex walked into the Pony, Maria was behind the bar with an open ledger in front of her.

“Alex Manes.” Maria smiled bright. “What’ll it be?”

“Talk.”

Maria waited to see if Alex would say more. When it was clear he wouldn’t she pushed forward with her apology. She hoped it would be enough.

“Alex, I’m sorry. I wanted to talk to you before things went too far, but it was just so easy with Guerin. I don’t have a lot of people in my life. I don’t have constants. You were mostly gone. Liz was totally gone. Rosa died. My mom was forgetting me. Through all of that Guerin was a constant. At the bar all the time. All charm and swagger. I fell for him without knowing I’d fallen for him. But I should have come to you first.”

“Or you could have tried the truth the first time.”

“I never lied!”

“No? So it was just a no good Texas . . .”

“I remember what I said.”

“Alex titled his head. “You remember you lied.”

“I didn’t want to hurt you more.”

Alex’s smile was bitter. “You didn’t want to hurt me more? That’s funny because I hurt all over.”

“Alex, I’m truly sorry. I love you. You’re family.” Maria’s eyes were wet with unshed tears. 

“Well, that tracks since my family taught me love was supposed to hurt.”

“You’re not giving me a chance.” Maria wasn’t sure how this had gone so wrong. She grew flustered as her hope evaporated. “There were a lot of bad decisions. A lot of choices. We all were wrong. I didn’t think a moment ten years ago meant-“

“Maria. I’ll tell you like I told Liz, I left nice in the Middle East. I’m here to talk, so let’s start by being honest. You knew it wasn’t one moment ten years ago. You took one look at me and told me museum guy was back. You told me that, and I didn’t deny it. So stop. You knew. You didn’t care. My love for Guerin that did last ten years, but maybe,” Alex moved his finger between the two of them, “this is a friendship we both outgrew. It happens.”

“Alex. No. You stop. I was wrong, Guerin was wrong, you were wrong. And it was later that I learned maybe it wasn’t just ten years ago, but by then I was in it. We were in it. We all could have made better choices. There’s blame for everyone.”

Alex’s entire body stiffened and his voice hardened, “No. That’s . . . no. There’s behavior and blame and choice and conditioning, but not in equal measure. Behavior is my father trying to beat the gay out of me. Behavior is my father taking a hammer to Guerin’s hand when he caught us together. His behavior conditioned me into being afraid to love the person I love because I never knew when my homophobic, dick of a father would come to finish the job. I was conditioned into believing that what I wanted didn’t matter. But you, you made a choice to be with Guerin. You made a choice to not care about what it would do to me, and so the blame is yours. There isn’t blame to go around. I didn’t hurt you, Maria. You hurt me.”

“You hurt Guerin. He’s been conditioned too.”

Alex’s smile was cold. “Oh, I know. We already did the I’m sorry thing a few nights ago.”

“Right. I’m the other person, so I get the blame and he gets you. And you get him. All is forgiven, and Maria’s the bad guy.” Maria’s temper was starting to rise. She thought this would be easier. 

“Don’t. You’re better than that. I haven’t forgiven Michael. I’m working on forgiving him, so I feel I should work on forgiving you.”

“Fair is fair.” Maria’s quip was meant to be light, but it was tainted with some bitterness because Alex wasn’t letting her have easy.

“Fair? Fair is everybody gets what they need. Which of us got what we needed?”

“Alex. I’m trying.”

“Me too. Really, I am, but you have to understand, I don’t trust you with my secrets or my heart or my love. I don’t trust you.”

“I understand.”

Alex shrugged. “It doesn’t matter whether you do or not. This is about how I feel. I don’t need anyone to understand. Thanks for the drink. I’ll see you.”

Alex slid off the stool and walked out. Maria’s unshed tears fell. She cried out his name on a sob, “Alex!”


	29. Well, We'll Wait and See

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

Tess found the perfect place to be alone with her thoughts. She doubted the few people that noticed her thought it was the perfect spot, but she'd never been the kind of person who let others control her actions. Her mind was overrun with theories and questions. Her derailed thinking meant she could ignore the cold, damp of her shorts. The remnants of the recent storm were evident, but the sun was warming her up and the violent rain had left behind a perfect day. Tess was sitting criss cross applesauce when Kyle Valenti found her. 

Kyle stopped about three feet from his car. “This is a first. How did you get up there?” 

Kyle knew it wasn’t difficult to climb on top of his car, but what else do you say when someone is planted on the roof? 

“Tire. Hood. Roof.” 

“I see. And do you come in peace?” 

“Alex told you.” 

“Alex told me.” 

Tess only shrugged at the revelation. It made sense that Alex would tell Kyle. He was part of the bigger secret. She knew everything was connected. The weekends away, Michael and Maria, Isobel's chaotic thoughts, and the pain that brought her home. Alex telling Kyle cemented her certainty that there was a big, ugly picture just waiting to unravel.

“Good.” Tess stood on the roof of Kyle’s car before making her way down the windshield then to the hood and finally the ground. The car was low enough to the ground that she could have simply slid from the roof to the ground, but Tess also made a habit of frustrating Kyle Valenti.

“Your lack of respect for other people’s property is alarming.” 

Tess planted herself in front of Kyle. They were so close he could feel how unnaturally warm she was despite being underdressed. Alex had mentioned always thinking Michael had a fever before discovering he just ran hot. 

"Let’s go.” 

“Am I taking you to my leader? Are you going to melt my brain?” 

"How many more alien jokes do you have?” 

“Those were the last ones.”

“Good. Yes, I’m going to melt your brain.”

Kyle took a step back, but unlocked his car. “You wanna tell me where we’re going?” 

Tess walked away while answering his question. Kyle noticed the back of her shorts were wet and covered with whatever dirt she’d collected while sitting on his car. He momentarily considered his seats but got over it. Partially because he was afraid of what Tess might do in response to his superficial concern, but he also found he wanted to go wherever she was going.

“Depends. Do you have whiskey?” 

“Bourbon.” 

“Do you have honey.” 

“Probably.” 

“Do you have food? 

“Yes.” 

“Then we’re going to your place because it will be the one place Michael wouldn’t think to look for me.” 

Kyle bit his bottom lip and cocked an eyebrow. "You got that right. He hates me.” 

Tess blew out a breath. “Yeah. He’s like an elephant. His memory is long, and you bullied Alex for all of high school.” 

“I know. I was a dumb kid. I’m a better man.” 

“You are.” 

Kyle was caught off guard by Tess' compliment and did a double take. It was a small thing, but he saw it as a victory. He was denting her armor. He didn't preen long; it wasn't the time.

“Is his memory long enough to remember what he’s done?” 

“To Alex? Until the day he dies. Just like you.” 

Tess got in the car and immediately turned to stare out the window. It was a clear sign there would be no conversation in the car. Kyle pulled up outside a cute adobo house. The architecture classic Santa Fe style.

“We’re here.” 

Tess moved with Kyle to the front door. She was his shadow. Her presence unnerved and relaxed Kyle. he knew the two feelings should be at odds, but there was no other way to describe the sensation. There was something electric about her. 

Tess took in Kyle's house. Taking it all in as they made their way to the open design kitchen.

Kyle grabbed two glasses then opened the pantry. “Oh, hey! I do have whiskey. I thought Alex finished it.” He passed Tess the bottle and two glasses. “Sit wherever.” 

“You have one chair and a love seat. That’s not a sit wherever situation.” 

“Ok. Pick first.” 

Tess picked the love seat. She sat on one cushion and threw her legs across the other forcing Kyle to sit in a chair. The empty glasses and the bottle of whiskey were abandoned to the table. 

“Tell me.” 

“About?” 

“Max. Rosa. Resurrection.” 

“You sure you want to hear it from me.” 

“Yes.” 

“Why?” 

“I need a medical mind. One that puts aside fancy and feeling.” 

“Rosa is my sister." 

“Of course she is. Why wouldn’t she be? Is Maria Alex’s sister? Because that would give us the soap opera trifecta. Dead relative miraculously back from the dead, sister sleeps with brother’s soulmate, long lost friend returns to town and drops a bombshell.” 

“Well, we did toy with telling everyone Rosa had an identical twin Liz’s mom kept secret from the world, and that she’d just woken from a coma. Oh, and that her name was also Rosa. It fell through though.” 

“You weren’t this amusing or interesting in high school.” 

“No, but I always looked like this.” 

“You’re the worst.”

“Maybe, but I got better at some things” 

“Oh yeah. Like what?” 

Kyle left the chair, and took the few steps to the loveseat. Tess brought her knees to her chest leaving him space to sit. He did.

”Like being a friend.”

“You think I need a friend.”

“I think you have Michael and Alex, but one more good friend never hurt.”

“You know what they say about girls without girl friends.” Tess used air quotes to emphasize “girls without girl friends.”

“Who is they, and what do they say?”

“I don’t know who they are, or what they say, just that they say it.”

“Are they the same people that say men and women can’t really be friends because there is always underlying sexual tension?”

“I don’t know those people either.”

“Well, you haven’t succumb to the temptation of Alex or Guerin, and they haven’t fallen for your frightening wiles.”

“Four things. One I have absolutely succumb to the temptation that is Alex Manes. Blue, Alex is unwilling. Diamond, Guerin is Guerin. B, I don’t have wiles, frightening or otherwise.”

Kyle smiled. “Your numbering system is the fourth best thing about you.” 

Tess wanted to ask about one through three, but she was afraid the answer might ruin whatever she was building with Kyle. She knew he would be a powerful ally in whatever came next, perhaps her only one.

Tess was brought out of her thoughts. Kyle was still talking, “Remember when you did it to Ms. Topolsky in AP Bio?”

“Yes! She started crying and sent me to the office.” Tess and Kyle laughed at the memory of their constantly flustered teacher. “The secretary asked me why I was there, and I told her Ms. Topolsky didn’t like the way I counted. When she talked to Art, she said I made her feel crazy because everyone else acted like it was normal and ‘Mrs. Harding it isn’t normal.’”

Tess and Kyle both laughed again. They both wiped their eyes after calming down.

“She couldn’t stand you. It was so great.” Kyle looked over with soft eyes. “I was jealous of Alex for having a friend like you. You were still terrifying, but . . . you were freaking awesome, Tess Harding.”

“Thanks, Kyle Valenti.” Tess extended her legs and rested them in Kyle’s lap. The Cheshire Cat would have been envious of her expression. 

Kyle bowed his head to acknowledge her thanks. “You know what else?”

“I don’t know what else.”

“I was right. You’re basically Carrie. I was ahead of the trend.”

“No, you were just another high school boy hosting a fragile ego afraid of being felled by the actions of a powerful woman.”

Kyle slapped his hand over his heart and moaned. “So hurt. I thought we were friends?” 

Kyle was teasing, but they’d veered too far off track, and Tess had not forgotten her purpose. She sobered her expression and redirected the conversation.

“Be my friend now. Tell me.”

Kyle new time was up, so it started from an honest place. “I don’t even know where to begin.”

“I know Max felt guilty about Rosa’s death and that’s why he resurrected her. I know Isobel’s husband was an alien and he kept Rosa in his pod. Why was Max guilty? Why was Noah creepy? Start there.” 

Kyle cycled through the story in his mind. He wanted to take the most direct route, leave the unnecessary details out so they wouldn’t end up down a rabbit hole of questions without answers and incomplete explanations. Kyle only knew what he’d been told, and he was at a point of wishing he knew nothing. 

“Ok. Noah used Isobel. He would control her. Take over her mind. She wouldn’t even remember the things her body had said or done. So, he became obsessed with Rosa, but Rosa thought she . . . he was Isobel. They became friends . . . Rosa thought they had become friends.” 

“They must have had some awkward exchanges.” Tess wondered how no one had suspected that Isobel wasn’t Isobel in those moments, but then realized body snatching was just science fiction to most people, like aliens, space ships, and other planets with intelligent life. 

“Rosa finally had enough of Roswell. Kate and Jasmine were making life difficult. She felt like Mr. Ortecho was smothering her. Her mom was gone. Liz was leaving. I imagine it was just too much for her. She was leaving town and going to stay at my dad’s . . . our dad’s fishing cabin to get clean. She never made it.” 

“So your dad knew he was her father?” 

“He did. He wanted to help her. It was his code. He was an alcoholic and a cheater, but being there for people in need was his thing.” 

“Did he know about Jesse Manes? About Alex?” 

“He did. He did everything he could to help make Alex’s life better. He did that until I made Alex’s life worse. He knew Jesse Manes was an abusive dick.” 

Tess thought back to the time Jim Valenti stumbled out of a car and left her alone with Jesse Manes. He thought he was a different kind of monster. Tess thought it funny people imagined monsters had limits, morals, a line, a code. That wasn’t her experience. 

“Why didn’t Rosa make it? To your dad’s cabin?”

“I don’t know all of the details. I know at some point she went to a cave where she would spend the night or get high or whatever. Honestly, I’m not sure. Kate and Jasmine found her there or followed her there or were meeting her there? I don’t know that anyone knows. Isobel was following her too.” 

“You mean Noah.” 

“Noah in Isobel’s body. He was following her. He found Kate and Jasmine. He killed them. Rosa tried to get away from him when she found out, and he killed her too. Michael saw Isobel do it. Then Max tried to heal Rosa. He wasn’t strong enough then.” 

“He wasn’t strong enough now, Kyle. That’s why he’s dead.” 

Kyle remembered Alex’s text from earlier. Alex knew Tess. Knew knew her. He’d known she would come to him. He’d told Kyle she didn’t know about Max being in the pod. Alex didn’t think she’d handle it well at the moment. Kyle stopped himself from telling Alex none of them should be handling it well. Alex was too caught up in making Michael’s life better to understand the danger and insanity of resurrecting Max. They were working with the unknown. Rosa seemed like Rosa, but there had to be a toll for coming back to life ten years later, to a whole new world—one that had left you behind. With Max there was the fact that he was an alien on top of being dead. Their quest was wrong; he was more certain with each passing day. He would keep the secret from Tess, but not for much longer. She deserved to know what they wanted from her before they dragged her to a cave with a dead man and expected her to risk everything.

“Maybe so. But when Max couldn’t heal Rosa they made it look like she was driving under the influence and that all three of them died when she lost control and crashed. They set the car on fire for good measure. The whole town believed that’s what happened. You remember that part.” 

“I do. They covered that up for ten years.” Tess thought of Mr. Ortecho who was left alone after Rosa’s funeral. His wife was long gone. Rosa was dead. Liz was the last to leave. The town, the ignorant people in town, blamed the family and he shouldered it all alone. Tess’ heart broke for him. He was the best of men.

“If Max had never healed Liz they would have kept it hidden for ten, twenty, forever more.” 

Tess perked up. This was something new. “Max healed Liz?” 

“Yeah, she was shot the night she came back to town.” 

“He just ran around town resurrecting and healing people. That’s not crazy to you?” 

“Just Liz and Rosa.” 

“Oh, I see, he was highly selective with his necromancy.” 

“Oh my fuck, I like you.” 

“You all are far too casual about this shit.”

“I’m not casual about this. Everyone else? Maybe. I think it’s because he’s tall. And Liz . . . I think he’s a dick and occasional rage monster, but what do I know. After all, he is going to save your planet and your people. He’s the great White hope.” 

“Is going to save Antar? He’s dead.” 

Kyle looked at Tess studying her face. Her raised brows and parted lips. He knew he’d reached the limits of his domain.

“Kyle?” 

“He was. I’m starving. How about you help me make barbecue shrimp tacos?” 

Tess knew a redirection was happening, but once again let it happen. She was getting answers, but they weren’t getting her any closer to what happened to her. She couldn’t believe she felt Max Evans’ death from 2,000 miles away when she hadn’t ever sensed him in while they both Roswell. It didn’t make sense. A thought came to her triggered by Kyle saying Max was supposed to save Antar. Was there a contingency? 

“Tess? Anaphylaxis to Tess.” 

“Anaphylaxis?” 

“Your planet.” 

“Does that sound right?” 

“What sounds wrong? I’m talking to an alien. I think I get a pass on the name of your planet. So . . . are you helping or just eating?” 

“Watching. Eating.” 

“Ok, but warning, I look good in a kitchen, so try to keep it in your pants.” 

“Are you wearing a shirt?” 

Kyle was confused. Alex told her she had a thing going with Isobel, but he also reasoned that it couldn't be much of a thing if she was asking him questions about Max and Rosa instead of her. He thought he'd be her last choice, but he was her first and only stop. “Uhhhh, yes.” 

“We should be fine then.” There was definite glint in her eye that matched the smirk on her lips. Kyle couldn't let the opportunity pass, so he dived in.

He stuck his head into the refrigerator to grab a handful of items. He didn't know if he’d grabbed everything he needed and he was pretty sure he'd taken some things he didn't, but it felt better not facing Tess as he said, "I thought you had a thing going with Isobel."

"Alex."

Kyle kept his head down as he dumped everything on the kitchen island. "He just mentioned it in passing."

"We don't have a thing." Tess scrunched her face and tightened her mouth. "We had a moment."

Kyle finally felt comfortable making eye contact. "Isobel panicked?"

"No."

"You panicked?"

"No."

"Well?"

"We had a moment. The moment ended." Tess sat on the kitchen chair, hands turned upward, shoulders shrugged. "We realized it made more sense to mate with humans. Build a hybrid army. Conquer the planet. Truth is Kyle, I'm here to make you my sex slave."

"You should have led with that. I wouldn't have started cooking."

Tess didn't want to smile, but she had to admit at some point in the last ten years Kyle Valenti had become pretty fucking charming.

"You should eat first. Fuel then fun," Tess' reply was saucy fun and in the sprit of their playfulness. All the tease with none of the promise.

Kyle laughed and surprised himself.

In that moment, Tess and Kyle put aside the alien madness and embraced normal. They both knew it wouldn't last because it was waiting on the other side of the door.


	30. Can I Get a Witness, Let it Unfold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

Sanders was nothing if not poetic. He’d left Michael a little note on the door of his Airstream, “You dead?”

Michael wondered if Sanders was expecting an answer. An answer would prove he was alive and keep Sanders from reporting him missing, and he couldn’t risk some small town cop stumbling upon proof that aliens were among the good citizens of Roswell. Fixing cars would be answer enough for Sanders.

Michael didn’t bother taking a shower even though he was at least one day past ripe. The backlogged cars still waiting for repairs gave him something to do with his hands. A way to exhaust himself. It was quick work. 

He was one beer in with his head tilted back, eyes closed when he heard the car. He knew the sound of every car that frequented Sanders. The voice told him that even on the cusp of exhaustion he hadn’t lost his touch.

“Hey, Mikey.”

Michael opened one eye and angled his head slightly upward in greeting then resumed his previous position. “Liz. Sorry I’ve been MIA. You come to tinker? I’ve got time. You?”

Michael and Liz were using the bunker as a makeshift lab since Liz’s job at the hospital had ended. They’d spent hours sometimes days down there searching for a cure, but how do you cure death. In recent weeks, the time between their work went from hours to days and now weeks. They were losing steam and hope. Michael was also starting to remember what he told Max. The warning he’d given about challenging the laws of nature when Max suggested resurrecting Rosa. He also remembered what Max had told him about living in the past. Both seemed to apply to the present situation, but he doubted Liz and Isobel would see things his way. He wasn’t even sure what way he was seeing things these days.

“I have time, but do we need the time?”

She had Michael’s attention. He sat up in the chair and waited for more.

“I talked to Isobel.”

“Yeah? What’d she say?”

“That Tess is an alien, but she doesn’t know if she can heal.”

Michael still waited.

“So how about it, Mikey? Can she heal?”

“I don’t know.”

“No pillow talk about alien powers and dead brothers?”

Michael didn’t bother to correct or deny Liz’s accusation. People could and would think whatever they wanted. His relationship with Tess had never been anyone’s business. That hadn’t changed.

“She knows how Max died. She knows about Rosa. She reacted badly.”

“Badly?”

“Yeah. I think she called it fucking insane. So, maybe now isn’t the time.”

“We need to know if she can heal.”

“We need to give her room to process.”

“How long?”

“As long as it takes.”

“No.”

“No?”

“We don’t have time . . . Max doesn’t have time.”

“Pushing Tess isn’t going to get you what you want. You don’t know Tess; I know Tess.”

“Tess never wanted to know me.”

“Whatever you say, Liz. Keep painting that picture with broad strokes. See where it gets you.”

“Give me a break. If she has the power to bring back Max, we need it now.”

“Are you hearing me? You can’t push Tess!”

“What is with you? Why are you protecting her?”

“Protecting her? If anything, I’m protecting you.”

“Please! Do you even care, Michael? Do you even care that Max is dead? Or are you so caught up in your rotating string of bed warmers and growing self-pity that you can’t muster the energy to save your brother!?”

The chair Michael was sitting in flew backwards. Liz took a step back, but it didn’t stop Michael from crowding her. 

“You were gone for 10 years. 10! I was here. Max was here. Isobel was here. We never left. We didn’t get to see the world because we’ve always been protecting this secret, and we did until Max saved you. So, you don’t get to come back and act like you run the playground. Don’t ever question how much I love Max. You love him, I get that, but don’t you dare act like you’re the only one. And don’t you dare think you’re the only person hurting, we all lost him, but you got something in return.” Michael’s nostrils flared with his final sentence.

Liz knew she was overstepping and being a shitty friend, but she couldn’t let Max go. They hadn’t had enough time together. She promised herself she would make it up to everyone when things were back to normal. 

She took a few steps back and softened her posture. She tried to sound reasonable, but the obsessive edge in her voice couldn’t be hidden, “Then let’s get him back. We can go to Tess right now.”

Michael started pacing. His hands would rest on his hips when he stopped moving. He threw back his head, raised his arms, and gave his frustration to the sky before returning to Liz.

“What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you listening to me?” Michael turned away and righted the overturned chair before draining a beer and retaking his seat. “Tess will come back for answers. When she does, she’ll be ready to answer our questions. You push her and you’ll get nothing.”

“Okay, Tess Whisperer. I’ll give her some time.”

Michael noticed the qualifier, but didn’t comment. There was no need to correct Liz. She was stubborn and would do what she wanted no matter the outcome, but so would Tess. If Liz persisted, Tess would resist. Michael knew it. He opened another beer.

Liz walked over to Michael, grabbed a beer, and sat down. Michael resumed his relaxed position now that the charged atmosphere between them had subsided. He slouched in the seat and waited for Liz to start a new conversation. He knew Liz wouldn’t leave without talking about Maria. She didn’t disappoint.

“While I was driving over here, Maria called me. She was crying.”

Michael raised an eyebrow. “I guess the conversation with Alex didn’t go the way she expected.”

Liz waited for more, but Michael didn’t add anything more.

“I just want my friends back. Alex needs to just . . . just forgive her already.”

“He doesn’t.”

“Excuse me.”

“He doesn’t. He doesn’t have to forgive her on anyone’s timeline but his own. He doesn’t have to forgive her at all. Or me. You can’t demand forgiveness.”

“It isn’t a demand. It’s 20 years of friendship.”

“Doesn’t matter. Alex gets to feel how he wants to feel. That isn’t up to you. You . . . and Maria need to stop writing this narrative where we’re the victims. Like Alex did something to us. We did something to him.”

Michael’s voice grew softer when he said Alex’s name. He looked away to the seemingly endless stretch of desert, but not before Liz saw the sun reflect on the tears waiting to fall. Michael dragged his arm across his eyes and took another long drink from the bottle in his hand.

“It wasn’t done to hi-“

“Stop. It was. We did. And if I could take it back, rewind time, I would.”

Liz didn’t like hearing how willing Michael was to give away what he had with Maria. The idea of her friend being something that was used to pass the time was unacceptable. At the same time, for the first time, she understood how Michael felt about Alex. She realized how deeply he loved him. The need to protect her two closest friends was strong.

“Then why Tess? She another pit stop?”

“What is it with you bringing up Tess? Maria wasn’t a pit stop.”

“What is it with you avoiding questions about Tess?”

“I’m not. Tess would never . . . she loves Alex too much.”

“More then you love him? Because you did? With Tess even?”

Michael closed his eyes and exhaled a breath from deep in his chest. “Liz . . . 10 . . .12 years ago I would have. Like I said, she never would. Alex is her person. I’m her . . . I guess I’m her other person, maybe? She knows how he feels. She knows how I feel. She’d never risk friendship. She’d never risk family. Nothing is worth that to her. Nothing.”

“Saint Tess. She’s a better person than us all.” Liz fluttered her long dark lashes. The mock was apparent, but Michael took it as a true statement and responded.

“Maybe. You haven’t lived her life. She’s not perfect. Not even close.” Michael chuckled as he swallowed. “She’s not always nice. But she’s always good. Always. But good by any means necessary. It’s a thing the two of you share. And being smart. Relentless and smart.”

He left off the last part of his statement. Michael had been honest, Tess was good, but not as good as Alex. Everything always circled back to Alex for Michael. He wondered if the day would ever come again when Alex’s thinking always circled back to him and them.

It was as though Liz could read Michael’s unspoken thoughts. She couldn’t, but like Michael when she thought of good people she couldn’t help but think of her friends. Of Alex.

“I miss him.”

“Tell him.”

“How has that worked for you?”

“It shouldn’t be risk versus reward. It should be risk for reward.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re thinking about telling him and then the two of you just hug it out. It’s back to you thinking your timetable, my timetable, Maria’s timetable somehow matters more than Alex’s.” Michael emphasized each of their names with a raise of his hand. “I don’t know if it’s working, but I’m going to keep telling him and showing him how I feel. I’m going to keep giving him the truth. That I feel incomplete without him. That I’m never going to love anyone the way I love him. I knew those things when I kissed Maria. I shouldn’t have done it. Alex is my reason, Liz. He has been since we were 17.” 

Michael let his head fall back so he was once again staring at the sky and thought of the hidden stars. There was a time he would have done anything to try and get back home and that was still true, but now he knew home was a person not a place.

Liz learned months ago that Alex’s feelings about Michael weren’t one-sided. That the love and pining were mutual. A decade long. She hadn’t known that when she encouraged Maria. If she had, her message might have changed, but maybe not. She wanted Maria to have happy. She wanted her to have what she had with Max. She still believed people couldn’t control their hearts, but she definitely knew people could control their actions. She’d picked sides, and that was on her.

“Your reason?”

Michael just nodded. “My reason for staying. I would never leave him behind. Never”

“And I can’t leave Max behind.”

They sat and drank while the sun set. No other words were exchanged until darkness settled and Liz moved to leave.

“Later, Mikey.”

Michael waited until he could no longer see her headlights before he responded to the text he’d received 30 minutes earlier. He went inside, showered, threw on clean clothes, and left.


	31. You Know I’m Willing and Able

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

Michael had taken care when he showered and changed. He was spurred on by Alex’s text, “Hey. You could come over. Stay the night. If you want.”

Alex’s second text came as Michael drove out to the cabin, “on the sofa.” His expectations lowered, but any open invitation was a good sign. They’d gone from not speaking to sharing space over the last few weeks. Although, even when they weren’t speaking he would send Alex messages and he would respond. When Alex discovered something in the Project Shepard data he would let Michael know. Every time the group met at the cave Alex would show. 

Alex had meant what he said, and he’d shown it with his actions. He hadn’t walked away, but his encounters were strategic. They were designed to help the group, but with enough room to make sure it didn’t hurt him. Alex was keeping his promise while protecting himself. Still, there was the open wound of Michael’s rejection, and it had festered over the months.

Michael knew what forgiveness looked like for Alex. It looked like trust. On the night Michael died, Alex said he was ready. Now, he needed to believe Michael was ready. 

As Michael drove, he also worried about Tess and Liz. He hoped Liz wasn’t looking for her. All of his messages to Tess had gone unanswered. He was afraid of what an unsupervised confrontation between Tess and Liz looked like. In his mind, best case looked like Roswell burning. Worst case looked like the apocalypse.

He pulled up to the cabin and from the inside all he saw was the pulse of blue light that told him Alex was actually taking the time to watch something on television. A little quiet time on a sofa with Alex was enough for him. Enough for now. 

Two knocks was all it took for Alex to let him inside. He’d heard the truck approach and was making his way to the door before Michael knocked. Alex was smiling at him. Michael didn’t know what to make of it considering what Liz implied about his conversation with Maria.

“Hey, Alex.”

“Guerin.” Alex moved away to let Michael enter. Michael closed the door after he stepped inside.

The blue wasn’t from a show, but a generic screensaver. Music was playing through the television. It was faint, more atmosphere than entertainment. Michael was so entranced by the slow rhythm he didn’t initially notice Alex handing him a glass of brown liquid. When he did, he turned on the swagger.

“Trying to get me drunk?”

Alex let his gaze fall to Michael’s lips before licking his own. “Do I have to?”

Michael licked his own before answering. “Not ever.”

Alex let his eyes roam Michael’s body, “Then no.” 

The air between them was full of unspoken—words, wants, actions. Alex quieted the spell they had cast when he waved a hand in the direction of the sofa. They both sat. A comfortable silence passed between them while the music pulsed.

“You heard from Tess? I know you said she’d come back to us, but Liz is looking to confront her.”

Alex shook his head. “No. She’s with Kyle. Has been since he finished at the hospital.”

“No. That’s not happening.” Michael was animated and braced his feet as if to stand 

Alex rested a hand on his thigh. “What’s not happening? Tess talking to Kyle?”

It was meant to soothe, but there was an intimacy behind the action. The fight left Michael’s body, and he relaxed into the cushions marveling at the touch.

“I just don’t like the idea of them locked away together, Alex.”

Alex couldn’t help but laugh. “They aren’t locked away together. They’re at Kyle’s because no one would look for her there.”

“You did.”

“I didn’t. I just figured it out. Process of elimination. Tess is getting what she needs-“ Michael tensed on the word need.

“What the fuck does she need from Valenti?”

“Answers without emotion.”

“I guess.” Michael’s response was almost a pout. He didn’t like the idea of Valenti with Tess. She was like a beloved treasure from childhood. The kind you didn’t share with high school bullies. 

Alex was amused by Michael’s obvious jealousy. More importantly, he let himself be amused. He didn’t try to stifle the smile that Michael brought to his face. A weight had lifted from Alex after his tense conversation with Maria. He had reached the mountaintop and was ready to begin his descent. It wasn’t forgiveness, but it was something he hadn’t had when the sun rose that morning.

“Hey?” It was more caress than question. “Can we not talk about Tess or Kyle or Liz or Max . . . or Maria or anything really? Can we just. . . be? Here together? In this space? For this moment?” Alex’s voice pitched lower and softer as he moved through the questions. His hand still on Michael’s thigh.

Michael nodded. Thoughts of their interrupted kiss floated between them. 

“We can we talk about where we go from wherever we are? We could do that, Alex.”

“Mmmhmm.”

“Which one? Where we’re going? Where we are?”

Alex leaned toward Michael, cutting off his questions, and placed a kiss just below his ear where his neck and jawline met. The kiss was soft and lingering. He broke contact, but took a deep inhale before he pulled away. He wanted to smell Michael. It was a scent he missed, one that used to cover his body and mingle with his own. Together they used to create something new.

“Guerin, right now, I just want to be. How about you owe me a talk? When all of this is done. When the storms of right now have passed. When we can be two people learning and loving one another. Can we?”

“What does just being look like?”

Michael hoped it looked like more kisses to any part of him. So long as they were the ones that he pressed into with his eyes closed. The ones that felt like all the days of his life. The ones that made him feel reckless and shameless, done and undone, loved and in love. The ones that made him feel Alex.

Alex leaned in again. It was another kiss to the same spot. This time Michael’s hand moved into Alex’s hair, thumb rubbing along the back of his neck. Both of them with their eyes closed even after Alex had moved out of the kiss, and Michael’s hand had drifted away from his hair.

They both smiled and Alex leaned back. Michael leaned forward, but Alex stopped him when he said, “I remember the first time I saw you. Can I tell you?”


	32. Some Devil Is Stuck Inside of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

Michael was right; Liz wasn’t going to let go so easily. She was desperate to bring Max back, losing herself to the madness of it all. Some mornings she looked in the mirror long and hard wondering who was staring back. 

She’d convinced herself she couldn’t live without him and now she was certain Tess could give her what she needed. Liz knew Kyle was never as dedicated to the cause as Michael, Alex, and Isobel, but she also knew Alex was driven by his love for Michael, and as soon as Michael let go so would Alex. And Michael was slipping away, he was reaching for next. Liz knew it from his body language tonight along with everything he hadn’t said. That left Isobel. Their alliance was shaky but she knew they were united in brining Max back.

Liz knocked on the door and waited. The lights of the house were cast low, but Isobel’s car was in the driveway. The rustle of the desert was her only company. For Liz, Roswell was always a small town filled with small minds, but it wasn’t until Noah that the dark, vastness of it scared her. She now knew there were truly things that went bump in the dark. Things that weren’t human, as well as things that were. If there was one Noah, there were others just like him—desperate and dangerous.

Isobel yanked the door open pulling her robe tightly around her body. She towered over Liz, everyone did, but she rarely felt small. 

“What?”

“I know about Tess. I can’t stop knowing it just because you want to wait.”

“Okay.”

“Could I come in?”

Isobel stepped aside. Liz waited until Isobel passed then followed her into the open space of the great room. The furniture was new and the walls were covered colorful art.

Isobel sat. Liz sat on the ottoman closest to her and leaned forward.

“I’m asking again, Isobel, can she heal? I asked Michael. He said he doesn’t know, but how can he not know?”

“I still don’t know. Nothing’s changed since I saw you at the diner. I trust Michael to find out. I trust Alex too. They aren’t keeping it from us. If they say they don’t know then they don’t know.”

“How long are they waiting? How long are we waiting. How hard is it to ask?”

“Liz you’re spiraling. It won’t be long. We talked about this. You can’t just ask someone to heal your dead brother without giving them context and time to deal.

“Why can’t you?” Liz stares at Isobel, but she only shrugged in response to her question. “You say, ‘Tess, I know this is crazy, but we need your help. Max is dead, but you have to power to bring him back. Help us do that, please.’” Liz tried to read Isobel’s response, but her affect was flat. “It’s that easy.”

“We don’t even know that she has the power.”

“Because no one has asked! But I know she does.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do. I can feel it. This is the universe with our answer. We tried science. We tried tech. It all failed then here comes Tess. She hasn’t been home in over a decade. Why now? It has to be to help us.”

“You hadn’t been home in over a decade. Look what happened when you came back. You were the spark.”

“Are you seriously blaming me?!”

“No. I’m saying that when you came back it brought us to this moment. We don’t know where Tess’ moment will leave us. I’m . . . afraid.”

“Of Tess?”

“No. I’m afraid of what comes next.”

“Max back here with us is what comes next. It has to be.”

“It has to be? I know I want it to be.”

“Come on Isobel, let’s find her, Isobel. Ask her. We don’t need to wait for Alex and Michael. This isn’t a priority for them. We don’t need fucking permission to talk to Tess. I can’t wait.”

“Brining Max back is absolutely a priority for Michael!”

“It’s not. It’s not! I just saw him. He hesitated, Isobel. Alex is his priority. Getting Alex back is his priority. He’s focused on the living.”

“Shouldn’t you be focused on the living too? Your sister?”

“I . . . Kyle’s been taking the lead. I-“

Liz didn’t know how to admit that sometimes when she looked at Rosa all she could see was Max dying. She wasn’t there when it happened, but she imagined the brief joy he had when Rosa opened her eyes and reached for him. That thought was immediately followed by an image of his dead body falling to the ground. She was overjoyed to have her sister back, but what it cost loomed large.

Isobel reached out and places her hand over Liz. She’d grown more sympathetic to others since Noah’s death. Theirs was a friendship of necessity and commonality whether it would become more woul. “I get it Liz.”

“When we get Max back, everything will be the way it should be. Then I can be a sister, a good sister.”

“We shouldn’t.” Isobel picked up the thread from earlier. “We shouldn’t go find her.”

“Isobel, we agree that she’s the answer.”

“We do, but she may be our only answer. We can’t risk scaring her off. We have to get this right the first time.”

“What is with you all! Why are we handling Tess like some precious porcelain doll? Are you all in love with her?! She’ll agree. Why would she say no?”

“Why would she say yes? I spent a whole day with her and I still don’t think she’d consider us potential friends. I even thought about telling her. . . asking her, but it didn’t feel right. For her, there is Alex and there is Michael. It has to be them.”

“I really don’t get this.” Liz throws her hands into the air. 

“Don’t get what? Being patient? It’s been months and months Liz. What’s another week. I was like you when I first heard. I wanted her to fix Max right then, but if she walks away from us then Max is lost to us.”

“Are we planning on letting her say no?”

Isobel scrunched her brow. “How would stop her?”

Liz shrugged. “I’m not sure, but if she said no, we’d have to find a way to change her mind.”

Liz was frenzied and it showed in the carelessness of her words. She wasn’t suggesting Isobel force Tess, but she wasn’t sure what she was suggesting.

“It won’t come to that.”

“But if it does?”

“It won’t.”

Isobel knew she couldn’t ever do what Noah did. Prey on people and their insecurities to satisfy her own cravings and urges. She considered whether climbinginto Tess’ head would be any different than Noah reaching into hers. The way he fed on her. The action would certainly be the same, but would the outcome temper the violation? 

Isobel didn’t know what mattered more when it came to Max, then ends or the means. Her morality was shaky in the face of losing him forever. This wouldn’t be getting Liz to leave town the way she’d always planned. This wouldn’t be separating a racist from their money. This wasn’t trying to find out why someone hated her. If Tess said no, and they made her do it anyway, it was a violation, and Isobel would be the monster. She also didn’t know what Tess’s reaction would be if she ever discovered what they’d done. 

More to herself than Isobel Liz muttered, “she’ll agree. She has to agree.”

Isobel nodded her head. “She does. It’s the only way.”

The two women sat together but far apart.


	33. But I Had a Great Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

Alex told Michael about the first time he saw him, and he’d never felt more exposed, but also seen, heard, and loved. Michael returned the favor. He told Alex he was hard to miss, “you were all attitude and energy with big dark eyes. I was all in before I even knew.” They had a good laugh over Michael’s panic in the shed. The reveals and reminiscing ended before the specter of Jesse Manes and his hammer shattered their mood.

Now, they were curled together under a blanket watching television. They’d agreed on Star Trek: TNG. Michael had seen almost every episode while Alex had seen episodes here and there, but enough to be familiar with all the characters. They weren’t touching, but the space between then bordered on nonexistent. Every so often Alex’s head would droop to the side almost resting against Michael before he would jerk himself awake. Michael had insisted Alex go to bed a few times, but Alex had always declared himself wide awake and just one more episode. He’d shed his prosthetic, and the crutch was resting against the sofa’s edge just a few scoots from where Alex now sat. 

Michael heard the idling car. The engine an aggressive purr—German. Michael knew that could only mean Valenti. When Alex didn’t increase the distance between them, Michael was surprised. He was prepared to be the jealous ex, but Alex wasn’t giving him any reason. He couldn’t imagine any of them wanted to repeat what happened during the last angry exchange at the cabin. 

The lock turned confirming Michael’s suspicions, he prepared himself for Valenti’s disapproving stare, but when the door opened it was Tess crossing the threshold no key in sight. Her gait was unsteady, and it was clear why she wasn’t driving herself. She turned to face the outside and waved. The sight of Michael’s truck wasn’t Kyle’s only deterrent. 

Kyle wanted just one more night before everything went to hell. And go to hell it would, of that he was absolutely certain. And if he were totally honest with himself, he’d have to admit his day with Tess, once all the talk of aliens was out of the way, was a good one. It’d been a long while since Kyle felt some there there.

Tess’ eyes skimmed over the two men. “So sweet. Two boys in love. Did I interrupt or show up in time to join?” 

Tess discarded her shoes and dropped her bag as she teased them. There was plenty of room on Alex’s left, but Tess’ approach made it clear she had every intention of claiming a space between them. Alex moved over just enough for her to squeeze between them. Once she’d slotted herself between the two, she placed a hand on Alex’s cheek and rubbed her nose against his. When she turned to Michael, he didn’t know what to expect until he felt the gentle kiss she placed on his temple.

“Hello, Tess.” Eyebrow raised, Alex looked over her head at Michael as she redistributed the blanket between the three of them.

Michael was less affectionate with his greeting, “You smell like Valenti.” He finished with a scrunch of his nose.

“That’s what happens when you press your naked, sweaty body against someone else’s naked, sweaty body. Is that how you know Kyle’s secret scent? Have you played in his garden too?” Tess’ smile showed she was teasing. Her words designed to mock Michael’s feigned horror and misplaced jealousy, which only encouraged her. “Michael, I don’t smell like Kyle anymore than you smell like Alex. Guess we both came up empty today.” Tess beamed in Michael’s direction.

Alex’s eyes widened as he mouthed, “Wow!” In Michael’s direction. He finished with the biggest of grins.

“Maybe you struck out today, Tess, but I definitely got up-“

“Please, I never strike out, I’m the umpire, but you know that. I called out on you a few times, Michael.”

Michael jutted his head forward, neck disappearing into his shoulers, and hands raised. “That doesn’t even make sense, Tess.”

Tess pretended to consider what Michael said. She rested her chin in her hand then said, “No, no, it does.” She finished by biting and holding her bottom lip between her teeth before letting it go with a pop.

Michael opened his mouth, but Alex stepped in to cut off what was Tess’ teasing and Michael’s growing frustration. “Children.”

Tess was beyond Alex’s chastising and sat looking incredibly pleased with herself. Michael on the other hand sat pouting before mumbling that she should go back to “giving kisses.”

Tess turned her attention to Alex giving Michael time to lick his wounds. “Don’t tease me Alex. I’m happy to call you daddy. Just give me a reason.”

Alex’s laugh was loud. “Someone is bold and shameless tonight.”

Michael was having no more of Tess’ drunken flirting. He was specifically having no more of Tess flirting with Alex. He was also displeased with Alex playing along. For his part, Alex was amused by them both. They were cut from nearly the same cloth—swagger, charm, and innuendo, but they were broken in different ways and coped in different ways. He was better for them and they because of him. He couldn’t imagine a life without them.

“Really, Alex. More like drunker than hell tonight. She smells like whiskey and needs a whole fucking sleep.”

Tess loudly exhaled. “Well, as a doctor, I decided to heal myself. I prescribed lots and tons and much and more alcohol to deal with the fact that the people I went to high school with have killed people, resurrected people, died of natural and unnatural causes, and whatever the fuck else you all aren’t telling me. Meanwhile, I might have a fucking alien brain tumor or some until now unknown connection to Max “Vanilla as Fuck” Evans that caused me to pass out, so sorry if I’m feeling fine and flirty. It’s all a reaction to tomorrow when you all tell me some really out of pocket bullshit. Because I can’t wait to find out how the story of two dead aliens and a resurrection ends? And what the hell it has to do with me. Now, both of you shut up and look pretty! Patrick Stewart is about to say ‘Engage.’”

Tess was asleep before the episode ended. Her head in Alex’s lap, feet in Michael’s, and the blanket all to herself. 

Michael turned to a now fully awake Alex. They looked at one another and spoke without words. A slight raise of an eyebrow from Michael, a shrug from Alex, a head shake from them both then Michael asked a question, “Now what?”

“Now we tell. Now we ask.” With those words he leaned forward enough to reach his phone and sent a message to Liz, Kyle, and Isobel. 

He made short work of the message and looked at Michael. “Done.”

“Here we go.”


	34. So I Lay My Cards on Your Table

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I saw a post on Tumblr that talked about Michael loving Alex but wondering if Michael even liked Alex. I wanted to respond, but I also wanted to think about what the post said. When I tried to find the post a few hours later, I couldn’t. A response fit nicely in this chapter.

Michael carried Tess to Alex’s bed. The blanket dragged behind them. When he put her down, she rolled to what Michael imagined was her usual spot, pressed close to the wall leaving plenty of room for Alex. Michael thought of it as his space even though it never had been. He once again let his mind seek out the future, and he saw himself waking next to Alex in that very bed, sliding his hands into dark hair, and pulling him into lazy morning kisses. He enjoyed the picture of his possible future. 

He draped the blanket over Tess. The blues and greens seemed to swirl around her and she seemed small curled beneath. She looked so young with the wisps of hair escaping her messy topknot and her face utterly passive. Tess was never passive. Michael felt guilt creep up as he looked down on her. He still wanted to destroy Jesse Manes, but more than that he hated himself for failing her. That was something he promised himself he’d never do again. 

Alex came out of the kitchen just as Michael was easing himself down to the sofa. 

“You should go to bed, Alex.”

Alex maneuvered to the sofa and placed his crutches across the tabletop. 

“You want me to go sleep with Tess?” Alex was momentarily playful, but the smirk fell away. He was burdened by Tess and tomorrow. “Really, Guerin, I’m not sleepy. I’m wired.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean.”

“What’s going to happen, Guerin?”

“I don’t know. Could be everything. Could be nothing.”

“Tess and Liz.”

Michael slowly nodded. “Hey, Alex?” 

Alex looked over and into Michael’s eyes. “Yeah.”

“You’re not sleepy. I’m not sleepy. You think we could still just be. Tomorrow’s coming, but it isn’t here. I want more of the moment.”

Alex didn’t respond right away. He just looked at Michael. The lightness he’d felt earlier was gone. It was so hard for him to hold on to wanting and having. As soon as he broke free from the rigid mold his father had beaten into him and the Air Force had trained into him, there was a voice reminding him of everything he couldn’t have. There was the self-consciousness and the doubt. His mind practically yelling that Michael hadn’t wanted him. Uncertainty was Alex’s unwanted companion after Michael chose Maria.

Alex didn’t respond. Michael didn’t move. There was no sound in the cabin. Alex didn’t know what moment Michael wanted. If he wanted to keep watching television, or if he wanted more of Alex’s mouth against the unearthly warmth of his skin.

In the passing silence, Michael leaned in until he was close enough to see the flecks in Alex’s dark eyes. He was close enough to see the blush rise in his cheeks. Close enough to hear Alex’s breathing go from deep and steady to shallow and quick. Michael seized the moment and moved in for the kiss he’d craved for months. He was denied. 

Alex had leaned back and away. Michael found himself falling forward, and it was only Alex’s hands on his arms that steadied him.

In that split second, Alex had seen where the kiss would take them. Tess asleep in his bed wouldn’t be enough of a deterrent. He knew the one kiss would end with mouths and hands and slow slides and deep thrusts and release for them both, but would they be better than they were before. 

“Sorry, Guerin. I didn’t mean to make you fall. I was-“

“No, I get it, Alex. You aren’t ready.”

“No. I was . . .,” Alex ran a hand up his face through his hair, and blew out a long slow breath. “Guerin, I know you love me, but do you like me? I mean . . . are you sure I’m it for you!? Because you’re it for me. It’s why I’m at war with myself over you. There’s this big part of me that wants to bury myself in you, figuratively but also literally.” Alex chuckled briefly as his cheeks flushed a deeper shade of pink but too soon he was serious again. “It’s the part of me that’s desperate to forgive you. Then there’s this part of me that’s afraid I won’t find a way to forgive you and I’ll be left alone with my memories of you. But then there’s the part that says you don’t deserve me. The part that isn’t even sure you want me. Isn’t sure that you like me or love me or need me. It’s a voice that taunts me, Guerin. Tells me I’m just an old habit. Tells me we’ve just been holding on to this thing and that you don’t love me, and when I listen carefully, the voice is yours.”

Michael knew he was taking about Caulfield. He knew they needed to talk about Caulfield. 

“Alex, I just did what you did. Said whatever I had to say to get you to leave. I couldn’t let you die.”

Alex interrupted, “What I said was the truth. You are my family. I won’t look away. Not ever again.” Alex felt the unshed tears and turned to swipe them away.

Michael moved until his knees were pressed into the other man. He placed one hand over Alex’s and the other on his thigh. He waited until Alex’s eyes were on him before inhaling. Then he spoke, his voice breaking across the words, “This thing I’ve been holding on to has been holding on to me. Holding me up. It’s kept me standing when I just wanted to fall backward in the dirt and never get up again. I never knew what it was to feel a part of something until I met you. No one else has ever given me that feeling. No one else. I love you, Alex. I love you. I love you. You’re it for me. And if you can’t find a way to forgive me then I’ll never find a way to forgive myself. And it’ll just be me and my memories.” Michael paused. “Do I like you? I don’t understand? How could I love you without liking you? That’s where it started. With like. And goodness. And trust. It started with a guitar and a warm place to spend cold nights. It started when you gave and asked nothing from me in return. How could anyone not like you? You are kind, strong, brilliant, brave. You’re the quiet to my chaos. Fuck, Alex, there’s nothing in this world or the next one that I like more. That I love. I want to crash into you. If you’ll have me?”

“Mi-“

Michael heard the opening syllable and held his breath. He knew his name, Michael, was on Alex’s tongue. He wanted to take it onto his own tongue and taste it. Noise from Alex’s bedroom stole the moment. They both looked to the hallway that led to a sleeping Tess. It was her voice drifting toward them, but the sounds were nothing either of them had ever heard. Whatever it was, it grew louder and to their ears more urgent. If it was a language, it wasn’t one they knew, but there was something familiar. It was somewhere between a prayer and a chant. Something reverential and sacred in her utterances.

Michael was up first. He was in the door of the bedroom when Alex appeared behind him. He was pressing his phone into Michael’s hand. 

“Record it, Guerin.”


	35. But These Feelings Won’t Go Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short one, but Chapter 36 is a long one. I hope to have it posted this week.

Liz pulled the sleeping bag tight around her body. It was cold in the cave, but she’d come to talk to Max. She spent as much time as she could with him. Not so much that her father or Maria noticed, but enough to keep herself from feeling guilty over the idea of Max all alone. Part of her imagined he’d suddenly wake from death and find an empty cave. She didn’t want him to think the world had forgotten him. The other part of her imagined years passing with her still looking for a way to bring him back long after everyone else had given up. It would be two lives lost. Liz never let that part rule her thoughts for long. Max would come back to her. She’d whispered prayers like she had as a child and the universe gave her Tess Harding. Tess would unshackle Max from death and restore Liz to life. Liz told herself she couldn’t have it any other way. Their time together was so brief, but life without Max seemed an impossibility.

Consumed with bringing Max back to life meant Liz hadn’t bothered considering what the town would say when their fallen son returned. How would they explain his return? He couldn’t simply be tucked away like Rosa. Arturo not knowing the truth about Rosa broke Liz’s heart. Max would never allow his parents to keep believing he was dead. He’d tell them, but at what cost. Liz knew she’d have to convince him that revealing himself meant endangering them all. It would bring death and there would be no one left to bring them back to life. They’d have to leave Roswell behind. The thought of never seeing her father, of leaving him without either of his daughters was heartbreaking, but what else could she do? Arturo would never leave Roswell. He’d made a home in a country that was turning on him, but he loved it still. 

Liz didn’t just sit in the cave awash in turmoil, she talked to Max, and she imagined how he would respond.  “Can you believe Tess Harding is an alien! It’s crazy. All these years aliens really were living among us. Even crazier, you can’t even recognize one another.”

Liz imagined Max’s deep chuckle at her silly joke. She also imagined the lines between his brows while he pondered whether Tess was a threat to the people he loved. Liz didn’t think she was a threat. She didn’t know what Tess was; she only knew what she hoped she was—a savior.

“I wonder how things might have changed if it had always been the four of you. If you’d known about Tess, and she’d known about you, Michael, and Isobel? What would have happened if the four of you were found together? Grew up together? Would it have been the four of you against the whole world? If you’d known about her, would you have ever loved me? Would you have died? Or Rosa? One thing changes and suddenly everything changes.”

One thing changing echoed again and again in Liz’s mind. Max back would mean everything changing. The world wouldn’t pick up where it left off the moment before Max’s death; Max’s death had carved a new reality, his resurrection would remake the world again. Liz ignored the alarm bells in her head over the potential new reality. She simply told herself nothing could be worse than losing Max. 

“I’ll see you soon, Max.” It was said as she stood and let the sleeping bag fall away. 


	36. And I Really Hope You Don’t Mind, I Can’t Fight It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

Their almost moment was abandoned.

After Tess stopped speaking in the strange tongue, Michael and Alex talked about what it all could mean. It was time to turn back to Caulfield. They knew there were more answers buried in the videos and files Kyle had managed to secure, but there was also more tragedy, more torture, and more proof that Jesse Manes was all monster. It was grueling work. 

“She can read it, so I can create a translation program. It isn’t a letter for letter match to English, but with enough words we can come up with something.”

“Can she write it? We’ll need a transcript. Or maybe if there’s video of the prisoners speaking, we could compare.” 

“I can do that. Tess will help. Kyle too.” 

“And I’ll help. I should have been helping all along, but being normal meant pretending I was someone else . . . something else.”

Alex didn’t want Michael to see or know any more than he already did about what Jesse Manes had done, but with everything that had happened it was going to be hard to keep him away. They went back and forth over Michael helping, but neither of them was backing down, so they both signaled surrender. 

Talk turned to what Tess would do about Max. Neither said what they truly thought. Alex and Michael knew Tess, and they both knew she was unlikely to say yes. She wasn’t going to yield to such a request. If she had the power to heal, she’d never used it in any major way. She’d channeled her need to help and heal into becoming a doctor. When it came down to it, she hadn’t saved her mothers; she wasn’t going to bring back Max. The question that remained was how Liz would react.

“We might be wrong. We were never dead or dying. You injuries . . . what you father did to you healed. My hand healed . . . Maybe we’re wrong.” 

“We aren’t wrong. And . . . this isn’t healing.”

Alex spoke carefully about Max. He was Michael’s brother and he knew their bond carried on even after death. Whatever animosities existed in life, Michael had forgiven after Max’s sacrifice. Alex was in for Michael’s sake. Otherwise, he wasn’t sure where he would stand on the issue. On the one hand, they were trying to subvert death, but on the other hand, aliens were real, so maybe there weren’t really rules about life and death and everything in between.

“Alex, you know she’s going to wake up demanding answers. It’s going to be like facing down a Fury.”

“Maybe not. I think she’s playing the long game now. Even if she’s not, her shift is early. We’ll still be asleep when she leaves, so she won’t get a chance. She’ll come to the cave for answers.” 

Michael felt a little shot of something in his gut. He latched on to the idea that Alex’s word meant they’d both be asleep at the cabin. Alex wasn’t sending him back to the Airstream. That had always been the plan, but Michael still felt the progress they were making was tenuous. There were too many balls up in the air for the ground beneath them to be solid. Sure, Michael would be sleeping on the sofa again and Alex in his bed, but it was another night of them close to one another. Another night where neither had pushed the other away. 

“Right. And how are we going to get her to agree to go to the cave?”

“Why wouldn’t she?” 

“Because it doesn’t make sense. ‘Hey, Tess. We need you to drive out to the desert to get the answers to all your questions.’ She’s going to wonder why it can’t be here. Why we can’t just crack open a bottle of whiskey and tell her everything while she tells us that we’re ridiculous. The cave is suspicious, Alex. Suspicious Tess is stubborn Tess. Stubborn Tess is demanding Tess. Demanding Tess is determined Tess. Determined Tess is fucking terrifying.” 

“All of those versions of Tess have the capacity to be terrifying, but she’s too curious. She’ll come.”

Michael wasn’t convinced, so they hashed out tomorrow. Someone would have to manage expectations in the cave—Liz’s expectations. Someone else would have to convince Tess to wait for answers. Once again, Michael and Alex went back and forth. This time over which of them would have the best chance of getting Tess to the cave with the least amount of resistance, and which of them would have the best chance of convincing Liz that patience was indeed a virtue. Alex wasn’t ready to see Liz alone after his recent conversation with Maria, and Michael didn’t think he’d be able to hold off Tess’ growing curiosity and increasing impatience. Truthfully, they both knew Alex was best suited for both jobs, but in the end it was decided that Alex and Michael would go to the cave, and they’d get Kyle to bring Tess once they were both finished at the hospital.

“I don’t know why Valenti needs to bring Tess. I can bring Tess. I don’t like it.”

“You know initially I thought you were jealous over the idea of me being with Kyle. Then I thought you were jealous of Tess being with Kyle. Now I’m starting to think you might be jealous of Kyle.” Alex’s laughter filled the room, he did his best to contain it so he wouldn’t wake Tess, but little puffs of joy escaped every so often. 

“You take that back, Alex. I don’t like him. I don’t trust him. He’s a dick.” 

Alex’s smile was all affection and he was living for the pout on Michael’s face. “He’s changed, Michael. He really is the friend I grew up with before puberty made him fucking stupid.” 

“Yeah. Yeah. He’s still fucking stupid.” 

Alex sent Kyle a message and received a reply right away. “He said he’d do it.” 

“Of course he will.” 

Alex shrugged. “I think they’d-“

Michael cut him off, shaking his head as he went. “No. No. No. There is no they.”

“Easy.” Alex leaned forward and passed Michael his beer. It was mostly full and definitely warm. 

They drifted back into watching Star Trek: TNG. Soon enough, Alex’s eyes fluttered closed and Michael placed a hand on his upper arm. “Hey. Go to bed. Not many hours until sunrise.” 

Alex didn’t have anywhere to be the next day. He’d taken a few weeks off work to take care of his father. He looked to all the world like a doting son. “Have to go to the bunker in the morning. Check on my father. Get the rest of the files. Bring them back here. Work in the light.” Each time Alex went to check on his father, there was a moment right before he stepped into the bunker where he hoped he’d find Jesse Manes’ body cold and stiff. It would solve one problem. And Jesse Manes, was a problem that needed solving.

“I’ll go with you. Sanders doesn’t need me till early afternoon.”

“Thank you.” Alex reached upward and cupped Michael’s cheek, brushing a thumb slowly across his mouth. Michael leaned into both, closing his eyes and parting his lips. The warm, gentle feel of Alex’s hand and the firm pressure of his thumb lit up every part of Michael. He trusted Alex’s touch. Alex kept his eyes open, admiring the way Michael’s golden lashes created shadows across his cheeks, loving the pillowy give of his red lips, memorizing the plains of his face, melting under the small stream of warm air drifting from his mouth and across Alex’s thumb. Alex felt the tears catch in his own lashes just before they ran down his cheeks. They were both of them vulnerable. It had been a long time.

“Good night, Gu-Good night.” Michael mourned the loss of Alex’s hand and by the time he opened his eyes, the crutches were under Alex’s arms and he was moving toward his bedroom. 

It wasn’t a kiss and it wasn’t Michael, but it was something precious.

Michael grabbed his usual pile of blankets and pillows from the chest against the far wall and made up the sofa. He stripped down until he stood in just his jeans. He’d just unbuckled his belt when he heard a soft, “Hey?”

Michael spun around. Alex stood there with what looked like an assortment of sweatpants and shorts in his hand. “I know you don’t usually,” he gestured vaguely at Michael’s crotch, shook his head and smiled, “no one wants to sleep in jeans. Especially not jeans that tight.” He finished with a quick raise of his eyebrows.

Michael reached for the pile. “Thanks, Alex. Hope you enjoyed the show.”

“Oh, I did. Love Data. I get the Star Trek versus Star Wars debate.” There was not a trace of joking on Alex’s face or in his voice. He made to turn, but stopped. “This show though,” Alex leaned into the crutches, titled his head, and swept Michael’s body with his chocolate eyes, “it’s always been my favorite.” Alex locked eyes with Michael. “Nothing’s changed. Good night again.” 

Michael swallowed before he could speak, “Good night again.”

Michael watched Alex until the hallway swallowed him. When he heard the bedroom door click shut he buried his face into the pile of clothes and inhaled. It was Alex—strong, earthy, spicy, sweet. 

Michael knew there was no way sleep would come now. He was wide awake and fully aroused. He ran a hand through his hair and chuckled softly, “Damn you, Alex.” For once, Michael hoped Alex was suffering. Suffering in exactly the same way. 

Television didn’t do the trick. Michael finished undressing and pulled on a pair of Alex’s shorts. Once he climbed between the blankets and sheets he closed his eyes and let his mind wander. He imagined Alex beside him, under him, over him, in him. Michael’s hand wandered with his mind. He’d just eased his hand beneath the elastic waist of the shorts when he heard the bedroom door open. He stilled his hand and prayed to the moon that the next thing he heard was a pattern of silence followed by a soft thump, foot then crutch, headed his way.

Michael heard exactly what he hoped to hear, but it was headed in the wrong direction. The brightness of the bathroom light crept around the corner and briefly illuminated the dark corners of the room. Michael sighed when he realized it was just Alex making his way to the bathroom. 

Before he could rethink it, Michael made it way to the hallway. He leaned against the wall opposite the bathroom door where the light was sure to hit him when Alex exited. 

The door opened. “Hey,” Alex said as he moved forward.

“Couldn’t sleep.” Michael pushed off the wall and moved forward. 

“Same.”

“What do you want, Alex?” Michael moved until he was in Alex’s space.

“I want.” Alex closed the distance and attacked Michael’s mouth with his own. It remained an attack for only the few seconds it took Michael to move into Alex. He pushed his fingers into the dark thickness of Alex’s hair. Their bodies were flush. Alex slowed the kiss as his tongue licked its way into Michael’s mouth, hungry. The kiss deepened but moments later it all came to a stop.

Standing just behind Michael was Tess. Michael groaned, Alex threw his head back, and Tess spoke, “Excellent form of communication, my friends.”

Michael stepped away from Alex and angled so he too was facing Tess.

“What are you doing Tess.”

“Well, I was looking for my sock.” She gestured to her feet, one socked and the other bare. “Then I realized I had to pee, so I’m going to pee. And you? What are you two doing?”

Alex closed the distance before responding, “We’re saying goodnight, Tess.” 

“That’s exactly what it looked like.” Tess stepped around them and into the bathroom. “I’ll pee slowly, so you two can finish saying good night with your tongues.” With that, Tess started to close the door. “And your dicks.” With that, the door closed. 

Michael moved closer to Alex and looked directly at him. Even in the dark, their eyes connected. “We could smother her.” 

Alex leaned his forehead against Michael’s. “We love her.”

“You’re right, we do,” Michael nodded as he spoke. “We could smother her.”

“No. She can move things with her mind.”

“So can I.” He lifted his head and planted a soft kiss on the corner of Alex’s mouth.

“She can see into minds.”

“So can Isobel.” He kissed the other corner.

“She can control the weather.”

“She can.” Michael leaned and tightened his arms around Alex, pulling him closer but careful not to compromise his balance. He moved his hand under the soft cotton of Alex’s shirt just as the door flew open. 

“Time for bed, Alex. If you’ll excuse us, Michael.”

“Tess.” 

“Michael.”

“Tess.”

“Alex.”

“Look. I have an early shift or else I would have stood in the dark, watched this bit of sexy unfold, and given myself a UTI, but since I can’t, you can’t. I think that’s fair, I’m the guest.”

“You’re not a guest.”

“Boys, are we about to have a standoff?” Tess crossed her arms and leaned against the door frame. “What’s it going to be?”

Alex gave Michael three soft kisses. “Good night, Michael.”

Tess and Alex headed for the bedroom while Michael stomped his way back to the sofa.

Tess climbed into bed first and moved close to the wall. “Wanna cuddle?” 

“I’m probably going to smother you while you sleep,” Alex deadpanned. 

The distance between them was too great, so Tess rolled from her back to her side. From her new position, she could watch the rise and fall of Alex’s chest. She placed her hand on his and interlaced their fingers. It was a few seconds before he returned the gesture. “You two are supposed to be talking not going at it in a darkened hallway like some drunk frat boys.” 

“We can talk and go at it like frat boys. We both missed out on the experience.”

“No, you can’t do both. You’re sending mixed messages. And you’re both leaning into hold habits. Michael can’t handle that.”

“I’m not. We’re not.”

“Sex isn’t talking. Not even great sex.” 

“What about-“

“Don’t say cosmic. We all get it. See it.” 

“I was going to say as a form of communication.”

“Liar. You were not. Just don’t do it. The mixed massages. The old habits.”

“I’m not sending mixed messages.”

I haven’t forgiven you, but I want you is absolutely a mixed message.”

“Forgiveness is a process.”

“Then process it and decide whether you can or whether you can’t. If you can’t, you can’t have him.”

“I can . . . forgive him.”

“I know you can. He just wants to be loved. Always has. He’s just so fucking stupid sometimes.”

“Aren’t we all.”

“Yes, you all are.” Tess lifted their clasped hands and dragged Alex’s to her lips for a kiss.

Time passed and Alex heard Tess’ breathing slow, so her voice startled him. “Alex?”

“Yeah, Tess.”

“She was stupid too, but maybe work on that one. It’ll take longer, but . . . work on it. I guess.”

“You’re so convincing.” 

“I’m still trying to convince myself.”


	37. Your Energy Feels So Damn Good to Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

The vibrations of Tess’ watch woke her not long after the sun had breached the horizon. She rolled over into Alex. The pale orange light of sunrise slide through the angled blinds and played in Alex’s hair. Tess gently traced the rays through the soft brown strands before letting her hand fall away. She rolled onto her back holding on to those last moments of warmth and comfort. Tess hoped that whatever waited for them, whatever secrets they still held, they’d still be friends on the other side. She made her way to the foot of the bed. The wooden floor was cold where her feet touched, and not for the first time, she wished she could keep socks on while she slept. 

Deciding to shower at the hospital she made her way through the small cabin without alerting Alex or Michael. She thought about grabbing a sweatshirt from inside her bag, but was afraid the soft unzipping would wake Michael, so she stepped into her boots and laced them. She spared Michael another glance, he was so peaceful in sleep, no trace of the man whose childhood was stolen. It made her heart hurt to know what his life had been. It warmed her heart to know that he had Alex, always.

She opened the cabin door and slid into the still chilly morning leaving behind her tethers to this world. Tess was no more ready for them than they were for her. She could only hope nothing changed because Tess felt in her bones what the secret would be, and she knew in her heart what the answer had to be. Once she was in her truck, she unzipped her bag and pulled the old sweatshirt on over her tee and shorts. Putting the car in gear she headed for the hospital. She decided to lose herself in the steady stream of patients. She wished she could save everyone but life didn’t work that way, but even in the face of loss, she loved what she did.

Even with the long drive from Alex’s cabin and a shower, Tess still had 30 minutes before her shift. She pushed open the door to the staff lounge and found the only person she was willing to see, Kyle Valenti.

“Hey.”

“Valenti.”

Tess bypassed the table and headed for the vending machine. She fed the machine a series of flimsy dollar bills, soft with age, and waited for her Mike and Ike’s to drop down. 

“That’s not breakfast.” Kyle moved while Tess’ back was to him, he now sat with his back to the door. From the time he’d spent with Tess since her return, he knew she didn’t like to be unaware of her surroundings. She liked to be able to see what was coming toward her. No one had told him why, but he didn’t feel like he needed to know why. It was enough that he knew.

Tess approached the table and took a seat opposite Kyle. She didn’t mention that he’d moved. It was enough to her that he had. “It’s better then breakfast. And I thought we talked about shaming people. Also for all you know my people need sugar, preservatives, and artificial everything to survive. What are you eating? It looks like koala vomit.”

“I thought we didn’t shame.”

“I’m not. This is my concerned doctor voice. I don’t know if you know that you’re eating koala vomit.”

Kyle lips spreads into a smile. “You’re such an ass. Give me the lemon and orange flavors. I don’t like the cherry and lime.”

Tess tilted her head and furrowed her brow.

“Are you serious, Harding? Colors aren’t flavors.” Kyle let out something between a huff and a chuckle when Tess just continued to look puzzled. “Fine. Some  yellow and orange ones. I don’t like the red and green flavors.”

“Now you’re speaking my language.” Tess sprinkled a dozen or so random candies into Kyle’s hand, “I don’t sort. Besides they all taste like sugar. You’re one of those people that think the M&Ms are different flavors.”

Kyle tossed all the candy in his mouth and smiled at Tess until his eyes crinkled. He stood up and moved to the refrigerator. When he came back, he placed an open container of green and red grapes on the table. “This is actual fruit. You should try it.”

“You know I eat real food when I want to eat real food. I ate real food with you.” Tess grabbed a handful of grapes and relaxed her body, sliding deeper into the chair. There was no purpose to Kyle Valenti. That’s what Tess would have said back in high school, but somehow he’d become a better than decent human being, a good man. Tess liked what he was made of, and she appreciated the way he looked after Alex. She also didn’t mind the way he looked at her. “Thank you.”

“Just grapes, Tess.”

“Yup. Just grapes.”

Tess closed her eyes and mindlessly popped grapes into her mouth. A chair moved but Tess kept her eyes closed, body still relaxed. She felt a thumb brush across her hand. Slowly she opened her eyes. Kyle was exactly where he was before. When her eyes finished focusing, she waited for him to say something. During the silence she tried to read what was behind his eyes, figure out what was going on in his mind. The way regular people did that sort of thing. Tess didn’t want to take.

“Hey. You wanna go for a ride later?”

Tess’ eyes widened. “I don’t know. How’s the suspension?”

It was so easy to play along with Tess. Before Kyle could jump in with his own witty innuendo, Tess said, “You said I make you nervous. What’s changed?”

Kyle spoke slowly, “You still absolutely do.” He surprised himself by punctuating the statement with a wink. “And the suspension is incredible, but we’ll pick that up another day. That’s a promise. For right now, I’m talking about an actual ride. Answers and more answers.”

“I’ll take the promise and the ride.”

“That was easy.”

“What can I say? I love answers. Can’t get enough of them.”

“Who can?”

“And the sooner we finish with the past, we can get to the future.”


	38. And Sugar, We’re Going Down Swinging

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

When Tess saw Max for the first time, she was caught between fascination and horror. She was uncomfortable watching his naked body in something akin to the fetal position lightly bob in the the glowing thick liquid. And despite the unearthly glow emanating from the pod, Max looked pale. Not placid but expressionless. He looked every bit the corpse on the coroner’s table ready to be filed away in a drawer. Whomever Max Evans had been, there was no trace now. Tess registered the voices around her, but they seemed far away like she too was floating in a pod oblivious to the world outside.

“Can you?” 

Tess ignored Liz’s question. “Walk me through this again.”

“Through what?” Isobel was watching the way Tess stared at Max. It wasn’t with empathy or pity, but curiosity and a little horror swimming around the edges.

“How Max ended up dead in a pod instead of a grave in the ground?”

“Why would we bury him?” Now, it was Isobel who looked on with a mix of curiosity and horror.

“Because he’s dead.”

“So was my sister. So was Rosa.”

“But you thought she was buried. The only reason she wasn’t is because a serial killer alien stashed her in a pod to feed his obsession.” Tess met Liz’s hard gaze with one of her own. “Obsession. Sneaks up on people.”

Tess moved closer to the pod. The mild vibrations and the subtle pulsing should have been soothing, but it was all marred by Max floating like a specimen in a jar. Tess once again blocked out the conversations in the cave. It was perplexing the way they chatted in the company of a dead body. All of them unburdened by the storybook madness of the scene.

“Can you?” It was Liz talking. Tess pulled free of her thoughts.

Can I what?”

“Can you heal?”

Tess knew where this was going. She knew she was being led, so she let Liz lead her.

“I can. I have, but not for years and years.”

“But you can?”

“Yes.”

“We need you to heal Max. Bring him back like he did with Rosa.”

Tess looked around the cave. Every face was expectant. Tess didn’t think they were all expecting the same outcome. They were the loaded gun in the corner. Tess was about to squeeze.

“Absolutely not. That’s insane.”

And just like that the false calm eroded. Tess would have sworn the gentle pulse of the pod became a heavy pound as if it were reacting to the tension in the cave.

“What the hell do you mean absolutely not. You absolutely will. You will bring Max back. You will. Why else are you here?” Liz threw her hands up and brought them down with a slap on her thighs.

Tess closed her eyes and a low hum rumbled in her chest. “You ask so sweetly how could I refuse? You know, in my last life I was a god. Where are the sacrifices and burnt offerings? Isn’t that how prayers work? You give me something then you ask for a miracle? Where is the penitence? Where is the humility? Should I show you the full resonate splendor of my voice and make the walls of this cave quake in awe and fear? Should I reveal the full brilliance of my countenance until you fall to your knees and cover your eyes? What do you think?”

Liz’s forehead was etched with lines and her mouth hung open. “Is this funny to you? This is someone’s life.”

Tess shook her head. “No, Liz. This is someone’s death. That’s the problem. This isn’t about saving a life.”

Liz thought this was very much about saving her life. She started reaching, looking for leverage to sway Tess. “You don’t have some genetic compulsion to heal him? There are four of you. You were probably breeding pairs or fated or destined or some fucking other thing that makes you want to heal him. How can you not?”

“I’m pretty sure a people capable of intergalactic space travel are beyond the heteronormative. And who the fuck says breeding pairs? We aren’t birds. To me, Max Evans was the tall kid who scribbled in journals, kept his head down, read big books for fun, and had a seemingly quasi-incestuous relationship with his sister. We aren’t connected.”

“You might be.” Alex was standing close to Michael and looking directly at Tess. “You collapsed from pain the same day Max died. What if it was a reaction . . . to losing him. Maybe some bond between the two of you was broken?”

“Really, Alex. When I first came to town and saw the news about Max dying, I thought what you did. It’s why I was asking all of those questions, but the longer I thought about it the less sense it made. A bond I never felt suddenly roars to life? How does that make sense. I was never even drawn to Max when we were kids. And the journals make it clear that he was a dick during our past life. Someone drunk on power; it seems like nothing changed. Max is dead because of guilt fueled by arrogance. He didn’t think the rules of life and death applied to him. He wanted to give his best girl a grand fucking gesture. One she couldn’t ignore. One she couldn’t refuse. He wanted to give her what no one else ever could. He went big and then he . . . well he went.” Tess ended with a shrug. She didn’t mean to sound cruel, but she felt compelled to make them understand the questionable nature of what they were doing and asking.

Liz squared her shoulders, clenched her fists and began moving toward Tess, but Kyle stepped into her path. 

“What’s that going to do Liz? How does pissing off Tess get you closer? She needs time to process. This is a lot.”

“I’m so tired of everyone telling me about what Tess wants, what Tess needs. She’s standing here being an absolute fucking ass not caring. She doesn’t seem to have a problem coming to town and taking whatever she wants. Well, I want something. I want Max. And this fucking pretty princess over here can give him to me.”

Kyle asked the question that had been on his mind as he drove Tess to the cave. The ride was unusually silent, Tess stared out the window and Kyle tightly gripped the wheel, the knuckles of both hands pale. “And if Tess dies?”

“She won’t. She’s strong. That’s what you’ve all said. She’s so strong. She won’t die.”

“And if she does?”

“What do you want me to say, Kyle? We won’t know until she tries.” Liz couldn’t meet Kyle’s eyes. She couldn’t meet anyone’s eyes.

“Nothing better than people talking about you like you aren’t observing the conversation. Just for fun, let’s say I do die? Who brings me back? Max? Then he dies again? And then we’re stuck in a loop of death and resurrection. At some point, one of us will come back wrong. Maybe this time he’ll come back wrong. These pods weren’t meant to house the dead, and I’m guessing no one wants a god to come back wrong. He’ll be like Frankenstein’s monster. He’ll kill everyone before dying all over again. Then some dipshit on a boat with a deep love of albatrosses and ancient mariners will write about our story in letters to his sister. Max would have appreciated the allusion.”

Alex jumped in before Tess could say more, “Tess, let Kyle.”

“Let Kyle what?! I’m not doing this. We can stand here all night, and when I walk away, Max will still be in that pod. Dead.”

Liz had regained her calm or at least the appearance of it. “You keep saying that. How can you say that? How can you not even try?”

“Try? Try to undo what nature has done? I’m a doctor, I do that all of the time. I try to get in front of nature. Give people more time. Comfort people so they can enjoy the time they have left. I heal. I don’t resurrect.”

And just like that, it was gone. “You’re useless. Seriously, Alex? Really, Michael? This. . . “ Liz waved her hands in Tess’ direction, “this is what you brought. We got our hopes up for this?”

“You got your own hopes up. You should spend time grieving and letting go. This is no life. Max left you a gift. He gave you your sister. Go reconnect with her.”

“Shut the hell up, Tess.”

“Shutting the hell up and leaving.” Tess headed to the mouth of the cave dodging Alex’s outstretched hand and ignoring Michael calling after her.

Isobel had mostly stayed out of the tense exchange. Silently watching because she knew Liz’s way wouldn’t work with Tess. “Tess?”

Tess stopped when she heard Isobel call her name. It was soft the way it was during the day they’d spent together. “Yes, Isobel?”

“I understand. It’s a scary thing we’re asking. Look where it got Max. I’m-“

“Exactly! Look where it got Max. Do you know why Max died? Do any of you? Tess swiveled her head to make eye contact with them all. No one answered her. “He died because nature craves balance. What Max did was unnatural. It upset the balance. A life for a life. And if I do this, where does it stop? What makes Max more worthy than the young mother killed by a drunk driver yesterday on Highway 85? What about the toddler that accidentally drowned in Taos last week? How about Kate and Jasmine? How about the pediatric cancer wing? Should I just run around healing all of the sick and dying. Should I spend my nights resurrecting the dead. Tell me, any of you, why he’s more special that everyone else in this world?”

Liz again searched for some leverage, a way to shake Tess’ moral high ground. “If It were Alex or Michael, you would do this. I know you would. No one with this power would leave what they love dead?”

“I love Alex and Michael. So much. And if I lost either of them, I would be devastated, but I wouldn’t bring them back.”

“You’re a fucking liar.”

“She’s not.” Everyone looked surprised by Kyle making such a declaration. “She wouldn’t. We’re the same. We work to save lives. We silently mourn when we fail and remember their faces. We tell families that their loved ones are gone. We know grief, Liz. And this. . . what we’re asking is wrong. It’s just wrong.”

Tess gave Kyle’s hand a squeeze and mouthed a slow thank you. The gesture didn’t go unnoticed by Liz. In fact, it only served to fuel her more. She was losing herself to her grief. It was shifting her morality. The line moving and on one side Max stayed dead and on the other, he was alive.

“You aren’t the only one with powers, Tess.”

“I’m the only one with this power, or at least, the only one that knows how to tap into this power.”

“I wasn’t talking about this power.” Liz looked to Isobel. Tess looked between the two women. 

“Are you threatening me? Are you threatening to warp my mind? Make me do something against my will?” She turned to look directly at Isobel, eyes unblinking. “You’d do that to me, Isobel? You’d make me your puppet?” Tess’ word choice was a weapon designed just for Isobel. She turned back to the whole group, “Well, this world has certainly taught us that consent doesn’t matter when you have power.” She glanced at Michael’s hand. No one had told her, but she’d figured it out. “Isobel could try, but I would defend myself, and you all would lose.”

Alex moved away from Michael and closer to the center of the cave. “No one is threatening anyone. This is Tess’ choice.”

Michael spoke, “Alex is right. This is Tess’ choice.”

“You are out of bounds, Liz.” Kyle turned to Liz and his eyes were wide. He gestured toward the ground with an outstretched finger punctuating every word.

“I knew it. I knew you were buckling. I knew you all would take her side. I knew it!”

“No one is taking a side, Liz.”

“Well, Alex, get on a fucking side. You too, Michael. Kyle. Pick a fucking side.”

“No need for sides. My mind can’t be changed. And Isobel isn’t strong enough to warp my mind. Max shouldn’t have played God. I won’t. You’ll hate me, but I won’t hate myself. Max asked the universe for a gift. He didn’t even ask; he demanded. For you, Liz. That gift was for you. The universe may have exacted its price, but Rosa is here with you. And she has a second chance. I’d love a second chance with my moms. There isn’t a person in this world that wouldn’t love a second chance with someone else. That just isn’t how life works. And I’m not doing this.” With that Tess once again moved to the mouth of the cave. Without turning around she asked, “Anyone headed back to town?”

Tess was right. They’d all love what Liz had with Rosa. Michael thought of his mother, Kyle thought of his father, Alex thought of all the friends he’d lost to war, and Isobel thought of Max.

“What about your answers? Max might have them. He might know what happened to you?” Michael’s voice barely made it to Tess. His eyes never did. They were fixed on Max. Michael’s face was flooded with grief as if it were the first time. The first time he’d considered the possible permanence of a world without Max. They’d never fix the fractures in their relationship if this was the end of impossible turning to possible. Max’s words came to Michael again. The ones about the past. Michael considered for a moment that Max knew his time was waning and he’d given what he could on his way out. Was Max the past? Was their decade long animosity the past? Only Alex noticed Michael’s shift. Suddenly, he seemed not relieved, but released.

Tess didn’t bother to turn or glance back when she answered Michael, “Max Evans is dead. He isn’t the answer. He isn’t what brought me back to Roswell.” Tess wanted answers, but there was a deeper, unspoken truth. Finding answers also was no longer the only reason she stayed. 

“She’s right. We shouldn’t be doing this.” With that, Kyle walked toward Tess, placed a hand on her back, and together they left.

Liz tracked Tess’ departure with narrowed eyes. Her mouth a tight slash. The rest cast their eyes downward. Isobel’s tears spilling to the ground. Michael moved to comfort his sister.

Isobel’s question was broken by her sobs, “What do we do now Michael?”

“About Tess? Nothing we can do about that.” Then Michael did what he always did. He buried deep what he wanted for the sake of someone else. “We won’t give up, Is. I’ll keep working. Liz will keep working. It’s . . . it’s just going to take longer.” How could Michael move if Isobel wouldn’t? He was in until she was out. 

“No. We don’t need to keep working. We don’t need science, Mikey. We have an alien, and she’s going to do this. We’ll find a way to change her mind.”

Michael rubbed a hand up and down Isobel’s back as he responded to Liz, “I doubt that.”

“Well don’t. She’ll change her mind. She might not want to, but she will.”

Alex snapped to attention. He’d had enough. “No. She said no. She gets to say no. We knew that was a possibility. And . . . honestly, I knew it was an inevitability. I knew she wouldn’t do this because she doesn’t think it’s the right thing to do.”

Liz was angry and Alex not being on board only fueled her anger. She wasn’t just angry about the way he stood by Tess, but by his unwillingness to forgive Maria. “We’re supposed to give up on Max because Tess has some code?”

“At least she has a code.”’ Alex’s answer was layered and ran deeper than the question. “And yes, we’re supposed to give up on Tess helping us.”

Liz wrapped her arms around herself. “No.”

“Yes.” Michael faced her. “Tess is not an option. Just stay away from her.”

“Is this where I’m supposed to say make me?”

“No. And I won’t have to make you. Tess will make you, and when she does, you better hope I’m there or Alex is there because she’s not going to be threatened or forced or whatever the hell you have in mind. You push, she’ll push back. We do this with science or we don’t fucking do it!”

It wasn’t Liz that reacted to Michael.

“Michael!” Isobel stepped out of his arms. “No, Michael. You might never solve it. You haven’t so far. Are you giving up on him?”

“No, Is. I-I-I just want-“

Liz didn’t let him finish. “What do you want Michael? What do you want, huh? Months back you wanted Maria and normal and to bring back Max. Now here we are and you don’t want Maria and you don’t want Max. How about normal? Are you going to piss away normal too? What do you want Michael?”

Alex could see the way Michael was cornered. A man trapped between Isobel and Liz and a desire to piece his life back together. Alex couldn’t watch them beat him down and break him apart. Michael would let them, but Alex wouldn’t. “What’s normal about resurrection? He doesn’t have to tell you what he wants or what he doesn’t want. Everyone doesn’t have to feel how you feel, Liz. Or how you feel, Isobel. If the two of you want to stay trapped by death, do it, but he gets to live. Leave him alone.” Alex ran a hand through his hair leaving behind a mess. “We’ve been in this cave too long. Let’s go, Guerin.” 

Alex walked to the mouth of the cave. His walk was stilted by a growing limp. Michael hadn’t followed he was still standing beside Isobel. Guilt was clawing at him. Alex turned and held out his hand. “Come here to me, Michael.”


	39. Maybe It’s a Trick of the Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

Isobel and Liz left the cave together. Liz said she was headed home, but Isobel saw he her still parked and dark car in her rear view mirror. She was going back to the cave, dragged in by an invisible and parasitic tether. The feeling was one Isobel knew well, but she was determined to fight for herself just as hard as she was fighting for Max—maybe harder. 

Isobel was a drifter. Her destination unknown. Peace of mind or numbness was what she was after. Maybe a bit of both. In recent months, peace only came to her when she was with Michael, and one other time. The time she fell into Tess’ mind, it was beautiful. 

Tess was right though, it wasn’t Tess she wanted. She wasn’t ready to want, but when she was ready, she would be truthful and free. Right now though, she was all alone in this world. She felt more alone than she ever had. The constant pulse of Max in her mind had gone quiet. His steady hum silenced. She had never been alone in that way. Even Michael’s presence would roar to life from time to time, like an infrequent spark. 

Tonight, she hadn’t feel Michael leave, only watched him. When he’d slipped his hand into Alex’s, it was the smallest of deaths. When their fingers interlocked, she knew he was no longer her ally. Michael would be true to his word. He’d keep looking for a way to bring Max back to them, but time would pass and the attempts would be fleeting until there were no more late nights in the bunker.

Autopilot brought Isobel to the Wild Pony. There she was in her car then there she was sliding onto a stool at the bar. This wasn’t her place. This was no one’s place now. Things divided really do have a hard time standing.

“What are you doing here?”

“What does anyone do here?”

“You seem to think you’re welcome here.”

“I came to drink, think, and drown. You can understand that.”

“I can understand that, but you still aren’t welcome.”

“You let actual racists drink here, actual ones.”

“Money is money is money.”

“Well, I have money. Whiskey neat, please. Something sweet and smooth.” 

Maria reared back. “Who taught you about whiskey? It isn’t really your thing.”

“It’s a whiskey kind of night. And you don’t know me.”

“I know you. Your type. What you’re capable of. You don’t even realize what you break.” Even as Maria spoke she was placing a bottle on the bar top. “This banker, broker type used to stop in every four months like clockwork. First time in, he asked for an 18 year Macallen. We didn’t have it. He said he’d be back in four months, so we ordered a bottle. He’d sit right where you’re sitting and finish the entire thing. We started keeping three or four bottle on hand then about two years ago, he missed one visit then another and another. You get the idea. Let’s pour you a glass. No one else in this town can afford it. And like I said-“

“Money is money is money,” Isobel parroted.

“Yeah.”

Isobel liked a mystery as much as the next person, but it was the first part of what Maria said that stuck with her. Especially after the cave. Isobel had known what Liz was going to suggest. They’d discussed it in few words, but it was never really said aloud. Not really. Not directly. She was ashamed of herself. Ashamed that Tess thought she could ever do what Noah had done to her. Ashamed because she’d thought about it. 

After Michael had left with Alex, and she was alone with an angry Liz, she’d thought about what Michael had said about Tess and Jesse Manes. He hadn’t said much, but he said enough. Tonight, Tess didn’t say much more, but Isobel read between her accusing words. She thought about all her missing time not knowing what Noah had done with her body or made her body do. Like Tess said, Liz would hate her, but she wouldn’t hate herself. Isn’t that what mattered? When Isobel spoke it was to Maria, but also to an absent Liz, as well as to herself. “I’m not a breaker, but I’ve been broken.”

Maria always had a reply waiting when it came to Isobel, but now she paused. There was something missing from Isobel’s usual air. Even in the immediate aftermath of Max’s death, she’d had an unmistakeable edge. Grieving but still a queen. Now she took up less space, her aura had dimmed, and her false confidence was tucked away and out of sight. Isobel wasn’t looking for a fight, and Maria didn’t want to give her one.

When you spend your time peering into the futures of friends and strangers, it’s easy to miss out on their past and their present. Maria spent a lot of time looking, but maybe not enough time seeing. Tonight, she saw Isobel. She put aside dressing her up as the girl that made Rosa leave the bar. Isobel hadn’t made her drink or do drugs or drive. In her need to place blame, but unable to blame the dead, Maria had tattooed her anger all over Isobel. For tonight, she’d put it away. Then tomorrow she’d do it again and again until she was standing with nothing but the realities of Rosa’s death. She would try. She might fail, but it was a start. “It’s on the house.”

Isobel slide a hundred dollar bill across the bar. “No. Help me spend my dead husband’s money. He was a monster.”

Maria didn’t know the whole story. She didn’t even know half the story. These days, Liz gave her feelings dressed up as facts. The facts were fewer and fewer. The people she cared about most in this world were lying to her. Lies of omission were still lies. They weren’t sparing her; they were sparing themselves. Even with the little she knew, Maria knew Noah Bracken hadn’t been a good man, and that was all that mattered. 

“How many more of these do you have?” Maria tapped the money with her finger.

“As many as I need. What were you thinking?”

“I’m thinking maybe you shouldn’t drink alone. I’ve got three more bottles and some sorrows to drown. After closing.”

“I’ll be the misery if you’ll be the company.“


	40. It’s About a Wait That’s Worth it Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

Every voice became a faint buzz. All Michael could see was Alex’s outstretched hand waiting for his. It was magnetic. He left Isobel’s side and made his way to Alex, placing his hand in Alex’s and turning his palm until their fingers interlocked. 

Before they took a single step, Alex leaned in and said, “I wasn’t leaving without you.” Different words, but it was just like Caulfield with much lower stakes. Michael needed to ask the question, but for the moment he was losing himself in the feel of Alex’s hand against his. 

Before they could take a step, Liz was at their backs. “We need to figure this out.”

“You two have been working for months on this, the science isn’t going to happen tonight.”

“I’m not talking about fucking science, Alex. I’m talking about Tess. We need to figure out Tess. And you two are the only ones that can do that. Figure out Tess.”

“She isn’t a puzzle.”

“I know. She’s an alien.”

“So is your pet science project over there.” Alex gestured with his head to Max’s pod. “We’re leaving. We’ve all had enough tonight. Especially you.”

Michael and Isobel knew they should step in and say something, but Michael didn’t know what to say, and Isobel was suddenly realizing she’d threatened Tess.

“Thanks for being concerned, Alex.”

“Well, it’s more than you’ve done for me recently. Have a good night. Isobel.”

Alex and Michael’s hands remained clasped as they crossed an expanse of New Mexico desert to the truck.

The walk was silent. Whatever thoughts they had, they kept them to themselves. Michael’s weren’t fully formed, and Alex’s were a convergence. When they climbed into the truck, Michael turned to Alex. “I can drop-“

“You should stay.” Alex turned away from Michael. He was staring out the window.. “Whenever you want to stay, you should stay.” Alex kneaded his jeans, played with an imaginary loose thread while also willing his hands to still. He was nervous, but turned back to look into Michael’s eyes. “I always want you to stay.”

“I always want to stay.”

Alex’s smile turned into a laugh. “Okay.”

Michael followed. “Okay.”

The sound of the truck’s engine was a soft purr, the polar opposite to the way she looked. They drove away from the cave with the windows down and the radio low. 

“Alex?”

“Yeah?”

“I need to stop by the Airstream and grab some stuff. That okay?”

Alex didn’t answer with words. He took Michael’s free hand in his, closed his eyes, leaned his head back, and hummed along, smile on his face, to some old country song his mother used to play when his father was deployed. 

They pulled up outside the Airstream.

“You want to come in with me?” Michael pitched his voice low and raised their still clasped hands to his lips and laid kisses across Alex’s knuckles.

Alex licked his lips and bit down. “I think I better not.”

“Yeah?” Michael’s smile was lazy charm. 

Alex paused before answering. Michael saw the smallest of cracks, but Alex’s commitment to doing it right this time won in the end. “Yeah.”

Michael bit his bottom lip. “Why not?”

“Guerin.”

“Just say I’m irresistible. Just say I’m sexy. Just say I’m temptation.”

Alex rolled his eyes. “Get out.”

Michael had left the truck running, so Alex resumed his previous head back and eyes closed position when he felt his phone vibrate. It was a message from Tess to Alex, Michael, and Kyle. She was coming by first thing in the morning. 

“She’s probably going to kill us,” Alex mumbled to himself. 

Michael emerged from the Airstream with what appeared to Alex a pile of stuff. He was sure it made sense and that everything he was carrying had a purpose, but it looked random. He tossed it in the bed of the truck and placed a tarp over it before climbing behind the wheel. 

They took off for the cabin, radio still pitched low, a flash of lightning darting across the night sky followed by the boom of thunder. They rolled up the windows just in case the rain came before they were safely inside the cabin. The unsettled atmosphere reminded Alex of Tess’s text.

“Tess wants to meet in the morning. You, me, Kyle. At the cabin.”

“To kill us?”

“Probably.”

“Well, two good things. She isn’t with Valenti if she sent the message to all of us, and she plans on killing him along with us.”

“I love that you love the little things.”

“Not everything I love is little.”

“Definitely don’t feel I should argue that point.”

“Yeah, no point really. I have conclusive proof, but I’m open to collecting more data.”

“Stop talking.”

“For science, Alex.”

“Well, who can say no to science.”

Their easy flirtatiousness was a sizable change from earlier in the evening. Tess had said no, and that was that, but Liz’s insistence was something else. There was a mania in her eyes and words that worried both men, but it was a conversation for tomorrow or the day after that. Neither believed Liz could be that great a threat without Isobel’s cooperation, so the rest of tonight was just for them.

The cabin was dark. Michael stopped the car and got out quickly. He waited for Alex to emerge. They stood close together, Michael fingering the soft leather of Alex’s jacket. 

Alex looked down at Michael’s hand. “Looking for a good night kiss?”

“I am.” Michael let his hand fall away and took a step back. “I’m also looking for some of that talk you like so much.”

Alex took a step forward. “Learned to like.” Alex reached up and pulled Michael to him, pressing their foreheads together and burying his hands deep in Michael’s curls. The stars were their only witness. Alex pulled away and placed a single soft kiss on each of Michael’s closed eyes, the tip of his nose, and finally his lips. Mouths closed but they lingered. Moments passed then a minute, a gentle rain began to fall, Alex stepped away. Michael’s eyes opened, in them Alex saw golden galaxies filled with tiny pricks of starlight. For a moment, they swirled the way Tess’ always did. 

Alex tugged Michael’s hand. “Come on, let’s talk.” Hands locked they walked into the cabin. “Hey, you mind if I shower before we talk? My leg could use it.”

“You shower. I’ll cook. We should eat.”

Alex brushed a hand down the front of Michael’s shirt as he passed. Michael caught a few of his fingers as he walked away. He held them loosely letting them slide free as Alex continued down the hallway. Finding excuses to touch one another was their new thing. It seemed like forward movement to Michael, and he hoped Alex felt the same.

Cooking was science. Michael was sure he could do it, but he was relieved to find a covered tray with multiple sticky notes waiting in the refrigerator. The first of the sticky notes written in Tess’ atypical doctor cursive said “Toss it around a bit. 15-20 minutes under a broiler set to high. Warm the bread separately. Eat. Share.” The second said, “I wanted to add love, but Eat. Share. Love. was too close to Eat. Pray. Love. But love for fucks sake. You two are idiots. Turtles and Kisses, Tess.”

Michael was pulling bread out of the oven when a damp haired Alex entered the kitchen. 

“Your turn.”

“Turns? Well, damn.”

“Smells good.”

“I’m a genius.”

“In the kitchen too?”

“Yep.” Michael handed Alex the sticky notes. “I’ll be quick.”

Alex sent Tess a quick thank you text and any hope he had that she wasn’t fattening them up before killing them was dashed by the knife, bomb, dragon emojis that were her reply. “Shit.” Alex decided there was nothing to do but enjoy his last meal. He set the table for two and grabbed some beers. True to his word, Michael was back in 15 minutes. 

“Let’s eat.”

They talked about the ordinary things that fill dinner tables the world over with a few added twists—aliens, space travel, kidnapping and unlawful detainment, and how exactly Tess would kill them. Their suggestions on how she would finish them grew increasingly absurd. When the laughter settled, Michael leaned away from the table pushing deep into the chair.

The change was abrupt, but Michael didn’t know how else do it. “At Caulfield . . . at Caulfield, what you said. I thought you were just trying to get me to leave. It’s what I thought . . . what I needed to think. With everything else that had happened it was easy to believe you didn’t want my blood on your conscious because your father had done enough. It was easy to believe you were lying. I didn’t think you loved me anymore. I’m not making sense.” Michael tugged at his curls before slapping a hand down on the table. “I don’t even know what question I was trying to ask.”

Alex reached across the table to cover Michael’s hand with his own. “Everything I said was true. Yes, I wanted you to leave with me, but I also thought we were going to die and I wanted you to know. I wanted you to know.”

“Know what, Alex?”

“What I thought you always knew. That I love you. That I’ve always loved you. I think . . . I know I always will. But what you said, I didn’t believe you then, but after you left me waiting, after you went to-, I started to believe it. I thought I’d been loving you and trying to keep you safe when all you’d been doing was holding on to something that hadn’t worked. That would never work.” 

Michael shook his head, eyes glassy. “No, Alex.” Michael leaned forward again and took Alex’s hand between his, running his thumb across the back.

“Hey. I know. I do. Do you know?”

“I know.”

That sat just like that until Alex used his free hand to wipe his face. “You cooked. I’ll do the dishes.”

“Alex.”

“Yeah?”

“I need you alive. Don’t do that again.”

Alex nodded. “I need you alive too. I won’t do it again if you don’t do it again.”

“I think I can make that deal. Now! I’ll help. You need to rest. We did a lot of walking and standing today.”

“No. No. No. I’ll be fast. I have a dishwasher you know. How about . . .”

“Another beer and more Star Trek?”

“We could, or we could climb in bed and talk some more.”

“Wait! Have I graduated from the sofa?” 

Alex flicked water in Michael’s direction. “I want the bed instead of sitting on the sofa, but I’m not ready to say goodnight, I want to talk some more.”

“Talk some more?”

“Yeah. Just talk.”

“Just talk?”

Alex shrugged as he loaded the dishwasher. “Yeah, talk. What? Still looking for that goodnight kiss? You can always go sleep on the sofa after we talk. I mean, if you want, but I don’t want.”

Michael moved behind Alex, and pressed their bodies together. The heat rolled off his body, and Alex could feel his own temperature rise, from Michael’s natural heat, from the closeness, but it also made him shiver. Michael wrapped his arms around Alex and whispered, “Hurry up.”


	41. Nobody Took Down My Guard Like You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

Kyle and Tess made the walk from the cave to his car in silence. Tess kept her eyes trained forward, adjusting to the darkness. Occasionally, Kyle glanced behind them expecting an angry Liz or apologetic Michael to come after them, but he gave up on the idea when they were halfway to the car.

“No one’s coming, Kyle.”

“You seem sure.”

“I’m sure Alex has always known this was a crazy idea. And that Michael’s torn. I’m sure that Isobel is lost. What Noah did and then her brother . . . hoping for a miracle.”

“She’s hoping for a miracle because Max gave us a miracle.” Kyle held up his hands when Tess turned mouth poised to speak. “Whatever we think of that miracle, and my feelings are incredibly mixed because on the one hand I get to know a sister I never knew I had, but I also know it isn’t . . . it isn’t what’s right, Isobel knows it’s possible and thinks it’s right. That’s the difference.”

“It’s still false hope Kyle. You all didn’t even know I could heal, and there was never a guarantee that I would do it, but Liz and Isobel just viewed it as a foregone conclusion. Liz decided no matter what she was going to get what she wanted from me. Fuck what I say! Fuck what I want! Fuck my life!” Tess stopped walking. She spun around and screamed into the wind before turning back to Kyle. “Sorry. That wasn’t for you. Wasn’t even for Liz.”

“For the universe.” 

“Something like that.” Tess walked and Kyle followed.

“I get it.”

“You don’t . . . Isobel though, it’s just easy to get lost when you let the people around you define you. Decide for you. It’s also a hard habit to break. And Liz is . . . I don’t know what Liz is. You know her.”

“I don’t know that Liz. Cave Liz. Liz . . . she’ll come back to us.”

“I doubt that. There’s a part of her that’s as dead as Max Evans.”

“Maybe, but she’s strong. She’ll come back to us.” Kyle’s voice was soft. Tess looked at his face. Sometimes he was easy to read, but not right now. If Tess had to describe it, she would say he looked like his heart hurt. 

“You love her.”

“Question?”

“Fact.”

“I do love her. I care about her. I don’t want to see her hurt, but there’s no great love story. We were for high school. We aren’t for now.”

“If you say so.”

“Jealous?”

“So very.”

“Thought so.”

“But . . . I don’t know if she’ll still want to date me after what just happened. But her lips. They look so sweet and red. And her eyes. A girl could get lost in those big, beautiful eyes. Sigh.”

“Did you just say sigh?”

Tess only smiled.

“You, Tess Harding, are an impossible ass.”

“You, Kyle Valenti, like me. You like me a lot.” 

They’d finally arrived at the car. Tess stood by the passenger door waiting for the unmistakable sound of a car unlocking itself. It didn’t come. Kyle approached and crowded close. Looking into her eyes, he lifted the collar of her coat against the growing wind. “What if I do?”


	42. My Main Affliction’s This One Track Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short Liz chapter. Back this weekend with a bigger update.

Isobel was right. Liz watched the taillights of Isobel’s car disappear before she started the walk back to the cave. There was nowhere for her to go. There was energy and rage and sadness racing through her body, she clasped her hands in an attempt to contain it all, but it wouldn’t be contained. This was a problem she had to solve and no one understood. It wasn’t only about bringing back the man she loved. It was about repaying a debt. She was in Max’s debt, and his death did nothing to erase the feeling. Sitting in the cave was her place, where she belonged. It was the only place that would do.

Sitting in her childhood room above the Crashdown wouldn’t do. The space was too small for big problems. It was a place for the secrets of sneaking out and back in, of first kisses, the first swallows of stolen liquor, and planning for the day you’d finally get out of that small room in that small town. Back then she believed there was only enough space for small dreams, but since her return home, she’d discovered there was nothing small about Roswell.

Sitting on a stool at the Wild Pony wouldn’t do. The space was too loud for secrets. It was a space between The Fields of Mourning and Tartarus, for the broken hearted and the breakers of hearts, spirits, and souls. It was where you went to drown. Where debts were accrued but never repaid. It was where you went when you didn’t want to dream or to escape broken dreams. What Liz knew now—Roswell was made for dreams and dreamers.

Sitting in a hidden cave deep in the desert of Roswell would do. The space was for big dreams. It was a place for remembering what you hoped would be your last first kiss, what it felt like to be loved by Max Evans—completely. It was were the impossible would once again be proven possible if Liz had her way. 

Liz only needed to ask the questions and then uncover the answers. What could she do to make it impossible for Tess to refuse? Tess had something she needed, so what did she have that Tess needed? That Tess would need? And there it was, an answer so easy it was catching fireflies on a summer night.

Sitting in a hidden cave deep in the desert of Roswell, Liz Ortecho decided there was no line. She was committed.


	43. I’m With You Rain or Shine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

The coffee was just beginning to fill the carafe when Tess walked into the cabin. She hadn’t waited for Kyle who had pulled up behind her. The four of them had agreed to meet first thing in the morning. First thing to Tess was obviously different than first thing for everyone else. She expected to find a sleeping Michael on the sofa, but all she found was a neatly folded pile of blankets. The door swung closed and Kyle inhaled deeply. “Yes, coffee.”

Down the hall, the bedroom door opened and out walked Alex with a shirtless Michael right behind him. Michael was pulling yesterday’s shirt on when he stopped in front of Kyle.

Kyle moaned, “I’m not ready. I thought I had another few years or at least weeks.”

Tess ignored him. She also ignored Michael’s response and Alex making peace. The scent drew her to the kitchen. In her mind, she felt like she was wading through glue. The journey to the kitchen achingly slow, but the reality of her movements drew the attention of the three men. Her pace was swift and robotic. They all noticed, and they all followed. She turned the machine off and waited for the final few drips to fill the carafe while silently choking back bile. Once the drips stopped she ran cold water in the sink and dumped the contents down the drain following it quickly with the lemon scented soap Alex kept on hand. 

Behind her Michael and Alex exchanged knowing looks. Kyle looked to them for an answer and what he saw in their faces made him choke back his whine about needing his morning coffee. There was sadness and guilt. The three men sat.

“Alex, where’s the Lemon Mate I bought.”

“Pantry.”

Tess filled the kettle and set it on the burner turning on the gas before reaching into the nearest cabinet for four mugs.

Only then did Tess sit down. She gripped the seat of her chair before looking at the three faces assembled before her.

“You should have told me.”

“Tess, we love you, but you don’t need to know when I graduate from sofa to bed.”

Alex remembered his early morning conversation with Tess. Had it just been yesterday? “It wasn’t . . . it was . . . we slept. Just that.”

“It wasn’t just that.”

“Guerin.”

“We also talked. Fell asleep talking. It wasn’t even on purpose.”

“Great to know, but I wasn’t talking about the two of you doing or not doing the sex. I was talking about the Scooby Gang wanting me to fucking resurrect Max Evans who is fucking dead by the way. Like dead dead. You should have told me, but by the fucking by, I’m smart as hell and I knew it was something jackass like that. Are you all fucking crazy. That’s not something one does. Right. Like walking into Mordor. You don’t. . . you don’t do that shit or else you end up fucking dead with your body tossed in a boat or a pod in this case.” Her words came quickly with hardly a breath between.

“Wait. Is that your planet? Mordor?” Kyle unintentionally erased the tension in the room.

Michael let his head drop into his hands before lifting it again. “How are you friends with him?”

Alex shrugged at Michael’s question. “Kyle. Stop talking.”

“Do you do the pop culture, Kyle? We need a movie marathon.”

“That’s Valenti, Tess. Not Kyle. Valenti. And you aren’t marathoning with him.”

Tess rolled her eyes and returned the conversation to its previous track. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Come on, Tess. If we told you, you wouldn’t have listened.” Michael stood to grab the whistling kettle. He poured water over the tea bags, returned the kettle, and took his seat.

“Listened to what? Listened to a bunch of people being okay with me maybe dying?”

“No one is comfortable with you dying!”

“No, Alex, because Liz Ortecho seems very comfortable with everything. My death. Threats.”

“She’s just-“

“Don’t you dare, Michael. Don’t you dare try to make excuses for her. She doesn’t care if I die. She doesn’t care about someone fucking with my mind to get her way. My no didn’t mean a thing to her. Not one fucking thing.”

“She won’t. Isobel won’t.” Michael was reassuring himself as much as he was trying to appease Tess.

“Oh, I know they won’t because I won’t let them. The world doesn’t need more people who don’t understand consent.”

“It won’t come to that Tess, “Kyle looked into her stony face as he spoke.

Tess leaned towards him and slowed down her words. It was patronizing and she knew it, but she was tired of people predicting the future and believing that Liz Ortecho wasn’t desperate and therefore dangerous. “I know, Kyle. Like I said, I won’t let them.”

“Okay. Let’s move on and away from your low key threats.” Alex reached into his pocket and placed his phone on the table. 

“My threats are high key, Alex. Always.”

Alex raised an eyebrow in her direction, his mouth a hard line. Tess raised both of her’s at him, the raise in her shoulders and shake of head almost imperceptible. The three men in the room knew her mind was made and more talk wasn’t going to change a thing.

Alex nodded to show that he understood. “I have something you need to hear.”

Alex tapped play and the four of them listened to Tess’ voice uttering a strange language.

“It’s Antarian. Art and Callie would speak it sometimes when they were trying to keep things from me. They never taught it to me, but I picked up words here and there. Never had anyone to practice with, so I figured it was a skill I lost a long time ago.”

Kyle put his hand on Tess’ arm. “What are you saying.” 

The table rattled.

“Guerin,” Alex’s voice was a gentle warning. One without judgement.

“I don’t . . . Alex, can you play it for me again?”

Alex once again pressed play. Tess’ eyes looked down at the table but were focused on nothing. Eventually her eyes closed while her brow remained furrowed. She shook her head as the recording ended. “Some of the words are familiar. The simple ones. You. Our. Of. A few others.”

“Can you write the language? Phonetically?”

Tess shrugged. “I can try.”

“Well, we know you can read it.”

“I can read it. Most of it. Like I said, I can try.”

Michael watched the way Kyle looked at Tess— eyes soft, brows knitted. It irritated him, but he dragged himself back into the conversation more to refocus himself than to make any meaningful contribution. It showed in his question. “Has this ever happened before?”

“How would I know, Michael. I’m clearly asleep when it happens, but I suppose someone would have mentioned it by now.”

Kyle moved the hand resting on Tess’ arm down to her hand. “You didn’t when I was around.”

Kyle’s mug exploded. Only his chair being dragged backward across the floor kept shards from hitting him.

“What the hell, Guerin.” Kyle jumped up from the chair. Michael followed suit. They faced off neither making a move but both with clenched fists.

“Kyle, it was an accident.”

“Give me a break, Alex. He accidentally shoots a mug at me then accidentally yanks me out of the way before the pieces can hit me?!”

A single forced laugh rumbled low in Michael’s chest. “I didn’t pull you out of the way.”

“You’re such a fucking dick. I’m supposed to stay away from Alex and now Tess? Anyone else, Guerin?”

“How ‘bout I let you know.”

“Michael! Enough. Can we all sit back down and figure this out. This . . .,” Tess waved her hand at Alex’s phone, “is a better explanation than Max or a brain tumor.”

Michael remained standing, but Kyle dragged his chair back to the table, the sound of cracking ceramic followed. “It doesn’t actually rule out brain tumor.”

Michael scoffed and tilted his head in Kyle’s direction, “This guy.”

“Guerin.”

“Doctor to doctor, that was a suck delivery, Kyle.”

“Sorry.”

“No, you’re right. It doesn’t rule it out. In fact, it might support brain tumor.”

“I can examine you, but what I can do outside of the hospital is limited.”

“Limited is better than nothing. Come over later? My shift ends at 7.”

The remaining water in the kettle sloshed, but only Kyle noticed.

“That’s one thing. Few more things we need to do.” Alex held up a finger as he listed, “We need to record you sleeping for a few more nights to see if this happens again. If this was the one and only occurrence, we need to figure out what happened that night to trigger it. I need to finish creating the algorithm from the journals. Then we can figure of what you’re saying. We need to finish going through the videos from Caulfield.”

Kyle gives Alex an incredulous look, “Oh! Is that all we have to do.”

“Unless I have a brain tumor.”

“You don’t have a brain tumor.”

“You don’t know that, Alex.”

“Hey, I agree with Alex. We’ll do what we can tonight. I’ve got to get to the hospital. See you there later, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Walk me out?”

“To the door. I’m not putting my shoes back on just for you.”

Tess and Kyle left the kitchen talking quietly. His head angled toward her. Something she said made him laugh softly. Whatever it was he replied with a joke of his own, “Probably warning us of the coming alien invasion.” Then they moved closer to the door, and their voices become indistinct.

“Guess I was wrong about them not being together when she sent the text.”

“You need to apologize.”

“I’m sorry for breaking your mug.”

“Guerin. Kyle is my friend. That isn’t going to change. He’s been there for me since I got back to Roswell. Through it all.” Alex’s look was meaningful. Michael understood.  When none of the others were there for him, Kyle was. When Michael was trying for easy, and Maria was trying to live beyond her mother and the Wild Pony, Kyle was there. When Alex was left behind in the wake of it all, Kyle was by his side.

Michael walked to the door. Tess reached out a hand to stop him. Alex called from the kitchen, “It’s okay. Let him.”

Tess released her grip on Michael and he continued out the door.

“Valenti.”

“What, Guerin?” Kyle didn’t stop or turn to look at Michael. His stride was steady.

“I wasn’t aiming for you. It was just an uncontrolled response.” Michael’s gait was slow, but he followed after Kyle. The apology wasn’t his idea, so he wasn’t going to force it.

“You should really fucking work on that.”

“Yeah. Look, Tess is . . .”

Kyle finally stopped. “I get it, Guerin. Forget about that.” He waved a hand at the cabin. “You want to protect Tess. I understand that. You need to know though, I like her, and your outbursts aren’t going to change that. Besides, what I want doesn’t matter if Tess doesn’t want it too, but I hope she does.” 

Michael could only nod. They both turned and walked away. Kyle to his car and Michael back to the cabin. Nothing between them had changed, but Michael knew he’d need to try harder. For Alex, he would try harder to see the good, but right now all he could see was Kyle’s fist hitting Alex’s face. 

Michael found Tess standing in the open doorway watching their exchange. She backed into the house, giving Michael room to come inside and close the door.

Michael couldn’t see Alex in the kitchen, but he heard the familiar rush of water through pipes.

“Alex in the shower?”

Tess nodded. “His leg. He’ll be awhile.” Then she turned toward the kitchen before spinning back around. “Seriously, Michael.”

Whatever temporary peace Michael had made with Kyle was forgotten when Tess pounced. “Seriously, Tess? Fucking Valenti?”

“Are you asking me a question, Michael?”

“Yes! My question is seriously, Tess?”

“I fell asleep at his place for a couple of hours after you two lied to me about all of this bullshit. Then he slept at my place last night. Took me to my truck at the hospital then followed me home. Came inside because your friend and your sister threatened me.”

“He tormented Alex. Have you forgotten that? Pick someone else.”

“I haven’t forgotten a thing, but I have forgiven and so has Alex, so why haven’t you? What’s your deal? And just so you know, not that it’s your business, I haven’t picked at all. But I’m a big kid now, I do what and who I want. Just like you.”

Michael’s face fell. “I know what I did, Tess. You don’t have to remind me. It almost cost me everything.”

Tess heaved a big breath, “That was out of line. Sorry.” Tess wrapped her arms around Michal and he completed the hug a few seconds later. Tess’ anger was abating, but the hug was because she knew Michael. He’d beat himself up over her comment. He’d let the idea of him hurting Alex circle round and round in his brain until he felt unworthy. When Michael felt unworthy he became self-destructive. He’d come too far for that. Tess refused to be the cause of a backslide. She never wanted to cause him any pain. “I love you. Kyle is not the enemy.”  Michael had been stiff in her arms, but now he relaxed. “You are a good man. Always.”

“I love you, Tess.” He buried his nose in her hair, kissing the top of her head. “Please stop calling him Kyle.”

Tess laughed into his chest. “You’re such a dumbass.”

“You love this dumbass.”

“A couple of dumbasses.” Michael kissed the top of her head one more time then stepped away. “There’s nothing going on with Kyle. . . not really.” Tess paused to consider her own words. “Rephrase. There’s less going on with Kyle than whatever happened here last night.”

Michael feigned offense. “We talked and we slept. Can you say the same?”

“If you say so, but we definitely only talked and slept.”

“Tess, you don’t believe me?”

“If you say you talked and slept then you talked and slept. Although, you didn’t have a shirt on when we got here and Alex’s sweats were on backwards, but talked and slept it is.”

“No one sleeps in pants.”

“That’s your defense?”

“Not defending. Just stating the facts, no one sleeps in pants.”

Tess pursed her lips and shook her head at Michael.  “Come on. I’ll supervise while you clean up your mess.”

Michael placed his hand over his heart. “You’re so generous.”

“That I am.”

“You gonna heal my cuts.”

“Of course. I have some Avenger bandaids in the truck, but you can’t have the Captain America ones.”

Tess sat in a chair while Michael carefully picked up the bigger pieces. Her gaze was fixed out the window. The sun was streaming through the curtains, round shadows playing on the wall behind her. She looked like a light leak picture come to life. Only the small smile on her lips revealed that her thoughts were happy ones. Michael looked up from where he was crouched on the floor when Tess spoke.

“He’s really pretty though.”

“Captain America?”

“No. I mean obviously, yes, but we weren’t talking about Captain America.”

Michael smiled. “He really is. Even when he sleeps.”

“Alex?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s true, awake or asleep, but I was talking about Kyle. Sorry, Valenti.”

Two more mugs shattered.


	44. And He Ain’t Seen Me Crazy Yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

Jess Manes walked toward the bars when the light of day breeched the bunker door.

“Alone today, Alex?”

Alex ignored him. He walked toward the cell hand on his holstered gun instead of the taser. He told himself it was the more reasonable option, but deeper he knew he was looking for a reason. Any reason. He shrugged off his backpack.

“Step back.”

Jesse Manes forever the soldier stepped back.

Alex unzipped his pack and started tossing the contents through the bars of the cell. Applesauce, foil packaged tuna, granola bars, crackers, small packages of peanut butter, and bananas. From the very bottom he grabbed a pile of folded sheets, blankets, towels, and clothes. He shoved two trash bags through the bars.

“Trash and dirties.”

Jesse Manes stripped his bed then himself, redressing and making the small bed before passing Alex the two trash bags.

“Tell me, Alex. How much longer can this go on? People will start to ask questions. Your brothers will come home. Then what?”

“Hands.” Jesse Manes shoved his hands between the bars where Alex secured them with cuffs. “Mouth. Open.”

Alex shoved in the pills and vitamins Kyle had prescribed. He lifted a bottle of water to his father’s mouth and made sure he swallowed.

“You’re working incredibly hard to keep me alive.”

Alex’s smile was cruel. “Kyle made me promise to keep up with your meds, but I have to be honest, I don’t give a shit if you get an infection and die. In fact, a few weeks ago, I was coming here to kill you.”

“Has he fallen victim to your same sickness? Have you lured him in? You’re like your mother. I thought Kyle was stronger than that, but he’s weak like his father.”

Alex ignored him. Jesse Manes was determined to break through Alex’s defenses. Alex being weak would feed him.

“You want to kill me for protecting you? Michael Guerin is using you, and you are too lost in your perversions to see that. They make you weak. He makes you weak.”

Alex knew his father was baiting him, but it was bait he wanted to take.

“I was going to kill you for being an abusive dick, a murder, and a rapist.”

Jesse Manes ignored the first two charges Alex had leveled against him. He pressed his face close to the bars and pitched his voice low, “Tess Harding. You know she called your name that night. I don’t know if she was pretending I was you or if she was calling to you for help. Either was a lost cause. You weren’t man enough to have her or to save her. Good thing I was there.”

Alex pushed his father away as far as the handcuffs would allow before reaching and pulling him hard into the bars. The slamming of his skull reverberated and a large gash opened on his forehead. Blood trickled down his face and his eyes became glassy where unshed tears pooled. Alex released the handcuffs and watched as his father fell backward to the floor. Ignoring the protest of his prosthetic he crouched low and leaned into the bars. His voice was ice, “You have something running down your face, Pops. And are those tears, toughen the fuck up. Real Manes men don’t cry.” 

Alex grabbed the trash bags and his empty pack before he stood and walked out the door. 


	45. And I’ll Battle Till This Bitter Finale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

“I don’t believe her, you know.”

“Believe . . . ?” Michael straightened from his hunched position and gave his back a good stretch. 

“Tess. I don’t believe she wouldn’t do anything to save Alex and you. She’d scorch the earth. I know she would.”

Michael didn’t respond. Liz had called earlier to ask about testing some more samples from the pod. No matter how much they extracted the volume remained the same. The pods were the perfect self-sustaining environment. Michael said he’d be able to knock his work at Sanders’ out by morning. 

Yesterday, he’d spent the day with Alex. They’d been researching and creating algorithms. He’d always planned on working, but he hoped Alex might want to take a ride and stop somewhere for lunch, but he’d promised Isobel and Liz. They both need some bit of hope to sate them. 

Words had been spilling from Liz’s mouth all afternoon; Michael could barely keep up. He just bent back over the table and continued his work, testing the conductivity of the gelatinous substance from the pods. Liz didn’t need him to respond. She was speaking more to herself, building a case for what came next.

“She didn’t know Max. If she knew him, she’d save him, but she didn’t.”

Michael responded without looking up, “You’re right, she didn’t know him. He thought she was cute though or maybe that was Isobel.” Michael smiled at the memory of all those years ago. It was bittersweet—prom. “If we could just figure out what this was made of,” he sweeps his hand over the countless capped beakers, “I think we could make some progress.”

The screen of Michael’s phone brightened. “Alex is on his way.”

“Alex? Why? Does he know I’m here?”

“Relax. He’s bringing a late lunch. His contribution. No one is looking for a fight.” 

Liz didn’t bother to mention that she was looking for a fight. Alex coming to the bunker meant Liz’s timeline was speeding up.

“Since Tess won’t use her powers, why doesn’t she help with the science.”

“Liz. I don’t think Tess wants to be where you are. You basically told her you wouldn’t give a shit if she died.”

“I never said that!”

“You all but said it.”

“That’s not what I meant. She wouldn’t push herself the way Max did. She’d know when to stop.”

“We don’t know that Max pushed himself. We don’t know what he did. Honestly, I don’t even know why the hell he thought he could bring someone back from death. Not dying like you were after being shot you but 10 years dead.”

“I don’t know. I don’t why he did it.” Liz did know. They all knew. It was just like Tess said; it was guilt.

Michael’s phone vibrated with another text from Alex. The screen lighting under his touch. “He’s here.” Michael’s face matched his phone. He positioned himself at the bottom of the ladder as the hatch lifted. 

“Hey. Okay if I come down?”

“Why don’t I come up.”

“I brought something for Liz too.”

Michael looked over his shoulder, “You coming?”

“Right behind you, Mikey.”

Michael climbed the ladder and true to her word Liz was right behind him. He emerged and smiled in Alex’s direction. He took three steps and then he felt it. It was a sudden sharp jab right into his neck. 

“Liz!” Alex cried out before Michael registered what was happening.

Liz’s voice broke on a sob, “I’m sorry. It’s the only way. It’ll be fine. She’ll save Max. I’ll save you. I’m sorry.” Liz dropped to her knees and buried her face in her hands.

Alex steered Michael into a chair. “Don’t move.” He marched over to Liz, gripped her shoulders, and hauled her up until she was standing on her own. “Antidote, now.” He didn’t yell, but his voice didn’t offer room for question or refusal.

“I can’t.”

“You fucking can, and you fucking will.”

“I can’t, Alex. I did it for Max.”

“Liz, where is it,” Alex still hadn’t raised his voice, but his pronunciation of each word was crisp.

“When Tess heals Max, I’ll give it to Michael. I swear. She lied. She would do anything for the two of you.”

“Liz!-“

“No, Alex! I won’t!”

For a long moment Alex stared at Liz, then he spoke, “Who are you?” He turned away from her and sent a text asking Tess to meet them before dragging a chair closer to Michael.

“Hey, how do you feel.”

“Like someone stabbed me in the neck with poison.”

Liz approached, “Get the hell away from him!” Alex stood so quickly the chair he was sitting in fell backwards. He felt a twinge in his leg that he’d pay for later, but in the moment he didn’t care. “You get the fuck away from him! You don’t come back from this, Liz.”

Liz moved away, pressing herself against the side of Michael’s Airstream.

Alex went to retrieve the bag of food he’d dropped and fished out a bottle of water. “Here, drink this. Slowly.” Michael easily complied. Alex dragged the chair upright and sat facing Michael. He placed his hands on Michael’s thighs and alternated between gentle squeezes and using his thumb to rub small circles. Michael finished the first bottle of water then a second before he spoke. 

“Wish I could enjoy that.” He nodded downward to Alex’s strong hands.

“You survive this and I promise you a redo. Without the stabbing and poison.”

Michael’s smile started weak, but he made it bigger and brighter when the creases in Alex’s forehead deepened. Alex continued his attention to Michael’s thighs, but every so often he spared Liz a glance. He wasn’t looking to check her emotional state, but to make sure she she was still there. Michael noticed the glances.

“She’s going to die.”

“I’m not going to let Tess die, Michael. Tess isn’t going to let herself die.”

“No. Liz. Tess is going to kill her.”

When Tess’ truck came speeding to a stop and she emerged, Liz realized the flaw in her plan. She would likely be standing on the patch of earth Tess scorched. 

Liz pressed herself deeper into the Airstream, but Tess kneeled before Michael never even looking in Liz’s direction. Her voice didn’t carry. Alex joined the conversation. Tess jabbed a finger at Liz, but Alex and Michael both shook their heads at whatever she said. Alex held up a hand and spoke to Tess. Michael’s hand covered the one she had placed on his thigh and Alex’s was on her shoulder. She shook her head and stood. This time when she spoke, Liz heard her. “. . . then I’ll scramble her mind until I know where she hid it.”

Tess walked around Michael, all her attention firmly focused on Liz. “You want to see my powers?”

There was nowhere for Liz to go. All she could do was press her body hard against the metal as Tess moved closer. She saw Alex and Michael stand, but Michael slumped and Alex caught him. In the short time her attention was focused on the two men, Tess had stopped right in front of her. She took one more step. When she spoke, Liz could feel the small puffs of warm air on her cheek, “Let me show you what I can do.”


	46. ‘Cause I’m Drowning for Ya

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

When there’s nowhere to go, there’s no where to go. Liz wanted to disappear. Locked deep inside herself was the screaming voice of reason and compassion, but she tamped it down desperate to stay the course. 

Alex gently released Michael into a chair before charging towards Tess. “Tess! Don’t.”

“Get out of the way Alex.”

“No. Tess, she’s the only one with the antidote. The formula. All of it.”

“I’m aware, Alex. Now get out of the way.” The air around Tess was like ice. Alex shivered at the sound of her voice and the bite in the air. 

“No.” 

The casual nature of Tess’ shrug belied the seriousness of the situation. Alex knew Tess was powerful, but it wasn’t until now that he realized she could be dangerous. Her look was steel. “I don’t actually need you to move to do what I’m going to do, but I did want to see her face.” 

“Tess, you don’t have to do this.” 

“I don’t? You have another way to get the antidote? Another way to save Michael? I get it. She’s a friend, but she’s not my friend. Let me ask you something, Alex. Who the fuck makes poison, knows it’s poison, and then makes more? All the movies, all the tv shows, all the books say we’re the monsters,” Tess jammed a finger hard into her chest, “but humans have always been the real monsters. What we should fear in the dark. In the day. Cruel and selfish. They don’t understand love, but they understand fear. You know something about what humans are capable of doing to the things they fear and hate. So let me be the monster, Alex.” 

“You’re right; I know monsters. You’re not a monster, Tess. We’ll find another way. I don’t want this for you. Michael doesn’t want this for you.” 

Tess gave Alex a questioning look. “Does what I want matter?” 

“What you want always matters, but hurting Liz isn’t what you want.” 

Tess’ smile was feral. The only thing missing was fangs dripping blood. “That’s sweet. This is who I am, Alex. Liz was right. Sort of. I would do anything to keep the two of you safe. Anything. Now get out of my way, Alex. Don’t make me move you.” 

Alex knew talking to Tess wasn’t going anywhere. She was reacting to the threats in the cave and Michael being poisoned. There would be no reasoning with her. He needed to change tactics. “Five minutes. Give me five minutes.”

Tess’ eyes were darker than Alex had ever seen them, but she nodded her agreement.

Alex turned to Liz. “Liz. She is not going to hold back. I can’t stop her. You have to tell me where the antidote is. You have to. I can’t keep you safe. 

Liz shook her head. “Alex, I can’t. She has to heal him. She has to heal Max. 

“She’s not going to do that. Do you understand? She isn’t going to save him. She’s going to fucking rampage through your brain to find what she needs. There might be nothing left of you.” 

“So be it.” Liz could no longer blink back tears. The flow was steady as she swiped a hand across her eyes. 

“Are you insane?! I’m trying to save you.” 

A cloud of dust flew into the air as a car raced into view. Kyle stepped out of the car, leaving the motor running. He ran over to a pacing Tess, a gesturing Alex, and a weeping Liz. 

“Tess,” Kyle’s voice was a fraction from panic. 

Tess’ gaze was plastered on Liz. All other sounds were static. She watched Alex attempt to reason with Liz, and she knew he would fail. She would do what needed doing. Break herself the way Liz had broken herself. Erase the line between darkness and light. 

“Tess,” Kyle said her name again. She ignored him. He gripped her arms and pulled her into an embrace, whispering into her ear, “Do no harm. Heal him.” 

Alex and Liz turned to watch. 

Tess pushed out of Kyle’s embrace, and through their eyes they held a silent conversation. Kyle’s eyes were soft and sympathetic. He gave a small nod in Michael’s direction. “Heal him.” 

Alex walked toward Tess. “Can you, Tess? Can you heal him.” His eyes were wide and wet.

Tess moved to Michael and once again kneeled before him. Alex and Kyle stood behind her. Liz inched closer to the group. 

Tess reached up to stroke Michal’s cheek. “Michael, look at me. Look at me.” 

Michael lifted the great weight of his head. His eyes, normally alive with emotion, were nothing but pinpricks of fading light.

Tess reached a hand to his neck and dragged the other from Michael’s face to just over his heart before locking her eyes with his. 

The ground beneath their feet shook. The sound of grinding and scrapping metal surrounded them. Alex and Kyle steadied one another. Liz fell to the ground from the tremors beneath her feet and from watching her plans crumble. Good experiments consider the possibilities, prepare for every conceivable inevitability, and await the inconceivable. Tess healing Michael should have been an obvious inevitability. 

Liz chanted to herself, “No, no, no . . .” 

Tess felt herself coming apart under the strain of reaching into Michael and scrubbing clean the poison coursing through his veins, penetrating his muscles, destroying his cells. The deeper Tess went the more she could feel herself shaking apart, being pulled under. Self-preservation was ignored and she went deeper still, feeling herself slip into the spaces between molecules. 

Light came back to Michael’s eyes. His skin glowed under the golden rays of the sun. As the last traces of Liz’s poison receded, Tess let her hands fall away from Michael. Her breathing was labored when she finally spoke, “All better.” The ground grew still. Tess stood and smiled then the world grew dark. 


	47. Beneath the Stains of Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

In the space between molecules there existed galaxies. It was here Tess found herself. 

Before her were the four suns of Antar. Beneath her were the atmospheric swirls of purple and blue, lower still ran the sacred red waters, the greens and yellows of lakes and fields, and pinpricks of light dotted about the surface. It was technicolor. It was Antar as it once was when other worlds and faraway galaxies worshipped its people as gods. 

Tess stretched to push closer, the pull of the familiar drawing her in, but she was yanked back. Tugged away from Antar by memory. They were vague like stray wisps of clouds breaking apart or maybe trying to come back together. Whatever they were, they fed her soul, made her feel whole. Black jeans. The strum of a guitar. The bed of an old pickup. Stars. Whatever they were they ravaged her heart. Shattered hand. Cracked ribs. Blood. It was a tether.

The tether hummed. Its twisted golden threads pulsed, and when it did, Tess was flooded with painted pictures. Entire scenes revealing themselves. Gazing up at stars under an unfamiliar sky from the back of an old pickup truck, her thigh pressed against another. Sitting on the floor of a small shed with her head resting against a leg clad in black, eyes closed while the small space filled with the soft pluck of a guitar. Her hand cradling a larger bloody hand. Her fingers walking across bruised ribs checking for breaks. More memories raced forward, coaxing her back to something she knew she should remember, but the lure of Antar was strong— painless and easy.

She could break the tether and go home— Antar. Suddenly, the image shifted. The four suns remained, and the atmosphere still swirled, but it was marred by streaks of gray and black, the red waters gone, the fields charred, the pinpricks of light mostly extinguished. This was a world at war. Tess let her outstretched hand fall away as she stilled her body. Another shift. A new image. A hushed voice. Hushed voices

Tess called out in the vast black, “I can’t hear you.”

The voices grew louder. “Ch-“

The tether yanked, and she let it pull her away from Antar. Away from the voices. Then darkness.

The world came back to Tess. She pushed aside her dream, but couldn’t quite shake the feeling that she had been close to something like an answer. Her eyes opened slowly, lashes fluttering against her cheeks. The room was dimly lit, and a lone figure sat slumped in a chair. It seemed the entire New Mexico desert had lodged itself in her throat. She grabbed for the glass sitting on the table and drank deeply before spitting. The expelled liquid waking and covering the solitary figure who came to wiping at his face.

“What the fuck is in that glass, Michael?!”

“Acetone.”

“What? Why? What?”

Michael stood and stripped off his shirt, using it as a towel, running it across his face.

“Any excuse to strip.” The words came out scratchy and thick.

“You like it.”

“I don’t.”

“You do. I’m irresistible.” 

“And yet, I resist.”

Michael laughed as he pushed the cracked door open with his foot. “Hey, get in here. Gandalf’s awake. Bring water.”

“As poison is drawn from a wound.”

Alex came through the door. “Please stop doing that when Kyle’s around.”

A shit eating grin spread across Michael’s face. “He could never come around. Problem solved.”

Kyle brushed past Michael. “Thank you for saving me, Kyle. Thank you for keeping Tess from scrambling Liz’s brain, Kyle. Thank you for being better looking than me, Kyle.”

“Actually, Tess saved me. And you know-“

“Michael. Kyle.” Alex moved to the side of the bed and drew the chair closer. He pulled Tess’ hand into his lap and used his other to brush the stray hairs out of her face. “Don’t ever do that again. You can’t leave me.”

“Don’t let your friends poison people.” Tess tugged their joined hands back to her and kissed his. It was a promise.

“Fair enough.”

“Where is the Evil Queen?” Despite the harsh moniker, there was some trace of sympathy in Tess’ voice. It was the doctor recognizing a patient in distress.

“I know that one. Snow White, right?” Kyle puffed with pride. 

“What the hell, Kyle? You’re proud of that one?” Alex shook his head. “That one doesn’t count.”

“See, I told you it would be better if he didn’t come around.”

Kyle ignored them and answered Tess, “She’s home. I took her there, gave her a sedative, put her to bed. I should be getting back to her, but I wanted to make sure you came back to us.” Kyle moved to the bed and sat on its edge. He handed Tess a bottle of water then leaned forward to repeat Alex’s actions, smoothing the stray hairs that had escaped her bun. Kyle’s smile was wide.

It was a smile Tess returned. Michael looked back and forth between the two of them.

“No. Nope. Absolutely not. No.”

When Kyle stood, with her free hand, Tess reached for his. “Thank you, Kyle. For saving us.”

“Valenti, Tess. Not Kyle.”

“Always, Tess.” Tess’ hand dropped back to the bed and Kyle walked to the bedroom door, clamping Michael on the shoulder and giving him a wink as he left the room. They heard the click of the cabin door less than a minute later.

“Boys. Friends. My loves. Four questions. One, where are my clothes.”

“You were covered in Roswell. Your clothes are washing and drying.”

“Good to know. Orange, who undressed and then dressed me?”

“Kyle and Michael volunteered, but I did.”

“Valenti was out of line. Tried to pull the doctor card. I’m not sure he’s an actual doctor.”

They both ignored Michael, recognizing his small tantrum for what it was. 

“Did it thrill you, Alex?”

“It thrilled me, Tess.”

“Despite your flat affect, I choose to believe you’re genuine,” Tess leaned closer to Alex and dropped her voice to an imitation of a whisper, “and I’ll be adding this moment to my Alex fantasies rotation.”

“Don’t do that with your eyebrows, Tess, and I want my shirt back.”

“Alex, my love, you are never getting this shirt back. Actually, if you take it off me, you can have it back.”

“Eyebrows, Tess.”

“Stop flirting with my . . . my Alex.”

“He was my Alex first.”

“I was my Alex before I was anyone’s Alex.”

“Fine. You can be my Alex. Octagon, why the fuck was there acetone in a glass?”

“You don’t drink it?” Alex was confused. He knew the other aliens used it.

“Not for years. Not since I was a kid. Learning my powers.”

“Well, aren’t you gifted.” Michael tried for levity.

“In so many ways,” Tess tried to wink but it was more an uncoordinated blink followed by a wince. A field of stars blanketed her vision. It sobered her. “But . . . you still need it?”

Michael looked to the floor for an answer. He wondered if he needed it or if he wanted it or if it was something else he wasn’t quite ready to explore, so he deflected. “You passed out, so I thought you would need it. We puke. We drink. We feel better.”

“Nine, how long was I out?”

Michael relaxed the tension in his jaw at Tess’s selective response.

Alex leaned forward. “About four hours.”

“Shit.”

“Shit is right.” Michael jerked a thumb in Alex’s direction. “You scared, Alex.” 

Alex sucked in air and pushed it out again. His eyes closing as he did. “You scared us all. Hungry?” He was for the moment, the only adult in the room.

“I could eat. I put Pupusas in the freezer.”

“We’ll get you when they’re ready.” Alex stood and bent to place a soft kiss on Tess’ forehead before turning to leave. Michael started to follow but lingered in the doorway. 

“Tess?”

“Michael?”

“Thank you.”

“This isn’t my world without you.” Tess knew saying you’re welcome was disingenuous. She had done it as much for herself as for him. 

“Tess?”

“Michael?”

“You’re . . . you’re in my head. Like a heartbeat. Warm. Steady. I like it. I never had a . . . Max and Isobel it wasn’t . . . it’s not constant. Don’t leave, Tess.”

“Not ever.”

Michael paused before responding. While Tess slept, he’d felt the connection between them fade before growing strong again, but he kept it to himself. “Okay. Rest.”

Michael left the door cracked. The low hum of soft conversation washed over Tess. She fought against the closing of her eyes, but it wasn’t a war she was going to win. Tess didn’t last long. Again, she found the spaces between. 

Alex and Michael ate and kept food warm in case she woke later. Eventually, they turned to the Caulfield videos. 

“Guerin, you need to rest too. You almost di . . . you were poisoned. I can handle this. Why don’t you take the bed?

Michael ran his hands down Alex’s arms. “Between you and me, I don’t think Tess could handle sharing a bed with me. Not tonight. She saw me topless.”

Alex’s smile was quick and small. “Really, let me do this.” His first thought was sparing Michael any more pain. His second was keeping Michael from associating him with the horrors his family had inflicted. 

“We’ll both do it. Two minds.” His first thought was keeping Alex from believing he was his father or grandfather or any Manes man that had come before. His second was knowing the whole truth, not from the sanitized reports Kyle or Alex delivered, but the truth as it was—brutal and horrific.

The video feeds yielded little new information. It was what they already knew, deplorable conditions and treatment, experimentation, filthy cages, insufficient food, no care, no humanity. They took more breaks and more whiskey as the night wore on. They were just about to call it a night when Mimi Deluca appeared on screen. She was struggling. 

There was no sound, but they watched as she pulled against guards twice her size. Down a long corridor they took her. She was dragged into a lab lit by fluorescent bulbs and strapped to a table. 

When Jesse Manes walked into frame, Michael released a shuddering breath. Jesse Manes bent close to Mimi’s ear, and her head thrashed against the invasion. Tears slid down her face, head shaking from side to side. Her mouth looked to form the words no and please over and over. When Jesse Manes stood, he stroked Mimi’s cheek then backed away from the table. 

Guards entered the room surrounding a shackled prisoner. More guards followed leveling weapons. The prisoner moved to the top of the table and looked to Jesse Manes for direction. The woman’s head was shaved, her shoulders bunched, and her eyes filled with the horror and shame worn by the broken. Jesse Manes gave her a single nod, and she was left without a choice. 

She placed her hands on Mimi’s moving head. Her hands glowed red, and soon, Mimi stopped moving as a dreamlike trance settled on her face. With that the video feed ended. Alex and Michael were still.

For Michael, there was a quiet relief that it wasn’t his mother who had been forced to do something so terrible. Sometime during the video they had reached for one another. Their hands remained clasped, comfort in the contact. They stared into the static, but a strangled moan brought them back to the room.

Tess had seen it all.


	48. What Little Girls Are Made Of

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

“Play it again.”

“Tess.”

“Play it again, Alex.”

Michael released Alex’s hand and stood to move toward her. “Tess, you don’t need to see it again.”

She took a step back avoiding his outstretched hands, wrapping her arms around her middle. Standing there she experienced a rare sensation. Cold raced up her bare legs and she shivered. Tess could feel goosebumps dotting her skin. 

“Why? Why not? Why don’t I need to see it again?” Tess lowered her brow and gave her head a small shake. “I asked to see it again. I didn’t ask you to coddle me. I love you both, but stop treating me like something that needs protecting. Just like you, just like Alex, I know firsthand what kind of monster Jesse Manes was and is. I don’t forget it just because I don’t see it and I don’t remember only when I do. Play it . . . again.”

“Tess?”

“Alex!”

Alex’s hand was unsteady as he found the correct timestamp. When he did, the screen came back to life. It played again the destruction of Mimi Deluca. It was harder to watch the second time. Surprise and shock no longer protecting them from the violation.

“How long ago?”

“A few years. While I was overseas.”

“She’s been getting worse. She used to turn up at the Pony every now and then. She’s in assisted living now.” Michael looked away from them. “It killed Maria to do it. It killed her to see her mom that way.” His voice was pained. He was remembering his own mother, and how he’d left her to die.

“My father didn’t just torture his prisoners, he used them as a hit squad.” Alex reached a hand beneath the table and massaged his leg. His words pushing through the clench in his jaw.   


”She was good to me. Tried to make me feel like I belonged. Not like the weird girl.”  


“She was good to us all. A mother after mine left.”

Tess looked out the window into the darkness. She pushed aside what she came to share. Instead she played on their need to protect her. “I’m hungry.”

Michael and Alex looked to one another, the abrupt change in Tess leaving them wondering if they should push her to talk. 

Tess moved to the oven and reached inside for slightly warm pupusas. She grabbed a napkin and walked softly out of the kitchen without another word.

Tess ate and thought about what she had seen. The one recurring thought, Jesse Manes needed to pay for his crimes. He needed to suffer and bleed. He needed to beg and cry. He needed to die. For too long, he’d seen himself as an untouchable thing. 

Finally, Tess closed her eyes and slid deep into the warmth of the bed. Not long after, the bed shifted when Alex sat to remove his prosthetic, but Tess didn’t move. When he situated himself beneath the sheets and blankets, she rolled into him. It’s what she always did, latching onto his heat, so she did it now. 

The tension released itself from Alex with this sign of normal. He let himself drift into sleep knowing they would talk tomorrow. 

When Alex’s breath fell into steady rhythms she slipped out of bed. Tess dressed in the darkness of the small laundry room. Closing her eyes she slowed the racing of her heart and pushed calm thoughts. She couldn’t risk waking Michael with her agitation. She felt his thoughts shift and settle.

Tiptoeing she made her way across the wooden floor, scooping her boots up as she went. She stepped on the porch in only her socks, sitting on the first step to shove her feet into unlaced boots.

In the early dawn light, she slipped into her truck and coasted to the road before putting the key in the ignition. The cold engine roared to life. She knew where she was headed, but she wasn’t sure what choice she would make when she arrived. The road was long. She had miles to go.


	49. ‘Cause I’ll Lay It Down Simple and Plain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

The sun finished breaking the horizon and still Tess sat. Her head rested on the steering wheel, and she thought about her promise, but she also thought about all the bad in the big world. This was a bad she could dismantle and unravel, but it meant breaking her promise. 

The building before her was dark and the world was quiet. The click of the car door echoed in the silence. The door was easy work, but reaching out with her mind caused a small painful thud in her head. Yesterday’s effort was written all over her. Exhaustion and these small pains were the ferryman’s price. It was one Tess would be willing to pay again.

Tess didn’t expect to find a shotgun leveled at her chest when she stepped inside, but it didn’t stop her forward movement. She sauntered up to the bar and took a seat.

“Good morning, Deluca. Bourbon?” Tess didn’t bother injecting false cheer into her greeting.

“Get the fuck out of my bar.”

“Tequila then?”

“You broke and entered. I could shoot you.”

“You could. You won’t. Also, I only entered. I didn’t break a thing. Maybe you want to hear what I came to say?”

“I actually never want to hear what you have to say, Tess, so maybe, you could get the fuck out of my bar.”

“Look, you don’t like me. I don’t particularly like you, but we have things in common. I love Alex. You love Alex. I love Michael. You . . . ,” Tess paused to look up, “do you love Michael?”

“Does it matter?”

“Not to me. Not really. It shouldn’t matter to you either. It wouldn’t if you’d ever watched him look at Alex or seen the way Alex looks at him. I don’t think most people have ever had someone look at them like that because they don’t wait for it. They settle. Sometimes they run away. That look . . . it’s beyond.”

“This asshole once told me it was cosmic.” The crack of Maria opening the shotgun’s breach filled the space. Tess watched her remove the shells and pocket them.

Tess smiled at Maria. “That asshole was right. It really fucking is. Only a real dick would get in the way of something so inconceivably vast.”

“Why are you here, Tess?” Maria moved around the bar, two glasses and a bottle in hand. She kept them close, filling one and taking a healthy swig.

Tess stared at the wall of bottles and the early light playing off them. She stared through and beyond them losing herself in memory. “Your mom, Mimi, she never looked at me like I was a freak. She never looked at me like I was the girl with two moms. I spent my time in this stupid fucking town trying to avoid the stares and the whispers and the jokes and the leers and the bullshit. It was lonely as hell.”

“Yeah.” Maria’s face took on a faraway look.

Tess looked to Maria before continuing. “All I had was Alex and Michael and my moms, and the moments in town when your mom would smile at me.” Tess stopped to clear her throat. “She made me feel seen in a good way. She once told me I was like a star. Brilliant and warm . . . powerful . . . a beautiful light. In my worst moments, I remember that.” Tess’ fingers played across her lips, catching on the dry patches. “I wish I could have my moms back. How about you?”

“Aren’t your moms traveling?”

“Something like that.” Tess held Maria’s gaze. “Well?”

“Well what?”

“How about you? Mimi?”

“We aren’t friends. I’m not inclined to spill my pain to strangers much less people I can’t fucking stand.“

“I’m not asking you to share your pain. I’m asking you if you want your mom back.”

“I know you’re doctor, but I’ve been to plenty of doctors, Tess. Either they don’t believe or there’s nothing they can do.”

“I thought you were the type to believe in miracles?”

“You a miracle worker, Tess?” Maria’s mouth was a straight line, but her eyebrow arched.

“Maybe. Maybe I work miracles that should never be spoken.” Tess ignored the ghost of her promise to Art and Calli. It was tugging at her. 

“Did you fix Michael’s hand?”

“Maria, we could have this conversation over and over again. I could answer every question you think you have? But do the answers matter? What do you really want?” Tess’ voice was near pleading because she wanted this for Mimi. She wanted to put some good back in the world. 

Maria filled the second glass and pushed it towards Tess. 

“To miracles that are never spoken.” 


	50. Wish I Knew If I Could

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

Exhaustion hit Tess hard by mid-afternoon. Kyle found her in the parking lot catching a quick nap in her truck. He tapped the window lightly to keep from startling her. Tess was an unnaturally light sleeper, she’d spent her childhood honing in on the silent sounds of the desert at night and the soft whispers of her moms. Kyle’s first gentle taps alerted Tess to his presence. At the sight of the his face, Tess’ mouth pulled into a wide smile even as her eyes fluttered open and closed. She unlocked the doors using the key fob clutched in her hand.

Kyle climbed into the passenger seat. “I can’t believe you’re here. You do know it wasn’t too long ago that you were unconscious.”

What came out of Tess’ mouth wasn’t words, but sounds both acknowledging and agreeing with Kyle. She rolled her head toward Kyle and opened a single eye. “I have the next two days off.” With those words she rolled her head back and closed her eye.

Kyle watched the rise and fall of her chest settle into the steady breathing of deep sleep before closing his own eyes. Even with a console between them there was something intimate in the shared exhaustion, in the warmth of the afternoon sun, in the way her pinky found the top of his hand and came to rest. For a moment, their world was simple and small.

The alarm of Kyle’s watch vibrated him awake. He turned to wake Tess only to see her through the windshield. She smiled and waved, weariness still in her eyes. He made his way out of the truck and moved toward her.

“Was it good for you? Everything you imagined?” Tess joked as a loud chirp signaled the engagement of the truck’s locks.

Kyle moved close, his voice pitched low as he fingered the worn softness of her henley. “It was.”

The response caught Tess off guard. Their thing was supposed to be words, but recently, Kyle had been action. She looked away from him and when she looked back Kyle’s hand reached up to tuck a wayward curl behind her ear. He didn’t move his hand away. He trailed it down to her cheek and moved a thumb across Tess’ lips. Tess stepped forward just as Kyle lowered his tilted head.

When their lips met, Tess felt like she was breathing for the first time. Her lips parted as her body moved into the kiss. Kyle’s arms wrapped around her, pulling Tess ever closer.

Tess jerked backward when she felt the electric brush of fingers across the skin just above her belt. It was addictive and enough to break the spell. She wanted to melt into Kyle, but it was a bravery she didn’t possess. She pushed away from Kyle, feeling the firm planes of his chest as she did. Tess turned and walked away. Shooting parting words over her shoulder, “I-I have to-I’ll see you later.”

“Tess. Tess. Tess!”

Her steps never faltered. She never looked back. Kyle watched the hospital doors open for her and then she was gone.

To himself with his head hanging, “Come on Tess. Shit.” There was nothing left for him but to follow and finish his day.”


	51. The Dreams That You Dare to Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

Tess was leaning against the tailgate of her truck when Maria’s red and white one pulled up in front of her. She’d tried to wait in the truck, but she kept dozing. The truck was the only think keeping her upright and the steady vibrations in her back pocket were the only thing keeping her awake. She’d long since decided to ignore the vibrations. It was Kyle. Tess knew he was winding down. He’d gone from asking if they could talk to guessing where she was. Tess couldn’t respond to him. Not as long as conflict raged. Not as long as her guard was lowered. 

Tess told herself she’d be fine whether Kyle Valenti waited for her or gave up on her. Tess had gotten worse at lying to herself. She pushed away from the truck and reached down for the messenger bag resting at her feet. She waited for Maria to reach her.

Maria couldn’t stand Tess’ casual lean against the truck. She wondered what it must be like to be a woman who had everything and took without guilt. She wanted that languid lean and that effortless way. She could see what Michael saw. Maria relaxed the tension in her jaw as she moved toward Tess. 

“Is that my miracle?” Maria nodded in the direction of the bag.

“Absolutely. A vial of chupacabra blood, a bottle of tea tree, and some Holy Water I swiped from Saint Peter’s.”

Maria gave a soft huff, it was equal parts amusement and derision. “No wonder he loves you. It’s the only way he’s ever loved himself. But you know that.”

Tess assessed Maria with her eyes and raised an eyebrow. She knew Maria was talking about Michael. She knew Maria was seeking a way into what she imagined was the secret of Michael and Tess. Maria still wanted answers, but Tess didn’t have answers. There were no answers to the questions Maria wanted answered. Maria’s questions were painted by her insecurities. By her belief that Tess had ridden into town and stolen Michael. 

Tess paired a shrug with a nod. It was less than Maria wanted, but at least it looked something like agreement.

Tess didn’t want to have the Michael conversation again. Her denials, Maria’s doubts, forever circling, so she broke the seriousness of the silence. “Yeah, but he’s prettier.”

“Guerin’s pretty, and I might hate you, but we both know you’re prettier.”

“You’re right.” Tess gave her a wink and extended a hand toward Sunset Mesa Assisted Living.

The inside shined and smelled like real lemons, indigenous art covered the walls, and the oranges and yellows of the wall were the perfect sunset. Maria made every sacrifice she could to ensure Mimi had a private room. 

Mimi sat by the window in a pale green chair when the two women entered. Before Maria could bend to kiss her mother, Mimi stood, moved around her and extended her hands toward Tess.

“Tess Harding.”

“Mimi.”

“Look at you! Beautiful.”

“Look at you!”

Mimi’s smile faded.

“I’m sorry. I should have said it years ago. I thought I was keeping you safe by inviting you, but instead I delivered you.”

“That wasn’t your fault, Mimi.”

“It wasn’t yours either.”

“I know it wasn’t my fault.”

Mimi’s lucid gaze lingered on Tess, on the loose posture, the slow swirl of her eyes, and the line of muscle in her jaw. “You do know and you almost believe it.”

“Almost.”

“Coming home was the best thing. You’ve been missed. You are needed. You are loved.”

“I am. I have at least two reasons to stay.”

Mimi raised her eyebrows and a slow smile emerged. “You should kiss him again.”

Maria stood by the now empty chair, she cleared her throat at the mention of kisses. Her mind flashed to the past. The way Michael moved into Tess’ space, and the way she’d let his gravity pull her in and hold her. The way Tess’ hand rested against the thin fabric of his henley. She knew she saw what she saw. She just knew there was there there.

She had so many questions unless Tess was playing along, but Maria saw the changing emotions dance in her eyes. 

Mimi and Tess both turned their attention to Maria.

“You two keep catching up. I’m going to see if I can sweet talk some key lime pie out of Lenny. The kitchen’s about to close.” Maria needed the space to recover from the hurt. She needed a moment to tell herself that this was for her mom. In every other regard, Maria viewed Tess as poison.

Not long after the door clicked, Mimi reclaimed her seat. Her eyes took on a faraway look. “I can’t believe you’ll all be juniors in a few weeks. Where did the years go? 

“I don’t know. It’s crazy.” 

“I always hoped the two of you would be friends. Outliers in a small town.”

No response came to Tess, so she walked to the door and locked it. 

“You’re not like the others. The cruel ones. The killers. They’re here to do awful things to—“

“Mimi?” Mimi looked up. Tess’ voice was urgent, “May I touch you? I want to help you.”

“Of course, sweetheart. You’re a good girl.”

Tess moved forward and kneeled. She placed her hands on Mimi’s hands and closed her eyes. She wasn’t sure she knew how to heal Mimi’s fractured, but she was certain instinct would show her the way. Tess reached into Mimi’s mind. It was dark and the little light that managed to penetrate the darkness was obscured by dense clouds—smoke or fog, Tess couldn’t be sure. She heard a faint voice somewhere just ahead. It was Mimi.

“Hello, can anyone hear me. I can’t find my way out.” The voice was pleading and broken by the occasional sobs. 

Tess used it to navigate the darkness. The dense clouds surrounded her and buffered her body, but she pushed forward until she came to a clearing. In the center, Mimi sat. Tess reached out a hand. 

In the physical world, the door knob rattled and the lights flickered. Maria’s knocks grew from gentle taps to near pounding. Tess gulped a great breath and opened her eyes unsure of how long she’d been under. She rose and stumbled toward the door. Maria almost knocked into her when she entered.

“What the fuck, Tess!”

“Maria, watch your mouth.”

Maria looked over Tess’s shoulder to find Mimi standing. Her eyes were fire, alive and dancing. 

“Mom?” It was more a sob than a word.

“Maria, what is this place?”

Tess put a hand on Maria’s shoulder and whispered, “She’s okay now. I’ll go. Good to see you, Mimi.”

“Kiss the boy, Tess.”

Tess heard the back and forth of mother and daughter resume as she pulled the door closed. She managed to make her walk outside look respectable, but she was only marginally functional when she reached her truck. Tess made one call, said 10 words before falling into unconsciousness.


	52. More With Every Breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

Tess woke up in Alex’s bed nearly breathless from holding on to the fragments of memory. The falling ash, the embrace of her mothers, the hazy figures whose voices felt like being dragged under water. This time no one needed to bring her home; she willed her way. Tess tucked away what she could. “Later,” she told herself.

She opened her eyes to the familiar.

“No, Alex. This.” Michael stabbed a hovering finger at the screen of Alex’s tablet.

“Foth is not a word.”

“Just try it.”

“Why? It’s not a word.”

“Just try it.”

Alex gave a powerful sigh. “Fine.”

“How is it not a word. We’ve done every combination.”

Alex couldn’t help but chuckle. Michael’s stubbornness even in the face of absolute proof never failed to amuse him. “Why are you surprised?! I told you it wasn’t a word. You know it isn’t a word!”

“You’re getting upset.” Michael tilted his head and turned his whisper seductive, “We should play something else.”

Alex turned his face and leaned until his lips brushed against Michael’s ear. He matched Michael’s whisper with one of his own, “Oh yeah? What should we play?”

Alex left a slow trail of kisses across Michael’s cheek and down his neck stopping only when he reached Michael’s collarbone. The stretched and frayed collar of Michael’s henley granted him easy access. Alex knew they were crossing lines he wasn’t sure they should. He’d said when this ended, but would the alien drama ever end. Life was too short, but they still had miles to go.

Alex pushed the thoughts away and took in the rise and fall of Michael’s chest as it picked up speed and the soft whimpers and unholy prayers escaping his lips. Alex straightened and looked at Michael. When their eyes met he licked his lips. Michael’s eyes closed on a shaky exhale. Alex took a second to admire the way the amber lamp light looked in the gold of Michael’s hair before continuing, “Oh, I know what we should play.”

Michael responded without opening his eyes, “You know?”

“I know.”

“Tell me, Alex. Tell me what we should play.”

“Trivial Pursuit, Monopoly, then Uno.”

Alex beamed when Michael’s eyes snapped open and turned into a glare.

“Alex-“

“I want to play too.” Tess struggled upward, pressing her back into the gathered pillows.

“Look who decided to come back.” Alex rose, pouring water in a glass while Michael took a seat on the bed’s edge.

“Drink.” Tess took the glass from Alex’s hand and brought it to her lips, but stopped short.

She looked up at Alex, quirking her eyebrow, mouth forming a smirk. “This is just water, right?”

“Drink the water, Tess.” Michael’s voice had lost its seductive edge. It was full of frustration. Alex put a hand on his shoulder and the stiffness in Michael’s body evaporated.

The gentleness Alex had used to ease Michael into calm was quickly gone. Before her stood Captain Manes. “Care to explain? That sounded like a question, but it wasn’t.”

Tess met Alex’s challenging stare with one of her own, but her tone was casual, near flippant. “What happened to Mimi wasn’t okay. I fixed it.”

“That’s your whole fucking story?” Michael was again agitated. Alex sat down next to him and leaned his body into Michael’s. Michael blew out a long breath. Alex started to shift away, but Michael put a hand on his arm to stop him.

Alex’s eyes closed as he massaged his forehead. “You just walked into Mimi’s room and healed her.”

“I did. How could I not? You saw what I saw. That wasn’t Max being a megalomaniacal dumbass. That was Jesse Manes taking. Jesse Manes doing whatever the fuck he wanted to do. Again. He ruins people. You know that, Alex. You’ve lived it. You’re still living it. We’ve all lived it. I should have killed him the first time I saw a bruise on you. So, it was either heal Mimi or kill him.” Alex’s eyes widened at Tess’s casual pronouncement.

Michael unconsciously flexed his healed hand. Alex noticed and took it between his own without looking away from Tess.

The trio sat until Michael broke the silence. Someone had to ask. “What are we going to tell Maria?”

“She knows.”

Michael pushed to his feet leaving Alex to regain equilibrium from the sudden shift. “You told Maria?!”

“Relax, Michael, I took care of it.”

Michael’s shoulders dropped. He took Tess at her word. Alex was less sure. “What do you mean you took care of it?”

“Chupacabra blood, tea tree, and Holy Water.”

“Don’t tell Isobel, but you’re my favorite alien.” Michael smiled his approval and Tess basked in the appreciation. A fresh wave of color in her cheeks.

“Of course I am.”

“You two are idiots. That isn’t going to work.” Alex rubbed his thigh before standing to pace the small room.

“Alex, it’s fine. I talked to Maria. She won’t ask questions. Although, maybe she should know.” Tess raised her hand to halt the coming protests. “This isn’t me softening on Maria. This is me wondering why she’s being kept in the dark?” Tess paused to read the room before pushing on, “I get why you don’t trust her Alex, but you used to—trust her. And Michael, you have to trust her. So why doesn’t she know? She has to realize you are all keeping secrets and telling lies.”

Alex spoke first, “It isn’t my secret to share.” He turned to Michael.

“Maria was supposed to be my chance at normal. If she knew, we couldn’t ever be normal.”

The shift was subtle. The silence wasn’t. Michael wasn’t sure what move to make. He was sure explaining himself to Alex would make things worse, but not talking was what caused them to crash.

Alex came to his rescue with a shrug of his shoulder. He looked young in that moment. “What’s so great about normal?”

Michael closed the distance and he spoke only to Alex, “Nothing.” He stepped closer and lifted his hands cupping Alex’s face before pressing their foreheads together. “Nothing.”

Eyes closed they stood inhaling and exhaling in unison. Sharing the air that swirled between them. Speaking without speaking.

“This is beautiful, but I have a serious question.” It was a minute before before they parted and turned their attention back to Tess.

“Is Holy Water still holy if it’s stolen?”


	53. I Only Hear What I Want To

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

Kyle found Liz staring out a small window that looked into the alley below.He dumped his backpack on the bed as he passed and stood behind her. They were quiet. Kyle wasn’t sure where they were looking or what was so interesting, but he waited for Liz.

“You smell like her.” Kyle didn’t need to know which her Liz was talking about. He wished he smelled like her. He wished he’d had more moments or even a longer moment of pressing his body into hers. He felt weightless when she was around. He wished their moment hadn’t been so fleeting, lost to Tess’ skittishness.

“I smell like the hospital. And how can you smell anything. Your uniform smells like ketchup, burgers, and tourists.”

“And tears. Don’t forget the tears of small children.”

“I’m glad to see you up. Arturo was starting to worry. Even willing to talk to me about it.”

“Really desperate then.” Liz turned to face Kyle. He remembered the way he used to get lost in the big brown of her eyes, but whatever fire had burned when she first came home had extinguished in the midst of alien madness. And Tess. “Have you seen Alex?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I have.”

“How is he?”

“He’s Alex, so on the surface he seems fine, but he still blames himself, thinks he needs to fix everything, and . . . but he’s also different. He’s relaxing into himself again.”

“Because of Michael?”

“Maybe. Mostly Tess.” Liz and Kyle looked away from one another at the mention of her name. Two bodies seeking refuge from the truths they would read in each other’s eyes.

“I know what you all think of me. I wouldn’t have let him die. Why do I have to keep saying that?”

“You don’t, but what someone says is small compared to what they do.”

“Or what they don’t do.”

“I’m not having this conversation again.”

“Why?! Because you have a crush?” Kyle shook his head then walked to grab his pack. “Max is dead, Kyle. He doesn’t have to be. She-“

“I’ll see you later, Liz.”

None of them understood how alone she felt. How tired she was of pretending that she was ever going to be okay with Max dead. How guilty she felt thinking his sacrifice was too great. She’d come to terms with Rosa’s death, but she couldn’t come to terms with Max spending endless days floating in a pod.

“Kyle, please wait.”

“What?”

“How’s Michael?”

“He’s fine. You know that, and you know how. What do you really want, Liz?”

“Max. I want Max.” The gates broke and tears traced their way down her face.

“I know.” Kyle dropped his pack and went back to Liz. He held her through shaking sobs. Finally, coaxing her into bed and leaving only when her breathing slowed and her stricken face grew serene. Walking down the steps into the alley he thought not for the first time that Max needed to be buried. It was the only way Liz would actually mourn.

———————————

Liz was in bed curled on her side when Maria arrived. She’d slept long enough for shadows to appear, but not so long that she couldn’t make out the details of the room she once shared with Rosa. Liz had been awake for just a few minutes. She’d expected to find Kyle still there. She didn’t dare let her mind consider what had pulled him away from her.

“Liz? Liz? Are you okay?” The bed shifted as Maria sat.

“Hey, Maria.” Liz’s fake smile was in place. Her fake enthusiasm not far behind. She rolled to sitting to turn on the light. A single click to mask whatever red might remain in her eyes. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a long shift, but don’t worry about me. You’re glowing. Guerin?”

Maria’s face twisted at Liz’s suggestion. “No! It’s mom. She’s better. She’s coming home tomorrow. Can you believe it!?”

“What? Maria! That’s incredible. It’s unbelievable. How?” Liz asked how, but she already knew. She pulled Maria into a hug. It was genuine, but she could also use it to camouflage her rage.

Maria held tight to her friend, mistaking Liz’s trembling for excitement. “It’s a miracle. I went looking for one in Texas, but it found us right here.”

“But how?”

Maria pulled free of the hug, holding Liz at arm’s length. She scrunched her brow at Liz’s insistence. She knew she couldn’t tell Liz the source of the miracle, but she wasn’t even conflicted about keeping the secret. It was a secret worth keeping, and the how truly didn’t matter to her. “Who cares how, Liz.”

“No, of course. Sorry, sometimes I get stuck on science. That’s amazing. I can’t wait to see her.” Liz bounced and the old mattress rippled beneath them.

“I know! We’re having a welcome home party tomorrow night. Small. You’ll be there, right?”

“Of course!”

“Would you try to get Alex to come?”

“Maria-“

“Liz, I know, but I need you to try. It isn’t for me. It’s sort of for me. It’s mostly for mom. She’s our rock, and I just think her being back can help us be better. Please just try. He’s already ignored my texts.”

“I’ll talk to him.”

Liz would talk to him not about the party, but about Tess’ ever-changing rules. She’d felt defeated the last few days, but something inside of her was newly stoked. Newly outraged. Newly broken.


	54. Come, Break Me Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

Tess sat quietly on the sofa, eyes closed. The rising steam from the mug in her hand brushed her cheek. She pressed two fingers to her lips and remembered the nascent kiss. Then she remembered the way she turned and walked away when a hand had snaked around her waist and her lips had just begun to part as she leaned closer and pressed into the firm planes of his body. It was too much. She’d left Kyle standing there. For two days, she’d been ignoring his messages and calls. She wasn’t good at the psychological nakedness closeness demanded.

A knock aroused her from her thoughts of pleasure and pain. Some part of her, a larger part than she was willing to admit, hoped Kyle had taken the next step.

“Is this a bad time?” Maria’s face warred between joy and mild irritation.

“That depends.” Tess opened the door wide.

Maria stepped inside and Tess followed, but she left the door ajar. Neither of them wanted this to be a long visit, no point pretending the truth wasn’t the truth.

“I wanted to thank you.”

The nod of Tess’head was almost imperceptible. “How is she?”

“She’s—she’s great.Said it was like one minute she was caught in the middle of a blinding storm and the next there was a hand pulling her free.”

Another small nod, but this time Tess smiled. “I’m happy for her, for you.”

Maria headed toward the open door and Tess followed. Maria stopped just short of the door and spun around. “Why do you hate me? Is it because of Michael? Is it because of Alex?”

Tess dropped her head into her open hands. On an exhale, she reached around Maria and closed the door. “I wish you wouldn’t do that. I wish you wouldn’t reduce yourself to someone who orbits men. I have to be honest with you, until I came back home I thought you were the ultimate ride or die friend”

“You don’t know me, Tess.”

“I just said that, Maria.”

“Why do you hate me?”

“What was the worst day of your life?”

“What?” Maria’s irritation was clear. “What does-“

“This is how we get there. What was the worst day of your life?”

“The day Rosa died.” Maria’s voice was soft. It caresses Rosa name.

Tess tilted her head at Maria’s private moment. “Where you in love with her?”

“What?”

“Never mind. What triggers the memory?”

“I think about her all the time.”

“Not that. What makes you relive the worst day of your life.”

Maria thought back to that night over a decade ago when Rosa raced out the bar to get away from Isobel Evans. Tess watched Maria’s face momentarily harden.

“That. That thought you just had is the trigger. You’re my trigger. You remind me of the worst day of my life. I don’t hate you. I hate the memory.”

“What was it?”

“We’re not friends so this isn’t show-and-tell.”

“If you don’t hate me, why did you ruin what I had with Michael? Why do you feed Alex’s anger toward me? Why are you such a bitch?”

“In reverse order, I don’t think I’m a bitch. Tons of flaws, but bitchiness isn’t one of them. I’m aloof. I’m more than a little casual. Slightly feral. More than slightly. I’m hard to know. I’m aggressive aggressive. I fight to win. If you hurt what I love, I become a by any means necessary type of person. I don’t trust easily. My default is reactionary. And I don’t like most people. I’m super fucking flawed. I’m super aware of all of them.”

“Right.”

“Next. Do you wonder what it says about how you see Alex that you think he needs someone to fuel his anger toward you? You aren’t a victim, Maria. And Alex, he’s justified. You did a shit thing. You lied to him. You decided to fuck the only person that made he feel like Roswell was home.”

“You make Roswell feel like home for him.”

“Deflection. And not like Michael.”

“What about you? You with Michael.”

“Still this? For the record, I don’t owe you shit, but know this, I have never in this lifetime fucked Michael Guerin. I’ve come close, but not since we were kids. And if I had, I would have hated myself for hurting Alex. I would have begged him for forgiveness. I never would have pretended like what I did was okay. I never would have asked him to own some of the blame.”

“I saw the two of you. I don’t believe you.”

“That’s fine.”

“That’s fine? You are such a fucking . . . Michael came to me. Willingly. He wanted me. He chose me.”

“He was never yours.”

“He was until you blew back into town and blew up everyone’s life!”

“He wasn’t.”

“Really?! Was he yours?”

“He’s more mine than he ever was yours.”

“Alex needed time. He would have healed. We all would have moved forward if you hadn’t come back to fan the flames. To fuck Michael. To use Alex. Michael could have loved me. He would have loved me.”

“You cannot be serious. You’re in denial or delusional. I don’t actually give a shit. You’ve also overstayed your welcome.”

“Is this you being aloof, casual, or feral? Because I have to tell you, it just feels like you being a bitch.”

“That was me being honest. Did you really think that eventually everyone would gather together for Friendsgiving at the Wild Pony? You kissing Michael under the mistletoe and Alex toasting your love? Give me a break. Michael Guerin was never yours. He was never going to be yours. He was probably thinking of Alex every time he kissed you. Every time he touched you. You were a pit stop. A rest stop. If you need it to be romantic, call yourself a port in a storm. That’s it. By the way, this is me being a bitch. Another flaw, I don’t pull my punches.”

Tess moved to open the door.

“I think I do fucking hate you.”

“You can.”

“I’m having a welcome home for my mom tomorrow night. She wants you there. She wanted me to invite you, so I am. Don’t feel like you have to come though.”

“I’ll be there. For Mimi. I won’t stay long. For you.”

“I texted Alex an invite. He didn’t respond.”

Tess only shrugged as she placed a hand on the open door. The message was clear. Their business was complete.

“No matter what, thank you for what you did.”

“No matter what, it was my pleasure.”

Maria walked out the door and Tess watched as she drove away before closing the door.


	55. We’ve Been Through Some Different Phases

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

Alex stared at the door of the Wild Pony. He was working himself up to go inside so he could say what he needed. It would be a long time before this place could be just a bar again. Just a place to stop by and see family. He hadn’t told anyone where he was going. He wasn’t sure why. Tess’ voice was rampaging through his head. She was right. He’d trusted Maria once. She was right. He wasn’t ready to trust her again. Forgiveness was something else though. Forgiveness, maybe that was for him. Forward.

“Hey.” 

Maria looked up, but her smile was cautious. Turned out the truth does hurt, she was still nursing the bruises Tess had left behind. She hadn’t meant to start a fight. 

“Alex. Hey. I didn’t know if I would see you.”

Alex stopped walking and rested against the pool table. He ran his hand over the rich green. Maria wondered if he thought of Michael as he did. She certainly did. When his hand came to a stop, he looked up at her, his face impassive. “Hmm. I needed some time.”

“Yeah. Last time didn’t end well.”

“Could it have ended well? I mean-I think we were having two different conversations. We-“

“Alex, I’m sorry. I am truly sorry.” Maria regretted their first conversation. She was still hopped up on anger and guilt. She had been drenched in shame.

“Maria, you aren’t sorry. You wanted Guerin. I know what that’s like. You don’t need to be sorry. It’s okay to be selfish sometimes. To act on what you feel. To take what you want. It feels good in the moment. Sometimes it feels good for a long long time. I thought about it. I’m not upset that you were with Guerin. I was upset that you wanted him more than you wanted our friendship. I was upset that the collateral damage was worth it to you. Because you knew.” Alex eyes found everywhere to land that wasn’t her face. His pace slow and deliberate. He was measuring his words. He was finding his way to and end;Maria didn’t think it was an end she could bear.

“Knew how you felt? I knew th-“

Alex waved away her interruption and kept going. “This isn’t about how I feel about Michael. I thought it was, but it’s about how I felt about you. About how I trusted you. You knew there couldn’t be a Maria and Alex as long as there was a Maria and Michael. I guess the only thing that you didn’t realize was after Maria and Michael were done there still couldn’t be a Maria and Alex. We’re never going to be that again. I love you Maria, but we can’t. Let’s-“

“Alex? Please?” Maria started to move around the bar, but Alex’s outstretched hand froze her. He started walking until he was pressed against the bar.

“Let’s go forward.” Alex moved to take a seat at the bar. “This isn’t my normal scene, but I walked in and saw your face, so I thought I’d stay for a drink.” Maria’s face brightened then fell before pulling into a smile as she pulled a glass from beneath the bar and filled it with a familiar amber. 

“This is my bar, so it’s definitely my normal scene, but I’m glad you walked in because I love your smile.” Alex let his head fall as a blush painted his cheeks.

“Uh, well,” Alex extended a hand over the bar top, “Alex Manes. Captain. Code breaker. United States Air Force. Recovering Emo.”

Maria meet his hand half way and a calm she hadn’t felt since before she returned Guerin’s kiss settled as their palms met. “Maria Deluca. Bartender. Unlicensed psychiatrist. Wild Pony. World’s Worst Psychic.”

Maria left Alex to finish his drink, busying herself with getting ready for the crowd karaoke night was sure to bring. Alex made short work of his whiskey, slid to the ground, and adjusted the collar of his leather jacket. He caught her eye across the room, but didn’t say a word. The upturn at the corner of his lips was too fast for Maria.

“Alex?”

“Yeah?”

“I think we can. Can be that Alex and Maria again.”

“World’s worst psychic, remember.” 

“Unlicensed psychiatrist, remember.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow night.” Alex paused in the doorway.“Is Tess really invited?”

“What Mama Deluca wants . . .”

“She gets.” This smile was full. For now, Maria could live with it.


	56. The One I’ve Sinned Against

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

The drive from the bar to his cabin was long and Alex was looking forward to being alone with his thoughts.

Arriving in the final moments of twilight, he’d expected the cabin to look lonely, but despite how it looked it felt like home. When he’d first come back to Roswell, the cabin had been a place to isolate himself. He hadn’t meant to make it a home, but here he was settling into this new life. He’d started to see beyond his family’s legacy of bigotry and violence. He saw multitudes.

Seeing Liz’s car was a surprise. He didn’t think she’d have the gall the come see him so soon after what she’d done. Alex wasn’t in the mood to hear what she had to say. He’d already forgiven one person today.

As he rolled to a stop, he considered that maybe the years had made them all strangers—Alex, Maria, and Liz. Perhaps they were clinging to the people they used to be. Holding on for nostalgia’s sake. It was indeed a bitch. They expected each other to be the same people they were the day they graduated high school, but they’d all changed. They needed to learn to navigate the new normal. Or maybe just leave normal.

Alex slammed the car door when he hit the ground and walked directly toward the figure standing on the porch. He veered at the last minute going around her without saying a word. He left the cabin door open as he entered. He went through the motions of coming home. Lights on, jacket off, keys by the door, refrigerator open, beer in hand then taking a seat. The figure stood watching.

“Hey, Alex.”

“Liz.” He took her in, noticing the way her dark clothes hung on her body, the hollowness of her cheeks, the creeping darkness under her eyes. She was a wraith.

“Maria asked me to-“ Liz kept her hands stashed in her pockets. She didn’t know which made her seem like less of a threat. Hands in her pockets or hands free.

“Already talked to her.”

“Good. Great. So you’re going?” Alex was turned off by the false cheer in her voice. He wanted her to go. His home felt unsettled with her there. If walls could talk, these were willing her to leave.

Alex nodded his reply.

“That’s great. She-“

“Message delivered. You can go.”

“Come on, Alex. I’m trying.”

“Trying to apologize?” Alex’s laugh was abrupt and stilted. “For what exactly?” Alex’s eyebrow arched and his lips pulled straight. “There are so many things, which one today?”

“I wasn’t going to let him die.”

Liz said that out loud at least once a day since she’d poisoned Michael. It’s what she told them all. Although, she had wondered as Tess healed him if that was the mistake. Poisoning Michael with a witness instead of letting him die in the dimness of the bunker. It would have proven her point. Tess would have healed him. Liz didn’t believe Tess would have left him dead when she had the power to undo it. There was nothing in the world that would convince Liz of that. Tess would have healed him then her argument against healing Max would have fallen apart. Michael dying wasn’t what she wanted. She just wanted Tess to bargain. What happened instead, Liz learned Tess didn’t bargain.

“Just start the process then?”

“I was desperate, Alex.”

“You’re still desperate, Liz, so what’s next?”

“She healed Mimi.”

Alex noticed she’d let his question go unanswered. “She did.”

“How is that fair? What about her rules? Her code?”

“What happened to Mimi wasn’t fair. It was my father. He did that to her, so Tess felt like she didn’t have a choice. When it comes to Jesse Manes, we have a lot in common. Carry a lot of blame where he’s involved. She fixes what he breaks. I break what he loves.”

“Right, but she won’t fix Max.”

“Max isn’t broken. He’s dead. And my father didn’t have anything to do with that one.”

“He doesn’t have to be dead.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do! Max brought Rosa back after ten years. Ten years! He’s only been dead a few months.”

“You’re a better scientist that this Liz. Rosa was human. You don’t know it works on aliens. Max died bringing her back. You don’t know Tess won’t die too. And Max was willing to take that risk. For you he was willing.”

“So I should celebrate his sacrifice?!”

Alex fished his vibrating phone out of his pocket. His face didn’t reveal the caller’s identity. He watched it go to voicemail before sending a text. **_Meet you at the Airstream. About an hour._**

Michael’s response was swift. **_Nah, finished early. About 10 minutes out. Stopped at store wanted to know if you needed anything._**

“You need to go.”

“Excuse me?”

“You need to leave.”

“Alex, I’m not leaving. I need you to understand.Or-or I need you to help me understand.”

“I understand, Liz. You miss Max and now that you know the impossible is possible you aren’t satisfied letting him stay dead.”

“Yes, Alex. Yes!”

“Tess isn’t going to bring him back. She isn’t. There is nothing you can do to make her, and the last thing you tried was terrible. Maybe unforgivable. It was also reckless. And so fucking stupid. Tess was going to destroy you to get the antidote. No matter what, I don’t want to see you destroyed.”

“I would have understood. And you would have let her. You would have watched her destroy me to save Michael. We’re the same, Alex.”

“No. No. Was it with you all not understanding choices and fucking consequences. You made a choice. Tess was the consequence. Michael was the victim. Max made a choice. Dying was his consequence. No victim. Maybe Rosa is a victim, being thrust into a world she doesn’t know with a decades worth of catching up to do. And a sister too obsessed with a dead boyfriend to be by her side. But I think she’d choose any version of this life over death.”

“Okay. Let’s follow that thinking. Tess made a choice, not to heal Max. My p-“

“Resurrect. Also, stop right there. You are about to say some monumentally stupid shit where somehow poisoning Michael isn’t on you, and Tess is to blame. Leave, Liz. You said you wanted me to understand. I showed you I do, so it’s time to go.”

Alex turned toward the window. It was the unmistakable clatter and roar of Michael’s truck. Alex stood too quickly and he felt just a nip of pain, but it was enough to make him lurch forward, reaching for the table. Liz moved to help him.

The cabin door flew open and Michael stood framed in the doorway. The smell of ozone flooded the room. Outside the wind picked up and pebbles skittered across the hard packed ground. Michael stared at Alex, panting more than breathing.

“You okay, Alex.”

Alex could only nod, unsure of what he was witnessing. He quickly glanced outside expecting to find Tess. This wassomething new.

“You,” Michael jabbed a ginger in Liz’s direction, “get the hell away from him, and get out of here.”

“Michael, I-“

“I will put you out. Get out.”

Liz looked to Alex, but he only shook his head. She moved to the door and Michael moved around her keeping her in his line of sight. The door slammed and locked behind her. Only when she was in her car did the wind return to normal and the smell of ozone dissipate. Michael staggered and collapsed onto the sofa. Alex moved to sit beside him, wiping the beads of sweat from his forehead.

“You need water?”

“I just need you, here with me.”


	57. Fragile Was My Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

“Finished hiding from me?”

Kyle approached slowly. It was the way you treated any frightened or wounded animal about to bolt into the night.

“Shit!, the word escaped her lips long and slow, “I choose poorly. I didn’t consider that your porch swing would be a terrible place to hide.

Tess’ raised an eyebrow in playful challenge.

“There are so many things wrong with you.”

“No,” with closed eyes she shook her head, “like 15 things. Hardly constitutes a lot.” Tess let her eyes wander over him. She took in what she could, the dim street lamps offering little help. She was brightly lit, illuminated by the clear porch lights.

Kyle bumped her shoulder as he sat next to her on the faded red bench.

“Want to talk about it?”

“Climate change? How we’ve all been poisoned by the patriarchy?The superiority of gummy sharks over gummy worms? Whether or not green is a flavor?”

Kyle took her hand, pushing back the overly long sleeve of her black sweater. His thumb ran across the back of her hand. A hand that was delicate and strong. Kyle watched his thumb as he spoke, “Yes. All of that. I’d love to talk about all of that with you. And one more thing.” When he looked up, he didn’t look into her eyes. He stared into the big picture window of the house across the street. The flicker of a television somewhere in the room reflecting in the glass.

Tess’ hand disappeared into the sleeve of her sweater. “Oh. The absurdity of owning a little German engineered car in the desert? I think it’s all part of your sexy surgeon persona. Look at my face. Look at my car. Both pretty according to societal norms.”

Kyle let his head fall back. He was rewarded by a heavy thunk when he made contact with the adobe. “How many more, Tess?”

“Two?”

“How about all done?”

“I guess.”

Only when he felt the gentle weight of her hand on his arm did he look at her. He waited until she looked at him. “You could have talked to me.Told me what you were thinking. Feeling.”

The laugh wasn’t bitter, but it was something tangled dark, and weighted down by the past. “I don’t know what you see in me, Kyle?” Tess

“Well, there’s the obvious.” Kyle’s felt the heaviness of the mood, but his move to lighten it dies as it left his lips. He dropped his own walls. “I see the same things I saw in high school. I see all the things you’ve become. I see your infinite capacity for love. Your ferocity. And your vulnerability. Your insane sense of humor. And . . . you just embrace life. It’s all just beautiful.”

“High school? There was nothing to see. I was terrifying.”

“Are you serious?” Kyle throws his hands skyward. “That’s what you heard?”

Tess shrugs. “I’m still terrifying.”

“Maybe, but right now you’re terrified.”

Stuck in a staring contest, Tess blinks first. “Everything you said was perfect. It was beautiful. Sure. But . . . now you know I’m not like you. You know I’m an alien.”

“I don’t care that you’re an alien.”

“Really? I don’t believe that. I guess that’s the problem. People care. People care about earthbound immigration, and it’s ugly. Can you imagine if people knew actual aliens, from other galaxies, really walked among them? Humans. Not the most welcoming species. And you aren’t you freaked. Why? Maybe this is like a fetish for you. Something new and novel. All your friends have fucked aliens and you want in the club.”

“Presumptuous of you. You’re not my first alien.”

Tess couldn’t resist his smile. She knew Kyle was trying to pull her out of her head. “Presumptuous?!” Tess rewarded his with a broad grin. “Oh my goodness! The hostility with Guerin? Did he your heart? Or was it Isobel? Oh, Max!”

“You’re delightful. I’ve known about aliens for longer than you’ve been in Roswell. Once you get over the initial shock, you sort of realize that you’re just like humans. A mess and totally flawed. What’s presumptuous is you thinking I want anything more from you than a kick ass bowling partner.”

Tess resisted the urge to continue the banter. It wasn’t what she’d come to do. “It’s not something you just file away. It’s not like Michael and Alex. Alex loved him before he knew. You don’t know me, but you know I’m an alien. That has to hold some curiosity.”

Kyle waved a finger between the two of the them. “This started before I knew. Besides, if it was just the alien thing, there’s Isobel.”

“I’m serious, Kyle.”

“No you’re not. You aren’t seriously implying that I’ve been trying to get close to you, that I defended you, that I’ve put up with Michael fucking Guerin, that I kissed you, so I could tell exactly no one that I fucked an alien. That’s stupid. You aren’t stupid, so come up with a better lie about why you pull away, run away, leave.”

The both sat straight, backs edged away from the bench, muscles bunched in their jaws. They were reluctant fighters circling but never throwing a punch.

“But that’s how relationships end for me. I lie. I pull away. I run away. I leave.”

“You had to hide before. There’s nothing left for you to hide from me.”

“There are always things left to hide.”

“There are no secrets that are going to scare me away.”

“You don’t know that.” Tess dripped back against the bench. There were no protests remaining. She returned to her corner of the ring and waited.

“Tess. It’d be one thing if you hadn’t stepped into that kiss. If you hadn’t closed the distance. If I didn’t think you wanted to try, I’d drop it, so tell me you don’t want to try and that’s the end of it. I go back to trading you actual food for your vending machine finds. You go back to exploiting my limited knowledge of nerd culture for amusement. We can do that. I can do that. Just tell me. But not because you’re scared. Tell me because you aren’t interested in trying this . . . with me.”

The drag of denim across smooth wood and the low hum of insects punctuated the silence. Tess watched Kyle erase the space between them. When his hand lifted her chin she closed her eyes, lips falling open. Kyle took her in, the moonlight dusting across her cheeks like the tail of a shooting star. He moved past her lips and leaned closer, for her ears only, “with me, Tess?” Without opening her eyes she turned, gripped the front of his shirt, and dragged him wordlessly and willingly closer.

The slam of the car door was unmistakable on the quiet street. Tess pulled back just as Kyle turned toward the sound.

“Ah, damn.”

“Kyle Manuel Valenti.”

“You’re in trouble.”

“Mom-“

“No, I’ve been calling you for two days. You couldn’t find time to call me back? Busy life of a surgeon? But you have time for . . . sitting?”

“He definitely does not have time for sitting. I was trespassing and he was making a citizen’s arrest. I was putting up quite the struggle. You are just in time.”

“Not helping, Tess.”

“Tess Harding?”

Tess turned into Kyle and dropped her voice,“I think I’m helping.” She left the bench. “Hi, Sheriff Valenti.”

“Hello, Tess. I heard you were back in town.”

“It’s true.”

“Well, it was good to see you, Tess. Kyle, I’ll wait inside.” Kyle removed a key ring from his pocket and moved toward the door, but his mother stopped him, jangling the keys she was already holding and quickly let herself inside.

Tess made a zipping motion across her lips, walked down the steps and onto the short pathway. “Go talk to your mom, Kyle. She’s waiting inside. She has a key.”

“So much for zipped lips.” He followed behind her. “We’re not finished, Tess.”

“You sure?”

“Have breakfast with me tomorrow. I’ll make something.”

“I’m no good, Kyle Manuel Valenti.”

“Breakfast?”

“We should take this as a sign.”

“Breakfast?”

“Kyle,” it was an exasperated breath. Tess exhaled before speaking again, “Will there be processed foods and green tea?” 

“There will be green tea.”

“I’ll check my calendar.”

“Tess?”

“Fine. Yes.” It was resignation.

“Is that my sweater?”

“Yes. I got cold. You took a long time finding me, so I burgled you.”

“When am I getting that back?”

“It’s soft, and I’ve named it Josephine. Under New Mexico law it’s mine now.”

“Goodnight, Tess.” She waved without turning. He watched her climb into her truck before turning to face his house. The sound of her engine grew faint as he jogged lightly up the few steps.

With a lowered his head, Kyle took in a deep cleansing breath before pushing open the door.

“Mom, sorry I didn’t call you back. It really was a crazy two days. I texted though.”

All the lights were on in the open space. He never turned all the lights on when it was just him, and when it wasn’t just him, the lights just reminded him of bad choices and tomorrow’s regrets. He was tired of mistakes and regrets. Tess was the balm.

“I like to hear you voice, Kyle.” His mother gave the cushion next to her two quick pats.

“Okay.” Kyle sat next to her back straight, feet firmly planted.

“Tess Harding?” Sherri Valenti’s eyebrows were drawn together.

“What’s the question?” Kyle’s voice walked the fine line between adulthood and the ingrained lessons of childhood.

“She’s trouble. She’s always been trouble.”

“Because she vandalized some stupid billboard. Come on.”

“No. Yes. Not just that. Back when you all were in high school your father and Jesse Manes found her wanderingaround late one night. Said she was headed home. Wouldn’t say we’re she was coming from. Your dad didn’t remember her saying much of anything.”

“Yeah. So. Dad and Manes took her home one night.”

“Just strange is all. Her parents didn’t seem the type to let her wander, so where did she sneak off to?”

“I snuck out all the time. Does that mean I’m trouble? Tess isn’t trouble.”

“You misunderstand me, Kyle.” Sheriff Valenti smiled. “Tess Harding. She’s a smart girl. A pretty girl. She’s a little wicked, but I like that about her.” The smile dropped. “She’s also trouble. I can feel it. I could always feel it.”

“I’ll take the trouble.”

“What am I going to do with you?”

“Love me. Tell me you know how to make the Crashdown’s famous churro pancakes. Trouble has a sweet tooth.”


	58. If There Was a Better Way to Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

This wasn’t a good look. Him leaned back and easy on her front steps, taking up space. Waiting for her to find her way home. They’d both spent the last few months denying they were anything more than the closest of friends. There he was taking up space like he belonged. In another life, he had. In this life, his place was different. 

“You could have let yourself in.”

“That would be breaking and entering.”

“It would just be entering if you did it right. That’s barely illegal. And what’s the worst that could happen?”

Michael extended his hand upward to Tess. “Hi. Michael Guerin. Town drunk. Platinum member of the Roswell, New Mexico jail. Ten more stars and I can get a pillow upgrade.”

“Oh, this is you looking like an upstanding citizen. Skulking is definitely the better plan.”

Michael’s eyes moved over Tess, like a doctor with a patient.

“Nice sweater. Where you been, Tess?”

“It’ll do. Not here, Michael.”

“And not with Alex.”

“I have other friends. I was having a girl’s night with Maria and Liz. We talked about boys we like and sipped skinny margs. It was supes fun.”

Tess reached for the doorknob as she moved past him. Michael reached out and snagged her booted ankle, forcing her to stop and look down at him.

“We need to talk.”

“About?”

“Us.”

The laugh escaped before Tess could bottle it. A wide smile lingered when she looked at Michael. Squatting beside him Tess’ voice turned conspiratorial, “Yeah? What do you wanna talk about? How much you missed me? Using frozen waffles as a substitute for bread? How to burn the Airstream without alerting the police? Why Alex loves me more?” Tess tried to maintain a straight face. Still laughing, she stood and hovered above Michael. “What’s with the mystery?”

Michael finally rose brushing his hands across his thighs.

“I’m serious, Tess. I let you walk away from Roswell. Ten almost 11 years before you came back. That’s on me. You’ve left me twice in the past week and that’s on me.”

“Left you?”

Michael reached around Tess. She looked up at him, patient and waiting. He stepped past her and walked inside like he belonged. Tess followed.

Michael dropped into the deep, soft leather of the sofa. Tess folded herself next to him, wrapping a deep yellow blanket around herself as she did. “When you healed me, we connected. I can feel you. A warm pulse, right here.” Michael gestured vaguely above his ear. “When you called Alex to say you needed help, I knew before he answered.”

Tess raised her eyebrows and shrugged. “Like with Isobel and Max.”

Michael’s head shook. “No. When they’re in trouble, I can sense. Sometimes. You’re there all the time.”

“Ok. When did I leave you?”

“Can you sense me? Feel me?”

“Yeah. Of course, Michael.”

“I feel you when you leave.”

“What are you talking about?! I don’t leave.”

“Your little trips away. Your body is here, but your mind is somewhere else. I feel you pulling away from me. I keep pulling you back.”

“Oh. It just happens.” Tess let her defenses rise. “And I pulled myself back.” Michael’s eyes locked Tess in place, challenging her version of truth. “Fine. The second time. The second time was me.”

“Maybe it was. Doesn’t matter. I’m going to pull you back every time.”

“I know you’ll try.”

They both let it go, what they said was enough. 

“Tess, do you even understand what it means? I don’t even understand what we’re talking about. I don’t know what it means when you pull away or what happens if you manage to pull away completely. I know I’m afraid. For you. I know I feel unbalanced.”

“I don’t know what it means either, but I’m close to something. There were two things I needed to figure out. What you all were hiding from me. That’s done. But the other, it’s the thing that brought me home—I still need to know. And the answer is out there.” Tess waved her arm about. “I’m not pulling away. I’m looking for answers, Michael. These are answers I need, and I couldn’t leave you behind. I wouldn’t. Not you. Not Alex”

“What’s pulling your away? Where are you going? What’s the right question here?”

“I’m not sure. I’m not sure about the right question or even the right answer. I’m out there. I’m on Antar. I’m in the past. I’m in the present or maybe the future. Antar’s, I think. I’m not sure. That’s why I keep going back. “ Tess looked down before continuing, “I did almost let go that first time. It just felt right, you pulled me back because you feel like home, and that feels better than anything. Alex too. I’ll always come back to the two of you.”

“Until you can’t. This is dangerous. Too dangerous.”

“And passing out isn’t dangerous? How do I know it won’t happen again? What happens if the next time I’m driving or operating or showering or -“

“I hear you, but Tess . . . I just want you safe.”

“Let’s be safe then. We’re science brains. Let’s science this . . . Help me.”

It was a weary sound that escaped Michael. “More science. More alien science. Just what we need. You know it would have been nice if there’d been a fucking instruction manual in our pods instead of history books in a box, but we’ll figure it out. First, how to recreate it.”

“Agreed.”

“Alex is still working on the journals and your sleep talking.”

“You tell him?”

“That we’re connected or that you’re metaphysically traveling to galaxies far far away.”

“Oh shit!”

“What?!”

“I’m a Jedi.”

“What the hell, Tess. You’re not a freaking Jedi.”

“I’m a Jedi. One, I use the force. Green, I’ve been to galaxies far, far away. Triangle, I was there a long, long time ago. I’m a fucking Jedi, Michael.” Tess was a kid on Christmas. Her joy was pure and effortless, increasing with the deepening of Michael’s frown.

“Stop saying that.”

“You’re so jealous right now!” Tess tugged on Michael’s unbuttoned flannel.” You’re so jealous that I’m a Jedi. You’re like E.T., and I’m a Jedi.”

“Did you just call me E.T.”

“No. Hey?”

“No.”

“Hey?”

“What?”

“Say it.”

“Keep your metaphysical ass Earthbound.”

“Not that. Come on. Do it for me. Please. Come on. Give it to me. Say it.”

“No.”

“Fine. I understand. Jealousy is a lot to process. Not everyone can transcend the physical world. Just know that I still love you, and I’m a fucking Jedi. Do you think you could build me a lightsaber? Do you think Alex could build me a lightsaber?”

“No one’s building you a lightsaber. I gotta go.” Rubbing his face, Michael rose from the sofa. 

Tess stood, but held the blanket tight, cloaking herself in its heavy folds. “Dark it is. Alex you seek. Back in his pants you want. Go slow you must.”

“Not doing it, Tess.” He pulled Tess to him. Her arms pinned between them, she melted into a hug that wasn’t asking for promises. It gave.

When they parted, Tess led Michael to the door. “Talk to Alex, okay. I want to finish this soon.”

“Yeah. Tomorrow.” A quick kiss to her temple and he opened the door and stepped in the cool night air, turning to her.

Tess looked over Michael’s shoulder at the dark sedan parked on the street. She’d seen it earlier, walked past it when she’d left Kyle. 

In the open doorway, they were framed by the soft white of the porch lights. Michael fingered the sleeve of Tess’ sweater before snaking his hand inside to take her hand. “Give Valenti his sweater.”

“I didn’t tell you it was his sweater.”

“Like I said, I can feel you.” He bent to place a soft kiss on her forehead before releasing her hand and stepping back.

“Really? You can feel me? Can you feel him?” A spark of teasing pushed Tess onward.

“I don’t like the way you said that. Don’t do it again.”

“Can you feel me feeling him? Is it good? Do you like it? Do you-“

A groan escaped Michael. His head shook like he was trying to free himself from the fog of confusion. “I fucking swear, Tess.”

Eyes closed, head back, her laugh was joy. “You’re no fun, Michael. What do you want me to say? It’s his smile. It ruins me.”

“You’re breaking me.” Michael clutched at his chest as he walked backward to his car. Tess called after him.

“No worries, Alex will put you together again.” Michael tried to close the door to stop her teasing, but she got in that final jest.

Tess leaned in the doorway while Michael backed into the street. The lights of the sedan came to life followed by the soft hum of an idling engine, executing a perfect turn it drove off in the opposite direction. 

A mother asking a question. Tess went inside to ask her own. She’d need an answer by morning.


	59. I’m Cold and I am Ashamed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

Tess hadn’t slept. She spent the night pretending she could predict the future. Anxiety wormed its way into her mind, pushing aside what she knew to be true and leaving discord and self-destruction to fill the hollow spaces.

She turned the problem over and over in her mind. How to be close but not too close. How to keep Kyle without giving herself away. How to mask her barrier wall. She arrived at a solution just as she lifted and slammed the knocker.

Tess pushed into Kyle has soon as he opened the door. Her mouth hungry on his. He kissed her back. His lips parting as she took his bottom lip into her mouth, sucking and biting until they were sharing air. Her hands roaming under the soft, frayed edges of his worn t-shirt. She pushed him deeper into the room. One hand continued its path upward stopping to rest over the beating of his heart. The other hand journeyed downward. She breached the elastic waist until a firm hold stopped her. Kyle stepped backward. His face flushed, eyes bright, and breath labored.

“Good morning!” His voice husky.

“Good morning.”

“Breakfast?”

“I’m not hungry.”

“You seem hungry.”

“In some ways.”

“I can see that. I’m making pancakes. Churro ones. Come on.” Kyle extended his hand, but Tess walked around him and settled on a stool at the tall bar in the kitchen. Kyle watched. Not even her perfect posture could hide her exhaustion. It was there in the way her head dropped heavy into her hands. In the way she tucked the same loose strand behind her ear never getting it quite right. In the heaviness of her lids and the dullness of eyes, which usually danced with life. Tess heard the front door click.

Kyle considered hugging her from behind, so her defenses would lower, but the air around her pulsed with a biting energy, so he kept his distance and proceeded as if all was well. He cooked in silence. Tess watched him measure, mix, and pour. He pushed a cup of tea toward her. Her thanks so soft Kyle swore she’d only mouthed the words, too deflated to make actual noise. He could tell she had things to say. He gave her the room to say them. Every so often her mouth worked, but no words ever followed. He looked up and smiled at her. Then the corners of her mouth quirked upward in imitation, only going through the motions. When the silence became a tomb he tried to bring them back into the light.

“You know I’ve been planning a road trip. I need a little time away from Roswell. Nothing extreme just two weeks. Going wherever. Doing whatever. You should come with me. I’d love if you came with me. This is me doing a terrible job of asking you to come with me. We can decide if red is a flavor. Settle the great Nicki and Cardi debate. Is that still a thing? Get away from the alien madness. Discover . . .” Kyle’s voice turned into a drone then a buzz until it was nothing but a whine to Tess’ ears. She pushed away from the bar and dropped to the floor. She took two heavy steps before turning.

“You can’t actually get away from the alien madness. I am the alien madness.” It was an excuse, but it was easier than convincing him that she wasn’t worth the inevitable wounds. “So if that’s what you need a break from that includes me. And doing this with me means you wouldn’t ever get a break. I’d rather stop and save what we have than wait for the day you wake up needing to get away from me.”

“What? Max and resurrections and secret government operations is the madness. Not you. I never said it was you. Any of you.”

“You did. You say it all the time. You want your life back. Have it. Max is dead, so you could make a life with Liz. When she’s ready. Right? We can be friends.”

“What the fuck is happening? What are doing?” Kyle knew what she was doing. “ You go from jumping on me when I open the door to telling me to date Liz? Do people not see through this bullshit? This is clumsy. And a lie.”

“I don’t-I don’t want to try this with you. That’s what I want. It would be stupid to try, and like you said last night, I’m not stupid.”

“You’re unbelievable.”

“We should have skipped breakfast. I wanted to skip breakfast.”

“Right, use each other for a little while. Great plan, Tess. And how would that have ended. I wake up and you’ve left Roswell? You stay in Roswell and when one of us itches the other scratches. Never give anything real a chance? Yeah, not interested.”

Tess shrugged. “Also not interested.”

Kyle’s face flushed, fingers flexed, and he couldn’t hold back the words, “Sixteen. Sixteen things wrong with you. You’re a shit liar.”

Tess’s fake laugh was soft. She had wanted her words to be poison, but she couldn’t muster the fight. Kyle was right, her actions, her sabotage was clumsy, so were her words.“Toxic.”

“Are you kidding me? I’m being toxic right now? Me? What is it that makes you so afraid? Is it just being an alien? An outsider? We’re all fucking outsiders, Tess.”

“Please. Can you even conceive of what would happen to me if the wrong people found out I was an alien? If those people then decided I was a threat? There is no such thing as just as alien. You don’t understand.”

“I don’t understand! I’m thinking they’d put you in a cage, deny you your dignity, treat you like an infestation. They might even watch you die. Yeah, I never think about things like that. And I’m not a threat to you, Tess.”

“Everyone is a threat. Your little girlfriend threatened to torture me. Tried to kill Michael. Your mother-your mother is the sheriff. Tell me again about not being a threat.”

“Really? You’re working hard at this. Why? What happened? Last night we were great. I don’t believe it’s the alien thing. What don’t you want me to see?” Kyle couldn’t see a way to win. Not today, but he couldn’t stop. “Is it about why you don’t like coffee? I’m not asking. Your secret, it’s yours, and I don’t ever need to know unless you want me to know, but you don’t need to build a wall. There is nothing about you that I don’t want. No secret you have that could make me feel any less than I feel now or stop me from feeling more tomorrow, and the day after that, and on it goes, Tess. Just let me. Please, Tess.” He’d moved as he spoke. He stood clasping her hands in his, eyes shining. Tess let him, her battling wills pinned her in place.

“No wall. I just don’t want to be part of another failed human experiment.” Kyle dropped her hands and almost stumbled as he stepped back. “And you’re wrong, I’m a great liar.” 

“Yeah, maybe at lying to yourself.”

“Great is great. I’ll see you around.”


	60. But You Can’t Break My Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

Only the small light beside the bed illuminated the room and the two sleeping figures. Occasionally, Arturowould peer inside, the corners of his mouth quirking upward at thepeaceful scene before him. Like everyone else in Roswell, he marveled at the man Kyle Valenti had become. He’d never trusted him with his daughter, but he’d shown an unexpected side of himself. Arturo was grateful for the way Kyle had been watching over Liz since Max Evans died. He didn’t think the future held more than friendship for them, but Liz needed friends. 

Liz listened for her father’s retreating footsteps before she sat up and exhaled a weary sigh.  Her sleep had been fitful and sporadic since the day Tess healed Michael. She’d been floating through life only half alive. She had two constants. Arturo’s eyes tracking her as she waited tables and Kyle stopping by almost every day. What Tess had done, it broke Liz in an unexpected way. Her grief for Max was newly fresh. In the months since his death, she’d hardened her heart to do what needed doing. Committed herself to the research. When she’d discovered what Tess could do, Liz knew she would do anything to force Tess’ hand. What she hadn’t done was prepare herself to mourn Max Evans.

Everything hurt. 

She didn’t know how she would make it through the party for Mimi. How she was supposed to look into the brightness of Maria’s smile as she stood beside her mother. Mimi was the gift Tess had given to Maria. The gift she refused Liz. How she was supposed to take the laughter of strangers. How she was supposed to celebrate life and second chances when she felt so little life left in her own body. Liz had invited Kyle. Asked him to be by her side. He’d told her it wasn’t a moment for him to share. She watched him turn his phone over and over in his hand. She saw through the act. She knew what it was to want and wait for something that would never come. What it was to wear hope like a second skin. She’d gone alone.The rich, deep red of her lips stood in contrast to the the ghostly shine of her skin.

Mimi wrapped them all into long hugs. Each of them stepping into her warmth—Tess, Alex, and Liz. Otherwise they wandered through the familiar and unfamiliar faces with masks hiding their private battles. Tess stayed close to Alex, her hand in his. He pulled her into one dance before she became the first to leave.

Liz swallowed against the strong urge to follow her into the dark of the New Mexico desert. Part of Liz wanted to push Tess, provoke Tess, so Tess would break her, snap her and then there would be no more. No more pain or hurt or desperation. No more guilt. No more weight pushing her deeper. She was drowning. She wanted to drown.

Without Tess, Alex skirted around the edges of the party. Swirling into and out of Mimi’s orbit and graciously accepting the thanks and praise heroes could always expect. Each new greeting renewed the flush on his cheeks. Every time Mimi caught his hand as he passed his smile would broaden. It was then Liz saw his real smile. He saved it for Mimi, for the woman that was mother when his had left him behind. He looked luminous. The glow of his skin more apparent than it had been in weeks or months? Liz wasn’t sure. She hadn’t noticed. She’d been a bad friend. The worst friend. They all thought she didn’t know what a horror she’d become, what a menace. She knew.

Alex left. His goodbye to Maria a crisp wave as he crossed the threshold.The broad flat of his back straight and strong as the door closed behind him. It was more than he gave Liz. He’d only stared in her direction until she held his gaze. His eyes dark and still forcing her to look away. 

Liz started to make her way to Maria and Mimi, but swerved and ordered a drink from the bar. It was her fifth or sixth of the night. Pulling her phone from her pocket she typed while drawing the light amber into her mouth. _Need ride home_. The answer was nothing more than a thumbs up emoji. Small sips turned into breathless gulps. Between drinks she came to face reality. She knew she was conquered. Max Evans would stay dead and everyone would move on, even Michael and Isobel. Only she would live with her head bowed by failure. Choking on unshed tears she ordered a seventh and eighth. Just as she finished the last drop of her tenth, her phone vibrated on the bar. _Outside. Need help?_

Liz pushed through the strange faces to say her goodbyes. Mimi’s hug was strong, and Liz’s eyes welled from the love that was pouring into her. Maria slipped the car keys from her pocket then cradled her head in her hands, but the spoken words were a small swarm flying just out of Liz’s reach.

Kyle leaned against his car. He watched Liz zig zag toward him and straightened as she took a final staggering step. She raised her face to his, lips slightly parted, eyes half lidded, ready to make a mistake if he’d let her. Kyle turned her around and walked her to the passenger side. When he slid behind the wheel she tried to tell him that Tess wasn’t worth the wounds, that none of the aliens were. In reality, she’dreleased a series of slurred sounds. In her state, she thought he’d told her Tess was absolutely worth the wounds. Liz turned into the window and cried.


	61. From the Moment That We Met

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

Every swing stretched and relaxed the muscles across his back, in his core, his arms. When the wood split, he released the clawing demons. He could see the skull and bar, the ringing and blood, the screams then the silence. 

The physical was a way to purge the worst of his impulses. The bunker. The cell. It couldn’t be long term. He could only be the better man for so long. Time was ticking down.

Alex recognized the roll of the tires across the dirt. He waited for the voice. The flirtatious hello.

“Why are you wearing a shirt?”

He smiled, turning and dragging a forearm across his forehead. He pulled the thick gloves from his hands and turned to toss them on the large stump. Splinters of wood scattered with the impact. “Tess.”

“Alex.”

“You’re early.”

“I didn’t have anything else to do.”

“No.”

“Nope.”

“You could talk to Kyle.”

“About?”

“About-“Alex stepped and winced. “Shit. This ever get better?”

“You know it does. Focus on the progress not the perfect. Where’s your crutch?”

“Kitchen.”

Tess was there and back again, handing Alex his crutch and stepping out of his space. She knew if he wanted help he would ask. He needed to learn to ask. It was a weakness they shared.

He walked in a little slower than he’d walked outside. Alex knew Tess was right, but he still hated the visible weakness. He could feel her behind him. He knew she was watching his steps the way she had at rehab, watching for pending signs of a stumble, or the tenderness in his gait. These moments were the ones where she was more doctor than friend. The steps were a mountain. She was leaning against the door when he turned, pinned by her study of his stance. She finally looked up at him. Her eyes calm and he relaxed into them.

“I’m going to shower.” Alex made a sweeping gesture across the room. “Do I need to invite you?” Tess’ smile blossomed. Alex knew what was coming. “To make yourself at home, Tess.”

“Whatever you say, Alex.”

Tess sat and scrolled through Netflix, rejecting one show after the other before moving to the kitchen.

Alex found her bent over a small journal at the table. 

“You smell good.” Tess turned to see the heathered gray fabric of his t-shirt pulling across his shoulders, patches of wet dotting the front. His hair was tousled, he looked soft. Tess heard the familiar soft thump of his crutch as he moved toward a seat. She knew if she looked over she’d see one leg of his pants rolled.Alex took the seat across from her and leaned on the table. Hands clasped in front of him. When she started writing again, he started fingering the pages and clearing his throat. “Yes, Alex?”

“Are we talking?”

“We are. I just need to get this out of my brain.”

“So . . . Kyle?”

“No.”

“Excuse me?”

“We aren’t talking about Kyle. I don’t concern myself with your sexy sex and dat-“

“There are at least three or four people in Roswell that would strongly disagree with you. In fact, some of those people would say you steamrolled into town and very much concerned yourself with my having sexy sex.”

Tess narrowed her eyes, her lips pursed. “Those people thought I steamrolled into town and started sharing my goodies with Michael, so those people are misinformed. Also, sorry, are you saying you were living the life of a celibate before I got home. Were you keeping that sweet ass all to yourself? Pining over Michael? Crying yourself to sleep with thoughts of Michael and Maria dancing through your head?”

“No, Tess. I met people.” Alex thought back to the one night stands and the one halfhearted attempt at something longer. “Nothing quite worked.”

“Oh. Met people. I see. Nothing quite worked. Right. Question, how many times did you call Michael’s name while clutching someone else’s shoulders, waist, ass.” Alex was not phased by the picture Tess was painting. He did have to work hard not to react to the challenging smirk on her face.

“You’re deflecting. Kyle?”

“What about him?”

“He’s confused.”

“About?”

“Are you serious. Why are you making this twice as long. He’s confused about your reaction? You were an ass. You ran.”

Tess swallowed the thought about it being a trait they shared. Instead she thought, “this is Alex,” she would never unleash her biting tongue on him. She breathed deeply once then again. “What do you want me to say, Alex?” Her shoulders hitched upward and she looked away from him, pulling at the small charm on her necklace. “I’m not  great at relationships. I’m not even sure I’m mediocre at them. Our relationship” she pointed back and forth between them “is my best relationship. I never kept my being an alien from you because I was worried you would reject me. I didn’t tell you because I had promised I wouldn’t. We’ve always been us. We’ll always be us. The lines are clear. The waters aren’t muddied. I don’t even have that with Michael.”

“Yeah. I know.”

“I know you know.”

They were both only talking about the muddied waters that had occasionally been her relationship with Michael. Kyle was momentarily forgotten.

“It was a long time ago, Tess.” Alex didn’t look her in in the eye when he said it. He stared at the table, brushing away imaginary crumbs before turning to the window, his gaze seeing beyond the treeless skyline.

“You say that like it matters to you. Like it was something you had to get over. Did you? We’ve never really-“

Alex shook is hand. “No. 16 is stupid. 17 a bit less so, but 17 and sad is a special stupid. I said it like maybe it’s why you can feel each other after you healed him.”

“No. It’s older than that. A fossil we uncovered when I healed him, a remnant of another time before . . . before we died.” Tess’ shoulder rose until they were near her ears. “Something once dead that’s learned to speak. The healing just . . . just woke it.” Tess was vaguely aware of Alex talking to her. She’d latched onto a thread. It was there developing but still undeveloped. Out of reach, but closer than ever.

“Sounds right. Kyle?”

“Alex. I’ve had a lot of relationships. I suck at them because I was always partially hidden. I didn’t have an Isobel and a Max. And once Art and Callie were gone, I didn’t have anyone to share in this thing that I am. Not until now. Kyle knows this thing that I am. I can’t-I can’t-hide from him. He’s seen the monster and stands there smiling. I don’t know what to do with that, Alex. I think it’s because he’s convinced himself that it isn’t a monster. What happens when he realizes that I am? What happens when I open up all the way, and he wakes up one day and realizes he never wanted the alien madness? He never wanted a monster?”

“He’s no different than I am. I know what Michael can do. Liz knew about Max.”

“It’s not the same. What they can do is so small to me. They can’t do what I can do.”

“I don’t know about that.”

“They can’t yet do what I can do.”

The late afternoon sun trickled through the imperfections in the old glass, bathing them in sunlight. They were young and beautiful, and in that moment, they had no idea what was ahead of them. 

“You’re no monster, but if you are you’re the prettiest monster I’ve ever seen.” Alex winked at Tess, a peak of pink playing at the corner of his mouth.

“Ewww. Do you say shit like that to Michael?”

“No. He says it to me.”

“That I can easily imagine.” They laughed together, eyes twinkling, gazes holding. “You two and your fucking mullet relationship.”

“Mullet relationship?”

“Business in the day, party at night.”

“We aren’t partying at night. Not really” Alex’s cheeks flushed.

“Deny, deny, deny.”

“Deflect, deflect, deflect.”

“I’m not deflecting. You asked.”

“Kyle’s a good guy, Tess.”

“He’s a good man.”

“He really is.”

“And he’s pretty.”

And he likes you. And you were shitty to him.” Alex slid his hand until he could intertwine their fingers. “Apologize.”


	62. Constantly Evolving, Steadily Revolving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

Tess had done a good job avoiding Kyle the past few days, but the phantom of doubt occasionally led her to consider that he might be avoiding her. She was ready to talk, but she knew he might not want to talk to her, still, there she was sitting on the hood of her truck waiting. 

She slid down when she saw him, using the tire to make her final descent. He couldn’t avoid her. She’d blocked his exit. Her hair was loose, the light breeze lifting and shifting the long curls. The light played with her face, illumination and shadow. She looked like something wild. Kyle swallowed while he was still far enough away. Returning his face to stone when he was close enough to touch her. He waited.

“Hey.” Tess shoved her hands into her back pockets and rocked. The translucent cotton of her white shirt pulled apart at the collar, below the collar. Kyle wanted to touch the soft expanse of exposed skin. He mirrored her stance to stop himself.

“This feels familiar.”

“Right. Not your car this time, so that’s new.”

“Move, Tess.” 

Kyle wasn’t up to letting her play with the pieces. She surprised him and moved one step closer. “Wanna go for a ride?”

“Do I wanna go for a ride? Are you actually serious right now?”

“Quite serious. Very serious in fact. I want to show you something. I want you to meet some people.”

“What people?”

“My moms.”

“What are you doing?” The anger was clear, and that she’d expected. She’d also expected the sadness, but the impact was brutal. His hurt was almost too much. She faltered.

“I don’t know. I talked to Alex. I’m taking you to meet my moms.”

“Alex told you to take me to meet your moms?” There is was again, his mouth a straight line, eyes dark and hard. 

“No. Kyle-can you just-just come with me?! Please.” Pleading wasn’t the right word for her voice. She was politely insisting. Kyle counted it as progress.

“Okay. I’ll follow you.” Kyle was never going to refuse, but his days of sadness tasted bitter now and he indulged it, but only a bit. He heard Alex’s voice from a few days ago, _“Tess likes to set shit on fire, but she eventually settles and realizes what she’s done. There was a time she’d live with the consequences instead of making things right. She’s evolved . . . I think . . . She has. She’ll be back.”_ Assessing eyes scanned his face.

“That’s fair.”

They both used the drive to return to center. Tess’ eyes would occasionally dart into her mirror checking to make sure Kyle was keeping pace. She smirked when he lost ground. His car wasn’t built for the desert. Kyle indulged in a pep talk, convincing himself she was making amends, telling himself this ended in their favour. Tess stopped in the middle of the desert. Nothing to see for miles, but blue sky and blowing weeds. Kyle pulled up beside. He stepped out of the car, pack in hand, and scanned the openness.  “Good place for a murder, Tess.”

“Look at you! You’re pretty and smart. Most of my victims don’t figure it out until later.” Kyle’s eyebrows twitched and the ghost of a smile appeared for only a second. It was enough to bolster Tess. She  nodded her head toward the south. “We have about a two mile walk ahead of us. I never park too close that way if anyone happens upon my truck they never get near the entrance to the cave.”

“I get it. Lead the way.”

They walked with only the rustle of their packs and the crunch of pebbles beneath their feet. Tess set a leisurely pace. Two hikers out for the day. With the rock wall in sight Tess spoke, “I heard you have some vacation days coming up.”

“Did you?”

“I did. I heard you were looking for some company.” 

Kyle didn’t immediately respond. Tess was just able to make out the covered entrance to the cave. They’d be there soon. 

“Well, I invited someone, but she rejected me. I promised her gummy sharks and everything, but she said something about my kissing her ass and about how her purpose wasn’t to help me join the “I fucked an alien club,” which is crazy because one Guerin doesn’t want me, yellow I would never do that to Alex, ‘F’ rumor has it Isobel has a thing for Maria, and trapezoid Tess is terrified of could be.”

He’d given her a way back to what they were, and Tess latched on to the offering. 

“Wow. Only a real dick turns down gummy sharks. Also, trapezoid is a bit pretentious when constructing a numbering system.”

“I agree, only a real dick turns down gummy sharks, but I disagree about the trapezoid. It’s the workhorse of the quadrilaterals and a sly homage to my life as a doctor.”

“Homage in casual conversation is even more pretentious. And everyone knows the rhombus is the workhorse of the quadrilaterals.” Tess pushed air out of her lungs, leaving behind a silence before slowing her pace and looking at Kyle. “I bet she’s sorry.” Tess stopped in front of the partially covered entrance. Kyle stood by her side.

“About missing out on gummy sharks?” Tess looked into his eyes and then away. His gaze was welcoming and soft. 

Tess started with a murmur but her voice grew sure, “I bet she’s sorry that she used anger and lies to hide her fear. Sometimes opening yourself up means lighting up all your shadowy places and maybe some people don’t think anyone would want it all- the part that lives in the light, the part that hides in the dark. I bet she’s really sorry. So sorry. I bet she’s hoping she didn’t miss her chance.” Tess turned to face Kyle fully, reaching for his hanging hands. “I’m sorry, Kyle.”

Kyle bit into his bottom lip and tilted his head. “Is it true that forgiveness needs to be earned?”

Tess laughed and looked away into the mouth of a cave. “I’ll earn it. Come on. Come meet Art and Callie.”

An open crevice high above them let a column of sun bathe the cave in light. A tied bunch of old, dried flowers in the center of the open space scattered on a sudden wind. Anger over their secrets had kept her away. Tess bent and placed a bright bundle of Gerbera daisies. 

“They’re buried here?”

“They are.” Tess stared at the ground. “Hey.” Kyle turned to respond but realized she wasn’t talking to him. He’d become distracted by a pulsing, a steady comforting sound, along with a opalescent light coming from another direction. Tess was sitting on the ground. “You wanted me to make more friends. I made one. This is Kyle Valenti.“ She rested her hand on his calf. ”You remember him, right? Well, he isn’t a dick anymore and he loves gummy sharks.”

“No, I don’t.”

“He’s sorry for interrupting. I threw away that ugly ass rug from the upstairs hallway. I considered burning it but that seemed disrespectful and overly dramatic. Then I did it anyway because we all know that’s my style, but it wouldn’t burn. I took that as a sign and just hauled it to the dump.” Tess paused, inhaled deep, and continued. “I’m going to be doing something stupid really soon. I wanted you to know.” Tess’ voice lost some of its power. The waver a match for the tears just beginning to fall. Kyle sat beside her and took her hand. “Maybe, keep an eye on me. Watch over me. Don’t let me die because I finally get it. Nothing to do but everything. I get it. I’ll be back soon, but if not here’s hoping there’s an alien heaven and I see you both there. Love you. Miss you. Love you. Thank you” The final four sentences broken by sobs then she turned into Kyle’s chest and let herself fall apart. She spoke, but the words were unintelligible. He knew the feeling. His own tears cut a path down his cheeks coming to rest under his chin.

When Tess quieted she stayed buried in his chest and arms breathing him in and letting his being there help put her back together. When she was ready she pulled away and pushed to her knees. She leaned into Kyle and touched her forehead to his before placing gentle kisses onto each of his eyelids. Kyle’s hands rested on her waist. He pulled her into his lap and for a few moments, they sat curled into each other. Mourning what was lost and celebrating what was found. Tess stood suddenly, breaking the spell, grabbing her pack, and looking down at him. “All right then. let’s go do something really fucking stupid. It’s the beginning of the end.”

“I’m not gonna help you do something really fucking stupid.” Climbing to his feet with the declaration.

Tess smiled and walked back to Kyle. She placed a hand on his waist and the other she slid beneath his shirt until she could feel the beat of his heart. His arm snaked around her, pulling her closer. Her chin lifted as her lips parted. Kyle leaned to close the distance and felt the warmth of her breath on his lips. They were so close that his name came to him like a whisper, but she was just speaking. “Kyle?”

He never opened his eyes, but answered, “Yes?”

“If orange is both a color and a flavor, then so is red.”

Tess slipped away, her laughter lingering in the cave as she disappeared back into the real world.

Looking over his shoulder, focusing on the daisies he said, “Was she always like this.” Kyle curled his lips inward and nodded. “That’s what I thought.”


	63. To Lose All My Senses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re in the home stretch now . . .

Michael Guerin had spent the last fifteen minutes on his knees, Alex Manes his alter. His face lost between Alex’s thighs, moving without pace or rhythm just lost in the work before him. Alex pleaded, “Guerin, please.” The phrase sometimes whispered and other times shouted. His head thrown back against the soft cushions of the sofa. His calls going unanswered, and left without a choice, he dug one hand into Michael’s curls and pulled his head upward, as gently as he could. Michael complied, his head giving in to Alex, and when they locked eyes there was a smile on Michael’s face.

“Alex, I love your hands in my hair. I’m trying to check the mechanics of your prosthetic, but if you had something else in mind . . .”

“Please don’t let us interrupt whatever this is. I’m looking forward to seeing where it goes.”

“She may be looking forward to it, but I’d rather not see whatever comes next. Literally.”

The soft click of the door unlocking then opening had gone unnoticed by Alex and Michael. It was thanks to Michael’s ongoing cabin improvement efforts, a way to keep his hands busy, that they were caught in a position that usually generated far more pleasure.

“Valenti, you aren’t invited. Leave.”

“Michael, be nice. He came with me.”

“Guerin.” Alex’s warning was just a step behind Tess’.He moved his thumb across Michael’s ear, turning to Kyle and Tess. “He was just looking at my prosthetic. The mechanics. It felt-earlier it felt-“

“Say no more, Alex. That absolutely explains why your hand is buried in his hair.” Only then did Alex notice the reflexive way his hand kneaded Michael’s scalp and the way his fingers were gently tugging at the curls laced through his fingers. As Alex moved to free his hand, Michael turned and kissed the inside of his exposed forearm. Kyle groaned, “Why is this happening to me. These are the things I see in my nightmares.”

“Nightmares or dreams, Kyle? Either way we should talk about that later.” Tess moved away from Kyle, drawing a hand softly across his stomach as she moved to the sofa. She dropped beside Alex. Kyle moved into the nearby chair. Michael slowly climbed to his feet, looking far more unmoored then he had moments ago.

Alex took the lead. “What’s going on?”

Elbows on knees, the corners of Kyle’s eyes crinkled. “Tess evolved.”

“I was always evolved.”

“ I told you.”

“You did.”

“Whatever.”

“What the hell are the three of you talking about.”

“Doesn’t matter. I-we have an announcement.”

“Absolutely not. No. No way.” 

Kyle jumped in before Tess could correct Michael’s assumption. “You can’t stop us Guerin. My mom’s gonna perform the ceremony. We wanted you both to come. To be our witnesses, but if you don’t want to, we’ll find someone else.”

All eyes turned to Michael, who sat frozen. Kyle held Michael’s gaze, daring him to refuse, but Alex cracked. Hand on Michael’s thigh he rubbed until Michael came back to life. “He’s kidding. Relax.” 

Tess glanced at Alex’s hand still on Michael’s leg after the rubbing stopped, as their conversation progressed, and she leaned into her chin to hide a quick smile. Alex saw and narrowed his eyes at her. Tess shrugged, but straighten up then leaned back. “I’m going to heal Max.”

The three responding voices were a loud, dissonant three-part harmony.

“No, you are aren’t”

“Are you fucking crazy?”

“This is your stupid plan?”

“Yes, I am. No, I’m not. Yes, it is.”

“Was this your idea, Valenti.”

“Are you listening, Guerin? I’m questioning this right along with the two of you.”

“Tess, everyone in this room agreed that healing Max, resurrecting Max, was too dangerous. We all agreed that you shouldn’t risk your life for his.”

Michael and Kyle both started to follow Alex with words of their own, but Tess held up her hand.

“It isn’t about resurrecting Max. That would be a side effect. It isn’t the primary objective. If I’m being honest, it isn’t even my goal. Horrible as it sounds, he’s a means to an end.” Tess looked at each of them in turn. “Just listen.” Directing a finger in Alex’s direction, she continued, “It was talking to you that knocked the idea free, Alex. After I healed Michael, I was somewhere else. It was Antar. It happened again after I healed Mimi, but the words weren’t as clear. It’s because Michael was dying, so it took a deeper connection to heal him. I need a deeper connection than someone dying. Nothing could be deeper than restoring life. I need these answers. I’ve been searching for these answers for months. Searching since I came home. I don’t want to die. The three of you will make sure that I don’t. Michael our connection will tell your if I’m in too deep. Kyle you can monitor my vitals. Alex, you’re exact, logical, and the best person I know, so you’ll make sure everything goes according to plan. This can work, but I need the three of you.” Tess waited for a response. The silence extended, so she filled it. Straightening again she spoke, “Just to be clear, I need the three of you, but I’ll do it without the three of you. Liz will help me, and everyone in this room knows she’ll let me die if it means bringing Max back.” Tess couldn’t leave room for argument. What she left unsaid was that time was running out, she could feel that the answers wouldn’t wait. 

“Tess.” Kyle and Michael looked to Alex. “This is really fucking stupid. If you give me more time-“

“Alex, you need to keep doing what you’re doing. There are other answers to be found there, so let your algorithms run, but my answers aren’t on those pages. My answers are out there. I don’t know how to explain it.”

Kyle leaned forward to take her hand. “How do you know what you experienced was real? That it wasn’t just a dream?”

“It wasn’t a dream. I could feel her pulling away. Going somewhere else,” Michael’s voice was barely above a whisper. He closed his eyes. “I hate this plan, but it might be the only way to get the answers.”

Alex looked away from Michael, back to Tess. “How badly?”

“It’s eating me from the inside, Alex.” Her eyes grew glassy and the first tear fell. “I have to know.” Alex nodded. “That just leaves you, Kyle. Say, yes.”

“Tess, I- I can’t- I won’t let you die. Yes. Yes, I’ll help. You know I will.”

Tess used her free hand to wipe away the fallen tears. “Too much crying today. Alright, next steps next. We need to tell Liz and Isobel. Who’s coming with?”


	64. You Keep It Real, I Keep It Raw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

They divided to conquer the task ahead. The issue wasn’t getting Liz and Isobel on board but about managing their expectations. Tess wouldn’t push herself the way Max had, she wasn’t chasing absolution for lies she’d told, secrets she’d kept, and lives she’d ruined. That was Max Evans’ hubris and humility. 

Tomorrow night this chapter in all their lives would come to an end. Max Evans would walk among the living or he wouldn’t. Tess Harding would have her answers or she’d learn to live without them. For all of them, there were other stories waiting to be written. 

Michael went alone to talk to Isobel. He was afraid her progress would be dismantled by hope. She’d been out of sight since the night in the cave.Getting better is all Michael would say, but they suspected that was because it was all he knew. Isobel was managing the flow of information, controlling what parts of herself she shared. Even with Michael. It’s what healing looked like for her.

Alex and Kyle went with Tess to tell Liz. The script was written in Tess’ head. She wouldn’t lie to her. Wouldn’t let Liz think that her immorality was being rewarding. Wouldn’t let her believe that this was anything more than Tess wanting answers. 

Tess had to manage her own expectations. She kept slipping between calling the search for answers a need when really it was a want. Calling it a need meant she might push herself too far, too deep, and she wanted to stay tethered to this world and these people, but her old people had something they were desperate to say. She meant to let their voices be heard even if it was only by her. Knowing what she knew about the past and the part someone she once was played, she couldn’t help but feel they were owed a debt. 

Only one booth was filled when the three entered. 

“Kitchen’s closed,” Liz voice rang out from behind the counter. She spoke without looking up from register.

Alex considered what he would have said months ago, “_even for us_,” but they weren’t those friends anymore. When he spoke it was flat, “We didn’t come to eat.”

Liz looked up, eyes red rimmed and hooded with exhaustion. They widened as her emotions circled—fear, anger, sadness, confusion, loneliness—and back again. “Alex. Kyle. What are you doing here?”

Tess ignored the omission. Liz’s posture and the slack in her face told her that while it was an obvious omission is wasn’t intentional. She was afraid to say her name. “They came with me. I thought we should talk.”

A soft huffing laughter came from Liz. “Talk? Why would we need to talk? Why would you want to talk?”

Kyle looked to the couple in the booth. They’d lost interest in the dregs of their shakes, and the platter of fries between them was forgotten to the drama unfolding. “Is the kitchen really closed? Maybe we could get some fries?”

“And some shakes,” Alex added.

“I can do that.” Liz pointed at Tess. “I don’t know what you drink.”

“The green one. And curly fries, please.”

Liz started to speak, but Kyle shook his head. “Same as Alex.”

The three took the booth farthest from the interested couple. Alex wanted the story of Tess’ evolution, but Tess countered with questions about Michael. In the end, they talked about everything that wasn’t alien madness or love. Liz arrived with shakes and fries just as Alex and Tess were concluding a heated argument about Rihanna’s best songs. It wasn’t new territory. Liz’s look was faraway as she passed out shakes. 

“Thanks, Liz,” the kindness in Kyle’s voice was genuine. He hadn’t lost sight of who he was through it all. 

“Looks great.” Alex’s face pulled into a familiar tight smile, his eyes flat. He’d been giving this look far too often to people he once considered family, but the tight line of his mouth held the heartbreak of it all.

Tess looked into her glass then switched her cup with Alex’s. “If it’s poisoned, you should speak now.”

“Tess!” It was a chorus.

“What! Because that’s beneath her?”

“Because we didn’t come here to fight,” Alex voice always sounded reasonable.

“You’re right. I came to talk to you, Liz. Could you get rid of Velma and Daphne over there. They’re a little too curious.”

“Yeah. Tourists. Give me a sec.” Liz walked over to the couple and dropped her voice low. “Hey, we’re closed. Your meal’s on us. Welcome to Roswell.” Liz extended her arm toward the door, but it took the pair a few seconds more to take the hint. They shuffled out the door casting looks behind them.

As Liz approached the booth, Alex slid over to the window, but Liz didn’t make a move to sit. “You all want anything else?”

Alex gestured to the empty space. “We want you to sit.” Liz teetered on the edge of the booth giving physical form to the schism that existed. 

Quiet took over the group. Alex and Kyle looked to Tess. This was her choice, her plan, her revelation. Liz’s dark eyes danced between them; every inch of her body prickled with fear. Surely, she thought, a reckoning was long overdue. Tess’ lips had moved, but the words weren’t real, and if she could still believe her own mind, a gift had been offered.

“Did you hear me? I’m going to try resurrecting Max.”

Liz’s chest rose and fell rapidly. She gripped the table as Alex gripped her arm to keep her from sliding to the floor. “Why? Why would you do that?

The question was an expected one. For all that Liz had done, she knew she didn’t deserve their help. “Short story. I came home because something called me home. I’ve been trying to find the answer for months,” Tess waved a hand through the air, “in between all the other bullshit. I think Max is the way I find those answers. Simple as that. This isn’t mercy or forgiveness for you. You don’t deserve either. You are a m . . .“ Kyle’s hand found her hand beneath the table. He interlaced their fingers. With that, Tess snatched a fry from the plate.

“Tomorrow night at the cave. 10.” Alex slid to close the space. “We’ll see you then.” It wasn’t friendship, It was an exit. Tess ate a few more fries before following Alex’s lead. She stood with a final loud slurp of her shake. The glass clattered as it hit the table. She made it to the door with Alex in the lead and Kyle behind her. Coming to a sudden stop Tess turned.

“But Liz?”

“Yeah”

“If this works, you’re going to need a way to explain how Max Evans rose from the dead. I don’t think alien Jesus is going to work.” Liz just nodded. She was vibrating, but cautious. There were questions she wanted answered, but was afraid of the response, afraid of the reaction. Liz was fearful but optimistic for the first time in what felt like forever. Tess looked away from Liz and took another step then without turning to look at her, she spoke again, “And Liz, if this doesn’t work, you need to find a way to let this go. If you don’t, I’ll make you.”


	65. Dead When I Woke Up This Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

A Perigean moon still hung big and bright in the sky when Tess slipped out of bed. She pulled the sides of her shirt together and buttoned enough buttons to make sure Sheriff Valenti didn’t have another reason to question her character. She fished around on the floor for her socks using the moonlight. With two socks in hand, she made her way to the front door and grabbed her boots. She sat on the small bench putting on her boots and socks while looking out across the colorful adobe houses. She made it to the bottom of the steps before she heard the door open.

Kyle stood at the top of the step, feet bare, hair tasseled, shirtless, jeans sliding low on his hips.

“Just a hit and run then?” Kyle’s smile was wide and the moon loved his face, caressing it’s angles. “My bed not good enough for you?”

“I didn’t hit. Who knew you were aprude. And I’m not running.” Tess walked back the bottom of the steps to join the moon. To bask. To tease. “Your bed, it’s almost as good as Alex’s bed, but I have the best bed.” Kyle hovered a foot over the top step. “Nope.Not another step. We’re saying goodnight, Kyle Valenti.”

“I was coming to say goodnight.”

“You can say goodnight from right there.” 

“What’s going to happen if I come down there?”

“I won’t leave. I won’t sleep. You won’t sleep.” Kyle came down one step. Tess laughed.

“Tell me the bad in that?” He took another step.

“We won’t be ready for tomorrow. We’ll be tired.” Kyle stopped his descent and heaved a sigh. He dropped to the step and leaned forward.

“Goodnight, Tess.”

“Goodnight, Kyle.” Tess waved as she made the short walk to her truck. Kyle’s soft call caught her with a hand on the door. 

“Hey, Tess. After this is over, after we all take long naps. Let’s have dinner . . . and let’s try good morning.”

Tess sat in the kitchen with her favorite of the journal, leafing through the pages, touching the deeply etched symbols, and remembering when Callie read to her late at night and Art told her death was nothing more than passing on to become part of something infinite. That it was its own adventure. Tess talked to the walls, “I’m not ready for that adventure.”

————————————-

There were no other cars. Tess was the first to arrive. She stood in the dark wishing she knew some prayers, wishing she believed they would work. She set off for the cave the tumbling brush her companion and the moon her guide.

There was Max Evans. He looked like he was sleeping, like his eyes could open at any moment. There he floated in the opalescence. Tess considered whether he was this peaceful in life. All she remembered of him was the tall, quiet kid lost in a book, staring across the room at Liz Ortecho or walking down the hall with Michael and Isobel. He was so oblivious to everything around him, even the way Michael would grab her fingers when they passed in the hallway. Liz Ortecho was the most beautiful thing in Max Evans’ heady world. Placing a hand on the pod Tess felt it react to her touch. The liquid swirled, the glow growing stronger. She felt a tug then something pierce her mind, pulling first at her secrets and the memories that lived in shadow. Then on the happier moments, the happiest moments, here it lingered pulsing. A yank in the real world pulled her free of the pod’s hold.

“What the fuck are you doing, Tess. By yourself!” Alex’s face was split between worry and anger.

“I wasn’t healing. I just touched the pod and something pulled me. I think it wanted my memories.”

“Max is dead. How can he want your memories?”

“Not Max. The pod. I don’t know, Alex. Let’s just shelve it for now.”

“Fine. Are you still okay to do this? Should we postpone?”

“No! Tonight.”

“Fine, but this ends at the first sign of trouble.”

“I know. Where’s everyone?”

“Michael is waiting at the truck for Isobel. Kyle and Liz are about five minutes out. What’s the plan?”

“I touch the pod and heal Max. That’s the whole plan.”

“Worst plan.”

“One of the many reasons you love me, I’m a master tactician.”

“Let’s get this over with.” Michael’s voice echoed through the small cave. He was followed by Isobel and Kyle. Liz come in last. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes bright like an addicts.

Tess stood across from the roughly constructed semicircle and spoke. “Here we are. Let’s get started.” Tess knelt before the pod and lifted her hands.

Kyle seeing everyone else stare at a kneeling Tess spoke up, “Wait. We need to establish ground rules.”

Tess inhaled then released the held breath. “Rule one: If it seems like I’m going to code, pull me free. Rule two: Keep Liz away from me.” With that pronouncement Tess made contact with the pod and closed her eyes in concentration. The real world was white noise. 

Tess went deeper. This was new. This wasn’t dissipating poison or removing a fog from someone’s mind. This was death. Where did you go, what did you do? Tess returned to her training— brain, lungs, heart. She checked each in turn. Brain fine. Lungs fine. Heart. Repair and restart. Deeper still to the damage. She was close when the tug returned. It was no longer her probing, she was being explored. Back to her darkest places, the smell of coffee, sitting in the corner of her shower knees pulled to her chest. Here it lingered digging for a name and a face. Then back to the times she laughed. On to the times she loved. Only then was she released. Tess reoriented herself. Repair. Restart. It was a chant.

The liquid in the pod agitated. Max’s body churned in the small space. His head snapping. His hands clenched. Tess’ body shook once then started to convulse, her breathing shallowed until the rise of her chest was undetectable. Tess was vaguely aware of the chaos in the real world.

Kyle and Alex moved to pull her free of the pod when Liz screamed and charged them both. Liz made contact with Kyle knocking him away from Tess and the pod.Liz screamed as Alex pulled one of Tess’ hands free. Max’s body came to rest. His features once again neutral. His body still.

Liz rolled off Kyle scrambling across the pebble strewn floor, leaving drags of blood as she went. Reaching for Alex she tried to pull him free, but she was yanked away, pulled across the floor by the unseen.

Michael looked to Isobel. “Is, that wasn’t me.”

“It was me.” She shrugged away his open mouthed stare. “I’ve been practicing. Max wouldn’t want this.”

Alex pulled Tess’ second hand free, and then there was nothing.


	66. Take Me to The Finish Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

A breeze blew across her skin causing goose bumps to rise. All around her colors were too vivid, too bright, she had to close her eyes. The air was a tang of salt and earth. Sun in all directions made it impossible to know east from west.

“Welcome home.” Tess spun at the familiar voice.

“Art?” There stood her mother just as she was the day she stepped out of the pod and next to her was Callie. The tall grasses brushed the tips of Tess’ fingers as she waded toward them. When she reached them, she stood, not trusting what she was seeing. 

“Your hair is so long.” Tess wasn’t sure how to respond, but a memory came fast, parts of a conversation.“You can’t leave it tangled, Tess. I’ll help this time, but you have to learn how to do it yourself.”

“Are you real?”

“Yes. And no. Yes, we always told you consciousness was collective. The physical ends. It always does, but memories and moments, and love never end. They always exist in some form. We’re what you need to see to hear what needs to be heard.” Art waited forever her to nod her understanding. It was the behavior of a small child, but in their presence she felt young. “No, we died. You buried our bodies on Earth almost half a decade ago. We are here.” Art touched her head and Tess’ eyes closed under the warmth. “And here.” Art dropped the hand to her chest. “But we are not here.” She swept a hand indicating the land beneath their feet.

“Come, Tess. Walk with us.” Callie reached out a hand and Tess took it without question. The weight and warmth of it solid. Hypnotized by the thumb circling the back of her hand, Tess was comfortable in the silence.

What felt like miles later, Tess asked, “Am I dead? I’d rather not be.” No one answered. As they walked the empty fields filled will small houses. And the earlier tang of salt and earth turned suddenly. The air was now redolent with a cloying sweetness and choking sulfur. The houses grew bigger, older. The grasses gave way to ash and the smell of rendering fat rose. Tess felt the roil in her stomach and tried to pull free but Callie’s grip was too strong, so she dropped to her knees and the contents of her stomach emptied. 

“We need to go, Tess.” Art’s voice pressed her to standing. Dragging her free hand across her mouth, Tess let herself be led. Up ahead she could see stones standing in grass. At the very center, there was a dais and a chair. Something familiar tugged at Tess’ memories as the figure in the chair leaned forward. There was nothing regal. The figure was dressed in black, hooded with long tendrils of curly hair escaping. Three more chairs appeared. Three more figures, all hooded. Behind her the fields started to whisper hundreds of hushed voices, thousands, millions. The buzz pushed her to her knees and the world went black. 

A new smell, iron, climbed into Tess mouth and her eyes shot open. She scrambled to her feet, hands crackling, power coursing. “There is no need for that, child of Antar. It is not everyday a godling comes to visit.” The voice struck Tess and she looked to the source. It was her voice, but burdened and broken, hollowed and husked by what it had seen and done. It was the voice of someone that had waged war, more than that, someone who had been war. “Your visit was long expected and is long overdue. It comes at a time when we have no more need for your power. We are all beyond the hurt of the centuries. You are not.”

Tess was growing irritated by the appearance and disappearance of her moms, by a world where the beauty she first saw was an illusion to hide the burned out husk it had become, by the smells of rotting and burning flesh, by earth soaked in blood, by words that revealed nothing. It was the worst time, but she could feel indignation bubbling in the back of her throat. “I have not passed through fire and death to bandy words with my dead doppelgänger. Why the fuck am I here?” The chorus of whispers rose again.

The four figures rose, and their hoods fell, a collection of wraiths, and Tess saw exactly what she expected to see her face, and Michael’s, and Isobel’s, and Max’s. Ava, Rath, Villandra, and Zan. Ava, seemingly the leader, moved forward and addressed Tess, “You are here because we want to know why you never came back. Why none of you came back. Because we have wisdom for you. Because it was time.”

“Came back? We were supposed to come back? Here? How would we know that? Why would we do that? No one told us how. And why would you want us back? To win a war we didn’t win the first time? That doesn’t make sense. What was the plan? To sacrifice us over and over again until we won? Were we supposed to come back stronger and smarter because that isn’t the case.”

“You were supposed to come back united. A singular.”

Rath stepped forward. “Ava-.”

“My name is Tess.”

“I apologize. Tess, where are the others?”

“What others?”

“The other godlings?” He gestured to his counterparts.

“They didn’t hear your call. Only I did and it wasn’t pleasant.” Tess wasn’t sure how much she should say. “And Zan is dead.” A collective gasp echoed. Tess turned to see the crowd, but there was nothing just a shimmer in the air. Everywhere she looked there was a shimmer. 

“The three of you live, but I am dead? Did I die saving you?” Max’s voice here was just as resonant, but tinged with a harsh incredulity. This was the hidden arrogance unsheathed. 

“No. Actually, you died resurrecting a dead girl to prove your love.”

“For you?”

“Earth you doesn’t love Earth me.” Tess saw a satisfied smirk bloom on Michael’s face. She addressed him, “Earth you also doesn’t love Earth me, not like that at least.” Michael stepped closer.

“Who do I love? Like that.” The way he looked down at her warmed her body. The longer he looked the quicker her pulse. Tess’ foot lifted to move forward, but just as quickly she planted it and took a step back.

“Alex.” His name was sweetness in her mouth.

“May I see?” His hand gestured toward her heart.

Tess consented. “Yes.”

Rath saw through Tess’ eyes and he took it all, the quiet looks, the touches, the smiles, the love. Tess dug deep and extended her connection to Michael, mining his memories to give Rath more.Showing him the way they slipped through each other’s protective layers. The invisible sparks when they drew their hands down and around one another. The slow, soft kisses and the hungry, desperate ones. Images of a naked body bathed in light looking like it was made of gold dust. “Alex,” the name came out of his mouth breathless. “Thank you.” He stepped back to join the others.

“I think you’d love him in any life.”

“I think you’re right.”

“Rath, we have business.” It was Max’s voice, brash and impatient. 

Villandra stepped forward. “Are we still friends?”

“I hope so. It’s complicated. We didn’t grow up as friends. You were close to Zan. Grew up as siblings. Your name is Isobel. And you love Rath like a brother. I wasn’t part of your group. I didn’t even know the three of you were like me until a few months ago.” Isobel smiled her thanks and stepped back.

“Child of Antar-“ Ava spoke again.

“Tess.”

“Tess. Do you know what happened here?”

“War. One we lost.”

“We did not. We were still fighting until what you call a few months ago. We fought until the end. Until the day our suns died.”

“A supernova? It was a supernova. I felt a fucking supernova. Feels anticlimactic.”

“No. You did not feel a supernova. You felt millions of souls join the collective consciousness of our people. Every Antarian that has ever been exists there now save the four, I am sorry, the three of you. The three of you are all that remain of a people. Of a world. Of a civilization. You are all that is left of everything we were. You carry it with you. That is what you felt. Not a fucking supernova.” Tess swore she saw the tiniest hint of a smile. She was something once.

“That definitely seems bigger.”

“You shared the burden of it alone.”

“Which is why I passed out.”

“Why arethe other godlings incapable of hearing us?”

“They didn’t have anyone to teach them.”

“You had people to teach you?”

“Yes.”

“But they did not teach the others? And they did not send you home? Why?”

“I don’t know. Couldn’t you ask them? Aren’t they part of the collective consciousness? They brought me to you.”

“I know why. Do you know why?”

“Why they didn’t teach the others? No. Why they didn’t send us back? I imagine because they felt we deserved lives of our own choosing.”

“Earned. They feel you four had earned those lives. Are you living them well?”

“We’re working on it. Why didn’t they teach Michael, Isobel, and Max?”

“To keep them safe.”

“Then why teach me.”

“To keep you safe.”

“Okay, we’re back to riddles.”

“What is safe for one is not safe for all. But you must teach them. Enemies will come. You are strong but together you are stronger. Stronger attracts attention.”

“Right. When are they coming? Who is coming? Why are they coming? What do they want?”

“You still have much to learn. The words must be your teachers now. I look forward to welcoming you to the collective many years from now. Live well. Love well.”

“Wait! These enem-“ the world went dark.

Tess woke again. Under the light of moons this time. Art and Callie sat across from her.

“Protecting me from the lions, tigers, and bears?”

They speak as one, “Saying goodbye, lovely. We hear you. We see you. We like Kyle.”

Tess fingered the necklace and let the tears fall. “I can’t say goodbye again.”

“Well, now you know.”

“What do I know?”

“That you’ll see us again. Many years from now.” The air around Tess began to swirl a dizzy of colors like flower petals caught in the wind. The colors blended together until Tess couldn’t see Art and Callie. She opened her mouth but no sound escaped the vacuum. She heard them, their voices carrying together, “Love you. Miss you. Love you. Thank you.”


	67. A New Day Rising

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

“I’m sorry! “You get your brain fried and are dragged across fucking galaxies for ghost us to tell you that shit is coming to kill us? How the fuck is that helpful?”

“Would you rather not know, Michael?”

“I don’t know Isobel, maybe? Maybe, I would rather the Storm Trooper just show up and blast me in the face. Boom! It’s over just like that. Now we’re supposed to be paranoid. Because government experimentation wasn’t a big enough threat. Also, aren’t we supposed to be the power of four. Well, Max is dead!”

“Michael.” Alex calls his name from across the cave where he’s cradling a sobbing Liz. Kyle sitting right beside him stroking her hair and whispering comforting words. Tess wasn’t sure how she felt about the portrait of comfort and grief. “Quieter, please.”

“We aren’t going to sit and wait, Michael. We’re going to get stronger. Tess is going to teach us. We’re going to be ready for whatever comes next. Together. They were right. That’s always been the problem. We brought our old habits into a new life. We keep secrets from one another. Decide what’s best for one another. We were dicks. That has to stop. We go forward together. Right, Tess?”

Tess pulled her attention away from Liz. She just was trying to understand why she deserved the comfort. All the things she had done. What she’d just done. She pocketed it for later. She’d have to consider what it said about her that she was pissed by Alex and Kyle’s obvious humanity. Alex had fought in war, but perhaps Tess was war. It had survived her journey from one life to the next. “Isobel is right, Michael. This is something we have to do together. I mean according to them I still have things to learn, some powers left untapped. Who knows how powerful we are. What we could be.”

“Or what we could become. Maybe, monsters. You two are really comfortable with ghost us directing our lives.”

“It wasn’t like that Michael. We aren’t monsters. They weren’t monsters.”

“Yeah, Tess. Well, what was your inception moment like?”

“It was like they were letting me know we could die or we could learn. They aren’t wordy and it was pretty straightforward. And you are doing this, so shut up. We don’t get stronger and everyone we care about pays the price. You think some angry aliens are going to show up and make war with just the three of us? You think Alex is going to stand by and watch you die? He’ll die with you all because you’re pissed that dead us gave us a head’s up. We are doing this. Conversation over. I’m exhausted.” Tess stood and walked over to Alex, Kyle and Liz. With what little she had left, she touched the top of Liz’s head and watched her body slump into Alex.

“Tess!” She wasn’t sure if it was Alex or Kyle or both.

“I didn’t kill her. She’s needs to sleep. She’s sleeping.”

Alex looked up at Tess. “For how long?”

“A day. Maybe two. Let’s go.” Kyle bent to lift Liz from Alex’s lap. Michael reached a hand for Alex and pulled him up and into him. 

They all staggered for the exit. Isobel hadn’t moved. 

“Wait. What about Max? We can’t just leave him here.”

Tess walked back to her. “It’ll keep for awhile. We’ll bury him when Liz is better. He’s fine. I promise you.” She extended her hand. “Come on. We’ve got you.”

The sun blinded them as they exited the cave. Michael dropped Alex’s hand to put the boards back in place, leaving Max to his tomb.


	68. Since Last We Loved, No One’s Come Near

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

It was Sunday.

The familiar rumble of a truck and the movement of sand under tires made Alex raise his head and open his eyes. His cabin was quiet. Too quiet after all the months of company. The months of Tess. So he sat outside where the sounds of the New Mexico desert had filled his ears and lulled him into a light sleep. 

Michael walked up to the cabin. Alex sat still and expressionless, but without the rigid posture of a soldier. His body was loose. Tess has given him that. When Michael’s boot hit the bottom step he removed his hat and took a deep breath to steady himself.  “It’s over, Alex.”

Alex lifted an eyebrow, “Yeah.” Alex gestured to the nearest chair. Michael obliged. “It’s over, and I have things to say.”

“And what did you want to say, Alex?” Michael asked with a smile.

Alex took in the smile and thought for just a moment. Meeting Michael’s smile with one of his own.

“That I love you. And I think that you love me. For a long time.”

“Yeah.”

“We didn’t even know each other that well, did we? I mean, we just, we connected.”

“Like something cosmic.”

“Yeah, cosmic. We talked. We started over. I wanna be more than friends. For a long time. I know who you are, Michael.”

Nodding, Michael agreed, “You know who I am.”

“What should we do now?”

“Wanna go for a ride.”

“I really do.” They both stood. Michael walked toward the steps, but Alex’s voice turned him around, “Where are you going?” Alex stood in the open doorway.

Michael spun on his heels and moved to Alex. Alex stepped into him, resting his hand on Michael’s chest. Michael took Alex’s face in his hands, moving hands through the dark, softness of his hair. “Yeah?” He was breathless and his whole body electrified by the closeness and the promise.

Alex wrapped his arms around Michael and pulled him closer. Hands knitted in the small of his back. “Yeah.”


	69. We Are Broken By Others, But We Mend Ourselves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago Tess Harding woke up on the floor of her Boston condo. Four months ago Max Evans died. Tess needs answers, and sometimes you have to go back to go forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We arrived at the end! There were days I didn’t think I would make it before Season 2 started, but it did it with just over 24 hours to spare. Thank you for reading!
> 
> Song List Coming Soon!

To the casual observer the area looked long forgotten by the people of Roswell. It belonged to another era. A time when people still told stories about where they were the night something crashed in the desert. Most people never turned down the dusty road that led to a defunct military bunker. That bunker once held Jesse Manes’ passion project, but now it just held Jesse Manes. No matter how long he lived it would never be long enough to pay for his crimes and his sins. For him, there was no redemption arc. Partially because what he’d done was unforgivable, but mainly because he stood by his every choice. Every ounce of pain he doled out came without hesitation. And the aftermath of his power and fury came without remorse. Today was his day.

The indicator above the cell door went from red to green. Jesse Manes rose from the rusted, threadbare cot and made his way to the barred door. There was no one around. He paused momentarily before inching the door open. The door closed behind him and the light went from green to red. Jesse Manes saw this malfunction as a sign that his mission to eradicate the alien invasion was righteous. He was too eager to consider the alternative. Where he saw righteousness someone else saw a reckoning.

He made his way to the bank of computers and sat. He wasn’t sure what to do first. He knew he had time. He’d kept track of the days and knew no one would be stopping by until tomorrow. He had just leaned forward when he felt it, a tightening in his chest. It was like his heart was being squeezed. The pain radiated from his heart sending shocks through his body. He slid to the floor. His fingers went rigid. His toes curled. His back arched to just before breaking. He convulsed once. He convulsed a second time and his head bounced off the concrete of the bunker floor. The blow echoed throughout the room. Then his entire body spasmed. It was mere minutes, but it was enough. Jess Manes would never again walk in the land of the living. A voice fully of fury and wrath echoed through his brain as he died, “For Tess.”

Scattered miles in all directions was everyone who wanted him dead. 

Alex and Michael sat leaning against one another in the back of an old pickup waiting for the sun to set and the movie to start. They shared a popcorn and every so often they exchanged slow kisses that grew a little longer every time their lips touched. Later, they were going for a ride.

Tess Harding was sitting in the passenger seat of her truck, feet propped on the dash, bent so far at the waist that the seatbelt was straining, her head was in her hands while she laughed. She was embarrassed for the driver. Kyle Valenti was no Alanis. The sign they’d passed five miles back had welcomed them to Missouri.

Maria and Mimi Deluca for the first time in a long time stood side-by-side at the Wild Pony serving drinks, telling futures, and making up for lost time. The man who liked the expensive Scotch was back. He wasn’t a talker, but Maria just knew he had stories to tell. His reappearance like his disappearance remained a mystery. Every so often, Maria was distracted by the blonde seated at the end of the bar. It looked like it might be the start of something. Isobel sipped her tequila and found reasons to need her palm read.

Sitting on a swing outside a small Texas motel was Rosa Ortecho. And right beside her sat Arturo telling her he didn’t need the hows or the whys. Liz wasn’t far away. As she watched their reunion unfold, she was happy, but a part of her would always be in a cave in Roswell, New Mexico. 

And in that cave, there was a pod. 

It was empty. It was this that would pull them back together again. 

The End 

**Author's Note:**

> Every chapter title comes from a song. I'll post the full list with the final chapter.
> 
> Thank you for reading.


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